Changing schools- dilemma and advice needed!

[chocicecream5]

My DD is 5 and has just started Yr 1 in her current school. It is considered by many to be a good school. This wasn't my favourite school when choosing a place but at the last minute I went for practicality, this school is walking distance and in our catchment. It took a while for her to settle but as soon as she made a 'best friend' she enjoyed it a bit more.

She hasn't settled into Yr1 though and cries every morning although she has always been a sensitive clingy child.The teacher is known by many to be cold and hard to approach. I know a few people who have moved their children because of her although not in this year. DD says there are no toys/ play at all and says she has to write all day. She has gone down a group in reading and writing. I understand the step from reception can be quite difficult for some and she is a young 5.

I have always envisaged my DD going to small village school where everyone knows each other and the other day I looked online at a school that I know has a good reputation. surprisingly they had a space and I went to visit. I was hoping not to like it as I knew it would be difficult decision to move her, however, I loved the school! Yr 1 was still partly play based as well as still doing forest school which I think my DD needs. The phonic groups were very small and all the teachers seemed lovely. It had a real family atmosphere and there is only a 100 children in the school. Another plus is that it's the feeder school for the good secondary in the area. The downside is that it's 5/6 miles away.

My husband thinks the schools she is currently at is fine but he was impressed by this one and we decided to move her. however when it was mentioned to my DD she went into a melt down saying she didn't want to leave her friends and we couldn't force her to go ( she would like to go if she could take her best friend with her! )We have an appointment with her current head teacher on Monday so he can sign the forms etc although now I'm having a real wobble. I'm stressing about the effect the move with have on my DD as well as how I will tell my DD'S friends mothers and head teacher. I've gone from feeling certain to now having doubts about the distance and whether I'm just not thinking straight ( I do have these tendencies!).

I have spent the last year thinking I want to move her, to now getting in a real state about it all. Can anyone shed any light into whether this a sensible rational move?

I went to see the new school to put my mind at rest, i loved it so much and could see it would suit DS so much better, I just knew it was the right decision.
My friend (her son and my. DS are very friendly) was upset but only fr a second and we still see each other a lot, she totally understands why i moved him.
I started to see his behaviour really changing, he was becoming really naughty and generally cheeky and... horrid if I am honest!
I know he is a really kind a gentle soul, but very shy and introvert.
That behaviour has stopped!
I do understand however that the travelling would be an issue, is there a bus you could catch could you ride a bike?

Unfortunately no bus for the school times and cycling out as I have another child too. Did your child tell you he was unhappy or was it a feeling you got?

Could you take your child to the other school for a 'taster day' before you make a decision?
My Reception aged child was crying every day before school and acting out at home. The class teacher wouldn't acknowledge any problem in school, but he was clearly very unhappy. Took him elsewhere for a trial day and he was like a different child - took me by the hand and showed me everything at the new school when I went to pick him up. Follow your instincts - your child is probably just nervous of more change, hence the current protests.

He never said he didn't like it, but he didn't say he did either.

I just knew he wasn't happy, he never spoke about school.

He had a very tough reception year because of the teacher he had.

His year one teacher was much better for him but he still didnt seem to enjoy it.

At first i just thought 'some children don't like school, he has to go, that is the end of it'

Looking back I wish I had done something sooner, the fact is I didn't but I have now and I am so glad i did.

However you do have this travel issue... i would be inclined to say you will find a way around it and if you know she isn't happy you may regret not moving her, but it is easy to say that as an outsider!

That sounds a good idea. My DD has asked if she could do that but didn't think it would be possible. Did you tell the current school what you were doing that day?

Clobbered what a lovely story, my DS was very similar and I could have cried, he loves it!

DS went for a taster day, i did tell his school but by then we had decided to move him and had told his old school so it wasn't to make the decision, more to try it before the new term.

What did you say to the head of the school? We have an appointment with him tomorrow and I feel I don't really have any valid reason. I'm dreading it to be honest! I haven't brought up anything prior to this

To the head of his old school? (so his current school at the time)

Well i just said we were moving him for various reasons, I didn't really elaborate. I rung school though so it felt easier than face to face! The head of the new school had contacted him, apparently it is common, out of courtesy, that heads speak to each other about this kind of thing (purely that I had been for a look, before we had decided we would defnitely change) the new head told me she would do that. So I assume he knew it was coming.

I felt sick about it and really didn't want to have the conversation, but he was very nice and it is so much more common than you think. I have since found out there were two more in DS's class who moved over the summer!

You just have to keep in mind that you are doing it for your DD.
I wobbled a few times, I really felt awful like we were dragging him from his comfort zone and he would struggle to fit it... Be the 'new kid'

After his first day I breathed a massive sigh of relief, all that worry was for nothing.

You will worry, she is your baby!

Thanks so much for all the info. The head didn't say he was going to call but who knows because the head of the new school used to work at DD'S current school. I still feel I haven't made a definite decision yet and feel I am being disloyal to mum friends as I have kept it all to myself. The travel is the thing that concerns me most. There is another great village school a couple of miles away but this one is the only one with a space at the moment so it limits our options.

Yes, I didn't speak to my friends about it either. I felt if I did it make admitting it was real!

The travel thing is obviously an issue, but one you could overcome somehow, trust your instinct and good luck tomorrow

My DC go to a small village school. Whenever new children start they immediately become the most popular children! Everyone wants to be friends with the new girl/boy

However I echo the concerns raised re feeder schools. Attending our school is no guarantee of feeding into the secondary.

Also, reception to yr1 is a huge leap. Both my DCs found it difficult and they are normally fine with settling. I think the move from play based to more 'proper' school work is a struggle. My lively DS found it particularly stressful.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I'll let you know what happens tomorrow x

Hello ladies
I'm new here , and i need advice plz
As we are mooving this week to a new house in different area , my soon missed the first week in reception
The council give us a choice in Ark academi school , and i have nooo idea about this school bcz is just opened last year so no ofsted report yet
Well i didn't liked the area were the academi are , and is a bit faraway i have to use buse every day
And i don't have any idea about the difference between normal schools and academic schools
The only thing is is a such long day they start from 8:30 till 4:00
What i need to do ??? Keep calling the concil and his name stay in the waiting list ???? Or start the new school and he can move later ???
I'm really confused and mind lost
Thank youuuuuuu

Hi Meissa, I don't know about that situation but I wouldn't put my son in a school i wasn't happy about just to get him into a school. I would keep ringing them.

8.30-4 is a long day however maybe normal in other parts of the country??
Sorry I am not more help, maybe start a new thread in Primary education where more people will see it and be of more help?

Thank you boiled piss

Ok, I saw the head today and I explained the problem. He asked if I had spoken with the teacher and arranged an appointment for after school. The teacher knew nothing about my DD. I know it's early in the term but she didn't know who her friends were, where she sat, who her learning partner was and what level she was working at. She said it was too early in the term to know the children. Does this sound usual?

I can't decide whether I admire her honesty for saying she didn't know or if it's completely unaccepatable that she didnt know anything!

However, and I can only speak from my experience, DS's teacher knows loads about him already! (2 1/2 weeks in at brand new school)

I can't believe she doesn't know where she sits!

That is appalling. I knew all that informnation about all of my current class before the term started (thanks to handover from the previous teacher), and I set up the seating plan myself, so I know perfectly well where everyone sits.

I might not know who exactly a child is playing with in the playground (becuase we have nearly 100 children per year group, and they obviously play with frineds across all classes) but that's a bout it. I might not have levels 'off the top of my head', but a moment's look in a file would produce the full set, and i would know exactly which group every child worked in for each subject....

As I say, appalled. I can understand 'not having quite got under the skin' of a child in a class at this time in the term - but I would expect any teacher to have the basic facts and figures at their fingertips.

At least I came out feeling I had made my decision. She didn't seems in the least embarrassed about not knowing anything about her! Although after speaking to DD later having a U Turn ( she said she might be unhappy at any school!)
Anyway I got the head to sign the form just in case although I said I would let him know if I took that route. Getting it scanned now to send tomorrow evening.

I think it is okay to move a child if there is a really good reason,mbut there has to be a good reason. The question is,do you have a Good reason,mor is it just that you have been thinking about moving her and have got carried away with the idea, rather than the issues behind it?

I think good reasons might include;
You don't like the approach to learning in the current school.
You don't think your child fits in and will never fit in, but would do elsewhere.
You don't think the school caters for your very bright child or meets your child's learning difficulties.
You don't like a variety of pastoral aspects of the school.
You don't think the school delivers good enough results.
Your child is unhappy in a long term way.
You don't think the school will meet your longer term needs.

With all of these issues, before deciding to move or even look into moving, I think it is good to raise your concerns with the current school and try to find a way forward. Moving really should be the last resort,not the first response to a problem. Often things can be worked through to your satisfaction and staying at the current school is possible. If once you have gone I for discussion,probably severally times and if you think there is a long term problem that won't be solved, looking elsewhere might then be the right thing.

I think you need to know what you are looking for, not just that it is somewhere else. Be sure that the new place really is better and be aware that all schools have good and bad points. Think long term, so not just what is good for the 5 year old, but the 11 year old too and also the implications for future schools.

And don't let concerns about friendships, what other parents or the current teachers might think be your deciding factors. IF it is right to move, your child will settle far more quickly than you imagine. Friendships with current parents might change but don't all have to end, and it really doesn't matter if the current school are not keen.

To be honest, it sounds to me as if you have jumped the gun with looking at new schools. You don't clearly identify what is unsatisfactory about the new school and most importantly, you don't sound as if you have been in to discuss the issues until now. I think you need to identify clearly what you don't like and talk it through with the school and give them a chance to sort it out. If then it is no good, then look elsewhere. However if you don't do this, I don't think you can be sure the other place is more suitable and you may find you have similar issues there too.

If the teacher didn't know my 5 yo by this time, and the child was unhappy, I'd be out of there in a flash. I don't think chocicecream5 is jumping the gun at all. Her DD will find friends quickly enough at a new, more caring, school.

I have 4 children and without a fail in all schools we have had them in (5 in total) primary level. 2 1/2 weeks in the teacher knew most of the things above (not always the friends thing) That to me would be a concern.

I wanted to comment on the bad press small schools have got here. We moved (county) and with that move our 3 eldest went from their old schools to the new one. dd1 went from a 60 a year intake to a school that at the time had 96 students on roll (my 3 made it 99) dd2 had also experienced the 60 a year. DS went to different school and had experienced a reception year of a class of 6 students. However the school itself had 198 students and due to that the new school with 99 students was tiny.

It has been amazing for all of my children. DS is able and the school really rose to ensure he was stretched and not lacking behind. dd2 is severely dyslexic and again the school went far to aid her with her issues.

DD2 did have friendship issues however she is currently in a 2ndary with 7 intake and we still have friendship issues. So I doubt it is the smaller intake for her. None of the other 3 have had issues. dd3 is currently in year 6 in school (as the only one of our 4 not to have moved schools only experienced this school) the school right now have 108 students on roll. (it operates 1 Reception 1 mixed year 1&2 1 mixed year 3&4 and 1 mixed year 5Y6) So it is full.

If a small school has an able interested HT you can get a huge amount done. We had a year where the old HT was on sickleave and it was covered by another school. That year very little was done in terms of outside set up with other schools. However the current HT is keen to engage with other small schools and the kids are involved with many things outside of their small school.

Small schools often get bad mouthed. For me it has been an all together positive experience. One I would not hesitate to recommend to others.

I would however agree you need to feel certain that this IS the right choice for your dd. Moving simply because you always wanted her in a small village school for me would not be a great reason.

Doesn't mean don't do it, just means think carefully and feel certain in your gut it is the right decision.

I have moved my dd2 twice due to gut decisions both times it has turned out to be the right decision even if in paper the school she went to the 1st time we moved her would appear " less" than the other.