Changing schools- dilemma and advice needed!

[chocicecream5]

My DD is 5 and has just started Yr 1 in her current school. It is considered by many to be a good school. This wasn't my favourite school when choosing a place but at the last minute I went for practicality, this school is walking distance and in our catchment. It took a while for her to settle but as soon as she made a 'best friend' she enjoyed it a bit more.

She hasn't settled into Yr1 though and cries every morning although she has always been a sensitive clingy child.The teacher is known by many to be cold and hard to approach. I know a few people who have moved their children because of her although not in this year. DD says there are no toys/ play at all and says she has to write all day. She has gone down a group in reading and writing. I understand the step from reception can be quite difficult for some and she is a young 5.

I have always envisaged my DD going to small village school where everyone knows each other and the other day I looked online at a school that I know has a good reputation. surprisingly they had a space and I went to visit. I was hoping not to like it as I knew it would be difficult decision to move her, however, I loved the school! Yr 1 was still partly play based as well as still doing forest school which I think my DD needs. The phonic groups were very small and all the teachers seemed lovely. It had a real family atmosphere and there is only a 100 children in the school. Another plus is that it's the feeder school for the good secondary in the area. The downside is that it's 5/6 miles away.

My husband thinks the schools she is currently at is fine but he was impressed by this one and we decided to move her. however when it was mentioned to my DD she went into a melt down saying she didn't want to leave her friends and we couldn't force her to go ( she would like to go if she could take her best friend with her! )We have an appointment with her current head teacher on Monday so he can sign the forms etc although now I'm having a real wobble. I'm stressing about the effect the move with have on my DD as well as how I will tell my DD'S friends mothers and head teacher. I've gone from feeling certain to now having doubts about the distance and whether I'm just not thinking straight ( I do have these tendencies!).

I have spent the last year thinking I want to move her, to now getting in a real state about it all. Can anyone shed any light into whether this a sensible rational move?

I think the thing about the teacher not seeming to know her, isn't the key issue.

You discovered this at the meeting you were having to sign forms to remove your child. Therefore you had already decided. There must have been other issues before this. Why was that and how often had you gone into the school to voice your concerns? Did they address them or not?
I think one of the reasons that you have cold feet about moving, is that you haven't properly confronted the issues until now. I'm not sure you have a totally clear sense in your mind about what your grievances are, and as you realise that, you are not entirely sure the other place would be better.

Don't feel that now you have started the ball rolling, you HAVE to move. Of course it might be right to do so, but it could be right to stay.

Do let us know what you decide. And I hope whatever it is, you are happy with your decision and your DD goes onto thrive.

Thanks for all your posts, all something to think about. Chocolate wombat I think you are right but I have to know for sure so I have arranged a 1 day taster day for my DD. My DD has since told me she thinks she would cry at any school! At least I hope I will get an idea if her unhappiness at school is due to that particular class or just a general unsettled period before she gets into new ways of working at year 1.

Hi Choc,
I hope the taster day goes well and helps make your decision, what ever that may be

My DD came out looking happy on her taster day and everyone was really friendly so why do I feel suddenly as though she should stick to her original school? I left the form with the receptionist and said my husband would call in the morning as I have to leave for work early ( first day after maternity leave! ).

My DD was trying to avoid a chat but said she wanted to wanted to stick to her original school although she did enjoy it today because she missed her friends so much. When I told my view to my husband he felt we had got this far and she should go the new school if only because it's the catchment for the good secondary which is almost certain we would get in if she went to this school ( head teacher told me this).

I suddenly feel I don't have a good enough reason to move her as her unsettledness could reappear and I am starting to feel less confident how this is related directly to her original school. I don't want to feel I have made a big mistake after all the stress and hassle! God I sound a nutcase, I need some sleep!

The question is, is this just cold feet? Cold feel are understandable, but if so, you need to get over it and move her.
If there genuinely was nothing wrong with the other school and you think she will do well there and be happy there,then it is not too late to change your mind. yes, you will feel like an idiot, but that is better than making a mistake because you are worried about what people think.
Sometimes people change because the new school is simply better. There wasn't anything very specifically actually wrong with the previous one, it is just that the new one is better in a range of areas, such as extra curricular provision, SATs results, the school it feeds into, the ethos which fits with yours etc etc. This can make a change the right thing,if difficult to clearly explain.

Some parents are never satisfied. And I am one of them. I can feel disgruntled about things and make changes and moves. And then I like some aspects of the new thing but dislike other aspects. I have come to realise that there is no perfect place and we just have to get on with it. We have to make a choice and then stick with it. You can choose to move, but you then need to stick with it and not always see the grass as greener elsewhere. Too much agoniSing over things isn't ways good or helpful.
Good luck.

Great post chocolate :)

Thanks for your post chocolate wombat. I have always been terrible about making decisions and this has really stressed me. My husband just tells me " it's all self generated" which is probably right. I'm relaxing with some wine now and my gut tells me to go with the new school. I think it's fear about upsetting people as well as my DD telling me in a month time that I was wrong!. We are phoning on Monday, no more delaying. I will let you know then for sure but I think we will go with it.