We have taken a quiet but firm stand against Disney princess products in our house. Our issue is not primarily about cost, but about what society presents is “normal” for girls to like. We don’t want to bring our children up to conform and follow fashions. For children of this age, it seems very wrong to us that there is already such a big divide between what is expected of girls (dress up like princesses) and boys (go play football). I know this might sound odd to some to say this, but to us it feels very unnatural.
DD1 is YR. We’ve done our best to encourage her to be different and to choose what she likes and not what everyone else does. (“Olivia and the fairy princesses” is a good book about being a princess in your own, interesting way.) I think some of our tactics are not very subtle (“I reckon it would be more interesting to be an astronaut than a princess, what do you think?” and “Blue is the colour of the sky, isn’t that beautiful?” and “Oooh doesn’t Daddy look good in a pink shirt?”) and I guess we’ve always actively tried to counterbalance what we see as pink-princess prejudice. I think it is really hard to distinguish between what a child truly wants herself from outside influence, whether good or bad. And I would accept that sometimes I’m replacing one influence (from school) with another (from home). For example, when I realised how flimsy and falling-off-her-feet her pretty, flower, flashing-light Clarks shoes were, I decided it was going to be T-bar Kickers from now on. Of course, she didn’t want them at first, but after I called them “the special bouncy shoes” and ordered a pair for me to try on, she was desperate for them! Because she is so positive about them, I haven’t had to worry about her being the only one in the playground wearing T-bars, because she’s so proud of them. She showed them off to her teacher. I think pride goes far to keep the bullies away. It might seem that I’m forcing my ideas on her sometimes, I do realise that. What I’m hoping to do in the long term however is to encourage her to find her own way in these things.
My standard technique for a request for an item I don’t like—like a princess costume—would be to first let her know that I have reservations. I’ll be open to the possibility of getting it, but talking honestly with her about my reasons for thinking its not a good idea, like the cost and whether it is really nice or not, whether it is well made, whether it is boring to have the same as everyone else, whether there’s not something more exciting to have. She tends to lose interest if she doesn’t think her parents like it. We might go on a special shopping trip or search the internet for alternatives and usually, although not always, end up with something much less icky. I think it is important not to say “no” to everything, because that may have a negative backlash. (And I’m not expecting these techniques to work as well on DD2, who has a very different temperament. She is much more strong-willed, so I expect she’ll be much less likely to want what others do in the first place, but on the occasions that she does it’ll be near impossible to change her mind!)
Well that was longer than I expected. I don’t post much and would be grateful if posters would be kind if they disagree with our parenting technique!