Favouritism or am I being petty?

[Toomuchthinking]

I am quite annoyed by this, but am not sure whether to let it lie, or raise a concern. A while back Dd asked to have 2 spelling tests to learn during the holidays, she'd been ill and was 1 test below the top group. The teacher phoned me and lectured me on children being competitive and those 2 children in that group was consistently getting them right and so on, that they were older children and were way ahead of Dd and if she let her have the extra test then she was never to ask for extra spellings again.
When she came home she was upset, as she really likes the spelling test teacher and felt she was now angry with her!
Now firstly the 2 children are both governors children one in Dd class one in year above, secondly there was 1 test difference, but appreciate they can't make allowances for everyone, so either you do the test or don't.
I am now getting to my point, when the other 2 questioned Dd being on same test, the very next week she was only child in ks2 not to sit spelling test, as had to do extra singing for play! Hence now 1 test below again.
One of the other children was ill, and did a retest, and the other has just been out of school on family holiday, and was able to do 2 tests this week.
So is this one rule for children whose parents are governors, my child isn't blind she comes home telling me it isn't fair, and am trying hard to think of a way to reason this with her, but I totally agree with her on this one...
Sorry so long, just need some rational advice

It's unlikely to be favouritism. What would a teacher gain from giving a governor's child extra spelling tests?

I think you've misunderstood what's been happening, and you've got yourself worked up over something inconsequential. One spelling test is neither here nor there.

Hi Toomuchthinking:

No this doesn't look fair on the face of it - your daughter refused the opportunity to sit a test she missed because of being in a school play and governor's children offered re-sits for spelling tests they missed.

I don't quite understand what not doing well on the test actually means. Does it mean she stops doing spelling? Gets far easier words to learn?

I think if there are negative implications for her learning - i.e. she loses access to learning opportunities she enjoys - then this is an issue and worth going to battle over.

If in fact, she can continue doing spelling work as previously but just has a lower score (because she missed a test) - then yes, this may be the teacher gaming the system to please a governor (possibly under SMG orders) but it isn't the end of the world.

My experience at St. Mediocre is governors kids were twice as likely to get chosen for any opportunity - so we just got used to it and oddly enough when we had control (birthday parties/ play dates/ etc...) I hate to say it - because they weren't bad kids, but on the whole we all tended to choose not to include them.

I think it is a shame that a child asking to catch upon missed spellings because she was ill is knocked back for being 'competitive'. Unless you have form for this sort of thing? I am surprised the teacher rang up about it!

I would have a quiet word with the teacher and say your dd's main concern was to catch up on missed spellings, and ask if there is any policy on this because dd told you that the other girl had done two tests.

But don't make a big fuss. And while it is good that your dd is motivated, she shouldn't be anxious and prioritising being competitive in spelling tests, IMO.

It sounds like way too much obsession about spelling tests all round.

No I don't have form for this sort of thing, it came as a surprise to get the phone call, and was taken aback, but I wasn't there when my Dd asked, and she apparently said I had told her to ask, so teacher thought it was coming from me rather than her. However she was complaining that she wasn't at the top of the chart (it's on the wall, so they can track progress) and I told her to ask for the test, rather than moan and teacher may no, which she would then have to except, but it was made in to rather a big deal, which is why I'm feelingabout it! I know it's just a spelling test, really silly to get in a twist about, but my Dd was made to feel bad, and is on a lower banding! when they did an end of term random test with words that they hadn't been given she scored the highest. She was giving something, for it to be taken away then the governors Dd misses 2 tests due to a term time holiday and is allowed to retain her place on the chart.
My husband has just called to say he has spoken to HT, who has said he agrees it doesn't look fair. Oh well, too late to rationalise we're now pushy parents

That's ok to be a 'pushy' parent in that case though....

I think governor's kids do get a bit of special treatment at times. Of course, the teacher knows she wants to look good in front of the governor's and governor's are often in with the Head etc. It's usually a bit more subtle though. They shouldn't be this obvious about it because now teacher will be in trouble with Head. Can't have different rules for different people though. Although it isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of life, it is to your dd, so therefore it should be taken seriously.

I agree red sky it is to much obsessing over spelling tests, but things build up over time and the spelling test is on top of list of other things, and of course teachers have nothing to gain as such, but the governor parent has the teachers ear, and I know personally how this particular mum behaves, she hasn't taken the role to be a voice for parents, but for her own children.
And I would like to add the extra singing my daughter had to practise (because the teacher didn't like her voice) for a song in the play she didn't get to sing, any way.

My dc would not see it as favouritism getting given extra homework. They're much more likekly to see it as "not fair, we had to catch up on our spellings and toomuch's dd didn't. The teacher favours her..." I expect they're complaining too as well.

Does it really matter so much about spellings? I cannut speel atall desspite speeling tests evry wek at skool.

Last post makes teacher sound horrible, she isn't, she's really quite lovely, but new and first school play so she wanted it to be a success. Although to be petty again governors child had the main part, along with a teachers ( who teaches at the school)child and PTA members child. But play was great so they can be forgiven for that one. primary schools are great fun especially when it's first born, all the common sense one possesses goes completely out the window, things with Ds who is no2 is so much more straight forward, but then he isn't competitive and just wants to play with his friends.

I get that some of you (red sky/ DeWee) really do not approve of spelling - but I can assure you this kind of thing plays out with football, school plays, special jobs/ roles in school, etc....

In this case, this kid loves spelling, I know it's crazy but I suspect it hurts as much as not getting picked for the soccer team if you enjoy it and are proud to be top of the leader board.

Dewee "but they get to move their face up the wall chart,", o.k I see as adults it's no biggie! I'm only fussing because she feels hard done by. I want her to grow up and speak up when she can see that life's situations are unfair, so probably thinking too much again about little things, and should let her put her energy into things that matter more. Thanks all for the different view points.

Past sell by date, you are quite right, and would just to add even though my Dd role in the play wasn't large and she didn't get to sing her song she stole the show and we got lots of lovely comments, apart from governor mum who kept reminding everyone that Dd was only quite good because she goes drama, that sounds boastful, it isn't meant to be, just pride when my "social misfit" does well.

Toomuchthinking:

Don't get me wrong; I adore the English. I like them so much I married one. But I fear this is the kind of power play that happens in schools, well life really.

I'm not so naive as to think this kind of stuff doesn't happen in other walks of life (work, sport, etc...) but it is a peculiarly English disease.

There's one rule for the likes of you and one rule for us here - and I've seen it so many times now I am no longer surprised.

My advice is to agree with your DD it isn't fair - but explain that sometimes people take advantage of their position/ status/ wealth/ etc... and therefore get priority/ favouritism or people around them are so impressed by their wealth/ status/ position that they unwittingly give them extra favour/ opportunity.

I don't think the Queen really insists on red carpets everywhere - I doubt she even notices. But my goodness didn't my workplace lay them on when she came a calling. The vying to go to the luncheon with her was a blood bath - I kept well clear. Claimed as a foreigner it wasn't really my place to be going, etc..., etc...

It's not that I don't approve of spelling - more that pressure that OP and OP's DD seem to be putting on themselves to constantly be ahead.

If your DD is ill, why bother to chase up the spellings so that she can catch up (in a system where it seems you have to go through every list in order anyway so you are not actually missing out)? I just feel OP would be much better off telling her DD to just focus on the list of spellings she has and not worry about what anyone else is doing! OP has now ended up with competitive spelling wars which can do nobody any good.

Does it really make any difference if a child is 1 list or 2 lists behind? What about the poor DC at the lower ability end who must feel like complete failures with all the children at the top end insisting they must be ahead at all costs?

redsky, I can see it from both points of view. ds1 is at the lower ability end and would really feel it - seeing his little face all the way at the bottom. Hate the idea of that chart. ds2 is the much higher ability end and would be gutted not to be top and constantly trying to be top. Whatever I said or did, he has his own competitive streak and it would be tragic for him to fall down the chart. I think the issue is the stupid chart, not the OP, or the OP's daughter.

And if I was a governor, I'd start by getting rid of the chart

I actually cringed with embarrassment for you when I read your DH has rung the ht.

I'm not sure what's more cringeworthy. That the pair of you have got so worked up about this inconsequential thing that you've involved the teacher. Or that your DH did it after the teacher had been dealing with you.

The teacher is right. You have NO IDEA about the educational needs or standards or requirements if two other children and you need to take your nose out of their business. Let alone slinging round accusations of unprofessionalism about a teacher.

You (and your DH and dd) need to unclench. Really, you will drive yourself insane with stuff like this. And probably pass that anxiety onto your dd.

Bit could you tell me what could be the need if the dcs that have being doing 'extra' spelling? They are on the top sets anyway do why more work?

I also completely disagree with the idea that it's not possible the teacher has made an error, that she is a professional and that, as a parent, you have no idea.
The situation here is clear. Child A misses a spelling,asked to do it to catch but was told off. Child B and C miss a spelling and were given the opportunity to do them at a later date.
There should be one rule for everyone re spelling, esp when spelling is missed because the child is doing a school activity somewhere else not the least because it's one way for the teacher to follow progress.

Yes yes, it's very clear as described by the child. Who has no idea why or what for the other children are having extra spelling tests. Which of course is right as other children's education is not the business of the OP or her DD. Or why she was needed for singing. Or whatever. I am going to make a wild guess here that the teacher has a much better grasp of the edcational needs of the all of children in her class, plus a better overview of their education, than the OP's DD

And at the end of the day, this is so unimortant that I can only begin to imagine how the OP and her DH must be coming over to the staff, taking such a small thing to such extremes. It really is cringey

I have come across families before who seem to have this kind of "it's not fair!" type of attitude and it does the DCs no favours at all

I think the OP needs to a. realise that everything her DD says to her that goes on at school might not be 100% accurate and will often be rather skewed. And b. to pick her battles

Of course it's possible that the teacher has made an error, but there could also be reasons that you don't know about.

DD asked her teacher if she could stay in at lunch to do more writing (DD loves writing and doesn't know when to stop). Her teacher said she couldn't. 2 other children were asked to stay in at lunch time and do more writing. DD did not think this was unfair because she realised the 2 children staying behind had been messing about and so not done as much as they should have done. However, if she hadn't know the reason, she might well have become aggrieved - it didn't mean the teacher had made a mistake!

Maybe OP's DD's teacher thinks DD is getting too obsessed by spelling? Maybe she would like her to devote her energies to working on something else? Maybe there a good reason that the other girls were given more spelling that OP doesn't know about? If OP's DD loves spelling so much, I am sure OP can find her extra words at home. If she only wants the spelling for the sake of her DD being top, it seems a bit pointless really.

But what sort needs do these children have that they would need a second spelling test?? I am trying to guess and think about situations where it's necessary but I can't.
Maybe you could enlightened me there.

I have no idea DaVinci. Neither do you. Niether does the OP. But let's assume the teacher does eh?

Really, I take a keen interest in my own kids' education. Less so in others.

I am quick to jump on pushy op's but I don't think this is one. I think op's dd is bright and competitive and has felt this situation is not fair. Favouritism does happen in schools and IMO is far more likely than 2 kids requiring extra tests whilst one doesn't. I agree bringing the head into it was a bit much. I would have spoken to the teacher personally and asked her why the situation had happened to see if there really was a rational explanation. If there wasn't, I would guipure the teacher got the message that she is being watched. I'm not anti teachers either. My dsis is one and several good friends, but not all teachers are good or fair.

The thing I would be complaining about is having a table showing spelling test results on the wall, as there is good research showing that kind of thing does far more harm than good.

OP I suggest you praise your child for her effort, regardless of how well she does, that does the most to build self-esteem and good results ultimately. So praise her for working for the spelling tests rather than for doing well on them. In fact praise her before she does the tests, if she has worked for them then that deserves praise.