Favouritism or am I being petty?

[Toomuchthinking]

I am quite annoyed by this, but am not sure whether to let it lie, or raise a concern. A while back Dd asked to have 2 spelling tests to learn during the holidays, she'd been ill and was 1 test below the top group. The teacher phoned me and lectured me on children being competitive and those 2 children in that group was consistently getting them right and so on, that they were older children and were way ahead of Dd and if she let her have the extra test then she was never to ask for extra spellings again.
When she came home she was upset, as she really likes the spelling test teacher and felt she was now angry with her!
Now firstly the 2 children are both governors children one in Dd class one in year above, secondly there was 1 test difference, but appreciate they can't make allowances for everyone, so either you do the test or don't.
I am now getting to my point, when the other 2 questioned Dd being on same test, the very next week she was only child in ks2 not to sit spelling test, as had to do extra singing for play! Hence now 1 test below again.
One of the other children was ill, and did a retest, and the other has just been out of school on family holiday, and was able to do 2 tests this week.
So is this one rule for children whose parents are governors, my child isn't blind she comes home telling me it isn't fair, and am trying hard to think of a way to reason this with her, but I totally agree with her on this one...
Sorry so long, just need some rational advice

I agree mummytime. That sounds like it's at the root of the problem

A governor's child on holiday during term time? Tsk! Tsk!

Bitoutofpractice, I am aware that it appears that I am competitive parenting, maybe my husband and I do look like fruit loops, who can say, if you knew me in RL you would know that I'm not a competitive person at all, Dd certainly is, she does not take after me, I constantly reinforce that hard work means more than being top of the class as when she goes to secondary she will not be, in life there is always somebody better than you and in life you need to strive to be the best You can be, not better than the person next to you.

I was close with this mother until she told me my Dd was "socially defunct" and that her super popular and well beyond any other child mentally and in maturity was deeply upset for having to buddy my Dd, because the class had friendship issues, So believe me I know very well the education levels of her child. I feel the governor role went to her head I was also sick of hearing about other children's levels and sn. My brother suffered terribly at school for being severely dyslexic, so I am sensitive to children needing more either end, in terms of ability I was always comfortably average.

Also I haven't said any teacher is acting unprofessionally, I just felt very embarrassed and shocked quite a few months ago, when ks2 teacher, not Dd teacher phoned to lecture me on spellings and children not being given chance to repeat if absent or made a mistake, felt very unnecessary to be honest, but yet it has happened for this child, because I suspect her mum has gone in. I couldn't care less about her being ahead of my Dd as long as it is fairly so, and everyone is on the same rule page, and that goes for all aspects of school life.

My Dd is academic she loves maths, science ,reading but put her on playing field and she really tries but always comes last. She is physically quite awkward but she always tries everything and wants to be brilliant at it, just her make up, she's quite resilient so she doesn't need to be first or else throws a strop like some children do, she is a trier. Also she isn't one to moan about things in school or other children so I know this bothers her.

Some kids just seem to "get" spellings. For others it is a hard slog. Does DD know all the spellings already or maybe she can just look at them for 5 minutes and then get them consistently correct? If so, I would simply tell the teacher that the current tests aren't testing her....so could she have harder lists.

When I explained to DD's teacher that DD seemed to know all the spelling and had to be nagged to even write them out, she happily gave her a harder list too. We get 2 lists/week and i just indicate which list to test.

Term finishes in a a matter of weeks, so you could just set "spelling challenges' at home and tackle the issue at the start of the next academic year.

Also I haven't said any teacher is acting unprofessionally,

Erm, you've accused her of favouritism in the thread title and of currying favour with the governors' children by creating a situation whereby she's moved down a spelling group because the children questioned it. Being unprofessional is exactly what you've accused her of being.

See, I worry about DD.

She is clever. She is popular. I am a governor.

I sincerely hope people don't feel that teachers favour her because I am on the governing body.

Galena - the problem is that teachers may do so, even though you don't want it.
As an adult I understand why the Caretaker's daughter at Primary school was always Mary, but just accepted it as unfair but the way the world worked in those days.

My DCs primary school did act on favouritism when a delegation of pupils complained, but its still evident.

Galena has a point - do many parents assume that the achievements of governors' children are down to who their parents are? I don't think they do in the school where I'm a governor, and not only because DS can be a complete PITA. I'm sure the staff really aren't that fussed about keeping me onside.

The thing is, I trust the staff to be professional. However, even if the staff are 100% professional, there will still be parents who feel miniGalena is favoured.

Toomuch - you sound a bit bitter about the governor lady, if you don't mind me saying, and sound like spellings have become a battleground BUT... if this woman is talking 'about other children's levels and sn' to other parents, and naming specific children, she needs to be reported. I think the HT would be far more interested in this than your dd's spelling lists.

In governors' meetings all children in the school should analysed within groups of data, and should remain completely anonymous.

I think that if you don't want children to be competitive then you shouldn't put a chart on the wall showing where they all lie.

Nevermind your daughter - presumably everybody knows who is bottom which isn't a lot of fun for that child.

Correct me if I am wrong though your child missed a spelling test because she was ill - you were told she could do two tests, but just this once because generallyIit's not allowed.

Child A was then ill and allowed to do a second test. Child B then was away and allowed to do a second test . Now all three children have had one period of absence and have been allowed to do one catch up test. All is fair.

Your dd missed a second test, albeit due to possibly something which the teacher could have arranged at a different time because of the incredibly popular spelling test but probably not something she was particularly focusing on. She has now been told that she can't catch up.

Surely it is only unfair if child A and child B are then absent again and do a second test? Maybe they were told that they can't usually catch up tests but they said 'but Toomuchthinkingjnr could so why can't we?' They were told that they could but only this once as the teacher is a bit fed up with all the competition.

That is one of the reasons we don't do spelling tests. That, and research shows it is a very ineffectual way of teaching spellings!

Ah op now we get the drip feed! You clearly have a problem with the governor mother and, as a result, her child as well. It all makes sense now! It's really not very edifying to read. But it does explain why your dd is so anxious about this child. What a shame.

And I'm sure you are relaxed and laid back in RL but that's not what I'm reading here. And it's not what the ht or classroom teacher have you down as now. And clearly neither does your dd.

And yes, you did accuse the teacher of unprofessionalism. You accused her of favouritism of a governor's child. The rest of your portrayal of her isn't very flattering either.

So you wouldn't have a problem with a woman who called your child 'socially defunct' ? Or with a child who complained about having to buddy your child? I'm impressed with your self restraint, outofpractice. however, the other child hasn't done anything wrong and op was still cross that she got special treatment. I think the teacher is pretty bad if she didn't know it would upset the op's dd to miss the test and then be unable to do it another time. Hardly in tune with her pupils.

I absolutely would have a massive problem. Of course I would. But that's not what this thread purported to be about is it?

No, but the OP was responding to a PP I think asking about how she knows or cares about the other girls levels, so was just explaining that the Mum used to be her friend (and then was explaining why no longer a friend). I don't think it directly has an effect on the spelling issue but does show the governor lady in not a v great light, and probably does highlight why OP's dd feels very sensitive about the spellings 'chart' (which is definitely wrong in and of itself) as I am sure OP's dd was aware that the girl did not want to be her buddy.

Yes it's relevant. And should've been mentioned in the op. Because it explains why she has a problem with this child. Because I suspect that if it had been any other child involved in this complete non issue, she wouldn't have made such a fuss about it.

toomuchthinking yes I have to confess i agree with merry and bitoutofpractice - I think you're probably feeling (quite understandably) peeved about this governor lady who used to be your friend but (correct me if I'm wrong) has gotten herself the position of parent governor, power has gone to her head and she's becoming all semi-officious with you, telling you stuff about your child in school that even you don't know, plus other kids too?

Been there, got the t-shirt (not me as governor, but a mum friend from school). It drove me mad - and made me pick up on every sodding thing she did and said about my kids in school. I would've have minded if any other mum had said identical things as her, but the fact it was her telling me about school stuff like she was the bloody head, made me irrationally mad!!

From your earlier post upthread (telling you your child was socially defunct etc), she sounds like a nasty piece of work. Distance yourself from her at all costs, don't enter into ANY school chat with her in playground, look after your own daughters needs and don't stress too much about what her kids are doing.

The school gates can be a really tricky place

ipad is right - any data about other pupils should be completely confidential. Individual pupils aren't, or shouldn't be, discussed by name in governors' meetings. If your ex-friend is discussing anything beyond what's on these dubious charts, you should be talking to the HT about that, rather than bitching about perceived unfairness. It's a serious matter, and doesn't only concern your child. I hope your obsession with the spelling tests hasn't damaged your credibility too much.

There's a real alpha mum at our (private) school who is a truly awful person.

Trust me, you wouldn't believe it if I told you.

Talk about power pissed...absolutely certifiable if you do something she disapproves of, as i found to my detriment.

It really grates me that she became a governor as she is a very controlling person who is 100% in it for herself.

She uses her position to curry favour from everyone she can and to elevate her dc & herself to a superior social standing.....in her world

What can you do?

Uptheanty, you can beat them on the spelling test chart .

Thankyou for responses, yes I should have probably controlled Dh, and maybe not good move raising the issue with school.
I think on reflection I have two issues, one that the teacher called me and made me feel like a pushy parent a few months ago, when she could have just said yes or no to Dd at the time. Dd was upset at the time, as she thought she had made this teacher who she greatly respects mad with her, for asking.
And secondly yes I do have problems with the parent, which has clouded my judgement a little. I understand some are saying talk to HT about the things she has said, but that conversation would get back to her. Also it was me who nominated her and talked her into hanging in there when she had tricky start with HT. so don't feel I'm in a position to complain about her.
I do avoid her now, which is sad, but I don't get overly involved at school, I always support any events that are taking place but stay clear of playground, I'm in and out.
Also feel silly I've got involved in spelling wars, that wasn't my aim, I just felt genuinely annoyed about the principle, which is why I posted the question to get different perspectives. These things you can't say in RL to people, because nobody would say to your face "you're being cringey" and when I talk to Dh about it, he phones the HT
Oh well broad shoulders, and next time spellings are mentioned it will be have you learned them, did you do well, and don't want to hear about anybody else.
I think because it's a little country school, everyone gets caught up in everybody else's business and nothing stays personal it seems.

Good grief!
A bit of perspective.If I am understanding this right, she is doing her tests one week behind the children in the top group? How can you have enough room in your life to care about something so inconsequential?