Really?? Very clever September-born and no school for another 1.5 years

[Lawnmumma]

My son aged 3 years and 7 months has been identified as extremely bright by nursery teachers and all who know him. He turns 4 in September and so just misses the cut-off to start school this year. I am gutted for him that his friends will all be moving on, and also that he cannot start school despite clearly being ready. He is mature for his age - socially confident and very articulate - and happily learning at nursery to read and write - but will effectively be waiting another year and a half before starting reception. Some of his academic year peers are barely talking, still in nappies etc and it is absurd when we have 'play dates' with them. I've met with the head at the local primary who said that all they can do is differentiate class work - but that with 32 in a class this isn't always the reality even with teaching assistants around. Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to help my boy? I've gone round the local private school but the fees rule this out. I've canvassed friends and family who suggested writing to our local politician but I'm skeptical of this resulting in anything useful. Ultimately of course my son's happiness is the most important thing. I do think this requires being stimulated by his contemporaries and surroundings, though, and gainfully occupied (being taught letters/phonics after having been reading for a year and a half???)... It is hard to write this post without coming across as a precocious parent. My parents were too self-absorbed to ever think about my education so when I landed at Cambridge University I had the raw talent but was seriously 'underpolished' and could have had a smoother ride had I been stretched appropriately previously (and of course, not been advised incorrectly by my sixth form college that Discrete Mathematics was an appropriate module when in fact Statistics was required. But that's another story). I want to prevent history repeating itself. Thanks, in hope, for reading - from a novice poster.

The cut off date is 31st August for September admission. It is not negotiable.

There are lots of things you can do at home to stimulate him (and this will continue to be the case even when he starts school because state primaries will not be focussing on stretching the top 1% - it is the way it is). Lots of reading, puzzles, outings, sport, games, fun - enjoying being three and four.

You could also, if you want, try to plug into the NAGC (National Association for Gifted Children) but we found it a bit intense.

He'll be fine, he'll be ready for school when he goes and will take full advantage of it.

My DS is 19 now - presently on a gap year - going to Oxford in the autumn. He was December born - he will leaps and bounds ahead of his peers - some of them caught up (one overtook him) because they all develop at different rates.

It will be fine but you do need to stop stressing about it. Just think if he were a little bit behind you'd be absolutely delighted. But the rules are the rules.

Ooh, it's complicated trying to know what's best. Loving the problem-solving, thank you a million!
Inthesark/Exexpat/Treats - you've hit some of the nails on the head. He's been offered a place at the local nursery which is affiliated to (on a different site from) the local primary which is reportedly a very good school. Currently he's at a Montessori in which his learning is excelling - but, and a big but - all of his friends from there (it is a little place) go to school in September when the Montessori will be admitting those newly turned 2 :-( with whom I imagine he'll have even less to talk about with than those in his age 3-4 bracket. The Montessori is very good at targeting his reading and writing. But at the school-affiliated nursery he will have 30 children of his year group around and surely he will click with some of them? We are toying with pre-prep, but my little boy doesn't cope so well with change and he's had 3 nurseries and 3 homes in 3 years (husband's work largely responsible) and the two we approached don't offer the 15 free hours of government funding. The school nursery offers 5 afternoons a week so not really compatible with the Montessori.
Knitting - glad to know I'm roughly on the right track. I try and follow his lead (again not always so easy with baby around) and determined not to be a pushy parent.
MissOtis - you're right, there is an element of 'that's just life' about this!
BeCool - wish I were ;-). Yes, agreed deep breath and dose of common sense required. I think I feel under pressure in comparative, not absolute, terms - again due to all his friends (most of whom are not reading/writing etc as well) starting school soon when my boy will be left behind. That's great to hear your child excels though.

Righto, better go and feed the little cherubs...

You do realise that cohorts of the children differ. The new nursery intake might be significantly more advanced than last year's cohort. It happens. DD barely made table 1 at primary because she was with a spectacularly bright cohort - two of whom got into Tiffin, one LEH and one St Pauls. She is predicted 6A*5A at GCSE.

because state primaries will not be focussing on stretching the top 1% - it is the way it is).

Not strictly true - many primaries would.

A lot has changed in the last ten years, as posters keep pointing out to you, nearthewindymill.

I think when you are concerned about 'history repeating itself' it can often make you go too far the other way.

I had a similar experience. I would suggest focusing on hobbies, swimming, bikes, parks, nature, geography, music etc.
Steer away from formal learning, it's difficult for the school to cope with an advanced child, worse if they have been taught everything. They learn anyway and reception is ok as they can stretch through play or are free to do other activities.
Year one is a whole other nightmare unless you have a school that will go the extra mile or can differentiate accordingly. School just want them to fit in with the others I found, when they are two years ahead they are a problem in the core subjects.

I had a bright DS1 who was more than ready to go to school academically before he was able to...luckily he had a fantastic private nursery (where he just went for the 12 hours funded as it was then) who did loads of stuff just for him so he wasn't bored at all. There is no way he could have coped socially with proper school at that age.

Fast forward a few years and he is now in Y4 and although good academically (he is a Level 5c in Maths and 4B in literacy to give you an idea) he is by no means the top of the class and is being overtaken by some of the children who couldn't read when starting school. Just because your DS appears ahead of his peers now does not mean that in 4 years time he will always be ahead which is why children as young as him are not allowed to start school early as they would be in a completely different year group to their peers.

Incidentally my DS2 is the same age as your DS and has only just started talking as he has a severe speech delay...just because children can't talk very well doesn't mean they aren't "bright" or cannot play and socialise with your child. I actually find your notion of him having playdates with children that can't hardly talk "absurd" really rather upsetting. Luckily my friends with super "bright" children can see that beyond a little boy who can't really talk to express himself there is an inquisitive daring little boy who just wants to explore the world which in essence they should all be doing at 3 anyway.

My eldest son is a December baby and started school reading at a level of a 14 year old. Very clever, always finding out facts etc etc.
But emotionally and socially he was very different to his peers and it's only now in year 2 that as they have caught up with him in terms of interests etc that he has started to have friends and able to talk and play, if he had started earlier he would have been fine educationally but would have had an even wider gulf socially.
There is plenty you can do at home, science kits, music instruments, creating a nature garden, trips to museums etc. I bought work books etc and we have hundreds of books.
You have to make sure that things like his fine motor skills, handwriting etc are also advanced for his age if you want him to start early.

Hi there, old infant teacher here. Do not worry any more, enjoy the year at home having a wonderful time together with lots of conversation, games, puzzles, developing hobbies, collections of whatever interests him, bike and scooter riding, swimming, etc.
All of my own children, all Autumn born, could read fluently before school and they still loved every day of nursery.
One started piano before starting school and they all belonged to sport clubs, loved playing board games etc. When your son starts school he will enjoy the different routine and good teaching will ensure he continues to make progress.
The every day routine of school is tough at first for little ones, so plenty of time for that. In the old days when children didnt start until the term in which they were five, they seemed much more "school ready" than nowadays where some of the summer birthdays seem little more than toddlers. Not all though, but there has to be a cut off point somewhere for each school year.

Make sure you choose the right school, our primary is brilliant and have done a lot to help Ds with the things he is advanced in as well as the things he is behind in (fine motor skills, social skills etc)

OP - I have to ask - is this a genuine post?

I ask that because some of the things you've posted suggest you aren't living in the real world at all and if this is your idea of a joke I'd just as soon not waste my time.

Assuming that you are genuinely concerned then please note:

1. 'Some of his academic year peers are barely talking, still in nappies etc and it is absurd when we have 'play dates' with them' - what's absurd is your attitude here. Intelligence is not indicated either by early fluency or by potty training. As your son is a September baby then yes he will be holder than many of the kids in his year. This is likely to be an advantage to him. Some of those barely talking, nappy wearing dimmer kids will end up being his best friends and when they're all 15 you won't be able to tell when their birthdays fall.

2. Stimulation and support can be delivered outside a formal schooling setting. Your son is TOO YOUNG for school. I sincerely hope no reputable school would even dream of accepting him. He doesn't need school and (thankfully) he won't be getting school.

3. 'the local primary which is reportedly a very good school' - do not go on 'reports', go and look at every school you could consider and decide for yourself which is best for him. One person's great school is another persons exam factory and one person's liberal relaxed creative environment is another person's lax hell hole. Look and decide for yourself and do not be pressured in to picking the conventional 'best school' thinking that because your son is bright it will automatically be the best place for him.

4. 'my little boy doesn't cope so well with change and he's had 3 nurseries and 3 homes in 3 years (husband's work largely responsible)'
   He doesn't cope well with change because he's three years old. This is exactly why he's too young for school. He needs to grow and get more emotional maturity before coping with formal schooling and he needs lots and lots of time to play and work through his feelings in doing so.

5)'all his friends (most of whom are not reading/writing etc as well) starting school soon when my boy will be left behind'
He is NOT being left behind. He's going to start school at the age appropriate point and by the sound of things he will likely finish school some way ahead of his contemporaries. You're actually more likely to harm him by trying to formal school him too young. Is this whole thing more to do with you worrying about his friendship group? he will find friends in the younger children too you know and in any case at 3+ children don't really form proper 'friendships'. There is still some parallel play going on.

6. 'with whom I imagine he'll have even less to talk about with than those in his age 3-4 bracket' This is simply a bit of a daft remark if you will excuse me saying so. He's 3. Subjects of common interest for discussion aren't on the agenda really. You may find he blossoms with some younger pals as he can show them what to do and support them. He's not going to come home and bemoan the fact that Olivia and Ben can't carry on a conversation about the solar system.

There is a lot of anxiety coming across in your posts and it is interesting to me that you talk about your parents being self involved. Nobody wants to repeat the mistakes their parents made but I think you're going way in the other direction. Our children need our loving support and encouragement. They do not need us to map out every stage and move them on to it as quickly as possible. Our children in general live in a highly pressurised society where childhood is being eroded. Don't do that to your son. He is still little more than a baby. Enjoy the things he can do, encourage him to experiment and enquire but do not make the mistake of assuming formal schooling and achievement is required. It isn't.

Iheart is absolutely right, my childrens peers were all reading as well as mine within a few months of starting school. Most catch up and it evens itself out. One of my children was a whizz at maths and understood place value, could calculate mentally, taught himself tables, could work out the countdown conundrum before he was 5. He did get an a* at maths gcse and A level, but so did his peers in the same group.
I also agree with the poster who commented about boredom. It is totally unnecessary for a 4 year old to be bored.
I hope you are able to share your concerns with the teacher when it is time for your home visit next year. We teachers would much rather hear from you about what your child is capable of, after all you are the expert with your child.

Yes yes yes to northernlurker

I'm in Scotland so we have an end of February cut-off but January and February children can choose whether they want to start school at 4.5 or 5.5. I sent my dd at 5.5. She is bright and could have managed a year earlier but I decided being older would ultimately be better. The most difficult bit was then watching her friends and mine move on. My dd made new friends quite quickly but still has links with the year above. I probably found it harder to adjust as the new parenting stage drove a bit of a wedge between me and school parents. That was a few years ago but I am still happy with my decision.

Development is also not even and many of the early readers/bright starters have now slipped back while others have over taken. Much at your ds age depends on interest not ability. However, if you feel he is gifted then that is a SEN and you should have him assessed.

Poor kid.

I mean this kindly but really truly embrace this time you have with him before he gets shoved into the sausage machine that is the current education system.

Even the loveliest school - with the necessity of coexisting with 29 others all day and the need to conform - is best avoided as long as possible.

As other posters have said, use it as a chance to do other wonderful things with him - galleries, museums, music, nature, swimming. If he is as able as you say he will pick up the normal curriculum stuff in no time.

My ds started school nursery at 4, three days after he entered they asked to refer him to the ed psych as they felt his abilities were outside of anything they had seen before. Even so ds who was reading newspapers, writing sentences with full punctuation and computing three figure numbers had a whale of a time in nursery. He wasn't bored, he played, made friends and picked up some new knowledge along the way.
I'd say enjoy the next year and a half, he doesn't need to be in school in order to learn and he doesn't necessarily need to be pushed on the academics now he could enjoy playing and exploring and discovering things he wants to know rather than being taught phonics and numbers.He'll be in school for a long time once he gets there.
Ds is currently doing his Masters, as yet he hasn't had to work very hard to get very good results (he's still waiting to find something difficult) spending time playing rather than focusing on the academics did him no harm at all.

Don't write off other children because they are in nappies or not talking. Ds1 was 2.5 before he said a single proper word, and had to start reception in nappies but he is the brightest kid there and every teacher, ta, parent helper, etc that comes across him always makes a point of coming up to me and saying how he blew them away with his knowledge of this or that or his ability to read/count etc.
It's a fine line as sometimes he can come across very precocious as he has been told all his life from everyone how clever he is. He tells people he is the living version of the Internet!

Why rush it?

Let him be, let him develop. I honestly don't usually say this, but I can't help feeling a little sad for him.

And EVERYTHING NorthernLurker said.

NorthernLurker I love you.

I would be very cautious about trying to get him into school early regardless of how 'advanced' he currently appears. There is huge variation in children at this age as they all have different areas of strengths and weaknesses. The simple fact he appears advanced at the moment does not mean this will continue and you could easily find that he is bang on average within a couple of years; not because he has been held back but simply because he did some things rather early. If you push him into school early then there is a very real possibility of difficulties when he gets further into his education. It is definitely much better for boys to be one of the oldest in a year group, than one of the youngest. Boys mature at a later age than girls and cope less well in many respects with the exam years. Look for other ways to challenge him and give him other interests. Learning music or going to an art club would both be excellent ways to stretch him. There is plenty of time for formal education later. The early years go far to fast so enjoy them for what they are.

Excellent post northern. I totally agree.

OP, you sound very nice and unbelievably completely genuine. However I think you have got swept up in the fact that your son is bright. Many children are bright. Quite a few are exceptionally bright. It doesn't mean they should be cloaked in gold and received special treatment. In the big bad world, the likelihood is your boy is simply one of a umber of bright children going in to September 2015 intake.

I think you need to brace yourself for the fact that whilst your boy is clearly bright, at 3 the fact that you think he has little. Common with his contemporaries is somewhat disturbing. I would be a lot more concerned about that fact than the fact that he is going to be chomping at the bit to go to school.

Great post northernlurker.

And completely unfairly on my part, as the mother of an August born boy due to start school In September, I find it offensive that you are worried about your boy being too ready for school, whereas I am worried about the long term implications of my boy being at a quite serous disadvantage (as evidenced in much research) because he will be the very youngest of his year.