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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Any ideas on how to support a non sporty 10 year old boy always picked last in PE?

39 replies

Retropear · 10/03/2014 17:37

DS is in tears.Nothing I'm saying is cutting it.

I know how it feels.

Told him he's lucky to be so good at so many things.He's a bright,academic,bit geeky,hates football and PE(is good at cycling,hiking and swimming).

Hate seeing him so upset.What can I say to make it better?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LyndaCartersBigPants · 10/03/2014 17:48

Why as they still doing this, being 'picked' is awful - could you mention to the school that it is putting him off being involved in sports and that it would be better for the teacher to pick teams rather than making it a popularity competition.

My ds2 isn't sporty and has been bullied by the footy boys. It's hard trying to boost their confidence and convince them not to take it personally when you know how it feels yourself.

Sorry I don't have any useful advice

LyndaCartersBigPants · 10/03/2014 17:48

Why ARE...

imip · 10/03/2014 17:55

This used to happen to me all the time. And my brother was the sporty one who broke all the records and was beast and fairest for the football team

No useful advice, except perhaps if he is into cycling make a big deal of the Tour de France and other cycling events.

I was always picked last, teased for being fat. When I was 32 I ran the Berlin marathon in a not-so-bad time of 4:30 and 48 seconds. Yes, not amazing, but not bad either. It made me feel like I conquered all those years of teasing. Can you emphasis individual achievement?

Not entirely helpful, sorry. I just know all those people who teased me would not have been running a marathon in their early 30s; or ever, for that matter! Ten years on, I've had five dcs and am contemplating the trainers again...

vulgarwretch · 10/03/2014 17:55

I also am shocked that they are still doing this picking teams thing in PE. Being picked last for rounders every week is one of my most enduring childhood memories. And as I got older I realised I am not even that bad at sport. It was all about what people believed about me, and what I believed about myself.

I would raise this with the school and strongly suggest they come up with a better way of picking teams.

Could your ds join an out of school swimming club or team, so that he has a chance to be successful in a competitive sport?

Taffeta · 10/03/2014 17:57

Has he tried triathlon? Where are you? There is an excellent event at Hever Castle every September which is very inclusive for all abilities, the largest kids tri in the UK.

My very sporty DS did it last year, with my friend's fairly unsporty DD and they both loved it. They celebrate just the entering and trying, not the times, it's great.

BackforGood · 10/03/2014 17:59

As everyone else has said - it's not the 'not being that great at PE' that is the problem, it's the fact that anyone is using this method to humiliate people
That's what I would be tackling first.

Taffeta · 10/03/2014 18:00

Castle Tri

It really helped my friends DDs sports confidence, as her friends are always picked for stuff and she isn't. Quite a few of her friends registered but then all pulled out near the time. A few came to watch her and she got her medal presented in front of the school in assembly.

sonlypuppyfat · 10/03/2014 18:02

I loathed P.E I think P.E teachers are reincarnated torturers mine were all monsters. And why does everyone think that all boys love football!

Original poster

Retropear · 10/03/2014 18:13

Is that method unusual then these days?I assumed it was normal procedure,might be worth mentioning at parents evening.

OP posts:

Original poster

Retropear · 10/03/2014 18:14

That tri thing looks fab!

OP posts:

vulgarwretch · 10/03/2014 18:19

I live in the US but in my kids' school the teams are chosen by the teachers, they then stay together in those teams for the whole of the season for class games and inter-school matches.

Some of the kids aren't very good but they don't have the humiliation of being judged as such by their friends. And because the teams stay together they are supportive of each other.

I don't know how it usually is in the UK but I am saddened if it's still normal for the kids to pick the teams. Even if it is normal I think it's worth taking up with the school. In my day we did gym in our vest and pants, I assume they are not still doing that too?

fridayfreedom · 10/03/2014 18:30

My DS is not sporty either. Aged 11 they did football for a term at primary. One lesson they all had a ball except one and those without had to try and kick the others ball out of the rectangle on the playground. DS used to kick his own ba out to stop being picked on first , he figured that in that way the football show offs couldn't beat him!

BackforGood · 10/03/2014 18:46

Of course it's not usual - hasn't been for decades, not in a school anyway (have seen it where you get Dads coaching their dcs football teams, but then, they are not trained professionals as teachers are). I wouldn't wait until parents' evening (unless it is next week) I'd make a point of seeking them out.

2 of my dc did triathlon for a while - I have to agree with others, the atmosphere and encouragement is fantastic. Genuinely everyone there is just learning to improve their own skills, and therefore their own times, they don't compete against each other, but against themselves.

CMOTDibbler · 10/03/2014 18:51

If they are letting the children pick teams, thats appalling. I can still remember the horror of it 30 years on of being the last one to be picked.

My ds hates football at school - he's OK at rugby, but this term is football.

He's going to do triathlon this year as theres childrens events at some tris that I'll be doing, and its nice as it is all about yourself and apparently very supportive. Lots of the childrens ones are pool swims, and distances are pretty short

YoullNeedATray · 10/03/2014 18:56

I'd certainly complain to the school if there is any sort of team picking like this. As the teacher, I set the teams to ensure a good mix of abilities and to avoid problematic combinations. It saves heartache all round.

Eastpoint · 10/03/2014 19:16

I have an unsporty son & the idea of him enjoying doing a triathlon is laughable. If you are unsporty why on earth would you want to ride a bicycle, run or go swimming? Golf could be a better bet as could table tennis. Pool is good too.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/03/2014 19:19

II think the OP has said her son is good at cycling and swimming, ie 2/3 of the triathalon....

Can't quite believe the picking teams by kids is STILL going on. I was always LAST to be picked,, every time, as I am so unsporty. I can howver swim half a mile in 18 minutes)

stargirl1701 · 10/03/2014 19:22

I've been teaching 15 years and I have never allowed children to pick teams - nor have I heard colleagues allowing this.

I think you need to speak to the teacher.

Eastpoint · 10/03/2014 19:32

Sorry - I am used to the truly unsporty.

HmmAnOxfordComma · 10/03/2014 19:54

If it's any consolation, ds (very unsporty except for swimming) is enjoying PE/games a lot more at secondary school. Not entirely sure why, though reasons must include the fact that they are set, so he's with the other less sporty kids; they do a much bigger range - hockey, cricket, cross country, badminton, tennis, rugby 7s etc etc, not just endless football like at primary; and they learn proper skills, not just scrappy games with the kids who do football on the weekend getting to dominate. Ds is at an independent school, btw, so a reasonably traditional sort of sports master, it just seems better organised and a nicer, more supportive experience in his lessons.

CorrieDale · 10/03/2014 20:06

We too are marking time until secondary. Poor DS. Just 1 1/2 more years of being yelled at and blamed in every team based PE/games lesson. The teacher picks the teams but Ds's always comes last . He isn't even the slowest runner but by now he thinks he is and so does everybody else! It's crap and the fact that it won't happen when he's an adult and can exercise his power to choose doesn't make it hurt less now.

Oblomov · 10/03/2014 20:15

Although the picking of teams is not helpful, I actually don't see this as the real problem here.

I had exact same conversation with ds1 tonight.

Even if they didn't pick teams, if teams were picked for them. They all still wouldn't want your son in their team. They would groan when he came last in his lap of the relay wouldn't they?

They do to my son. Kids are über competitive and they know which kid is fast, or slow.

I have no idea of how to help. I encourage ds on all the things he is good at. What else can you do?

maggiemight · 10/03/2014 20:35

Take the DC out running to improve his fitness?? I could be wrong but feel that at that age exercise will quickly improve fitness. I have a DGC now and feel that I will take him out to kick a ball or run up and down the field in an attempt to stop him being the 'unchosen' one.
My DS was never chosen for footie team but partly due, I now think, to him being uncompetitive, because he was a good runner. He was good at rugby and not bad at athletics but wasn't chosen for football because he was nice and well mannered and not arrogant like others

Martorana · 10/03/2014 20:38

It is absolutely not the norm for the kids to pick teams in a mixed ability PE group.

Are they set for PE, OP?

eddiemairswife · 10/03/2014 22:27

I'm a retired Primary School teacher and I never, ever let the children pick the teams. Surely this is something that should be taught during Teacher Training.

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