Prep School vs State Primary School -How to decide?

[SquealyB]

We are in the very fortunate to be in a position to send our DD to prep. school when the time comes but I am not sure whether we want to.

It is really important to us that DD gets the best possible education (stating the obvious) but we do not want her to become one of "those" spoilt/entitled public school types (which not all privately educated children are of course). If the local state primary is OFSTED good/outstanding would we be better saving on the fees and spending the ££ on fun extra curricular stuff, holiday etc? My family is not based in the UK and DH's family are about as much use as a chocolate tea pot - so keen to hear others thoughts or experiences.

Hmm. Not sure how much I'd trust an article written by the customer services manager at an organisation dedicated to marketing independent schools to provide an impartial view...

The most recent Independent Schools Council survey offers an insight. When answering the question “why send your child to an independent school?” the most common answer is “a better standard of education”. With independent schools three times more likely to get top grades at ‘A’ level and consistently appearing at the top of league tables there is no real surprise here.

Here we go again! Of course private schools appear at the top of the league tables, because they're largely selective, and state schools largely aren't (yes, I know there are exceptions). How can this tell you anything about the quality of the education they provide, as opposed to the quality of the children they accept?

OP - there's no substitute to looking at your local schools. Ofsted reports can give you clues about questions to ask, but treat the overall grade with a pile of salt (good paperwork makes up a lot of it).

Where I live it would take an hour to get to the nearest preps, or 15-20 minutes to ds's state school. Too long a day for an infant. I got a private education myself (mainstream state wouldnt take me back in the day), so I'm watching to ensure ds gets the education I want him to have. So far so good - I was worried it was a big school and he'd be lost, but actually it works really well and they can easily teach groups at different levels with 90 in the year, with no-one feeling an outcast. Dn2 who is a year older in prep school doesn't seem to be getting any extra opportunities in comparison.

"I have friends who don't have my standard of education and have done significantly worse career wise even though they had a private education. Hence to my mind their parents money was wasted"

It depends on the child's innate ability and whether their potential was reached or even stretched. It may be that you are actually far brighter than some of your friends! Your friends that went to private school may have achieved more educationally than if they had gone to state. Who knows? Impossible to carry out a randomised controlled trial and adjust for all confounding factors such as parent motivation.

In the end, you do the best for your kids within your means and the rest is up to them!

Ah but don't you know riding that if a child doesn't get 15 A*s and a place at Cambridge to do PPE, then their education in private school has been an utter waste of money...no matter how happy they've been, how well rounded their education, how great their love of learning.

And if they don't become CEO of Apple or the poet laureate, then frankly the money would have been better spent on crack and chorus girls ...

I have not done well at all with my life but I would not say my education has been wasted even though my parents did not get their return.
DH has had over 100 grand spent on his and his parents see him as a failure. They have not got their return.

Job wise, failure, enjoyment and appreciation of different things wise, success.

Dear OP,

There isn't a general rule.

You need to judge on a case by case basis.

All things being equal I would prefer the state option to the private option.

But in many cases everything isn't equal and in some cases the state provision may be so far below what you want for your children that you choose other options.

OFSTED is only a guidelines: I recently visited an Ofsted outstanding school that made me depressed (kids filling in pages of worksheets, targets on the wall, no space) and there are Ofsted satisfactory which are warm and friendly and high on pastoral care and might prioritise exploratory teaching over SATs results (in our borough, harder and harder to find).

And all private schools cannot be lumped together. I looked round four, and i'd only send my children to one of those. One I hated, and one I liked but not enough to spend the fees. One was OK - and the last seemed like a normal, friendly school, but with more opportunities and room for individual attention than the state options available (and if we'd got into our closest state school I wouldn't even have been looking).

Re spoilt, public school types. i really think it depends on the school. I don't think I fit that image, and yet I was private school educated. I don't think it's fair to generalise, any more than it's fair to generalise about chavs in the state system. Both are objectionable stereotypes.

I'm not at all bitter, but a bit amused by it all. I am what I would describe as lower middle class but with kids in state school (and until now, no strong feelings about private schools) with not a lot to do with such wealthy people. To be honest, it has been a bit of a surprise to my daughter and myself how wealthy some people are and how they behave. Of course, having extreme wealth does not make you a nasty person. In fact, my daughters last year's best friend (it didn't last!) was like this. She was not a nasty person but just a little self obsessed and shallow-but with no intentions to be nasty to anyone. But obviously I am talking one end of the spectrum and generalising which obviously isn't fair.