Prep School vs State Primary School -How to decide?

[SquealyB]

We are in the very fortunate to be in a position to send our DD to prep. school when the time comes but I am not sure whether we want to.

It is really important to us that DD gets the best possible education (stating the obvious) but we do not want her to become one of "those" spoilt/entitled public school types (which not all privately educated children are of course). If the local state primary is OFSTED good/outstanding would we be better saving on the fees and spending the ££ on fun extra curricular stuff, holiday etc? My family is not based in the UK and DH's family are about as much use as a chocolate tea pot - so keen to hear others thoughts or experiences.

location might be an issue? in my area the only decent private prep is a 30 min drive away during peak time - not fun today when one of the main road is closed. If you have a good state primary within walking distance do not underestimate how fab that is for easy life! Also getting to know local families.

I attended a private prep school, then we moved area and I went onto the local (outstanding) state secondary. I was WAY ahead of most of my peers at year 7 (1st yr secondary) and this can only have been due to the private education at primary age, as i'm no brain of britain!

However, it all gradually evened out and I ended up being over-taken by friends who went onto Oxbridge. I graduated from a Russell group Uni with a first, and my best friend was privately educated and was definitely NOT the spoilt / arsey private school type alluded to in your post.

However, there definitely WAS a noticeably group of private school kids at uni who stuck together and had a general air of spoilt and entitledness about them that tallulah describes above. They were completely ghastly and wouldn't mix with us 'plebs'. One now runs an upclass orgy-dating company in London. Delightful .

As most others have said, its how you bring your kids up at home that matters....and if they're not going to board, then you've got plenty of time to bring them back down to earth outside of school! Go take a look at state and prep and then you'll be better placed to decide. GOod luck!

I think most people tend to stick with what they know...sort of tribal. Accusing people of wanting to stick with other people they see like themselves is non sense nearly everyone does this.

Some peoples reality is different. Is it stuck up if they come in saying....

" My parents had a huge row this weekend, the helicopter still hasn't been fixed...so they had to drive to London instead"?

That is their reality that is what they are dealing with.

I also think people of a certain background stick together because they know they are mocked and sneered at.

Actually, I think Newbieman has got a point. In an age when plenty of Oxbridge graduates are unemployed and youth unemployment is so high, maybe giving your child a huge chunk of money for a house deposit etc is more useful than paying for an expensive education. DD seems quite bright and I would hope she would reach A-level standard of education but beyond that I will only encourage her to go to university if the career path she chooses requires it, it is too expensive otherwise and may mean her never affording her own home. Time and time again we hear about employers complaining that job applicants have exam certificates coming out of their ears but still lack the basic skills.

OP, if you have a good school locally and others say their children are happy there, I would go with the state school and save your money for later ignore me if you are super rich and could afford private plus a chelsea flat for them when they leave uni

I really wouldn't think too much about this 'entitled' thing. There are children who behave in an entitled kind of way from all types of school. Their parents are often like it too.
Some people have an inverse snobbery about kids from private schools. They are looking for something to criticise. No doubt, some from private schools do behave in an entitled way. Perhaps some people are more on the look out for this kind of behaviour from kids from private schools, so find what they are looking to see.
Don't decide on private or state based on this. Look at the individual schools. Ask for a pupil led tour if you like, hang around outside the school at ending time to observe the behaviour if you want,(avoiding looking like a paedophile whilst doing it!) but don't let hearsay determine your choice.

I sort of take your point ChocolateWombat but it is hard not to see something into children having a separate "taxi allowance" to get them to and from polo and lacrosse when at uni. It is a little bit precious.

Yes, I see what you mean. People with that level of wealth though, are few and far between. There are a wide range of private school child backgrounds. Some have very rich parents, most probably have parents working in the well paid professions, many are in reasonable jobs, but have made many sacrifices to send their children to private school, such a living in smaller houses or less prestigious locations. And there are some on big bursaries from much poorer backgrounds.

I think that children at private school are unfamiliar with poverty. They are unlikely to meet anyone at their school whose family struggles to buy them a new pair of shoes, for instance, or has to choose between eating properly and heating their home. They will not meet many children whose parents are unemployed and desperate. They will be used to being surrounded by people who live pretty comfortably or better.

Yes, that's probably true. It's also true in some leafy state schools too.

I sort of take your point ChocolateWombat but it is hard not to see something into children having a separate "taxi allowance" to get them to and from polo and lacrosse when at uni. It is a little bit precious

You sound very bitter, does this make them nasty people?

drome with the greatest respect, what a load of codswallop, peoples families usually have a broad spectrum of wealth, some will be poor, some rich all kinds within one family let alone people from the school.

Many GP fund school and the actual parents are not well off at all.

I also don't think its essential for children to meet people un employed and desperate!

I disagree - I think that many families do not have any very poor people in them, certainly not any very poor people that the privileged kids see much of.

How many very poor children have grandparents who are so well off that they pay to send them to private school (but don't help pay for food and heat)?
I do think that one issue with private schools is that children live in a world which doesn't reflect the world around them. If they spend most of their time with rich kids (with the odd kid who is not rich but is still not poor), in which almost every family has one or more parents in a decent job, then that is what they see as the norm. That has pros and cons.

People like David Cameron and his mates, educated at Eton almost exclusively with the very wealthy, do not empathise with the poor. They have probably never seen one up close.

You do sound very angry and bitter. Not sure it's going to help the OP much with her decision.

No, not angry and bitter particularly, just trying to mention some differences between going state and going private. FWIW I have one child at state and the other at private, so am in a reasonable position to compare the 2.

Dromedary - I am from a very working class background. My dad was a riveter, my mum a school dinner lady, she still lives in a council house ( bungalow) actually. She shops at different stores to save 10p on this or that and that is how I was brought up.

My DH is privately educated and in a well paid job. DS is in private education and has been for many years. The idea that he is "entitled" is a laugh to us, he spends many a happy hour with his gran, and I can assure you she keeps his feet firmly on the ground, as do the rest of my working class, northern family.

The image of us spending time only with other posh and rich people is ridiculous, it really is. And quite insulting, but that's another thread....

Just wanted to mention that many state primaries do have specialist music and language teachers, sport and loads of extracurricular activities. Someone upthread implied that only private schools did.

Also I wondered if there is a difference between prep and primary?

This is a real consideration because a child from a state school transferring at 13 to a private school may well be 2 years behind their peers

Well yes, they may be. Most state schools are non-selective, so by definition will have some children who are significantly behind their peers. Equally they will also have some children who are at the same level as their privately educated peers.

diabolo - The fact is, that if you go to a private school it is unlikely that any of your schoolmates will be poor - in the sense of surviving on benefits. There may conceivably be one or two at the school on a full bursary, but often not even that. Whereas at a state school a large number of your schoolmates may be poor, and you may have very few rich schoolmates. I think that does make a difference to a child's perspective.

That has nothing whatsoever to do with my child's perspective.

Believe me -his feet are totally grounded.

So don't lump me or him in with this idea of the entitled elite. He knows he is bloody lucky. He also knows I would sell my kidneys to enable him to continue where he is.

I also have the added advantage of being an administrator in a state school (for the past 10 years), so I'm fully aware and knowledgeable about state education. The school I work at is an "outstanding academy" comprehensive. I'm very very glad DS doesn't go to school there.

You've already explained that your child, unlike many of his classmates, has a lot of working class relatives he spends time with.
I don't think many state schools are so bad that a parent would sell their kidneys to keep their child out of them. I know plenty of people who could afford to send their child to private school but choose not to. My DC's best friend at state school is the DC of 2 very wealthy university professors, who have made the deliberate choice to send her to state school, where she is very happy.

NB another of her schoolmates is the child of wealthy parents, one of whom teaches at a local private school where the child would get a subsidised place. They also have made the deliberate decision to go state, at both primary and secondary.

I've never understood this idea that in order to build up any understanding of the world, you have to immersed in it for eight hours a day.

At my school there were no middle class children. No non white children. No children of any other religion. No openly gay children. No disabled children.

Did that mean I didn't realise there was another world out there? What rot!!!

Drome

Our heating has been working intermittently over winter, two upstairs rads work but most of winter downstairs hasnt...we have one electric heater and have been blessed with a warm winter!
We are by no means dirt poor but certainly cannot afford to be ripped off by someone coming to look at our rads, nor condem our ancient boiler which also works intermittently.

do our dc know this? not realy we dont make a big deal of it...do her class friends know....NO.

do we get free school meals? no, we are border line though. do we struggle, yes.

do dc know this - not really!! do their friends know, NO not at all. its not relevant.

I think you will find that people stick with like in whatever class they are in...lots of v wealthy children still go go state schools.

for all i know, people at eton may have a far better understanding of poverty than me, i wouldn't know to make that call.

it was under labour - that the gap widened to a sickening degree between rich and poor children. so not sure how much more in touch the labour politicians are supposed to be?

I didn't say that state schools were so bad I would sell my kidneys to keep DS out of them. .

Plenty of his friends from prep went back into the state sector at senior level, some to the school I work in. It's too big and impersonal for me, that's why I am glad DS doesn't go there. Not because it's a state school. He wouldn't be at an independent with 2000+ pupils either.

Take a look at this article if you are considering state vs private schooling:
www.isbi.com/articles/article.asp?title=why-pay-to-send-your-child-to-school-&articleid=51
Hope it helps