Taking dd out 1 afternoon/week

[LalaDipsey]

I had forgotten, during the endless last term, how beautifully happy and loving and happy dd (4) is! School has turned her into a tantrumming screaming nightmare a lot of the time as she has been shattered . We don't do any other after school or weekend activities so I don't have those to stop. What I would really like to do is pick her up at lunchtime on a Wednesday for the next term until she legally has to be there the following term (July birthday).
I feel that I know my dd best and she is just sooo young for 8.45-3.15 5 days a week.
What do you reckon my chances are of getting the hm to agree??!!

And DD1 had half days for the first month , DD2 for the first 2 weeks....

Most of them are knackered. It's a big change and a busy term with christmas and nativity plays etc.

I'd see how she goes for a few weeks with this term. It's generally calmer for them and they're used to it. Taking her out now for an afternoon will confuse her more when it stops.

Well sorry, I honestly think it's a really daft idea. Her classmates are going to notice this, and they're going to resent it - or at least think it's weird. That's obviously going to feed into the way they interact with her - what, I would imagine they will think, is so special about her that she gets to go home on Wednesday afternoons? As Martin Crane observed - children can be so kind... Of course we don't base every decision on what peer group pressure might be, but some consequences are so obvious and avoidable at the same time that it's silly not to take them into account. She's going to miss out.

When you go on holiday and she's eight, you're going to remember how nice it is having her around all day without the stress of school run. When she's 16, you'll miss the 12 year old who used to tell and ask you things. And so it goes on. Sometimes in parenting you have to accept you've moved on to the next stage, and embrace what's different about it and cope with what's difficult about it.

If you genuinely feel that the day is too long and she can't cope with school, I think you have to wait until she's older to send her. But an afternoon off for r&r is just going to annoy and irritate, and frankly it seems like unnecessary mollycoddling.

She doesn't do nothing at school. Reception isn't a laugh that a child can miss willy nilly. She's learning social skills, the school routine, forming relationships with her teacher and classmates, phonics, etc. not to mention she's learning that even if she's a bit tired some days or a bit bored, school is important.

I don't see how one afternoon can make a difference. If you honestly believe she's doing nothing at school then how will doing nothing at home change that?

Quick reply - at no point have I said she does nothing at school!! On the contrary I believe she is so tired because she is DOING. Learning, interacting, exploring, running etc etc. it's because she's doing school stuff that's she's tired!! And she's made 2-3 good friends who I very much doubt are going to dump her if she leaves early once a week! And if the others don't think it's fair I don't care. I care about my dd. as someone said earlier school is presented as a one fits all and it's not fitting dd quite right at the moment!

Did you see my questions/suggestions about her diet, LaLa?

Are you actually allowed to withdraw her? I assumed that you could delay until 5 but if she started before then then she would be treated the same as a 5 year old IYSWIM

Yes, sorry I forgot to reply to that. She eats a pretty good, balanced diet. Lots of fruit, veg, protein , pasta, yoghurts etc. there's not a lot I can do to make her diet better but I do wonder about whether she drinks enough at school - I have no idea . I know they have water bottles as they come home on a Friday for me to clean - joy! but whether or not they're encouraged to drink I don't know.
Wrt are you allowed - I don't know. Partly why I posted. Loads of people seem to think it's ok before 5 so I'm hoping it is. If not I will just have to call her in sick from time to time but I would rather it was discussed and agreed.

The problem is that it could be socially damaging for your dd.

Other children will take not of who is treated differently and unfortunately not all children will react well and your dd could suffer from exclusion by others since she may be perceived as being different/weaker/favoured by teacher etc.

At 4? No way - they aren't 13! They would barely notice! Proof of the pudding being in the many cases on this very thread where this arrangement has worked well.

I think they often do tend to notice to be honest, certainly in my experience. You have to do what you think is right for your child and yes speak to the teachers and see what they think but at some point children just have to get used to it. Sounds harsh but as I see it she has done the worst term, the first one, the longest one, the hardest one for them to cope with and she is now a bit older so she may actually find it ok now.

I would also look at the possibility that the tantrums might be for other reasons. Quite a few children this age will have tantrums because they are trying to process things they have experienced at school, trying to deal with a child being nasty, trying to deal with not having many friends or being uncertain of something, trying to deal with being away from mummy, trying to deal with younger siblings getting time with mummy that they aren't and so on. It might not be just from tiredness and would need addressing in a different way, through talking to them, building confidence, reassurance etc.

They do notice.

A few years ago I had a child with global delay due to start in my reception class. The nursery teacher didn't think she could cope with full time school so reluctantly mum agreed to her remaining on nursery hours.

When we had carpet sessions the other children would tell her she was in the wrong room and needed to go to nursery. I'm not sure I ever convinced then she was part of the class.

oh that is sad Mrz - poor child must have really struggled to fit in.

She wasn't really aware so it didn't upset her but a child without her problems might find it difficult.

I'm not suggesting that will happen with the OPs child just answering the idea that 4 year olds won't notice.

They absolutely will notice. Whether you care or not is a different thing, but I think it would be silly to think they won't.

Hello lala! Hope all's well with you, I am certain that the school my children attend would be fully supportive of your plan and would expect that your dds teacher can see for herself the difference in your dd from Monday morning to Friday afternoon if she is getting so tired.
I think your idea sounds like a good one - you know her best and have already covered that she cannot do any less after school.
My dd has a January birthday and was utterly shattered, we were putting her to bed by 6.30 to get up at 7 with no Afterschool activities, it didn't last that long, by y1 she was fine and able to cope with Rainbows and swim lessons etc.

just give it a go and if it doesn't work resume full time.
really, socially it made ZERO difference, at least in our case. The kids actually didn't notice. Or if they did notice they never mentioned it. Or didn't care.
My son was not short of friends.

BTW: The teacher's reaction to my request was: "Why wouldn't a child benefit from spending more time with her mother at such a young age!"
She was a lovely teacher.

It didnt cause any issues for ds3 goign part tiem, he actualy ended up part time in year one as well due to ilness. He wa and still is inyr 4 a very popular boy, it certainly didnt affect him socially at all.

The school were fine about it.

I am on your side here O. P. Don't listen to those saying you are being PFB. I would take her out of school for as many afternoons as you feel necessary. I wish I had done that with my youngest DD. She was the youngest in her class and was exhausted at the end of every day. She really needed to only go part-time for at least 2 terms but I was told I would be doing her a disservice. I think that was rubbish. She is now in Year 6 and doing well but doesn't love school even although she has friends and likes her teacher. That first year was sooo hard for her it has coloured her view of school. Do what you think right and ignore all those saying you are being PFB.

My dd really struggles with tiredness in year R. She sometimes slept at school. My thoughts if your dd is like mine:

• 6.45/7 is too late for bed, my dd was going at 7 before school, we moved it to 5 or as early as we could get everything done and this made a big difference.
• A big sleep on Saturday afternoon helped a lot too.
• My dd loved being at school and would have been distraught at not doing what others did.

She is a summer born, she needs her sleep. She was regularly napping before she started school. I wish that she could have started at Easter alongside all the other summer borns. I know legally I could have started her at Easter but I wouldn't want her to follow a different path to her peers.

If you think you'll get a good reception go see the teachers. Otherwise just keep her off when she needs it. Being that tired is like being ill IMO.
She doesn't legally have to be there until September if she is July birthday.

I would do it, possibly for more than 1 half day if you can. I have 3 children, first wasn't tired starting school, 2nd was shattered and still is quite tired age 7, and 3rd hasn't been too bad. Children are different,do what suits yours.

As a teacher, I would say that being out of school one or two afternoons at that age will not affect her academically or socially at all. In fact if she is less tired she will learn more at school and find school social life easier too.

Just to clarify the legal position, under the Admissions Code (paragraph 2.16b) you can request that your child attends part time until she reaches compulsory school age. The wording in the Code is not clear as to whether or not the school can refuse but correspondence I have had with the DfE indicates that their intention is that the school must comply with your wishes.