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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

AIBU to not hear DD read every night?

73 replies

Unplastered · 21/12/2013 20:56

Sorry for the title, I couldn't think of a better way to put it!

DD is 4 and a half, just finished first term in Reception. She is enjoying school, after a slightly rocky start concentration wise which I have put down to her taking a while to settle in to the new routine, longer week and so on.

She has a school diary in which the teacher records group and independent reading she has done at school and I do when we read together at home. Occasionally the TAs who run the after school club also hear her read, or one of the older children who are called 'reading buddies' do, and they write in her book.

I don't formally heather read at home Monday-Thursday (not Fridays,which is my day off) although we do read together at bedtime, and enjoy books together. This is because she goes to Breakfast club at 8am, and after school club after school till 5.30 becuase i am at work. We get home just before 6pm And have just over an hour together before bed. She is cranky and tired by this point, and isn't at her best. We also have to make and eat supper, get washed and ready for bed and asleep by a decent hour.

This week her teacher has written in DD's reading journal that she needs to practice more at home.

Do you agree? Should I keep her up later to hear her read, what other options could I have?

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MrRected · 21/12/2013 21:00

Yanbu.

Ywbu to complain if she doesn't fly through the levels though. Personally I think 4 is ridiculously young and it won't matter a jot when she is 9/10 as they have mostly caught up by this age.

PiqueABoo · 21/12/2013 22:02

Been there, done that with a summer-born and it is quite hard. Some schools do seem to have a nasty, blinkered view that children have an infinite amount of time at home with SAHMs and nothing better to do e.g. childhood.

I think the key point is to keep any reading fun so don't push it if they're too tired. We managed to get DD reading a bit of dreary Biff & Chip as part of the bedtime routine, but I roped in a subversive Sooty [the glove puppet] to make that less formal, more enjoyable. She did some of the getting changed and sorting out teddy bears etc. when we were reading to her afterwards.

She's 10 now and there are no obvious signs of early years reading deprivation. As above I don't think it will matter much.

Christmaspuddingaddict · 21/12/2013 22:06

I think you should hear her read as much as you can, which it sounds like you are doing. Making it into a battle when she is already tired and grumpy isn't going to achieve a lot.

Quenna · 21/12/2013 22:22

Sorry but I think it's really important to hear your child read every day. It has masses more impact when a parent does it than anyone at school. (I can bore you with research on the the role of affect in learning to read!)

If she's too tired at night then make time in the morning. And learning to read is massively significant in children's self esteem and seeing themselves as capable and 'clever', which in turn impacts on their confidence and learning in all other areas.

eddiemairswife · 21/12/2013 22:41

My children were at school before it became customary for children to bring reading books home. Consequently I was under no pressure to hear them read. We had loads of books at home and were frequent library visitors, and I also had read to them since they were tiny. The earliest to start school was 6 weeks before his 5th Birthday. If you push your little girl to read when she is tired it could put her off for a long time, any way she may not yet be ready to read. Earlier is not necessarily better.

Dreamingofcakeallnight · 21/12/2013 23:39

I agree with quenna. YABU and need to find a way to listen each day. It's important and makes a real diffeence.

simpson · 22/12/2013 00:54

Can you try fitting the reading into the morning routine instead?

AllIWantForChristmaaaasIsEWE · 22/12/2013 01:09

My dd is going to be 5yo (6 in a few weeks.)

She's out the door by 8.30am most mornings, then doesn't get home til 6.30pm (after school care).

While I'm cooking dinner, i bring a stool into the kitchen and listen to her read. Then i ask her to find key words on each page. Then she does some sums, or whatever else has been given to her that night.

Bedtime is at 7.30pm. I read to her for 10-15 minutes every night until about 7.45pm.

At weekends or days off during the week, we get a small pile of books and spend about an hour going through them. Me reading a page, and her the next.

There's a huge bookcase in the hall outside her room filled with books so she can grab one whenever she wants without having to ask me.

This has been the same routine since she was 4 1/2 and started p.1.

I think reading every day is very important. And should be one of the top priorities. What does your dd do when she comes in from school care and you're making dinner/tidying up? Couldn't she use 10-15 minutes of this time to read aloud?

Or perhaps in the morning, get her up 10 minutes earlier than usual and do it then?

Do you have any of those CD read along books? They might be good for her.

Tapiocapearl · 22/12/2013 02:25

I think if you can listen to her read Friday, Saturday and Sunday its enough.

skyeskyeskye · 22/12/2013 02:46

I struggle to find the time to hear DD read. It's usually gone 5pm by the time we get home each night due to various things, after school club, swimming etc, Now in year 1, she needs to go into reading recovery to catch up on her reading and writing. I feel extremely guilty although I have done the best that I could. XH never reads with her and I have to work long hours.

I now have to find the time to read 30 minutes a day with her as the programme is very expensive and they will only implement it if the parent is fully on board and prepared to commit.

Better to find the time now before the problem gets worse.

CecilyP · 22/12/2013 07:36

She doesn't need to practise more at home. She doesn't even need to be in school yet. She might crack on all the faster if she practised more at home, but it won't be a problem longer term. Whole generations managed to learn to read despite never being allowed to take a reading book home.

You are doing all you can in the circumstances that you find yourself in. Trying to keep your DD up later to do it will be counterproductive and could not only put her off, but also have a knock on effect if she is more tired at school the next day.

I would just respond in the reading diary with a slighly more concise version of what you have told us here.

ARealPickle · 22/12/2013 07:43

My daughter is in the top group at our school and they don't send home books until after Christmas! Even then I don't think the lower groups get them until they're very secure on all their sounds.

The idea being they then start off confident and able to read the phonics readers rather than getting the impression its a struggle.

Weve got some phonics books we sometimes look at at home and we usually read to her at bedtime, but not starting formal every day reading until after Christmas :)

CecilyP · 22/12/2013 07:46

If she is in her first term in reception, the chances are that she is not yet reading so well that the person she is reading to shouldn't also be looking at the book.

CecilyP · 22/12/2013 07:53

Bore us with research if you like. While I am quite prepared to believe that the extra practice that a parent can provide will have a beneficial effect, I can't believe it is beneficial simply because it is a parent but rather than because it is extra.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 22/12/2013 07:53

We have similar time constraints.DS1 is now in year 2.

We always managed the reading somehow but there is more and more work to be done as time goes on so if you can find a way to change things a little (maybe finish work half an hour earlier 1-2 days a week to pick up early from after school club, making the half hour up at lunchtime)

I sympathise as it is very hard to do both.

msmiggins · 22/12/2013 08:00

I think it's very important to share books at this age.
At 4 my kids were not at school but we read 8-10 books a week from the local library.
To be frank I feel a bit sorry for a 4 year old who goes to breakfast club and after school club- I'm not surprised she is cranky. Not something I would want for my young kids- but each to their own.

mrz · 22/12/2013 08:15

Of course it would benefit your daughter to practise every night what she is learning in school (the more we do something the better we become whether it's reading, swimming, gymnatics, dance, ...) but if there isn't time their just isn't time and you shouldn't feel pressured.

aGnotherGnuletideGreeting · 22/12/2013 08:17

Each to their own mrsmiggins? Judgemental much?

Lots if parents need wraparound care so they can afford to put a roof over their children's heads. If you are not in that situation then lucky you.

msmiggins · 22/12/2013 08:20

Not judgemental at all. Part of being a parent is to give the time and effort into reading with their kids.

Don't imagine for a moment that I am a rich person- I have been earning since my kids were babies. It just takes a little more effort and imagination to make money while not subjecting kids to such long harsh hours at school.

Rosa · 22/12/2013 08:25

Well my 5 yr old can't read .. That is because she is still in pre school in Europe, no pressure, no targets no levels. Her elder sibling did the same system can read competently in 2 languages and is the same reading level as her UK peers.
The child is out of the house from 8-6 of course she is tired and cranky when she gets in and it sounds to me as if the OP is doing what she can in helping her dd plus, they read together everynight and enjoy books .. I wouldn't push the child anymore as you could put her off.

Happypiglet · 22/12/2013 08:30

Blimey I am a SAHM and don't read with my DC every night.... I have three DC at two different schools with pick ups, after school clubs, clubs outside school etc etc... It's almost impossible to fit it all in...
My DD is now Yr2 (DSs are older) and she reads fine with practise about three times a week at home.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Make the three times a week count. She'll be fine.

tinselkitty · 22/12/2013 08:34

At this age I'd say she won't be learning anything reading to you when she's that tired.

It's not like she doesn't have exposure to books those days, like you said you read

Imsosorryalan · 22/12/2013 08:35

No, do not 'make' her read anything. The last thing you want is for her to switch off. At her age, take it slowly and don't be afraid to stand up for her wishes. I say this as a parent and a primary teacher.
My dd is now in year 1 and we only read when she is keen to. As a result she is now at the stage that she want to try and read everything.
But I would write a note in her comment book saying how tired / busy she is and you are reading as much as you can. Any school worth their salt will accept this and if necessary pick up the slack during school time.

tinselkitty · 22/12/2013 08:35

Sorry posted too soon.

You are reading with her at night and that will be important.

I'd explain your issues about timings with the teacher, if she's reasonable she'll understand.

17leftfeet · 22/12/2013 08:37

I used wrap around care for both dds 5 days a week from the week dd2 started reception because her arse if a dad left us in the crap and I had to make a choice between losing the house or using full time childcare -it was not a lifestyle choice!

Op I get where you are coming from completely -the way I made it work was I listened to one child each night for 10 minutes tops so they weren't reading every night but it was the best I could do.
We were out of the house 7.30-6 and reading time was while dinner was cooking and because it wasn't every night it was less of a battle
In my experience they got much more from their bed time stories which always had funny voices etc to bring the books to life -that's what reading for pleasure is all about

They are now preteens and demolish books for fun

You get children in reading recovery schemes that do read every night so I think if you can listen to your dc 4 times a week then you have nothing to feel guilty for

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