Is hothousing necesserily a bad thing?

[columngollum]

Interesting point coming out of a nearby discussion, (but requires a separate thread.)

Hothousing is a word invariably used as an insult. But is it one? It has been said, I don't know if it's true, that starting tennis at five is too old. Presumably most three or four year olds don't show great tennis genius, so presumably all three year old tennis players are being hothoused!

But, I guess if they're playing tiddlywinks and not tennis then they're not being hothoused (but I can't see the difference.)

I once saw a low number of words per page and my daughter explained the book to me. After her explanation I realised it was a poem! It was just spread out throughout the whole book.

It's not levelled (hopscotch) about Robin Hood.

She could have read it a year ago. Oh well, it will join all the other school books we have ignored

Have you tried talking to the school about the books, simpson?

I'd agree with the general idea that 'hot-housing' is stopping kids doing what they'd rather be doing to teach them something they don't have an interest in, and don't need to know at their age.

DD knows all sorts of things that I didn't know until I was 10 years older than she is, but it's only because she has asked about them.

I would also agree with the "general idea"

if the general observers actually knew the children and knew what their interests were.

Where age-related speculations about what the children's interests are likely to be are involved the "general idea" is a load of crud.

People do assume we do lots of work at home with DS1, in fact we do nothing more than the minimum the school requires us to. He does his homework and he reads for pleasure as he loves it. We have never done anything more than that, he is just good at reading or writing.

There is a child in his class who has always been top of the class, he his truly 'hothoused'. His parents make him and his siblings do 2 hours of school work a night and he is not allowed to go to parties or play at other children's houses. He plays one sport (not a team sport) and excels in it. He is expected to be top of the class at all times and if they feel he is not far enough ahead he is made to do more work.

It is a shame as the rest of the class really like him but he has no real friends as he only sees them at school. DS is actually at higher NC levels than him but we would never discuss it with the other boys parents (they have asked but I said I didn't know).

I do find myself wondering what DS could do if we pushed him more but I quickly tell myself that having a rounded education (not just academics but sports/music etc) is more important than being exceptional in just the academic stuff.

Clover, my dear, how do you know that your son is at higher NC levels and how do you know that hothouse-pants' mum told you the truth about his level?

We don't even do the minimum, really. I read with my daughter about once every couple of weeks. She can't be arsed most of the time and nor can I, though I do read to her now and again and she does read for pleasure most days on her own. We don't often bother with the spellings (she has to fill out a sheet and hand it in, no test). They send home requests for her to learn tables but we don't do anything about that either and she still seems to be doing more than OK for her age (Y2), and knows all of her tables up to ten. She is really quite a long way ahead of most of her class and that's just because she is lucky enough to be able to pick up all these skills without really needing to try. I think other parents assume that we are drilling her within an inch of her life but we really aren't. To be honest, she's probably spent more time watching Strictly Come Dancing this term than doing anything academic with me.

OTOH, she comes home and writes stories and plays and her diary every single day for fun (I have no input into this apart from occasionally supplying her with a spelling if she asks or printing them out for her), she gets out Lego and plays at multiplication with the dots on it, she asks about fractions every single day as she is currently obsessed with the idea of them and is learning how to multiply them together in her own way. All she needs is someone to answer her questions. She asked to have a thesaurus for a Christmas present. She has asked about decimals in relation to fractions and linked them off her own bat to money. She also asked about negative numbers off her own bat a while ago (because she wondered what would happen if you took 15 away from 10) and seems to have no problem with the idea of them. And I have always answered her questions about things as honestly as is appropriate for her age. So she's pretty worried, for instance, about robbers/burglars. But I haven't shared with her that actually that's not the worst thing and there are murderers too because she'd be appalled and horrified and probably have nightmares for weeks.

I'm not hothousing her. She is doing very well for her age without much input from me, apart from answering her questions. I don't like discussing her ability and interests with other parents in her class as they look at me a bit funny, like I am trying to make her into Ruth Lawrence (I would be horrified and she's not a genius anyway, just clever and interested).

I read with DD every day as she demands it. If I fancy not listening to her one night, it is easier to simply do it than put up with the tantrum!

I have not spoken to the school lately about DD's school books but think I am going to have to.

I do zero maths/numeracy with DD (apart from her homework) because she simply does not want to.

Huitre...your dd sounds cool. Love the diary writing and obsession with fractions :) she sounds great

The diaries are very funny, mamma. And she's lovely. She just happens to enjoy learning as much as most of the kids in her class like going to the park (she's not keen, she hates the cold, though she does like physical stuff like tap dancing and karate as long as it's inside). The plays are funny. She wrote a musical about two little girls saving the pyramids from a black hole just recently. It's musically fairly dire, tbh, but the ideas are a lot of fun and I just like that she had the idea of it. And I love that fractions sort of blow her mind. She is honestly amazed by the idea that half of a third is a sixth. She sometimes just says 'Mummy, the world is so WEIRD' and I know what she means. The world is amazing in every way and she's lucky to have been able to notice it.

DD also writes a diary and writes things like "we did PE in PE today"

Sounds like a verifiable observation to me. I'd find that one hard to disagree with.

Aaah, little minds are magical. The musical sounds fantastic. The fraction thing really is cool. As mums we really should write all these things down. They're so special but hard to remember it all.

My dd is 3.5 and plays for ages with her little fairy people...acting out intricate stories. She also makes songs up. I'm hoping this will all transfer into writing games at some point. She already loves playing cafes with a pad and pencil. Asks me what I'd like then scribbles furiously, then tells me it's "unavailable today I afraid". They're truly amazing- each and every one...I'm excited for her to start school but just hope she continues to flourish. Your dd seems to be loving her learning :)

And yes, yes to the world is weird comment. She's pretty much got that one sussed!! :)

Haha...just read your post back... Missed the comedy of karate and tap dancing the first time

DD also loved playing cafés and denying me my order! Sounds like we have a couple from the same mould, mamma!

I set up an email account for my DD when she was really small (far too small to use it). Every time she does something that's lovely, I take a picture and send it to the account and write a little description of what we've been up to. At the moment, she just looks and likes it but I hope one day she can look back on a whole childhood and see what she was doing and interested in. It's Gmail so massive storage for all her funny little moments. She does now email grandparents etc but mostly it's just storage for funny and sweet kid stuff.

Hope your DD has a dolls house or similar, mamma. We've had some hilarious stories and plays courtesy of DD's dolls house. Currently there are a family of Sylvanian meerkats who come out at night and do dreadfully naughty things when the actual people are in bed.

I’ve followed this thread with interest.

I never heard the word “hothousing” until I saw it here in Mumsnet.
I can see how it can be a subjective/controversial term. It is so dependant on each persons’s beliefs, personal experiences and even cultural background.
What is fun for some person/child, could easily be hard work/boring stuff for another. It all depends on their interests and personalities.

I guess I have been lucky that my DS loves to learn as much as I enjoy sharing my knowledge with him. I discovered he could read/recognise numbers when he only had a handful of words, well before his language spurt at 2y. So I played number games with him, and taught him the order (how to count) to 10. And we still play number games for fun, because he likes them.

I also taught him how to read, about 6 months before he started school. But only because he was ready. He had already learnt the alphabet letters and the vowels when he was 2y, but whenever I checked he wasn’t ready for more, so we never carried on until he was 4y (he is a winter baby).
Then again, we don’t speak English at home. If I don’t teach him to read and write in my own language, he’ll never get that from school.

How children learn is a topic that I find fascinating ever since I had my first child and have been able to see how the every day things I take for granted are a wonder for him as he discovers the world and I see it anew through his eyes.

Talking about fractions, I remember how amazed I was one day when we were having lunch and he suddenly told me out of the blue a discovery he had made: if I have half an hour and another half an hour, that makes one hour!

I love the words you used mammadiggingdeep: little minds are magical. They are indeed :)

Huitre...
Yes- we have a dolls house with ongoing dramas. We have to leave the dolls in the exact place they are when it's bedtime then she carries on where she left off the night before. They all have different voices and made up, exotic names like 'uresh-la-la'!! She remembers them all and so betide me if I get a name wrong!!!

The email idea is genius and thanks for sharing because I'm going to do that. Such an easy way to do it- I take lots of pics, videos and voice recordings do such a good idea for storage. What a brilliant idea!!!

It is a joy watching then learn and develop. What little characters. I often watch her and just silently send out a wish that she'll always be as happy as she is now :) precious times!!!

Column - there is no need to sound patronising. Of course she could lie to me but she is hardly likely to tell me a lower level is she, she is fairly boasty to the other mums (I don't know her other than the one phonecall she made to me). The children know what levels they are on as the teacher tells them, the child told my son also at school but that is irrelevant, I was just trying to explain my feelings which I thought was allowed on here.

I couldn't care less who has a higher or lower level TBH but I am never going to sacrifice my sons enjoyment of life to push his to his very limits academically.

Sorry I didn't actually say in my first post the mum told me what levels her DS was on as she was explaining how far ahead he was of his peers. It was all a bit weird!

Isn't the teacher telling the children what NC level they're on the weird bit of it all?

No it's normal practice. Ofsted expect children to know their level

I thought the official line was that NC levels had been scrapped and would not be replaced.

The official line is National Curriculum levels will be scrapped from September 2014 or 2015 depending on year group

Not read the whole thread, but:

if 'hothousing' means supplying extra learning to children who enjoy it, and is therefore child centered, I have no problem with it at all.

If it means controlling a child's timetable to the nth degree so there is no space, or forcing a child to 'do more' when it makes them miserable, then obviously it is not far off abuse.

To be honest, I always think of the term 'hothousing' as leaning towards the latter - because the former I think of as simply supporting, enriching, and providing stimulation. 'Hothousing' when done to plants means forcing their growth.

Forcing growth always, always has a price tage - ref. plants and children.