Is hothousing necesserily a bad thing?

[columngollum]

Interesting point coming out of a nearby discussion, (but requires a separate thread.)

Hothousing is a word invariably used as an insult. But is it one? It has been said, I don't know if it's true, that starting tennis at five is too old. Presumably most three or four year olds don't show great tennis genius, so presumably all three year old tennis players are being hothoused!

But, I guess if they're playing tiddlywinks and not tennis then they're not being hothoused (but I can't see the difference.)

[columngollum]

I think the point is that one should not assume that one knows something that one does not. And one should also take care to avoid sharing such misunderstandings.

[Phaush]

Theendgame said "DD learnt to read on her own, age 3. We
read to her, but that was it.
But everyone assumes that because she
came into reception reading fluently, that
we were hothousing her frantically.
Mostly I don't discuss what she's interested
in or does with other parents, because
that's always the assumption."

Are you my DP?

[mammadiggingdeep]

I've read enough of your opinions and comments to know something of your beliefs on educating children. It's a forum, and I'm entitled to share. Actually, on this case I didn't did I because I another poster posted your quote.

[richmal]

I did not read the other thread as columngollum's child reading classics when still at preschool age.

[columngollum]

I don't believe that's true, mamma. From what I've seen it is entirely possible to misconstrue what I've written enormously.

[mammadiggingdeep]

The thread is there to read. In black and white. If you meant she read the children's adaptations, you didn't say. Even when others suggested they'd be more suitable, you didn't say.

[richmal]

Am I mis-reading it? Where does it say she was reading classics at preschool?

[columngollum]

Lack of evidence is not evidence. One should take care to examine what is present rather than what one had hoped to find.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

Hothousing is not' only teaching your children' though is it? To me hothousing is setting them tasks they may not be interested in, at a time they may not be developmentally ready for them to the exclusion of other activities that they may prefer doing. You are trying to accelerate their progress beyond that which they would achieve by normal childhood learning and beyond what is expected of a child of their age to somehow get an advantage. Hothousing is a bad thing. If a child isn't ready then you have forced them into activities they don't want to do when they could be doing something else. If they are ready then they would probably have picked up what you are forcing on them naturally with a little bit of scaffolding, but naturally and at their own pace. You aren't letting children be children if you hot house them.

As others have said if you child wants to learn something and is actively asking for help in doing so or they pick things up by themselves then that isn't hot housing. There are plenty of children like that, of course, and a decent parent will pick up on particular skills and talents and will provide opportunities to learn but gently, at the child's pace.

And why is reading before school so great? Neither of my two could read a word at the start of school nor could they write their names. They just weren't interested. No way was I going to force them and they had better things to do. I just read to them and talked to them a lot about all sorts of things. Both of them now have reading ages and vocabularies well beyond their actual ages. They have caught up and over taken a lot of those children who started school apparently being able to read and write but when they were ready to do so, not to my agenda which is what hothousing is all about.

[simpson]

I don't think anybody is saying that reading before school is great. It is just the assumption that if a child can read before they start school then they have been hot housed which is not always the case.

I had one child who could read very well before starting school and another who could not even read his own name. Both kids are doing well now.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts]

Wow, I would have commented on this thread, but now I see it's just a private debate/ argument being had. Shame I bothered reading through.

[columngollum]

Bertha, all of that is familiar to me.

My problem is that (a) everybody's definition of hothousing is different.
(b) Nobody believes that they hothouse, only that other people do.


(I haven't yet seen an application of the insult which isn't based on ignorance and self-regard.)

[ReallyTired]

I don't have any issue with pushy parents provided that the child's mental wellbeing or physical health is not compromised. There is a difference between a parent wanting the best for their child and a parent attempting to live their own dreams through the child. A bit of pushiness combined with lots of love is far better than outright neglect.

Being sucessful in life is often down to hardwork and there is nothing wrong with parents supporting learning at home. Its a very British/ American attitude to despise effort and only value achievment if its done through sheer brilliance. I want my children to believe that their dreams are achievable if they put in the effort.

There is a balance between a child sitting on their arse and doing nothing but computer games/ TV and studying 16 hours a day.

Teaching a child to read before they start school is very achievable without too much stress if the child has a autumn/ winter birthday. I taught my son to read, but I found it was impossible to do the same with my daughter as she started school a lot younger. However dd is making excellent progress now she has started school and I am sure she will catch up with her older classmates.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

I think if you use my definition it is an insult because it isn't a good thing. It is about satisfying something within the parent rather than for the child. If you are genuinely child lead and not pushing it, it isn't hot housing. It is just a bright child learning at their own pace being helped by a willing parent. I can't see hothousing means anything other than my definition (obviously ). Surely nobody would admit to hothousing their child, thinking it is a good thing?

Simpson, not on this thread particularly but on others I have seen over the years there are people who think it is a good idea to get their child to read before starting school whether they are ready or not, like it is some holy grail of learning. If a child learns to read or asks to learn before school then that is great obviously - how can it not be? - but pushing your child to read when they aren't interested smacks of hothousing to me.

Btw when the term is used it makes me think of the film Parenthood with that poor little child who had to learn the periodic table at 5 or whatever it was. It didn't end well.

It isn't a term I would ever want applied to me I have to say.

[ReallyTired]

There is a fine line between enrichment and hothousing. The early years are a precious time and enriching activites can improve a child's life chances. My daughter has done gymnastics, swimming, music and some educational activites at home like drawing. Now she is in reception and ready we are doing a little bit of academic work. DD's school has been assessed as inadequate and I am nervous about the quality of teaching.

Prehaps another interesting aside would be to discuss benign neglect. When does benign neglect become proper neglect.

[columngollum]

Well, indeed, reallytired, please feel free to discuss benign neglect in this thread.

Bertha, I think your example of the periodic table might be a valid application. But of course it's fictional and deliberately comic. (There isn't anything comic about one ignorant parent accusing somebody else of improper parenting via a forum.)

[Namechangersanon]

So I did the impossible, learnt to read before school age without being taught, according to my mum anyway, who had no interest in even reading me a bedtime story!

[columngollum]

Well, we also have to bear in mind that mummies don't always tell the truth! lol

[Namechangersanon]

[column] Are you calling my mother a lier? you really are a quite something!

[columngollum]

Am I?

and am I, indeed.

An argument usually consists of at least one premiss and a conclusion. If you'd be good enough to list those of my argument then I'll answer your question! lol

[ikuji]

Just to add a different perspective, there are a lot of posts on MN questioning the quality of classroom provision and the lack of transparency in schools. Could it be that in some families so-called "hot housing" is happening because of the dissatisfaction with the school and is the only available / affordable way to ensure DCs receive systematic and well grounded education.

[ikuji]

Should be a question mark after education .

[BigBoobiedBertha]

That isn't, to me, hot housing. You aren't forcing your child to do extra, you are catching up with what they would have done at school. It is about them achieving what they would have achieved had their school time not been wasted by poor teaching. Hot housers would be pushing their child even when the school was doing a perfectly good job.

[simpson]

Well, DD has come home with a school reading book which literally has 12 words on each page so there might be something said for dissatisfaction with the school.

[Phaush]

What are the words, and how many pages are there?

Don't get hung up on the numbers, simpson