School friends from deprived families

[poppytin]

DS1 just started reception in September. We didn’t get our first choice of school which could be seen from our house due to oversubscription and sibling rule. DS1 now goes to second choice school which is in a more deprived area although the school has performed rather well and been improving. We’re 7th on the waiting list for first choice school which has very low turnover so chances of getting in are pretty slim. I have no issue with the school as given its circumstances ie high FSM and SEN its performance is very good. However I can’t seem to make myself like the families of the children there. At the school gate I’ve met people in their pyjamas, with cigarettes on their fingers, piercings on etc. I’ve seen people shouting/swearing at each other in the playground while waiting for their children. DS was invited to a birthday party of one of the boys in his class and it was the worst house I’ve ever set foot in. Mom was in nightie with a cig on when we arrived at mid day. DS1 appears to be academic, loves reading and writing, both DH and I have masters from redbrick units and are in professional jobs, our house is walled with books and CDs.

DS loves his school and teachers which is the main reason I’m using to calm me down. However I worry whether the environment where his friends grow in would have an impact on him and his education.

Any opinions?

I'm just going to think things.

I think troll suggesting started on page 2 or similar early page. it is now page 13

They are people for god sake. Just the same as you. No better but definitely no worse. A good education does not make you a good person. They probably don't like you very much either!

13 pages later then I will rephrase
I find it hard to imagine a parents hosting a party in a nighty and with a fag in her hand
However, as a teen I did go to a B&B in Blackpool and the door was answered by a lady in a nylon housecoat with curlers in and a fag in her hand
I was very shocked

Hello strangely absent OP.

As you and your husband are both professionals with Masters degrees you can avoid these terrible difficulties by sending your son to an independent school.

I'm still waiting hear how the OP knew it was a nightie

I still think this sounds like something posh OP imagines life on the other side to be like
nightygate rather like plebgate

Are you my sil Squeeky?

'At the school gate I’ve met people in their pyjamas, with cigarettes on their fingers, piercings on etc.'

You make it sound like a bad thing OP Salt of the earth folks I guess. They would share their last Rollo wif ya!

I've never seen a thread with so many deleted replies!

Late back to this but I still think its partly fear of the unknown. People automatically gravitate towards people like them. I have seen it the other way around too, in my vair naice school. People automatically assume they won't get on with anyone who is different. It's a shame, yes sometimes it's hard to find common ground but I wish that everyone would realise that there's a person underneath it all with similar fears, worries, thoughts - just because they present differently or like different things shouldn't make them any less worth getting to know.

I still maintain the greatest thing we can do for our children is to model tolerance and acceptance. Sadly the op (if she is real) doesn't sound as though she is willing to do this, maybe after an mn initiation she will contemplate an attitude change...

the op made me laugh out loud but the responses and all the deleted responses made me spit my tea out...(goodness me, can imagine the op lumping me with 'those' parents for that)....

Oh, is that why I got deleted then? MNHQ have declined to explain, despite me asking for a clarification on here.

What the hell.

Those of you responding saying you agree with the OP, you're a bunch of horrible narrow-minded snobs.

And the OP:

wind-up
wind-up
wind-up

I went to a very rough comprehensive and only came across drugs at Cambridge. I think that drugs are a far greater problem at private schools than state. A girl in dd's year died last year after taking mama (?). MDMA?

I have done the school run in pjs with a coat over the top. I didn't get out of the car, though. Don't see the problem with that.

Private schools just ask you to leave if you don't behave. In my dcs' school, you have to get as to study at a level. It is a completely different system. There is no bad behaviour tolerated.

If they were caught smoking and selling weed on school premises what did they think was going to happen?! I'd say they got off lightly.

My dc only went to bog standard failing schools in a deprived area, so definitely not private.
bad behaviour from parents has never been tolerated in the playground and the roughest of people respected this.
Also smoking is not permitted in the playgrounds neither, although yes plenty smoke outside the gates, it isn't a crime.
Parents with foul language or who appear to be drinking are told to wait off premises.

There is a lot of reverse snobbery on this thread.

Oh well,it counteracts the snobbery then.

BeerTricksPotter Mon 09-Dec-13 19:00:37
I disagree, At primary level the biggest influence is still your parents.
well, and I disagree with Beer Tricks. I could see a marked difference in my son's manners when he switched schools from one in a deprived area to one in a nice MC area. Both schools were "Good". The behaviour improved while I did not change my parenting. Why do people think the environment is not important? it is hugely important. If your sons sees and hears the carry-on in the playground every day, he will think it is OK and quite commonplace. I can make an educated guess about the kids' behaviour in the classroom based on the antics of their parents, too.

It is important to be able to form relationships with the other parents and for the children to make friends in their class. You are already having problems forming such relationships because you don't fit in that playground. Your son will find it easier being a child, but he might form the friendships you'd rather he didn't...

I am not going to be a hypocrite, I moved areas and schools in your situation. Although, in fairness, my "assigned school" in the deprived area did not even have the educational attainment yours has.

I can see a big difference in my son's behaviour and educational attainment now he does to a school with a MC intake. There is a lot less disruption and it is ill tolerated when it happens. The move was so much worth it, in every sense. And I am a lot more relaxed now - swimming against the tide is hard, as another poster noted.