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Original poster

Father admitted to hospice abroad -- not permitted leave during term time

83 replies

eka · 26/11/2013 17:01

Hello all,

My father has just been admitted to hospice, being given days or weeks to live. He's located in Germany. I've asked my daughter's primary school for a leave of absence during term time to go and see him and my family. Idea was to leave 5 days before the term time finishes so that we'd have more time over there. Guess what? Yup, I've not been granted permitted leave during term time, because the situation given is not an exceptional circumstance.

What?? Does my father die twice? Sorry, I'm obviously quite emotional about that. I do know that the headteacher will want me to go and fully understands, but that she can't give me the leave officially. And that's the part I don't understand. So my daughter's end of year report will state 5 days of unauthorised holidays?! It's not a holiday I'm going on -- we're not going to Disneyland, but rather the opposite.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Or is it just my daughter's school that is that tight in giving a leave for exceptional circumstances? Would love to hear other stories.

Thanks. x

OP posts:

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ohmeohmyforgotlogin · 26/11/2013 17:46

Agree just go. Even if they cause a fuss later I think you could argue strongly these are exceptional circumstances. Sorry you are going through this

prh47bridge · 26/11/2013 17:46

she can't give me the leave officially

Yes she can. It is entirely at her discretion. If it were me I would complain to the governors and take the time off anyway. In my view the head teacher is being ridiculous. If this is not exceptional circumstances I don't know what is.

Abitannoyedatthis · 26/11/2013 17:47

Just go and send a brief email to the chair of governors explaining the situation. If they make a fuss kick and scream write to your MP, DofE etc.

So sorry you are in this situation and I hope your Dad is comfortable.

TheCrackFox · 26/11/2013 17:58

Just go.

You can argue with them later the bunch of bastards.

RiversideMum · 26/11/2013 18:06

Just go and worry about school later on. Family is waaaayyyyy more important at this time.

shebird · 26/11/2013 18:15

I would write to the school telling them you are saddened at their lack of empathy and understanding towards families. I have recently had 2 unauthorised days to see family abroad. It really stressed me out feeling like I was doing something wrong. There should be no question that you should be with your father at this time how totally horrible of the school to cause you more stress at this difficult time.

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 26/11/2013 18:18

This is awful and I agree with what everyone else is saying. It'd also be worth checking what the local authority position on fines is - as far I can work out ours sees a session as a day and only fines for more than 5 sessions (i.e. more than one week of absence).

But I have to admit that I'm a bit confused on the timing too. I am so sorry to hear about your dad, but if he potentially has days to live don't you want to go ASAP rather than wait until around 15th December? Isn't it possible that waiting that long will be too late? Can you get there yourself quicker even if the family can't - it must be incredibly difficult for you to be so far away?

tiggytape · 26/11/2013 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

eka · 26/11/2013 19:51

Thank you all!

I obviously have considered leaving immediately, but with three little children and a car journey, which would take me 3 days each way, I'm just not sure if I could personally manage. And without any other family close by in the UK and not many friends (we're new in the area) I couldn't just leave the kids behind and go myself.

So taken all that into consideration I have decided that I simply have to hope that he will make it until mid December, when combined with the rest of the holidays, we would have enough time to see him and the entire family. But, yes, it's a big gamble... And it's not a real comfort to think that if he doesn't live until then, we would at least attend his funeral...

Tomorrow I'll ask for an appointment to go and see the headteacher and ask her to rethink her decision.

OP posts:

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 26/11/2013 19:59

Are you a single parent OP? Gosh, what a difficult situation.

Yes, speak to the head. Do also explain all of that re timing if you haven't already. And look into whether your local area publishes their policy on fines.

I hope that your Dad stays strong enough to wait for you. x

Sneepy · 26/11/2013 20:06

This is bizarre. I've just been granted 5 days at the end of term to see family abroad and it's nothing like as extreme as your situation. DD wasn't even given homework or a travel journal to do. Just tell them you're going regardless and don't worry about it being on her record!

HRHLadyG · 26/11/2013 20:14

Dear Silly School Admin Person,

Following our recent communication we have decided to go ahead with our visit to Germany.
My Father is in a Hospice and we feel it is important that we do not miss the opportunity to see him and say our goodbyes.
DD will be absent from school on................ She will return to school on............
We sincerely hope that you are able to understand and support the decision we have made in the best interests of our family in this exceptional and difficult time.
Kind regards
Mrs lovely Mummy x

HRHLadyG · 26/11/2013 20:18

Follow your instincts and your heart. You have to be true to yourself.
I believe you could live with a short period of unauthorised absence on your daughters record.....it would be more difficult to feel you missed your Dad due to someone being unable to see beyond the 'rules'. x

Minime85 · 26/11/2013 20:58

so sorry for your father's poor health. its not necessarily a school issue it is what the government have introduced. I would speak to head and chair of govs. explain situation and take her out. the worst that will happen I should think is a letter re attendance. in many ways the hands of school are tied.

meditrina · 26/11/2013 22:11

These circumstances are completelyl unaffected by the update to the law that took effect this school year. That change removed only the reference to 10 days for a holiday. The provision to authorise any length of absence, at HT's sole discretion, in exceptional/special circumstances remains. It is squarely a matter for the school, in the person of the HT.

Is she won't authorise, it's not because of the government - it's because she's declining to exercise the discretionary powers that she has by law.

OP: I hope you can make her see sense (even though I wish you see in circumstances where you did not need to). If she continues to refuse, then it would be worth writing to the Governors. They won't be able to overrule her (the law is clear it is a matter for HTs, not governors or LEAs or anyone else) but they might find it illuminating to see just how heartless she is.

soundevenfruity · 27/11/2013 00:51

From personal experience I would say admission to hospice means you need to go now. It's scary because hurrying up somehow makes it more real. I would take a week off now and go in December as well. So sorry your dad is so unwell.

working9while5 · 27/11/2013 09:11

Can I just ask what are the actual consequences of unauthorized absence in the longer term? Are there any?

PavlovtheCat · 27/11/2013 09:14

I agree with the statement 'fuck em'.

Snowbility · 27/11/2013 09:20

I'd just go, sorry hear about your dad. Xx

HawtChocolate · 27/11/2013 09:22

Absolutely FUCK THEM.

Write a matter of fact letter, explaining the situation, then book your flight and go.

Sorry to hear about your Dad xx

prh47bridge · 27/11/2013 09:37

Can I just ask what are the actual consequences of unauthorized absence in the longer term?

The parents can each be fined £60 rising to £120 if not paid promptly. The legislation is not clear as to whether the fine is per session (half day), per day or per period of absence but it is usually per period of absence. If the parents fail to pay or if a fine is not considered appropriate (e.g. because the parents have been fined several times already and attendance continues to be poor) the parents can be prosecuted and could face a prison sentence, although that is highly unlikely for a single short period of unauthorised absence.

it's because she's declining to exercise the discretionary powers that she has by law

Agree completely. It is, of course, possible that she has misunderstood the law and doesn't realise she has this power or thinks that the latest changes have taken it away from her. If that is the case she needs to be corrected. If she is refusing leave of absence for any other reason it is, in my view, completely unacceptable.

QuintessentialShadows · 27/11/2013 09:44

Which I suspect is because the op is not going straight away, but requesting additional leave to add to her holiday. In HTs view, it is extended holiday, not saying good byes.

I reckon the HT is thinking it is not really urgent, it can wait to the holidays, as op is not going at once.

Op says herself it is not convenient to go now, she will just hope he is still alive mid December. So HT is probably just hoping he is alive for another 5 days.

They are in my experience hard as diamond rock in these circumstances.

neolara · 27/11/2013 09:50

Really, truly, don't give it another thought. Just get on the plane and spend some time with your Dad. The government has changed the law recently and head teachers can feel their hands are tied. Maybe your Head hasn't quite got her head around what "exceptional circumstances" means with the new guidance from central government.

working9while5 · 27/11/2013 09:54

No I know there are fines now but people were always keen to avoid it - why?

glastocat · 27/11/2013 09:59

Yep. fuck them. This is utterly ridiculous, it's school not bloody prison!

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