Parents Evening Grief

[NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow]

Why are school giving me and my DS such a guilt trip because I refuse to go to parents eve?

They haven't even asked me why I won't go.

I'm in the playground twice a day. If there was a problem they could approach me then.

I know, more or less, his levels.

But all this talking doesn't help me or DS.

Why do they want me to go to this meeting?

And why are they guilt tripping my DS?

There are lots of reasons why I won't go. All of them to do with me being very unhappy with the school.

The HT has offered me a meeting but I don't want that either.

But the point the school has is that it isn't essential that you are able to read Harry Potter or Roald Dahl for that matter to be classed as a level 4 reader, but you do need to achieve a level 4 on a SATS paper!
I'm not saying that this is correct, but it is true!

Does dh agree with you about his issues ? Can you not trust him to ask pertinent questions.

Yes, I know that's school point.

Ie school doesn't care about DS, they care about his SATs level.

Whereas I don't care about his SATs level, I care about him.

If they want to say he's a 4 that's fine. But they need to recognise that he can't read properly and do something about it.

Basically, school and me don't have the same interests at heart.

DH is a peace maker. I cannot trust him to do anything besides agree with school.

His reading age is not a blip! It's real.

They agree he has difficulties.

He's on SA+ for his difficulties!

So if his reading ability is so poor, how can he read the SATs paper sufficiently well to answer the questions based on it?

Spaniel - I really don't know. Lots of guessing from the questions and lots of rereading of sentences that he thinks the answer is in.

Eg he said he had to read the title 5 times to understand it.

No. For a reading comp test it doesn't matter if you read 'he walks fast' or 'he walked fast'

100 errors of that magnitude mean he is functionally literate but not a fluent reader.

His reading really isn't age appropriate. School agree with this.

He reads to a TA every day. That is because school agree his reading is poor.

OK. So his main issues are reading exactly what is written not his understanding of it?

For him to be on SA+ there must be a recognised list of specific difficulties he has and lots of support in place.

What are school disputing? That he needs SA+? Why won't you meet with them? I can't see that they are saying he's fine when they have him on SA+ and clearly he's having intensive intervention if it's daily.

To give you an idea of how much his school are doing my DS (year 5) is a 2b writer, 3c reading and 4c maths (yr 4 QCA results) with SALT,OT, Camhs involvement and is on SA. He isn't even achieving his expected level, let alone exceeding (apart from maths!). He doesn't get daily involvement or support. He has an IEP and programmes in place.

But nikita it sounds like you need to accept difficulties don't just disappear because they get help. Your DS may always read inaccurately but if he can understand what he's reading academically he'll move along nicely.

Anyway, we digress.

It doesn't matter what level he's on.

What I still really truly don't understand is why I have to go to patents evening. They're supporting him as best as they can at school. Me talking to them won't make them better at supporting him. I'm supporting him as best as I can at home. Them talking to me won't change that.

I know what he can and can't do. Because I work with him every day.

I can't do any more. I won't do any less.

So I don't see why we have to talk about it. It won't change anything.

You don't have to go to parents' evening. The school would like you to because they probably believe there is value in parents' evenings. Nobody can make you. It's not compulsory. Nobody is going to arrest you. So, that's answered that question. No more digressions. You really truly don't understand why you have to go? Well, you don't have to go.

YouAreWinning - But why do we have to keep talking about it?

I don't want school to do anything different than they're currently doing.

But nor do I want to listen to them tell me everything's wonderful.

Nkf - you're really not being very helpful. I know I don't have to go. I'm trying to work out why school care - ie what school think will be gained from more talking.

There are tons of parents who never show up at parents' evenings. Loads of schools where about 50% show. up. Join the absentees. If you are so sure they're a waste of time, then don't go. Why feel guilty? Who cares? You know you're right, yes?

Not read all the messages but does the school have a family liason officer? Someone who supports the parents? Could you speak to them first.

Probably because they review the IEP at the meeting and their policy states it will be reviewed at X intervals of time. You've said no thanks to parents evening but refused to meet the HT. They want to review his IEP because that's their policy. They want confirmation from you that you won't meet so you cannot complain they are not following their policy.

I'm meeting DS CT and SENCo at parents eve next week (separate apts). Having only just had a meeting with them 2 weeks ago and having got a review meeting with them in Jan already booked. Having seen his pead cons this morning and still not having had a report from camhs. Why? Because even if they have nothing new to report it keeps up the channels of communication. I find the friendly chats help to keep them on side.

Well, you'll never know if you don't ask them. MN can't answer the question for you.

As a teacher it is nice to share the positives with parents. We need to talk to them about negatives when there are behavioural issues or a child is struggling academically, so it is nice to give a balance. Surely achieving 4b is a success and to be celebrated by you, your child and the school, but saying it is not good enough (despite the information about expected levels in each year group) is to focus on just your child's shortcomings.

YouAreWinning - maybe. But they've been quite happy to not show me IEPs in the past.

I think TT has it more accurately. There's lots of things going right which school want to concentrate on. But I find no value on discussing that. I find value in discussing problems but school don't like to do that.

I think the HT is making a big deal out of me having to go to PE for reasons of her own. she is adament all parents have to attend. That doesn't mean there is value in them.

DS wouldn't be caught in the middle if she didn't bring him
Into it.

NewName - this is what the HT said to DS - that it was a time to share positives.

But I don't want to share positives. It's certainly not this teacher, 4 weeks into term, who's helped DS get to where he is.