Parents Evening Grief

[NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow]

Why are school giving me and my DS such a guilt trip because I refuse to go to parents eve?

They haven't even asked me why I won't go.

I'm in the playground twice a day. If there was a problem they could approach me then.

I know, more or less, his levels.

But all this talking doesn't help me or DS.

Why do they want me to go to this meeting?

And why are they guilt tripping my DS?

There are lots of reasons why I won't go. All of them to do with me being very unhappy with the school.

The HT has offered me a meeting but I don't want that either.

I still really don't get it.

How is it acceptable for school to tell me everything is fine, he's made 2 levels of progress, he's a 4b when he can't read properly.

I can't object to his levels because they're the professionals.

I can't ask for more help with his reading because they don't know how to improve his reading.

They do agree his reading age is low. But they have no suggestions as to what to do about it.

They basically don't care because he's made 2 levels.

So why do we have to talk?

Failing to engage with them is going to backfire on the one person you care about the most here; your son. They will use your innate anxiety and years of frustration against you because they will simply label you as obstructive.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate.

What do you think is best for DS with regards to this school and longer term?.

Do you feel that your son has been failed by him languishing on SA plus for so long?. Has anyone ever advised you to apply for a statement for him, it would also seem not.

BTW IEPs should be done termly and with you present, never at parents evenings.

His needs are not being met but making two sub levels is to them accepted progress.

Of course you can bloody well object to his low levels, you're his advocate (his only one) and that is your job also. You are truly best placed to fight his corner for him!. You are currently not doing so, avoiding them like the plague will only harm your son in the long run.

Why is he behind on his reading?.

Has your son ever had a proper assessment done re his additional needs by someone like a developmental paediatrician (not school)?.

I would be very worried about a child who couldn't read at the start of Year 6, But, I don't entirely accept the OP's word. Even though I only have her side of it. There is something not adding up for me.

Anyway, she doesn't want to go and she is looking for reasons why she shouldn't go. And indeed, perhaps she shouldn't go.

Nkf - DS can read, but so badly that I would describe it as 'functionally literate'

I observed him doing reading comprehension hw last night. He got most of the answers correct.

Yet he couldn't read lots of the words. Could read lots more but didn't (ie read them inaccurately) and was very very slow.

This is enough to get you a 4b. But it's not enough to cope at sec school.

I don't know why it doesn't add up to you.

They don't dispute he has reading problems.

I don't understand why you've not pulled him out of the school and moved him if you are this unhappy with it.

The sec school don't stream in English. So that's the good news.

I think no one offers support for kids who can read, but only badly.

The sec school offer RWI, same as the primary school.

But some kids finish RWI and still don't read well.

I haven't pulled him out for lots of reasons. But one of the reasons is there is no support anywhere for kids who can read, but not read well.

There is no reason to think any other school would be any better.

Have you contacted parent partnership (PP)?

I wanted to discuss things with school , again they wouldn't acknowledge difficulties etc and wanted to skirt round difficulties
because accepting they are there means doing something about it

So I went to GP, who listened and made referrals, he saw camhs who referred for ASD assessment.

I contacted PP, have a case worker, emailed school to say after 3 phonecall requests on x,y and z I still hadn't heard from SENCo about when we could meet. Emailed HT that his IEP had not been reviewed, or I'd not seen a copy of review for 6 months and their policy states termly. Asked for review.

Emailed that my PP support worker was available on x,y and z date to meet with me and school to discuss how we can support DS.

Emailed to confirm contents of every discussion, to thank them for meeting and confirm what we discussed and what they agreed to action. Included in these emails the things we hadn't had a chance to discuss, mentioned my concerns and asked for a reply within 7 days.

They have a new SENCo and DS a new class teacher. In 4 weeks they have done more for DS than last years teacher did all year. I made a point of emailing HT to tell him what CT and SENCo have done - to re iterate that he didn't want to hear how crap last years teacher was but heres the evidence of what she didn't do.

You sound fed up and waiting to get to the end of his school life there. I was like this when DS started year 2, and it turned out his year 2 teacher was amazing and turned it round. I was ready to do the minimum contact required without looking as if I didn't care for DS.

Please feel free to PM me. Your coming across harsh and a bit like a stroppy toddler but I understand the root of that frustration.

As a bit of aside:
How is 4b in early y6 'falling behind' as someone above has said and reiterated? I thought that was good for the end of y6?
(Obv op's belief that he's not a 4b is a different matter).

4b is the expected level at end of year 6 btw.

"This is enough to get you a 4b. But it's not enough to cope at sec school."
So are you agreeing or disagreeing that your child is a 4b reader?
Or are you saying here he is a 4b, but it is not good enough?

What exactly is it you want from the school and are not receiving?

You have 2 choices and neither seem palatable to you...
Go and listen and accept their levelling of your ds.
Don't go and keep your head down, as I for him to be taken off the sen reg (why is he on it if he is a 4b btw?) and just get to the end if year 6 then start again with the sec school.

But , if I read correctly, she is not disputing that her son is a 4b, just that the requirements to be a 4b reader are not stringent enough to be able to cope with secondary school.
Given however that a good percentage of year 6's don't achieve 4b, then surely secondary schools are geared up for this/

I think your ds is a 4b but that he has other issues (perhaps processing?) that make it very hard for him to do homework/research etc?
And you are worried that he wing cope at sec school?

Regarding the 4b. These are the non disputed facts that me and school agree on:

• he has got a 4 on a SATs paper
• his levelled reader says Y4 on it
• his reading age is years below his age

So school have interpreted those facts as he is a 4.

I know that when DD was in Y2 and was a level 2 or 3 she was a better reader than he is now. Ie she could read Harry potter.

Does anyone really think it is right for school to claim he is a 4 if he couldn't read Harry potter or Roald Dahl or do tonight's hw which was to find out about nelson mendella?

If it so upsets you , why not just send dh ?

I don't want to send DH because I don't see that any good will come from smiling and nodding and agreeing its fantastic that he's a 4b.