Advice&opinions greatly appreciated about my ds5.

[Shellywelly1973]

Ds started reception as a happy & enthusiastic little boy. He would cry of a weekend to go to school.

After Easter his behaviour changed. Its escalated to the point of him kicking/biting/spitting at staff&other pupils.

The school were reluctant to approach me as i have another Ds8 who has a diagnosis of ASD &ADHD. The SENCO, who is also the H.T told me they didn't want me to worry.The school thought ds5 was behaving in such an extreme way due to his older brother. They now say ds5 is behaving exactly as Ds8 did. Though ds5 never witnessed this behaviour.

Ds5 has been refered to Camhs. I met with Ds teacher on Wednesday. He's not achieving academically. He can't read or write, even though he's read to every day & has very good speech. She didn't want to discuss his behaviour 'as its been dealt with'. If staff are available he has 1-1, distraction techniques, reward chart, regular walks around school to keep him calm& he gets lots of jobs so breaking the day up. Even with these measures, he still is not compliant.
Ds says he hates school & the works too hard.

What can i do? I don't think he has ASD or ADHD but obviously I could be wrong. Camhs will start assessing in September. I don't know how to handle Ds or the well meaning but reluctant to communicate school.

I would be very curious to know what changed around Easter time if that was a sudden change in his behaviour. Did they start doing less playing/choosing time and more formal work in preparation for going up to yr1 in the autumn? It may well be that a behavioural problem was masked in a way by the ability to still have a certain amount of control over his environment and what he did but then if they changed to more formal timetable perhaps it may be he can't deal with it? The other thing would be if something is scaring or unsettling him and he can't communicate how he is feeling. Spitting and biting is obviously completely unacceptable but it is often a response to fear or upset as it is a way to release tension and frustration. my eldest daughter used to get really quite aggressive with her reading and then we discovered she had irlen syndrome, her coloured glasses have calmed her down no end. Perhaps he is overstimulated at school now, it does sound like something has changed and the school should be looking at that too as a child doesn't just suddenly 'develop' ADHD or ASD after a 2 week holiday.

How is he at home? has his behaviour changed there too? do YOU notice any similarities between him and his brother?

Ds behaviour is normal at home. He is a bit whiney but Thats not really surprising!

He's nothing like my older Ds. Chalk & cheese would be an under statement.

The school seemed to think in the beginning that the stress of being at home with his older brother could have been an initial trigger for his behaviour.

Im not dismissing that idea. Part of the problem, i feel-is that the schools initial reaction was so softly softly, they in some ways it rewarded his behaviour.

Ds tells me he's naughty so he doesn't have to do hard work.

I think going into Yr1will be very difficult for Ds.

I wonder if like you say they have assumed it is behaviour he CAN'T control rather than behaviour he CAN control based on his brother. So then have let him get away with stuff in a sense and now he is in a position of power.

Perhaps with a new teacher next year they will be firmer with him and he will realise he has to get on with it and do as he is told (assuming there isn't a reason for him behaviour)

very hard situation for you.

Thankyou for responding Periwinkle. Your last post hits the nail on the head. Although its not the norm, i think i am going to approach the Yr1 teacher. Its really difficult as the Headteacher /SENCO is very involved& she controls what the staff tell us. I knew all this with my older dc & it worked in my favour. I feel that my youngest dc is being dealt with in not a wholly appropriate way & in the long run, it will be to his cost.

I might also think about other schools, maybe we need a clean break.

Thankyou for responding Periwinkle. Your last post hits the nail on the head. Although its not the norm, i think i am going to approach the Yr1 teacher. Its really difficult as the Headteacher /SENCO is very involved& she controls what the staff tell us. I knew all this with my older dc & it worked in my favour. I feel that my youngest dc is being dealt with in not a wholly appropriate way & in the long run, it will be to his cost.

I might also think about other schools, maybe we need a clean break.

I suppose it is very difficult. 40 years ago your eldest child would have been failed by the system and they would have just disciplined him and said he was badly behaved. Now there is a different approach (especially with a family history) and they are more likely to give the child the benefit of the doubt and assume they actually can't help it.

I think go with your gut instinct and speak to Yr1 teacher if you want to and if you think a change in school would be better then you have to follow what feels right to you. I think you will also need to have a serious word with him about his behaviour at school and what your expectations are of him. Often just telling a child very seriously how disappointed you are with them about something can have a surprising effect (my parents always used to ask us WHY we had done something. that used to terrify me, shouting at me didn't bother me but having to come up with a proper reason to justify my behaviour had a serious effect)