Primary school insisting my child takes water not squash to school, despite there being a medical reason for it

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

My ds is 10 and suffers from frequent migraines. He takes daily preventative meds for them, and we try hard to manage them by eliminating triggers.

Obviously, dehydration is a major trigger, and so I need to make sure he drink enough during the day. I send him to school with weak squash in his water bottle, as he is not overly keen on water, and so will not drink enough of it. I know this to be the case from seeing him drink at home.

School are kicking up an almighty fuss about it. I have spoken to them countless times explaining why he needs the squash, and have also written a letter insisting he be alowed it, abd again explained why.
Today he was pulled into the heads office because of the squash.

I went in after school and asked to see the head. I was told she could only speak to me for 2 minutes. She came out and right away knew why I was there. She just went on and on about many people not liking water and getting headaches, but that other kids would think it was ok for their child to bring in squash also.
She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present.

I explained again about his migraines, but she basically insisted and just said that ds had agreed now.

Is there anyting I can do about this ? I think their treatment of him and his condition is appaling. We have also had issues where they have made him wait for calpol when a headache starts.

exotic - as the partner of a head, I can assure you, the head is not even interested in the views of the OP on this one

I suspect the HT has conveniently put it all down to the OP being an inadequate parent. Not the school's fault at all. I wouldn't be surprised if schools used to do what doctors used to do - put rude comments in code on children's files for their own internal amusement.

"Really, if she got her ds to drink water, he would be miraculously cured of all the problems and become a model pupil."

Or, alternatively, if he were only allowed to drink squash he would be miraculously cured etc............

OP does not claim drinking squash would solve his problems, though, does she, curlew? She recognises the myriad far more important issues the school is failing to deal with and wonders why they are expending so much energy on this one and utterly failing to deal with the others. I think that's a perfectly reasonable viewpoint.

From OP's perspective, what is vital is that her ds drinks enough FLUIDS and gets a decent education without being sent home with a migraine all the time. That seems like a reasonable perspective. For the school to make a fuss about which fluids seems petty in comparison to the more important issues of getting fluids in him and educating him effectively, which requires him to be in school all day without a headache or migraine. The issue of WHICH fluids comes at the bottom of the list once the other issues are sorted.

FasterStronger Such a lack of care and compassion is no way to live. 'Dead inside' is the phrase that comes to mind...

Well, as soon as the doctor confirms in writing that his medical need is for squash and squash alone, all will be well, I am sure.

Have just been reading back, and I've found the post where OP says ds is 'a young ten' with some 'learning "issues"' - but I think on this basis, talk of him having undiagnosed SN and the like is unfounded.

What I can see is that the OP has a confrontational and irascible attitude towards the school, and her OP is redolent with this. She wrote them a letter 'insisting' he has squash (yeah, you can be cross, but it doesn't hurt to try to be conciliatory in trying to get your desired outcome, and imply that you do understand why this might be difficult and you would appreciate it if it were possible.....)

She seems angry that the head spoke to her child during the school day (he was 'pulled in'); she seems enraged that a solution was mooted wihtou her consent (they 'got him to agree' - was physical coercion involved?) or presence - what next, he shouldn't have to speak to HT without legal representation and a record of the conversation?

Her son showed some maturity in being able to discuss this with the HT who took time to speak to him and make an agreement - which she now wants to undermine. As for 'making him wait half an hour' for his Calpol - yes, that's not good if it's on prescription, and I would probably have a word (had I not undermined my position with lots of 'insisting' on 'medical needs' already, that is...). It would be worth bearing in mind though that it's unlikely they 'made him wait' as some form of exquisite torture, out of malice, or deliberately.

It's clear OP doesn't like the school much right now - but if she's not going to go with some of the more histrionic responses about home edding him or moving him to a different school for his squash, she probably needs to find a way to communicate with them more fruitfully.

Nit The school should also be more understanding. Stressed and upset adults often do not express themselves in the most conciliatory of tones. She also did not swear neither was she in anyway aggressive.

Teaching is supposed to be a profession which to my mind means you should be willing to consult with all parties, not act like a tin-pot dictator and expect parents to be conciliatory or reverential to your authority as a matter of course, but rather you should be compassionate and understanding.

Yes, but we only have one side, don't we? OP sees it as the head 'going on and on' - I'm sure that's not what the head thought she was doing, or intended to do, for example.

I don't see any tin-pot dictatorship, to be honest. Even just going on the facts as presented, the head spoke to the child during the school day (what a bitch!) and found a solution they could try (what a cow!). At the end of the day, OP, who is, by her own admission 'insistent', was waiting for her and she spoke to her briefly about what had been agreed.

If you have to 'consult with all parties' all the time as a head, you'd have to not let the parents leave at dropping off time! Heads have to deal with children and speak to them all day long, and I cannot see what was wrong with what this one did.

In the case of SN a school is meant to treat parents as partners in their child's education. Not all parents want to consult as closely. It is a balancing act, as consulting and complete autonomy is in any profession.

Most schools would refuse to administer Calpol, wouldn't they?
Ours certainly would. The added extra here is that the actual need for Calpol could be avoided by the simple expedient of drinking water.
Maybe that's why they don't treat it as a life or death situation?

Yes, but as I said, reading back I can't find the post that says he does have a SN, only that he is a 'young ten'.

Can't rule it out though and in practice this particular need could be considered special or additional to the norm, even if not diagnosed as a condition as such.

The OP thinks one of the triggers might be dehydration.

Drinking won't prevent migraines- would it were than simple. But it might help. Calpol- or whatever (bit surprised he doesn't need something stronger) would still be needed without delay if a headache starts.

Actually, reading the op again the following phrase leapt out,
drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present
He wasn't taken in for questioning, necessitating legal advice; he was asked to consider drinking water instead of being dosed with Calpol.
Why would op feel outraged that this took place without her presence?
Maybe there's a hint there as to why he's a "young" ten?

Well you could say you 'can't rule it out' about almost any child posted about on MN, surely? Seems a bit daft. As far as we know, and as far as the OP has said, this is a child who is 'not overly keen on water'. That's it.

And she won't even ask if they will remind him to drink it, I have seen, because they haven't taught him enough punctuation, so there's no point asking for this . Passive aggressive war of attrition springs to mind.

daft dame - no care or compassion regarding having to drink water instead of squash? you are right there!

I have no compassion for such crap!

I think you need to get out more and learn about the actual shit lives many children in the uk have - and their problems don't involve the drinking of water or squash....

Nit Some SNs will present with a child being very restrictive concerning what they will eat or drink.

Whilst a particular food stuff or beverage may not be a medical need in itself it may be the only thing that the child can cope with consuming and forcing them or being overly punitive could damage them psychologically.

Not all SNs have nice neat diagnosis, not all last the whole of a child's life.

My suspicion is that some of them could be actually created or at least exasperated by insensitive over zealous handling from schools. If the rule were relaxed there would be no special need, that is if concessions to the rules under some circumstances were anticipated as the norm.

Yes, of course daftdame - but equally, and perhaps more likely, many, many ten year olds prefer squash to water.

To say he has SN seems a huge and unfounded leap: to say school caused it even more so. I think it slightly cheapens SN as a diagnosis to apply it to a case of a child having a preference - especially a preference which the child himself was able and willing to consult on tackling, if only his mother hadn't been so infuriated by the possibility of any solution which didn't involve squash.

So we've gone from "not overly keen on water" to special needs, have we?

FasterStronger Just because some children have it worse I still would exercise compassion in this situation. I don't think there is a situation where compassion should not be exercised.

Yes, sometimes being compassionate means you do not enable a person to engage in destructive behaviour. Still the motivation for your treatment of them should be compassion.

I don't think in this situation squash is that detrimental, when compared with migraines and missing school.

And I find it bizarre that the OP isn't even prepared to try the solution that her son and the HT worked out between them, and was just incensed that her son appears to have an independent school life that she has no control over.

Nit SNs are usually on a scale of severity. To say they are not over simplifies a diagnosis of any particular SN.

Yes, but we have no reason to think this child has them, and I think it's unhelpful and irrelevant to write about them as though he definitely does unless and until we know more.

So we've gone from "not overly keen on water" to special needs, have we?

ah well this is MN

Mumsnet - the only place in the world where anyone can comment on lack of compassion regarding orange squash/water preferences.