Primary school insisting my child takes water not squash to school, despite there being a medical reason for it

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

My ds is 10 and suffers from frequent migraines. He takes daily preventative meds for them, and we try hard to manage them by eliminating triggers.

Obviously, dehydration is a major trigger, and so I need to make sure he drink enough during the day. I send him to school with weak squash in his water bottle, as he is not overly keen on water, and so will not drink enough of it. I know this to be the case from seeing him drink at home.

School are kicking up an almighty fuss about it. I have spoken to them countless times explaining why he needs the squash, and have also written a letter insisting he be alowed it, abd again explained why.
Today he was pulled into the heads office because of the squash.

I went in after school and asked to see the head. I was told she could only speak to me for 2 minutes. She came out and right away knew why I was there. She just went on and on about many people not liking water and getting headaches, but that other kids would think it was ok for their child to bring in squash also.
She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present.

I explained again about his migraines, but she basically insisted and just said that ds had agreed now.

Is there anyting I can do about this ? I think their treatment of him and his condition is appaling. We have also had issues where they have made him wait for calpol when a headache starts.

curlew All is possible re trying solutions. This is what may have been happening. On mumsnet so much is hypothetical.

However I think it is important not to trivialise the OP's dilemma before the whole facts are known.

Faster As you well know the lack of compassion comment was made with reference to your comment about the head just not 'caring' about what the OP thought.

They have already required her to get a prescription for the calpol he brings into school so that they can be required to administer it when he needs it, now they are being fairly obstructive again

The calpol thing. The person who administers the medicine is legally responsible for doing so. If the child suffered as a consequence, the person administering the medicine would be held liable.

Therefore, in order to safeguard staff, procedures have been put in place that they are only to administer medicine or pain relief that has been prescribed. The adult can read the child's name and the dosage and be sure that they are following correct procedure.

Otherwise, parents could bring in any old medicine and say their child is to be given it 3 or 4 times a day, or whatever. That is not good enough. So the school are not being 'obstructive' they are putting safety procedures into place.

schools is smug and thinks it knows better than the mother whom it has rather patronisingly fought every step of the way

Where are you getting this idea from? What, exactly, has she fought all the way? There are a lot of conjectures going on based on very little fact. OP states that she asked for him to drink squash. They said no. She insisted. They said no. She wrote a letter. They said no.

It's quite clear that the OP has two choices, either get a letter from the gp prescribing squash, or teach her son to drink water. She can do this at home. She can put rewards and sanctions in place.

Hi son, did you drink your water today?

No, I don't like it.

Ok, well you know the consequences, no tv/xbox/ds/wii/phone (delete as appropriate) for you my lad.

Awwwww but Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum...

Now, now, son, remember, it's your choice, your consequences.

If she did this consistently she would have it cracked very quickly.

Hi son, did you drink your water today?

Yep, I didn't like it but I just drank it down quick.

Fantastic! You have earned yourself a reward

Yay!

daft dame - I'll go home at tell DP to spend less time on child protection meetings, less focus on improving standard for all, less time on the children being taken into care because the many chances their feckless parents have been given to feed them/wash them/basically care for them have failed.....

and more time on the Important Issue of Orange Squash Preference.

by this Friday he will have worked 12 days continuously....so you see that there are important issues and this is not one on them.

the fix is only water at the ops house.

daft the HT has to have rules or else there would be chaos. And there is no point in having rules if they are not enforced. The HT would really not be concerned about the parent because the school is providing opportunity for the child to drink. And that is all the child needs.

Fairenuff And you are the new supernanny!

Just for your info I found rewards actually demotivated me as a child. They cheapened the pursuit of the activity for its own ends....and made me question whether some people's love was entirely conditional. Not a good position to be in...

How about getting him used to water with a slice of orange or lime in it? then he can take water and just stick a bit of his fruit in when he wants to drink. Surely healthier than squash? He could even pour it into a little plastic cup so the unfinished drink is still water. If they sniff it, it's water; if it spills, it's water etc.

He will have to meet you halfway and that is a good compromise for all concerned.

Fairenuff And you are the new supernanny!

daft where there's a will there's a way. If OP wants to help her son bad enough, she will find a way to encourage him to drink water.

Fairenuff you are bang on.

Anyway, he doesn't need an extra reward, if it's felt that rewards will make him question his mother's unconditional love... the reward will be fewer migraines!

Whickles - the slice of lime/orange has been suggested, but might make the water acidulated which might not be good for the child's teeth.

You read it in a very similar way to me, TheOriginalSteamingNit.

I begin to question whether it is a migraine as opposed to a headache. I have never had a migraine, most luckily, but my DH and mother suffer from them. They know the triggers and avoid them. They can't cope with anything when they have an attack. They don't do as this DS does and say 'I know that I must drink during the school day but it must be an entirely different drink from everyone else'. It is so dire that they do what is necessary.

Everyone seems to be getting very cross. Why not wait for the OP to update, and tell us how her son is doing this week.

U h the best idea eddie.

Sorry- stupid iPad- much

It is like a diabetic child being able to have emergency chocolate etc if their insulin is too high.

eh? OPs DS isn't diabetic, though, is he, or anything of the sort. He has migraines, which OP says are exacerbated or brought on my lack of fluid. He chooses not to drink water. He doesn't have a physiological reason for having to have squash.

daft and I think it is important not to pathologise the OP's Dilemma before the full facts are known...

Exotic, quite!

Is everyone getting cross? I thought people were just enjoying pointing out that for every firm point of view on one side, there is a counter argument on the other, and since nobody knows all the facts, neither side can know whether they are in the "right" anyway - any scenario is possible on the information given.

I think this thread is also about where to allocate limited time and compassion and whether it is acceptable on the basis of not having all the facts to be automatically dismissive of someone and lecture them about deserts, the developing world, spoiling their child and corrupting him with squash, and having more important concerns than their child and his silly whims. If it turns out OP's child does have a mild developmental disorder which makes him hard to reason with and over sensitive, and the OP has been banging her head against a brick wall for years trying to find appropriate support and understanding for his behaviours, sensitivities and lack of academic progress, then all the people who think he just needs a kick up the backside will wish they hadn't been quite so judgmental on the basis of so little facts. If it turns out he just needed a kick up the backside then all the people who think there's something more to it than that will have been wrong and the OP really is just being precious about squash with no good reason, is not doing her son any favours and is a general PITA at the school.

All in all it is typical MN - over 600 posts on water v squash when none of us know the facts or the people involved.

If we all knew the facts, it would all be very boring! The internet revolves around gossip and speculation, which has always held much more interest for human beings than tiresome old facts.

Indeed- why let facts get in the way of a good argument?

Well, you have a point about strangers and amounts of posts I guess, but bandwagon jumping on schools and teachers given an amount of information we all agree is Not Very Much will always annoy me, as will Internet diagnoses of SN based on even less!

I'm not going to get into the debate of rights / wrongs as I don't have school age children so can't really put myself in your position but I did want to mention the squash and say that check it doesn't contain artificial sweeteners as these have been linked to causing migranes, particularly aspartame. Not wanting to offend, just wanted to mention it in case you weren't aware of this.

I never pretended you could diagnose SN over the Internet, just mentioned it as a possibility.

I am not particularly impressed when parents are labelled 'feckless' and children spoilt, without adequate information either. This is equally bandwagonesque.

Well, I haven't called anyone feckless or spoilt, and haven't noticed that on this thread either, so.... Phew!