Primary school insisting my child takes water not squash to school, despite there being a medical reason for it

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

My ds is 10 and suffers from frequent migraines. He takes daily preventative meds for them, and we try hard to manage them by eliminating triggers.

Obviously, dehydration is a major trigger, and so I need to make sure he drink enough during the day. I send him to school with weak squash in his water bottle, as he is not overly keen on water, and so will not drink enough of it. I know this to be the case from seeing him drink at home.

School are kicking up an almighty fuss about it. I have spoken to them countless times explaining why he needs the squash, and have also written a letter insisting he be alowed it, abd again explained why.
Today he was pulled into the heads office because of the squash.

I went in after school and asked to see the head. I was told she could only speak to me for 2 minutes. She came out and right away knew why I was there. She just went on and on about many people not liking water and getting headaches, but that other kids would think it was ok for their child to bring in squash also.
She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present.

I explained again about his migraines, but she basically insisted and just said that ds had agreed now.

Is there anyting I can do about this ? I think their treatment of him and his condition is appaling. We have also had issues where they have made him wait for calpol when a headache starts.

OP I think whole school policies can be difficult as they do not take in to consideration individual needs.

If you want to make a special case for your son you could go down that route (and considering the nature of the problem you may have to do this) however I would seriously consider trying to make weaker and weaker juice until he is 'weaned' off. There could become a point where juice is not available for whatever reason.

But he knows the foul water will help prevent the migraines? It's just that he can't palate its foulness to that end. Surely if he can understand that calpol makes him better, water stops him feeling I'll?

Exoticfruits My child is susceptible to kidney infections, which can cause permanant damage or even death (Fortunately her school is fine with her taking squash in an opaque bottle -so the other kids can't see) but what if they were as headstrong as OP's school? Would that be 'her problem' too if she wouldn't didn't drink water at school?

TOSN - you are expecting a 10-year old child to be more intelligent than most adults who go to GPs' surgeries. I know plenty of people who failed to finish their course of antibiotics, despite medical advice, because they were feeling better so just couldn't get their heads around carrying on taking the medicine; people who drink alcohol with medication because they don't think a little bit will hurt, despite the instructions on their medication; people who don't quite believe that what they've been told about their medication is true, because it didn't work straight away... if there is no direct and obvious correlation, a 10-year old is either going to have to do it because he's forced to, or have an exceptionally long time of getting it wrong and relying on calpol instead until he learns better by himself, if ever. The school needs to help in that process of forcing him to do the right thing... or make it easier for him to do the right thing, whichever the school is willing to do.

Why should the school have to remind him to drink? How much time would it take to individually speak to 30 children several times a day and make sure they have had a drink. That is not really a sensible option.

The teacher will remind the whole class to have a drink at break and lunchtimes, especially during this hot weather. Anyone who wants/needs more than that should put their hand and ask for a drink.

What about going to the toilet. Does the teacher have to speak to him on a individual basis to remind him to wipe his behind properly so that he doesn't get sore? I'm assuming not. If he can remember to do that, he can remember to drink.

OP have you tried giving him a visual reminder? How about writing on the back of his hand how much (in volume) he should drink during the day. What other strategies have you used to help him?

Fairenuff - precisely my point. If the school can't ensure he drinks but it's important he drinks, then they stop making such a bloody silly song and dance about how he goes about drinking enough by himself and let him get on with drinking his squash.

Fairenuff Some children do need individual support, whatever form that may take. Other children are more independent.

Sometimes a parent just cannot do all the support from home, although you may be able to teach strategies to help. Schools are obliged to provide support for children with SN, which could be about toileting, drinking enough or anything really...

You are forgetting that that's not an option rabbit. It's water or nothing unless the gp prescribes squash.

You are forgetting, Fairenuff, that that is a lousy attitude. If a child is not managing their condition without support, they need support, not being left to harm their health with excessive consumption of calpol.

daft the school are helping him to drink more. They had a meeting with him and will probably keep a special eye on him. But in a class of 30, all with individual needs, quite possibly others with diagnosed sn, he will be expected to take a certain amount of responsibility for himself.

rabbit I get that you don't agree with the school rule. However, it is there and they seem to have been quite clear on this so far.

Fairenuff SN's do exist before formal diagnosis. If a child just doesn't take responsibility they still have a duty of care...expectations or otherwise.

Yes I know. And they are encouraging him to drink more.

If a parent flags flags up a problem, as serious as the OP's they have to take this seriously and be shown to do so.

They are daft. They have had a meeting with him and he has agreed to drink more.

I don't see how, after all the angst over squash, water and calpol, and the meetings with the head between himself and his mother, this child could possibly not be aware that the consensus is that he needs to drink water.

Fairenuff - they are doing a pretty lousy job of getting him to drink more. They are not taking the issue of his migraines seriously at all.

The success of this 'target' also needs to be monitored and followed up.

I agree daft which is why I was trying to think of strategies that the OP could use. How about, no computer/ds/wii/xbox/phone/etc. until you have drunk 500ml of water. That would probably work.

Does he have a packed lunch?

Could he have a separate drink in that other than water so at least he could have a big drink at lunchtime?

From my experience it has been ok with schools to have something other than water in a packed lunch.

The OP in her initial post said her son wasn't "overly keen on water". I do not see that as a description of a 10 year old unable to make choices about being able to drink enough. Rather he sounds like a 10year old who prefers squash and has been allowed to get his way. Comparing this to children with life limiting illnesses seems absurd and insulting. And I also agree with curlew that the idea that having to drink fresh water is a "problem" is highly distasteful when you consider the circumstances of children in many other countries around the world.

I have some sympathy for your son, I hate tap water - the chlorine taste physically turns my stomach (my DM used to insist that it is just clear and natural, no flavour... Even as a rational adult, I still can't stomach tap water). Overly chlorinated tap water is one of my triggers, so it may be the same for your DS?

I have managed to get around my problem with fizzy water - it's 17p for a two litre bottle in Sainsburys. The taste is chalky (rather than chlorine) and the fizz refreshing - perhaps this could be a good compromise for school?

If I have a migraine (I have them most days) I crave something sweet in the aura, drinking fruit juice mixed with fizzy water (not squash) can delay a migraine. However, squash brings migraines on - I believe the artificial sweeteners (such as aspartame) are the problem. I wouldn't recommend flavoured water for the same reason.

I too would have a problem with the head making arrangements with the son without speaking to the parents - this is juvenile behaviour by the adults and puts the child in the middle of an adult argument over policies. The DS must know his DM has been 'fighting his corner' (rightly or wrongly), he must have felt like he was being asked to choose his mother's side or head teacher's side. This was not acceptable behaviour by the head an would worry me considerably! Put this in another context: divorcing parents, mum buys trainers dad buys ballet pumps - mum and dad argue about which is most appropriate, dad calls DS to the study (an area he is not usually permitted to enter - DS feels intimidated by the environment) Dad holds a private meeting with DS and DS feels pressured to listen to Dad's point of view and at the end of his spiel DS is asked to choose which pair of shoes to wear. When mum collects DS, dad proudly pronounces a decision has been made - and it is final. No more discussions. Dad has used DS to cut mum out of negotiations. ...in a school context this is far more unacceptable!

You do need to work with school and follow their rules, but you can't allow them to work against you and undermine your authority with your own child. It may be that the rule needs tweaking, or DS could try tap/fizzy water. Or perhaps this is not the right school for your family?

Good luck!

One of the side effects of Pitzotifen is a dry mouth. I take drugs that give you a dry mouth, for nerve pain and migraine prevention, and no amount of drinking and sucking sugar free sweets gets rid of it, it feels like my tongue is velcroed to the roof of my mouth. You literally have no saliva so the bacteria is not being washed off your teeth, and you are more susceptible to tooth decay. I have had false saliva prescibed by the dentist.

It is so far away from the OP's DS's best interests to be continually bathing his teeth in sugary squash. He really does need to start drinking water not just for his migraines but for the sake of his teeth.

The OP hasn't been back to this thread since Thursday, so I'm still not clear whether her DS is allowed squash at lunch time (and break time).

But I think it is telling that, nowhere in her posts that I can find has she indicated:

• being willing to work towards eliminating squash;
• discussing a plan to ensure water is drunk (she just said that there was no point as they don't remind him about capital letters).

Her sole focus is that it's a silly rule and they should break it because her son has a medical need for squash.

Against that background, I'm not really sure all the comments about how the school 'should do' x, y and z to ensure water is drunk if they have a no squash rule are fair. We don't know that the OP has been willing to even discuss this with them - she wants the problem dealt with by allowing her son to have his preferred drink.

Now, it might be all this has been done (though the no point comment suggests not), but it's odd not to mention it if so?

And her son sounds like he was sent to the head for a repeated disciplinary offence, not really that the school arranged a sneaky meeting behind her back. And if she is constantly undermining them by ignoring the rules then that was bound to happen sooner or later.

The idea of making a fuss about what a child drinks when the important thing is that he drinks is what seems absurd to me. His health and wellbeing is more important than pointing out that he is lucky not to live in the developing world and should grovel in gratitude that he has anything to drink at all. What the developing world has to do with a school rule that a child is only allowed to drink water when there are myriad other options available that are more palatable, I don't know. It is just an inflexible school rule that is in this case is being managed by the school in such a way that a child's health is suffering. The school has not imposed the rule to remind children how lucky they are to have water available in this country and to turn it into that issue just to force him to drink the water is pretty childish, illogical behaviour on the part of the adult, because it makes no difference to a child in the developing world WHAT this child drinks. If he had to live in the developing world, then he would have to have migraines all the time, because he wouldn't have enough water OR squash available. In what way does this knowledge help him drink the unpalatable water?