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Primary education

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Original poster

Primary school insisting my child takes water not squash to school, despite there being a medical reason for it

789 replies

TheOriginalNutcracker · 04/07/2013 17:08

My ds is 10 and suffers from frequent migraines. He takes daily preventative meds for them, and we try hard to manage them by eliminating triggers.

Obviously, dehydration is a major trigger, and so I need to make sure he drink enough during the day. I send him to school with weak squash in his water bottle, as he is not overly keen on water, and so will not drink enough of it. I know this to be the case from seeing him drink at home.

School are kicking up an almighty fuss about it. I have spoken to them countless times explaining why he needs the squash, and have also written a letter insisting he be alowed it, abd again explained why.
Today he was pulled into the heads office because of the squash.

I went in after school and asked to see the head. I was told she could only speak to me for 2 minutes. She came out and right away knew why I was there. She just went on and on about many people not liking water and getting headaches, but that other kids would think it was ok for their child to bring in squash also.
She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present.

I explained again about his migraines, but she basically insisted and just said that ds had agreed now.

Is there anyting I can do about this ? I think their treatment of him and his condition is appaling. We have also had issues where they have made him wait for calpol when a headache starts.

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/07/2013 14:24

Well, I disagree and I think the responsibility is with the parent to explain to the child here that he needs to drink water in order not to get a migraine.

xylem8 · 08/07/2013 14:32

You may disagree with it Nitty but the law of the land doesn't.The school is in loco parentis and has a duty of care to that child. That is the what teh law says , it is not a matter of opinion.

rabbitstew · 08/07/2013 14:35

And then when the parent has done that, it is the responsibility of the school to support this by ensuring that the child does drink enough water in order not to get a migraine while in the school's care, rather than leave it to a 10-year old to conveniently forget and opt for calpol and going home early, instead. And if the school cannot promise to do this, because there are 29 other children in the class to keep an eye on, then it shouldn't get on its high horse about allowing squash, because squash is after all better for your health than calpol and a poor attendance record.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/07/2013 14:43

TheOriginalNutcracker - I think, in your shoes, I would probably send my son with squash for the rest of this term (there's only a few weeks left now), and then perhaps you could use the holidays to gradually reduce the amount of squash he has in each glassful, so that he gets closer and closer to drinking water. Maybe you will be able to get him to a position where he has a token drop of squash in his water - which would make things OK at school (because it would be a small enough amount not to be detectable on the sniff test), but he would still be happy to drink the 'squash'.

Might that work?

LtEveDallas · 08/07/2013 14:56

On similar lines to STDGs post - We have discovered that DD will drink water if it is ice cold (preferably wth ice cubes) and with a slice and squeeze of lemon in it. It flavours the water just enough for her to be able to stomach it.

Unfortunately it doesn't help us with the water in school issue, but mught help OPs son as he isn't a complete refuser.

colditz · 08/07/2013 16:37

We, as a nation, have decided that ten year olds can be criminally charged, because they are that aware of action and consequence, and you're telling me that a ten year old will not drink the water he needs to avoid a migraine?

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 08/07/2013 16:43

My 10 yo (with no SN) can't remember to take his jumper off in the boiling hot weather. He may be of the age of criminal responsibility but he doesn't recognise that he is hot (despite being very red and sweaty) and that taking his jumper off would be a good idea. Some DC develop these skills later than others. (And some never seem to Wink )

PrettyPaperweight · 08/07/2013 16:45

The school is in loco parentis and has a duty of care to that child.

Which they have acted on by reaching an agreement with the child, and which the OP is undermining and aggrieved about!

cavell · 08/07/2013 16:54

There is no "medical reason" why you son needs to drink squash. None.

Why should your son be treated differently from all the other children? Why should there be one rule for him and him alone? What you are doing by continuing to kick up a fuss with the school about this matter is relieving both yourself and your son of any responsibility for controlling his migraines.

If you son gets a migraines when he is dehydrated, then it is up to you to impress upon him the need to drink plenty water at school. Do you not see how you are sending him the implicit message that it is "the school's fault" if he gets dehydrated by making the fuss about squash and asking for a special exception for him? It's hardly any wonder he won't drink water or take any responsibility for ensuring he remains hydrated when you are indirectly telling him he doesn't need to.

jan5 · 08/07/2013 16:54

I can see this from both points of view but do think that if your childs migraines are serious enough that they prevent him from attending school/ cause him to be seriously debilitated then your doctor will agree to putting an NHS Health Care Plan in place.
I do agree with previous posts and question whether you are not just pandering to the wishes of a spoilt 10 year old who should know that he needs to drink for the sake of his health. Water is tasteless and as pointed out by others the best drink for someone prone to migraines as it does not contain any additives which might set them off. As we get older we have to learn to do some things we might not like to do because they are better for us. A friends daughter is newly diabetic and has learnt to accept that she cannot enjoy chocolate etc like everyone else. She is the same age as your son - if she can get it so can your son. Hope you can get it resolved .

Fairenuff · 08/07/2013 17:12

Yes, it is too bad of him. But not a lot the OP can do about it. And she still has to live with the migraines

Not a lot she can do about it? So is the boy in charge then? Does he make all his own decisions. No. There is plenty she can do about it. How does she enforce all the other rules? What rewards and sanctions are being used?

I think it's more that the OP agrees with the child, that he should not have to drink water. She obviously lets him drink squash or other sweet drinks at home and does not insist on him drinking water at any time. This is why he finds it hard to accept at school.

What does he drink if he wakes up thirsty in the night OP?

rabbitstew · 08/07/2013 17:25

colditz - there's a bill going through Parliament seeking to change the age of criminal responsibility from 10 to 12.... anyone with any common sense knows that a 10 year old is not very responsible.

MrButtercat · 08/07/2013 17:28

I enforce a lot of things but suncream,hat wearing and water consumption aint my remit when I'm not there.School are in loco parentis just like Calpol consumption.

To be honest op it's their problem.If doctor has said drink lots then let them sort it out and get gallons of water into him.Produce a huge bottle of water,take it to the office and say all yours mate.Methinks they'll be ringing up pronto and asking for squash to be sent in.Grin

Really have schools to time to be this nitpicky?

God I moan about our school but can honestly say they'd bend over backwards to help in this situation.

exoticfruits · 08/07/2013 17:40

Of course it isn't the schools problem! If I was the school I would be perfectly happy to have a large bottle of water and have it in the office and get him in at intervals to drink it.
The child needs to drink- he does not need to drink squash.
The parent's job is to make it plain- water or migraines- his choice.

Fairenuff · 08/07/2013 17:46

If he wasn't allowed out to play until he drank his water, I bet he would soon down it so that he can go out with his mates.

The point is, he should be taught to make these good choices for himself, to take some responsibility for his own wellbeing.

The parents should be instilling this now, particularly as he suffers so badly if he doesn't drink.

curlew · 08/07/2013 18:16

As I said earlier, there is something a little... tasteless... about a developed world child not being able to "stomach" clean fresh water.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/07/2013 18:18

Good job calpol is yummy, eh?

Feenie · 08/07/2013 18:21

School are in loco parentis just like Calpol consumption.

Not really - unless the squash and/or Calpol bottle have a prescription label, it won't happen.

exoticfruits · 08/07/2013 18:40

I can't believe the fuss , or why people are trying to pass on the problem. He is 10yrs old- he knows the trigger- either he drinks water or he gets the migraine- it is his problem. Personally I would get him used to drinking water at home.
I also agree with curlew- he is very fortunate to be living in a developed country with water on tap and yet he wants it flavoured and sugared before he will deign to touch it!

exoticfruits · 08/07/2013 18:41

As a parent I would make him drink water therefore in loco parentis I would make him drink water.

cavell · 08/07/2013 18:45

"I think it's more that the OP agrees with the child, that he should not have to drink water."

Exactly. In fact, the OP seemed horrified that her son had actually agreed with the Head to try to drink more water: "She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present."

So the OP's son is willing to try drinking more water, but the OP kicks up a silly fuss as if he had just been pressurised into doing something dangerous.

eddiemairswife · 08/07/2013 18:53

I wonder what happened today, as he'd promised the head to drink water this week.

rabbitstew · 08/07/2013 19:03

TOSN - no it isn't a good job. Too many people use it without thinking about the fact that no medicine is without its downsides. Regular use of paracetamol has serious downsides.

If I were the OP, I would be happy if the school promised to ensure my child drank at least, say, three 250ml cups of water every single day, but would not be happy with an insistence on bringing in water not backed up by someone ensuring said water was drunk. OP's mistake was to try and make things easy for the school by trying to find ways in which she could ensure her son did take responsibility for it himself. A far better solution would indeed be for the school to make a bit more effort.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/07/2013 19:11

The school agreed a plan with him, but the OP feels she should have been involved so she's sabotaging it.

If calpol had the same rancid unpalatable taste as water, then how would OP's child cope with the fact that he has to take it for the migraines which can only be headed off by squash?

rabbitstew · 08/07/2013 19:13

Since he would be able to make a direct connection between taking the calpol and the pain going, I suspect he would find that easier to manage than drinking the water he doesn't like when he isn't feeling ill, TOSN.