Primary school insisting my child takes water not squash to school, despite there being a medical reason for it

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

My ds is 10 and suffers from frequent migraines. He takes daily preventative meds for them, and we try hard to manage them by eliminating triggers.

Obviously, dehydration is a major trigger, and so I need to make sure he drink enough during the day. I send him to school with weak squash in his water bottle, as he is not overly keen on water, and so will not drink enough of it. I know this to be the case from seeing him drink at home.

School are kicking up an almighty fuss about it. I have spoken to them countless times explaining why he needs the squash, and have also written a letter insisting he be alowed it, abd again explained why.
Today he was pulled into the heads office because of the squash.

I went in after school and asked to see the head. I was told she could only speak to me for 2 minutes. She came out and right away knew why I was there. She just went on and on about many people not liking water and getting headaches, but that other kids would think it was ok for their child to bring in squash also.
She then said that my ds had promised earlier that day, to try and drink only water next week. So basically they got him to agree to this in a meeting with no parent present.

I explained again about his migraines, but she basically insisted and just said that ds had agreed now.

Is there anyting I can do about this ? I think their treatment of him and his condition is appaling. We have also had issues where they have made him wait for calpol when a headache starts.

I can sympathise with the OP's situation. DS1 is 9.5 and has ASD and is, as a result, socially behind his peers and, for all we can teach him the theory of staying healthy, he is unable to apply it to himself without considerable and repetitive guidance. We're lucky if he drinks a pint of fluids in a day. If we only let him have water, he'd drink less than half that. So squash it is.

The kids have water bottles filled from a chilled dispenser at school, so we don't have to send drinks in with them, but I do send something that he likes with his packed lunch, or else he'd often go all day without drinking anything. He chose fruit shoots, last time we went shopping :o

Say the OP's ds is subsequently diagnosed with a learning disability or autistic spectrum disorder? Would there be more sympathy for him then? Or is 10-years old still plenty old enough to make all the right choices in life?

I'm amazed some people still bother to send their children to school once they reach 10, given that they seem to have produced such capable and responsible children who would never consider ignoring their drinks bottle in the classroom and forgetting all drinks at break time because they are too busy playing with their friends. In reality, I suspect the majority of children totally fail to consider their health when they fail to drink enough during the school day, it's just that most children can get away with it, so their parents don't have to know just how bl**dy irresponsible their kids actually are.

'When he leaves school' ??? What at 18? I honestly think that attitude is doing him no good. Drink the water and don't get sick.

My DD's school gives out sweets at birthdays, cakes, crisps in class during parties. She says no, or checks the ingredients.

Honestly - pandering to a refusal to drink water is not helping him accept and manage his condition. The earlier he learns the better. His health comes first - not his preferences.

He's not refusing to drink. He's not even refusing to drink water. He just isn't drinking enough water - not the same thing as having something put in front of you and having to refuse it (which is actually a very easy, black and white choice that a young child should be capable of). His choices require a bit more active thought than that. In his head, it's about how little can he get away with drinking without getting ill and probably also his not genuinely believing that drinking lots of water, which he dislikes, really will make a difference.

Wheres but saying no to something is far easier than to remember or be inclined to do something.

My dc would easily decline a forbidden food but empty a water bottle during the course of a school day- not a chance.

It is of course utter bollocks that drinks such as coffee and tea dehydrate you. Even soup and salad and turnips hydrate you. Anything with water in hydrates you. Most of our fluid intake comes from food.

I find drinking wine makes me feel very dehydrated and that contains some water! I find eating dry crackers a very poor way of getting enough fluids - the effort of digesting them uses more fluid than they contain. I find flat cola very useful when I have severe vomiting and diarrhoea. I find water perfectly acceptable most of the time. Everyone's different, though, aren't they?... Most people don't get migraines when they haven't had a drink of water for a while.

I admit to having an academic interest in the 'refuser' phenomenon - has there been any genetic research into these conditions?

It's pretty obvious that historically, a child who refused to eat or drink to the point of illness would be far less likely to survive into adulthood and reproduce - hence natural selection does its job and refusers are selected out of the gene pool.
I imagine this is still the case in communities where food and water is limited - a child who refuses water or a particular food when it is available will soon become unwell and probably not survive.

In Western society, where food and water is plentiful, DCs can opt out and still survive to reproduce as adults - thus perpetuating the refuser genetics.

Interesting! Is our gene pool strengthening or weakening, I wonder?

I would write a letter to the school (copied to the school nursing service and possibly your GP) stating that he must consume sufficient fluids and that he is reluctant to consume it in the form of water and prefers dilute squash.Insist that the letter be retained on his school file.
The school are in loco parentis and therefore have a duty of care to your son.If he gets ill from dehydration bvecause they have not let him drink then they are liable.

Given the increase in anorexia, commencing from an ever earlier age, the refuser gene pool is going strong, PrettyPaperweight. However, in Western Society where food and water is plentiful, there is also a strong genetic tendency to seek to enjoy that and not act as though it isn't the case. If you have more than water and gruel available to you, then you will try to make sure you get more than water and gruel. If you want to stamp out that tendency, then you need to stamp out capitalism.

Or you could just let a boy drink squash in the classroom to avoid unnecessarily medicating him, on the basis that you can't let him die like you could in the good old days when the gene pool was stronger.

Exactly rabbit. Doesn't hurt anyone and he's not gonna be bouncing off the walls with caffeine. It's a minuscule dash of cordial in a large water bottle and causes zero harm and zero impact on anyone else.

But of course frequent use of calpol and medication (and note that some pain killers are addictive and/or can cause kidney or liver problems) is somewhat preferable. Poor kid.

Oh no wait the school even with hold that.....

Oh for heavens sake, this is getting ridiculous. letting him die, indeed: this is nothing more or less than the school expecting that a child can drink some water if necessary, as the rule is that you bring water, not other drinks. Talk of cannibalism, gruel, excessive medication, Kidney and liver problems etc etc are just silly. It's water: people drink it. Its not the yummiest drink and I wouldn't choose it in a pub, but there are times when it is the most sensible and appropriate option, and this is one of them.

Well, if the OP feels that she wants her son to be potentially deeply unpopular by being allowed to bend the rules and do something the others are expressly forbidden from doing (ie having sticky drinks near their work and classroom carpet etc...), permit him to flout express school rules all for a situation that could easily be resolved by a bit of compliance on the child's part (which ultimately would be for his own good anyway), then yes, of course she could insist he be allowed squash when water would do just as well.

Like others I am also a bit sceptical that he will dehydrate in the 90mn classroom time. This is hardly the Atacama.

Oh school's are so irritating with this. We had no end of 'it wouldn't be fair on the other children' when severely autistic, non-verbal ds1 was in mainstream. Eg he wasn't allowed to use the disabled toilet (despite being in receipt of higher rate DLA) because 'the other children might want to use it as well' but he wouldn't go into the kid's toilets because of the hand dryer - they still moaned when he wet himself (durr).

I sympathise, we moved to special school to find some teachers with some sense & understanding, but that isn't really an option for you. Either doctor's note or wait until they stop sniffing it (WTAF?) and send in very dilute in a dark bottle. Or next time he has a migraine due to dehydration send them an emailing saying you think it's their fault.

As far as I've read, migraines are the only health issue here, aren't they?

And when the child is not taking your sensible option, TOSN? You let him take calpol instead? Or refuse calpol and have him go home on a regular basis with a migraine? I mean, for heavens sake, this is getting ridiculous - it's only a small amount of squash in his water...

TOSN - OP's ds is behind academically and socially. Her other two children did not have these problems.

Surely my child's refusal to be sensible would be an issue for me and my child to deal with?

How can you deal with it when your child is at school if the school are not helping?

Well, they're not helping in the sense that they're not changing the rules for a boy who prefers squash to water, but given the choice between telling school they must change the rule or telling my ten year old he needs to drink water, I would do the latter.

If the school is that concerned about water, then the school should do what the mother would have to be doing at home: stand over said child and not let him go out to play with his friends until he's had a cup of water... and they should do that two or three times in the day.... If they haven't got time to do that, or this is considered unacceptable, then they should let him drink squash, because then he has shown that he can manage the situation himself. Rigid sticking to the "rules" without use of any discretion is not worth it if the results are not good for a child's health, or it it results in posts like the one about the mother of a life limited child not being authorised an absence for the child to go into a hospice for a few days for respite.

Well rabbit they have time to sniff and cross match bottles and pull the poor kid into the office so theoretically there should be time to stand over him instead

They are to busy to give him calpol though

No, this is nothing like a child with a life limiting disease not allowed absence to go into a hospice. Nothing at all. It is like a child who prefers squash to water, as most do, whose mother should be telling him how important it is that he drinks water, but who is instead demanding that the school, not the child, behaves appropriately.

It is also nothing like letting a child die, causing kidney failure, drinking cholera-infected water, or not letting a child with a disability use the right loo, or any of the other analogies made here.

It's some water. It's not anyone's tipple of choice, but sometimes that is what's on offer.

It is not just like any child who doesn't like water. It is not acceptable that a child on daily medication for migraines is also regularly taking calpol because of a failure to manage a serious condition properly. It is not acceptable for the school not to take this into account.