Sports day angst

[manchestermummy]

DD1's first sports day today. She came last in all but one event (as I suspected she might!) and was in races with the girl who does 1,000,000 sporting activities each day.

I feel so very bad for her. She's academically a good all-rounder, very creative, sociable and popular. But her little face this morning . And in tears all wekeend thinking about it.

I know it's a rite of passage, but I'm worried my PFB will remember this day forever more.

Yes, we're on the south coast now and I don't miss that bloody manchester wind and rain-even though we lived in Wilmslow!

So I am learning! First-timer see: spot me a mile off

We're north - even wetter and wilder!

My sister was very good at reading etc at school but never won any races on sports day.

I loved sports day like what was said upthread it was the only time I ever got house points one day out whole year ( i had the joy of standing on my desk each friday because i got the lowest score on spellings )
( 70's junior school) children are different some good at sports some good at maths

A lot of posters seem to be assuming that the children who are good at sport are the less academically able and they are getting their day in the spotlight, in my experience they are just as likely to be of high or average ability. This also means there are a significant number who are not particularly good at either sport or academic subjects.
I think the difference is whilst the children and their parents may become aware who the more able children are, there is never an occasion when their parents are cheering them on and whooping with joy at how much better they are at maths than others.

Learning that not everyone is good at everything is an important life lesson. I never did well at any of the school sports, but my mother made sure I understood that while I couldn't run the fastest, or swim faster, I could do other things, and that being the best in a school sports day (or at spelling, or art, or whatever) is not the be all and end all. Concentrate on what skills your child does have, rather than what they don't.

There was one mother literally screaming her head off as her daughter (in DD1's class) and son went running by.

Of course I focus on what she can do.

I think sometimes it would be easier to be a parent who didn't care about their children wouldn't it. You obviously care greatly about your daughter and want her to be happy and that is the most important bit - YOU CARE!

I do think it is just one day. Academic achievements and awards are mentioned all year, sports day is one day.

Thank you *periwinkle". All I want for her is happiness. What's really quite sad though is that I don't think she's getting appropriate recognition for what she IS good at at school. She "did her homework wrong" (the instructions were incomprehensible). A drawing of a stingray she did, again for homework, was apparently good, but "the eyes were in the wrong place". It was an excellent drawing - not just saying that as her mother. They have a system where good behaviour is awarded by giving out a certificate. Despite never having been on the 'sad side', as it's known, DD1 has never received one. She's noticed this and is hurt.

So here's my DD1, quietly doing quite well, but not seeming to get the recognition that I think she deserves. And now we all know who the fastest in the class are!

Bold fail, sorry periwinkle

I was the child whose one aim was not to be last in every race at sports day. And my dc are not up there with the top either.
However I still believe that it is fair to have competitive races.

In my primary school class there were twins. One was acedemic, arty, musical, responsible... the other was sporty. Sports day was his one day to beat his brother and be top.

If you group the kids by ability then that isn't fair on the child who is 4th of the top ability race and misses out on a prize. They grouped my form like that once and, even as a child, I felt that wasn't fair.

Galena there are loads of paralympic experience days at present. My dd is missing her hand and has had lots of things she's been invited to. Google Sportsfest and see if there's one coming near you. Dd went and had a fantastic time at the first one. Even got on TV doing it.

I hate sports day. It's the only thing where even if you're not good at something you still have to perfom "solo" in public so everyone can see you. There's always the "but what if your child isn't academic but is good at sport.." argument. Then let them have a sports day with optional involvement. That's what happens in school concerts et. - you'd never (quite rightly) make a child who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket do a solo so everyone could tell how crap they were. And you wouldn't make them do maths in public so why should the less sporty kids have to perform in front of parents and each other?

Yes I suppose I feel differently about it as our primary school is streamed on ability from Year 1. So from age just 5 everyone can see who are the top and bottom ability. Every day. That's why I say Sports Day is just one day.

....and pen licences, writing etc. all that is on display every day. Childrens work up in the school for all to see...."oh dear, who's handwriting is that?" "Oh, no pen licence yet?"

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I have been in your shoes. And how.

It is so upsetting seeing them hurt like that, isn't it? But she will be fine, honestly.

dd1 loathed sports day for the first three years. For her, the goal was never winning - it was just taking part, and one year she didn't manage that. On top of loathing sports and falling over etc (foot problems), she has stage fright and hates being watched doing something she knows she can't do well.

BUT. She is now in Y4, and shrugging about it (in two weeks time). She says she doesn't care really, its just a day. She likes running now, can't see why anyone would want to actually race, but whatever.

dd2 is now in Y1. She came second to last in her race last year, and has insoles and seriously inturning feet. She will never win. She sobbed afterwards, and asked why there wasn't a Paralympics (for flat feet!) at school. Her best friend is best at everything, including running. This year, she has decided, with my help, that running is fun and she will do it just to do her own personal best - never mind the others.

There was one event (a drama one) that dd2 came top of the whole school in: I used that to the max. 'Remember today next sports day, dd2. Today was your turn! Maybe sports day is someone else's turn.'

I could have written your post five years, and then one, year ago. But I promise you, you can turn this into a positive learning experience - if she is creative and good at other things, she will absolutely be ok. It's one subject, one day - not a life experience. Kids are mostly damaged by repetitive trauma, not one offs

diplodocus that is exactly my point, and Elibean, I was your DD2: flat and inturning feet.

DD1 attends a school where there are some seriously competitive parents - it's awful. I've been on the receiving end of some quite horrible comments about my DD1. She got a plum role in the Nativity. Not long after that, she was at a birthday party and had a bit of meltdown. One mother turned to me and said she hoped DD1 didn't do that at the Nativity. Can you imagine if I said to a parent "It's so good to see that your child actually does have some strengths, instead of burping in the faces of the rest of the class, which apparently he does on a regular basis".

The whole thing is absolute madness.

Our primary school groups the races by ability too.

I actually think parents spoil sports day

Manchestermummy, you should have seen what it was like in Cheshire if you think N Manchester is bad! It was horrendous! I've never seen such competitiveness and we lived in Surrey before that. It was so nice to move down here and away from all that.
There was even scooter competitive!!!! I kid you not. Lots of mothers saying stuff to their kids very loudly like, 'yes darling that scooter is nice but you know it's actually a 2010 model whereas yours is the new 2011 one'! It wore me down. Cheshire is like a different planet.

I hate sports days as my children are not naturally sporty. One of them in particular is always last in the running races and gets very upset about it.
I do think kids should be able to pick the events they participate in for sports days- kids that hate running will often quite happily do throwing, shooting hoops, or trying to score goals, or dribble a hockey ball around some cones.
As a mum of three girls I'm very concerned that my DDs find some sort of activity they enjoy and I'm not convinced that making them do something they hate and are bad at IN PUBLIC, is not the way to encourage them.
Running races are such public humiliation, especially if there are crowds of parents watching too. We'd never put a less academically child up for a spelling bee or maths competition in front of so many people would we?
Let the kids who like to run do it! It's always much nicer watching people who enjoy a sport performing as well. I'm sure no one wants to see a crying child coming in last?

And I thought SW London suburbs were bad for competitive parents

We're very lucky at dds' school. Most parents are absolutely lovely, and its probably the least competitive school in the area - parent-wise.

I have just watched my year 3 DS come last in nearly everything at his sports day. Really made me think that - contrary to my long held opinion that competative sports days are a good thing - they are actually really cruel for those that are going to do badly. Great for those who win or even come in the middle of the pack but, as someone said up thread - there is no other subject where all the parents line up and watch everyone and see who wins and who loses.

Fortunately DS was not too worried about it and was even pleased with himself for beating his personal long jump record. I was glad to be there and give him a hug and a well done.

Its such a shame... I enjoyed my DDs sports days, though she's not at all athletic because they made it fun and pitched the level of competition well - mostly team/house events. Just doing individual races - especially for the little ones - is unimaginative. (and unkind and probably not good for encouraging longterm participation in physical activities).