Should I email the school and give them a heads up about DS before his induction sessions?

[Kyrptonite]

4 year old DS has toileting issues. He will occasionally wet and usually soils himself daily. He won't always tell someone that he's done it. I've taken him to the doctors and they can't figure out the problem although it may be linked to ADHD.

Yesterday the dr referred him to CAMHS for an ADHD assessment. He interrupts, can't sit still and will lash out randomly (there is more- see post in SN children).

Should I email the school and make them aware of the issues before he has his induction sessions? He has an hour one morning then a full morning the next week.

It's a very small school (46 pupils) so I'm a bit worried they'll refuse to take him or something if he goes in and kicks off. He can be lovely but I'm panicking now.

I think a face to face meeting would be much better than e-mail. Do you have a new starters meeting coming up at all? You could ask at that for a separate meeting with his class teacher and SN co-ordinator (they may be one and the same in such a small school!) and talk through your ds's needs then.

The meeting is on the second induction visit which I can't get off work unfortunately.

Does he have some kind of disposable pants?

Yes, an email would be a start. My DD has issues (not toileting) and I brought them up a couple of months ago. This has enabled me to have a good talk with The SENCo and set a few strategies in place to ensure she is not just treated as a naughty/ stubborn child.

School isn't compulsory until the term in which the child turns five. So they might suggest that he waits until his toileting has been sorted out. Anecdotally, some teachers and TAs don't seem anything like ready or prepared to deal with issues like this and appear to have left children in all kinds of states until their parents could pick them up. (Even right till the end of the day.)

I wouldn't e-mail them, putting all the information in, I'd e-mail them saying that you'd like an appt with the SENCo, and suggest some times or days that you might be able to get there.

Does he currently go to pre-school or nursery? If sho have they not already been in touch with them as our school did before the induction days.

Ideally ask to speak to the SEN teacher / reception teacher for a face to face before the induction sessions. (You may need to say he is being referred to CAMHS to get them to let you have a meeting, otherwise they may just think you are being pfb)

Prepare a short to the point flyer for them to take away.

Only if you cannot meet in person before the induction sessions then email your flyer or a version thereof. Better still hand deliver it to the school.

Make sure whoever is taking him to the induction session takes a copy of flyer to handover to Reception teacher / TA when he is dropped off.

As others have suggested, I would email and request an appointment with the senco. They need to know what they are dealing with and have time to prepare.

Toileting is not an issue. Schools cannot refuse a child because of it or request that a child delay entry to school. Any school that does not help to clean a child up or requests a parent come into do it are breaking the law. individual members of staff can refuse to do it but then the school need to sort something out.

The school also cannot refuse to take him because he has additional needs.

Kryptonite, you really need to see the SEN teacher and also you need to be at the induction meeting. Take a day's holiday or a day off without pay. It's very important that you are there.

I would definitely address these issues with the school, that way you and they can come up with a plan to help your son in the most effective way. He will not be the first child they have taken with these issues.

Just want to add that CAMHS won't be able to help much with the soiling/wetting issues. You need to see a paediatrician. Soiling is almost invariably linked to constipation.

The doctor thinks that the soiling may be linked to the ADHD as it can be inattentiveness. They gave him constipation medication and the problem still remains.

I have no annual leave days left and my manager won't let me take it as unpaid leave. DP is working and will lose his bonus if he has a day off sick and we can't physically afford for that to happen. The other option I have is taking maternity leave 2 months earlier which is rather extreme!

I don't see that you absolutely must be at the induction meeting. It's generally a bit sort of reassurance they'll be okay... nothing specific.
But I would phone and ask for a meeting with the head and possibly the SENCO before the induction meeting, probably as soon as possible.

I doubt they could refuse him on the grounds you've posted. Generally all schools are considered to be able to cope with most sn and they would have to prove they couldn't, which sounds unlikely.

I agree with DeWe . The induction meeting is very generic. A specific meeting would be better and can be arranged for a convenient time.

As a teacher I really do think you should forewarn the school. It would be very unfair on them and your son to leave it until the last minute. They need to liase with you and plan how to cope with this, a face to face meeting is always preferable. It could be after school hours so maybe you need only take a few hours off, it really would be much appreciated by school staff and starts your relationship with the school on a positive footing.

Please listen to Abby and at least try a paediatrician. You may well find that the behaviours you note are a symptom of the constipation/toileting problems rather than the cause.

CAMHS will presume you have ruled out all medical reasons and focus on the behaviours and quite possibly blame yourselves.

Many GPs do not diagnose the toileting problems correctly and assume it is not constipation unless a child displays the classic symptoms. However a child can have chronic constipation with no straining/no hard stools as it is just overflow hence they have no control at all.

The wetting is a classic symptom of an impaction and again the child has no little control because of the pressure on the bladder.

Many children with these issues display these behaviours because they are so distressed at not having control of their bowels and bladder and just cant understand why not.

Untreated it can cause long term damage, DD has not regained proper control of the bowel after 3 years of medication due to the length of misdiagnosis.

You may be able to take unpaid parental leave. Your manager cannot stop you taking it if you are entitled to it because it is a statutory right.

Some things are important and a face to face meeting in this instance is probably one of them.

Bugger I've only been employed since September so I won't qualify for parental leave :(
I had know idea it existed though so thank you for making me aware I will file it away for future reference!

Can't DH take parental leave if you aren't eligible for it? That wouldn't be a sick day so wouldn't affect his bonus.

He only started his new job in January. I have the option of being signed off as I have SPD and the doctor has said about signing me off if it gets too bad but I would feel really guilty.

I'll phone the school tomorrow on my lunch break and see if they are able to arrange a meeting.

You must speak to the school. It would be very unfair to your DS to not let them know.
They cannot refuse to take him but if this is a daily occurrence they will need to work out a plan for how it will be managed. It is a tricky one as it is such a private thing and cleaning a child after an accident like that causes issues around accusations of abuse etc.
I don't know what hours you work but school should be able to arrange a meeting to suit you.

I work in a nursery so its school hours I work. Hopefully though my manager will allow me to leave an hour early one day so that I can go and talk to them.