Little boy faces severe bullying at primary and his family now also being targeted

[THERhubarb]

I've started this thread for a close friend of mine who is close to breaking point. I hope that she'll register and leave a few comments of her own in time.

Her 10 year old son has faced bullying ever since he started primary school. He's a lovely, caring and bright lad but a bit different from the rest. Whilst they are all into football and Power Rangers he was into Doctor Who and has amassed a huge collection of related items. Unfortunately other kids saw his differences as vulnerabilities and he began to be bullied. They would call him names, punch and beat him, etc and last year one boy tried to strangle him.

His mother spoke to the teachers, she spoke to the Head, she did everything she could to bring the bullying to their attention. The school dismissed her concerns and the most severe punishment they doled out on the bullies was a 10 minute detention.

Her son began to suffer constant nightmares and would be pleading with her not to send him. His confidence plummeted and his work suffered. Of the few friends he did have, most of them left the school because of similar issues with bullying. My friend tried to get her son into a different school but all of them were full.

As a last resort she has pulled him out of school and is teaching him at home. He has a little sister who still attends the same school and now she has become a target of the bullies.

My friend has health problems and her husband has had major heart surgery and is not in the best of health of himself. All of this has taken a huge toll on the family when they really needed to be looking after themselves. I advised her to take all of this to the press and name and shame the school involved. She did so and the article is here along with many nasty comments.

Her daughter could not pick up her First Holy Communion certificate from the school last week because the bullies parents had formed a 'hate mob' to intimidate them.

She is desperate for support. I know there will be Mumsnetters in the area so please, do give advice and if you are nearby please PM me and I'll put you in touch. She is a lovely person who would do anything for anyone, as is her dh. I've known her for years and years and this family certainly don't deserve any of this.

bumping for her

Your friend should appeal to get her son into another school. Even though other schools are full, an appeal panel faced with clear evidence of bullying and a totally inadequate response by the original school may well decide to award a place.

Thanks prh47bridge. I don't know if she's done an appeal yet. The primary school is a catholic one and they are practicising catholics themselves so I know she feels it is important they both attend a catholic school. Trouble is most of the schools in that area are oversubscribed, the only available places are in schools which are not catholic and not local.

I don't know how the appeals system works but presumably they would expect her to take up a place in another school no matter what religion it was?

I shall ask her if she's faced the appeals panel however.

link not working for me.

Is there no way at all they can move?

I'd move heaven and earth to get my family as far away as possible.

Is there no way they can just get out of the area?

That comes across like oh, move, that'll solve all your problems and it will be easy

I don't mean to come across like that

I realise it would be really hard

But is it at all doable? For their mental health?

I'll try the link again Hastings Observer

Hecsy, it's not always an option to move. Her dh has major heart problems and is recovering right now from yet another operation to insert stents in his arteries. My friend also has health problems and has to keep regular hospital appointments. The stress of a move may well kill her dh, he is not a well man at all.

Plus her mother lives there and it is her mother who is coaching the little boy at home. They have lived there for many years, they love the area and have many friends there. They are regulars at the church and always contribute to community gatherings. They are a very generous family.

At the moment her son is out of the school but her little girl is still there. There are no places for her son in another school let alone his sister and whilst her mother is teaching him at home, she is quite elderly so to take on two children would be asking too much. My friend also has a business she runs so she doesn't have time to educate her two children at home and neither should she.

It's a horrible situation and if you read the comments after that article you'll have some idea of the attitudes they are up against.

I know how you meant it Hecsy and thanks for your advice. But in this case, a move would be impossible.

If I was the mum I would homeschool both children untill I was able to move to an area where I could get them into another cathlic school.

They could rent out their house and rent another in the new area. I would call all the cathlic schools in the uk and talk to the headteacher and explain what happened and if there was places for both children.

Could she talk to any baording schools to see if they have a scholaship?

Has she read the threads in HE as they give loads of advice and links.

Has she complained to the lea, the school govenors, headteacher and indiviual teachers?

If the bullying is happening outside of school has she contacted the police? Can she get a restraining order agenst the bully and their family?

Can she take the school to court for fauiling in its dute of care to safeguard her children?

The.course of action she takes depends on the outcome she wants - kids back at school, kids in new school, school to be held accountable?

I wish I could read the article! Is it working for you?

I'm getting this

"We are sorry to say that you have found our 'sorry' page while visiting www.hastingsobserver.co.uk

You may be attempting to get to a page that doesn't exist or our web gurus are currently trying to fix the issue.
Click here to try again

Alternatively if that fails and you return to this error page, please click here to try the homepage,

news or sport section."

I suppose paying a home tutor is beyond their means? I suppose it must be?

I also would compromise on the catholic school part.

Nothing, not even religion, matters more than the safety and well being of the child, and it is better to go to a non catholic school where the child isn't suffering so badly than to stay at it just because it is.

As she has taken the children out of the school could she call the lea and request they find a place at another local school or for them to provide a tutor?

Hecsy, go to the Hastings Observer and look at the Most Popular section, you'll find there a link to the story "Children's years of bullying hell at school".

Yes I would do that too Hecsy and I'm sure that my friend will comment on this and give her reasons if she registers for Mumsnet, which I sincerely hope she does as I think Mumsnet can offer loads of support for her.

LadyMai yes she has complained to individual teachers, to the Head (both of them, one left), to the governors to the LEA. I don't know if she has involved the police.

I gave Hecsy the reasons why moving home is not an option for them. I think the outcome she would like is to have both children accepted at another catholic primary school in her local area and for the old school to accept responsibility and put a proper bullying policy in place so that this cannot happen to another child. The amount of intimidation that she, her dh and her children have come up against is just wrong and these people ought to know that. When adults start to bully children too - well it just staggers belief.

LadyMai - the LEA have offered her places at other schools which I think have been too far away. I don't know about offering her a tutor.

I have done. It's still coming up with that message.

It's really weird.

I don't need to read it to get that it's a shitty situation though. Poor sods.

Since moving is not possible at all for them, then she's going to need to compromise on it being a catholic school and just go for whatever the hell gets her child out of this situation.

from experience - home ed, join waiting lists until place is available
do not force childto go to school

Perhaps they are being inundated with comments Hecsy? I can read it fine?

I too would be tempted to do that but then I've never been in this situation before so it's hard to say how I'd react. I know they go to church regularly and like to feel part of the church community. Her dd made her First Holy Communion there recently, presumably with her classmates and for many catholics education is closely linked to religion. I have to say though that I'm a catholic too and my kids haven't suffered at all for going to a state school. We still take part in the Easter service and the kids get a Christian education. We take them to the catholic church which isn't even in this town so we haven't experienced that close-knit community. Can't say I'm too bothered by that. I very much agree with the French method which states that education is provided by the school and faith provided by the church and parents.

That's just me though. I know she feels quite differently on the subject.

Just read her latest post which states that one of the bullies went to close with a penknife and it was this same boy who tried to strangle her son. He was not suspended and has since smashed her dd to the floor in class. Her ds has been called a spastic, a retard, a failure etc. One of the boys is a trained cagefighter (yes I know!) and has a bad reputation for being a bully. I am guessing most parents are shit scared of his parents. 4 children have left the class this year alone.

I am proud of her for making a stand against it although it has left her and her family vulnerable to attacks, which she is now getting.

that should read: "went to school with a penknife."

She said she informed the current headteacher of Sacred Heart, Joseph Hellett, about the bullying after he took over the headship last summer but added he was unaware of the allegations.

Your friend took him out of school two months ago but unless the article is wrong a new head took over last year - what allegations is he unaware of? All schools have an anti-bullying policy and if the bullying was continuing on a daily basis why did your friend not make a face-to-face appointment with the headteacher?

I am not wishing to make light of the situation - honestly, it sounds ghastly - but if you are making no headway with the class teacher or diocese then you go straight to the headteacher and governing body.
Everything will be logged but you keep your own notes and log and insist on an investigation/disciplinary.

I have worked in a catholic secondary - oversubscribed and usually outperforms but all policies in line with other schools including anti-bullying, parents' charter etc

What is your friend wanting now - it appears there are places in other schools but as you have said non-catholic and it may well be out of the frying pan into the fire...

The alleged bullies would not face exclusion - fixed or permanent- without the headteacher being closely involved with the incidents since September (even if many were before his time he would have detailed incident reports if school is effective) so why is he out the loop?

Holy crap.

That poor child. Poor family, of course, but it is the child who is being sent into that situation each and every day, not her or her husband.

honestly, I would really say to her to pull her child out on the grounds that she isn't SAFE! And worry about the 3 bloody Rs later!

She's making a stand by keeping her child in that situation. It's not her that's at the school every day. I honestly think she ought to keep the child at home and demand an alternative education.

ime, we just got relevant level books (some from charity shops
the primary dd joined had crap ofsted and a brilliant Head - dd was totaly cured of school refusal/anxiety
they weren't that bothered about precise details of home ed, but the LEA shouldp rovide support. SHOULD.

Holy moly am shocked to core. Poor woman. Frankly I'd consult the police. A hate mob surely takes it into criminal aspect. Intimidation etc.

BeyonceCastle she had approached the new Head and told him of the problems her son faced. To be honest, it had escalated to such an extent and was having such a huge impact on his life that she was left with no choice but to take him out. She had contacted the LEA and was waiting for a suitable place to come up but one more incident was just one more too many.

She had been to the governors, she had been to the LEA, she had done everything she was required to do and more besides. She has her own notes and she has other evidence which she is collecting and I think it is now her intention to take matters further.

I don't know which schools the LEA have found places in but as local schools are oversubscribed I can only assume that they are not local and may have a place for him but not for his sister.

I have no idea why the new head is so out of the loop, she would be best placed to answer that more clearly but he certainly knew of her complaints.

If the school is ofsted she should write a letter to them and ask them to inestigate as the school policies are part of the grading.

And yes, she did ask to see their anti-bulling policy and no, they did not implement it.

It's not one of those schools that refused to accept there's a problem, is it?

we have and anti bullying policy therefore we have no bullying.

Seriously. Have heard that.