Little boy faces severe bullying at primary and his family now also being targeted

[THERhubarb]

I've started this thread for a close friend of mine who is close to breaking point. I hope that she'll register and leave a few comments of her own in time.

Her 10 year old son has faced bullying ever since he started primary school. He's a lovely, caring and bright lad but a bit different from the rest. Whilst they are all into football and Power Rangers he was into Doctor Who and has amassed a huge collection of related items. Unfortunately other kids saw his differences as vulnerabilities and he began to be bullied. They would call him names, punch and beat him, etc and last year one boy tried to strangle him.

His mother spoke to the teachers, she spoke to the Head, she did everything she could to bring the bullying to their attention. The school dismissed her concerns and the most severe punishment they doled out on the bullies was a 10 minute detention.

Her son began to suffer constant nightmares and would be pleading with her not to send him. His confidence plummeted and his work suffered. Of the few friends he did have, most of them left the school because of similar issues with bullying. My friend tried to get her son into a different school but all of them were full.

As a last resort she has pulled him out of school and is teaching him at home. He has a little sister who still attends the same school and now she has become a target of the bullies.

My friend has health problems and her husband has had major heart surgery and is not in the best of health of himself. All of this has taken a huge toll on the family when they really needed to be looking after themselves. I advised her to take all of this to the press and name and shame the school involved. She did so and the article is here along with many nasty comments.

Her daughter could not pick up her First Holy Communion certificate from the school last week because the bullies parents had formed a 'hate mob' to intimidate them.

She is desperate for support. I know there will be Mumsnetters in the area so please, do give advice and if you are nearby please PM me and I'll put you in touch. She is a lovely person who would do anything for anyone, as is her dh. I've known her for years and years and this family certainly don't deserve any of this.

presumably they would expect her to take up a place in another school no matter what religion it was

If she applied to the LA for a place she would be offered a place somewhere. It may not be a Catholic school.

You can appeal when the school you want is oversubscribed. It doesn't matter that they are already full. If the appeal is successful the child will be admitted.

Your friend can appeal for any school she wants. Her case is that a move is necessary due to the previous school's failure to deal with bullying and that she wants her son to go to the appeal school. She then needs to set out reasons why he will be disadvantaged if he is not admitted.

Your friend could also appeal for a place for her daughter at another school, using the problems her son has experienced to show that staying at the current school is not an option.

Sorry - meant to reply to the bit in bold.

If she is offered a place at another school she does not have to take it up. However, if she rejects that place she needs to be careful how it comes across to the appeal panel. They won't like it if they think she is trying to blackmail them into giving her son a place at her preferred school.

I think it was normal pratice to pay for a bus to take children to school more than 3 miles from their home or a taxi if no bus route.

Why can she not contact the lsc in the next area and see if they are willing to find a place for both children and communite to school?

Thanks prh47bridge she has a link to this thread so will read that advice

Hecsy, as far as I can gather, that was their attitude, yes. For every child that leaves the school there is another waiting to take its place because the school has an excellent Ofsted rating.

I worked in a school like that once, it's not hard to get an Ofsted excellent rating when you bribe the bad kids to be good, pull in all your staff and pretend that one-to-one support is there on a daily basis.

Oh and apparently one of the deleted comments to that article went along the lines of "if they don't want him to get bullied they shouldn't have given him an unusual name spelling".

In fact a couple of comments mentioned the spelling of his name. As if that's a good enough excuse for their children to beat the shit out of him

Does her parish Priest have something to say about all this? What about a meeting with the relevant Catholic Bishop?

For some reason she is finding it difficult to register with Mumsnet so has sent me this comment to post: "The previous head who was there for four years and i had dozens of meetings with her and teachers and assistants and appointed person to deal with problems did not log or have destroyed all that information. Not sure which one but under the data protection act they have produced no records and that is why the new head was unaware of incidents and went into a blank canvass. Hope this helps to answer a few questions. There are some school places but I need to rebuild [ds] before he goes anywhere else."

No nlondondad, the parish priest is one of the governors and he refused to comment to the newspaper. I believe that he is also quite new to the parish though.

"ive been to the priest and so did the other parents who have left his class. He has not returned my last two calls. My MP did not get much of a response from the school either. Even when I deregistered [ds] the school did not acknowledge that letter for over eight weeks. My mum was a teacher for over 20 years and recorded all meetings with parents and incidents."

Copying and pasting her answers.

An awful situation for both Ruaidhri and his sister. I honestly think it's very unfair that his little sister is still at the school.

She says this about going to Press and doing the petition:

"it was not necessarily against the school but a zero tolerance bullying policy and for that to be implemented in all primary and secondary schools. It just so happens quite a few children have survived this bullying at Ruaidhri's school and it needs to be addressed and stopped. Many different bodies I have approached pass the buck and says its not in their remit to deal with it. You can email Ofsted but they only got back to me after the second time when I said I would go public. I did get a lot of support in relation to my petition from many teachers who also feel if their head or governors are not facing it head on and their hands are tied. In most circumstances it is just a minority of children doing the bullying but others are manipulated or scared and follow suit. Its so sad. Education should be taught in a peaceful environment with no threat."

Never mind the priest, I'd be taking it further up the church hierarchy. Next stop the Bishop. The priest seems to be putting his role as governor before his role as a priest.

She may well do. Right now she is exhausted with it all and needs a break. It's hard to fight when you've a seriously ill husband and are fighting medical problems yourself.

If this were my children and I had tried all the things reported, and the bullying continued, I would be seeing a solicitor.

I think she might do just that but don't forget that all this is taking a huge toll on their mental and physical health.

If anyone lives nearby and can lend her some support please PM me. I live a 3 hour drive away unfortunately

Wow. Some of the comments on that article are just ridiculous.

I have no advice as I have been very lucky and never had to deal with bullying.

I wish your friend and her ds all the very best.

To be honest, in her situation I would stop worrying about a Catholic education and just look for the nicest, safest school in the area.

I grew up in the Hastings area and it's not one I would choose to bring my own children up in.

Thanks for all the supportive messages for her. I think she will opt for the safest option now but she has to build her son up as she said and think about what to do with her daughter. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made and I don't envy her any of them.

Education is a diocese level issue for Catholic churches - take it to the Bishop. This is a serious safe-guarding issue, I'd mention to OFSTED again, parents can now report school concerns directly. A safeguarding concern would usually mean a no-notice inspection.

She is now receiving more abuse online.

bump

I can't understand why she left her son in the school for so long.

Why send him there to that every day?

That poor boy. Is he in y5 or 6? Could she home ed him until he starts secondary school? Not the best of options but the year out may build his confidence enough. He could join in the transition days with other schools and perhaps make some friends before starting fully.

QueenofCats, because she was liaising with the school, priest and governors to try and solve the issue so that he didn't have to move school. She wanted to make school better for him and was worried about the consequences of pulling him out. Plus his little sister is still at the school, it's their local catholic school, they attend the church, they've been there since reception, etc. She just wanted it to work out and for the school to stamp out the bullying. They failed to do so.

Why must a mother be questioned like this? All she wanted to do was to send him to his local catholic school to have an education and a religious upbringing. Why now must she be told that she should accept a different school further away, or that she should have taken him out earlier, or that she should home ed them both? Isn't it the right of every child to have an education and to live without fear? Why then is the onus on the victim to change rather than on the bullies?

There are many more children in that school and many of them also pray every night for the bullying to stop. Is that acceptable? That a boy who is a cagefighter in reception should kick another boy's head on the ground? That he should take in a penknife? That he should try and strangle her ds? That he should slam a little girl much younger than himself, to the ground?

Is it right that my friend is now subject herself to online bullying from trolls? Is it right that the school "lost" all the notes of the complaints and meetings that my friend had with them in the last 4 years? Is it right that the priest won't answer her calls? Is it right that they should be intimidated to keep away from the catholic church on the day that her dd received her communion certificate?

Why on earth should she be the one to move her son? To take him out of school? WHY?

This is the problem with this society. Victim-blaming. He was even blamed for having an unusual name ffs. Sorry but this is now making me angry beyond anything. Why question her choices as if she is somehow to blame?

Question the bullies, the attitude of the school, the governors, the priest and the council but don't question her because she did everything they asked her to do and more besides. She just wanted her boy to go to school happy.

Lego she is home educating him until Sept at least to build up his confidence enough so that he's ready to go back to school. She wants him in school to make friends and learn with others. She will look at all other schools but bear in mind that her younger daughter will also need a place and most of the schools are oversubscribed.

I see what you're saying but all her liasing didn't help her son did it?

And he was subjected to that treatment day in day out, his mum being the one to make him go to school, day after day.