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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD not keen on our chosen primary. Would you listen to her worries?

84 replies

stickygotstuck · 24/05/2013 12:55

To cut a long story short - We got our 2nd choice (largish school B, 220 kids) in April and we were happy with that. But now a place has become available in our first choice school (tiny school A, 75 kids), and that one has been given to us automatically, so DD no longer has a place at school B.

As it happens, we now prefer school B and have found out that there are a couple of places left. Great, we thought, and we are planning to apply for one. But DD (4.5 yo) now says she does not want to go to school B because 'there are new children there and I will be scared', and 'Nursery friend (only sees her at nursery) is going there'. Not one child from her nursery will go to school B, whereas there will be children she knows in school A. She knows this, as kids have been excited in nursery talking about the schools they are going to.

Would you send her to school A, based solely on her feelings about it?

For background, we put in our application feeling really torn between two very different, good schools. Originally, we went for school A because it's smaller. DD has always been a cautious little girl and can find large groups intimidating. She is still not one for noise and crowds, but she has grown up a lot since the original application and copes much better with large groups now, and we feel she would cope with with school B.

School B is larger, has better facilities and, crucially for me, is 5 minutes' walk from home (school A is 7 minutes' drive away). We now feel that a larger place would be best long-term as in a tiny school she may be a bit too cosseted (then again, maybe that's what she needs??) Also important: 1. DD has no siblings so the more the merrier, maybe
2. School B is also a bit more 'rough' (relatively) and that is a niggle.

So what would you do?

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BackforGood · 29/05/2013 15:16

Like everyone else. School B for sure. She's 4! not able to make reasoned, considered judgements. Your job is to make the best decision long term for the family, then reassure her, and get her all keen and looking forward to going to the school you choose.

vess · 29/05/2013 18:27

Maybe visit the schools again?

I'd look at the older children's school work, achievements, arty things, school trips, opportunities to develop their interests, extra-curricular activities, etc. Maybe you can even ask a few of the older children at school A how they feel about the school being so small.

Also have a look at the kids and parents at pick-up time and imagine being a parent of a child at the school. That would maybe give you an idea about the 'feel' of the school.

Also, schools have Summer Fairs around this time of the year - maybe visit with your daughter? That won't give you an idea about the school, but it might be fun, and a good way to introduce a new school.

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 29/05/2013 20:02

Thanks all.

fatfloosy, your description of yourselves made me laugh. We sound like you, without the hippyish bit - I don't think we are cool enough to qualify has hippyish! I hope I can describe our school situation like you in a year's time.

vess the summer fairs sound like a good idea to drum up enthusiasm in DD for either school.

We have just spoken about this and DH and I have decided tomorrow is our deadline. If we don't email admissions by 5pm tomorrow, we are keeping the place at school A and hope for the best.

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 30/05/2013 18:50

Any update sticky?

vess · 30/05/2013 20:57

Place your bets now!

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

FadedSapphire · 30/05/2013 21:15

.
Anyways- hope decision made one way or another....

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 31/05/2013 00:31

Thanks for checking. Oh, the suspense!

For the time being we are staying put with school A.

This has opened a whole can of worms and arguments about why didn't we move when DD was younger/do we really want to move anyway/why are we driving every day for 7 years when we could avoid it/would school B turn DD into a rough little monster/why aren't we happy with either choice/whose fault is it that we can't make up our minds... and so on. So watch this space!

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 31/05/2013 06:54

Hope all works out. Sure it will.
[For me the drive would put me off but I know that is not a problem for lots of people. Sure school B would not turn your child into rough little monster!]
However, you have made a decision and I hope DD will be very happy at school A. Good luck.

vess · 31/05/2013 09:03

Good luck!
No school is perfect, there is always a compromise involved.
Hope your DD is happy and settles in fine!

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 31/05/2013 17:13

Thanks Faded and vess!

Must admit, the drive has become more of a problem in my head for the last few weeks, whereas when we applied it didn't feel like an issue.

Hopefully, once we get going all our reservations will clear up. If not, sticky will strike again this time next year - watch out for me! .

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 31/05/2013 17:28

Keep us posted. .
Sure all will be well. You have made a decision so maybe forget about it for a bit and relax....

xylem8 · 01/06/2013 15:12

The is 4, a job of a parent is to make decisions that a child lacks the experience and judgment to make themselves.

Laura0806 · 04/06/2013 13:07

for what its worth, I think you have made the right choice. I suspect it is much harder to move from school B to school A than it is from school A to school B (due to no of places/ being in the ctachment etc). To start with the main thing is for your dd to feel comfortable and settle in. If you find its too small/not enough activities for her I suspect you can always move to school B for key stage 2 and although I understand you dont want to move her, by age 7 she will be a different person. We've just moved my yr 2 dd (extremely shy when she started school) from a tiny school to a large primary for key stage 2 as we have moved house. I am not sure how well she would have got on if she had started there in Yr R as its such a lively, busy school and shes the youngest in her class. She has copedf ine with the move now as shes so much more confident and had received a lot more tecaher attentin being 15 in her class. Theres now 30 in her class ( we moved her end of year 2 ready for key stage 2).

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 11/06/2013 13:19

I didn't think anyone else was posting but I thought I'd revisit this today. Having 'decided' to stick with B and see what happens, we have wavered numerous times and I have been in tears just today at the possibility of having made the wrong decision .

xylem98, I hear what you are saying, but it's not just a matter of judgement in this case. Or rather it is, and I think DD's character is such that listening to her worries may be best for us all at this moment in time.

Laura0806, I could give you a great big kiss for that last comment! But you can have some instead . I just needed to see that written by someone else in front of me today. The thought of the change being easier from A to B, and the possible change in KS2 have been in my mind all along. Glad to hear your DD is coping well.

DD seems to go through very clingy phases every so often with clockwork regularity-, and she is going through a bad one at the moment. She is having her first introductory session at school A tomorrow, and I think right now she couldn't have coped with school B. Not because of its size, but because of not knowing anyone there at all.

OP posts:

WouldBeHarrietVane · 11/06/2013 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bramshott · 11/06/2013 13:46

Hi Sticky. FWIW my DDs are at a small school (100 kids so slightly larger than your School A) and are incredibly happy there. If anything, I think they GET more opportunities because of the size of the school rather than less - often two chances at school trips, sports teams from Y4 etc.

fatfloosie · 11/06/2013 13:56

Hi OP. I was a cheerleader for school B but I totally agree with Laura0806 that if you're not 100% sure it is better to stick with school A, as moving from A to B would be a lot easier than moving from B to A.

In all probability either school will be absolutely fine! By Autumn half term you'll look back on all this and wonder why you got in such a tizz and then you'll be on MN next year trying to help the next lot of mums chill out about it!

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 11/06/2013 14:56

Thanks all!

I do hope you are right fatfloosie, I really would love to feel (even more) stupid by next Autumn!

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 11/06/2013 15:07

I too was a cheer leader for school B. However, embrace school A now and give it your best shot. Your DD has a place, her friends are going. You can now allow her to get excited and prepare for 'big school'.
Sure all will be well!

CecilyP · 11/06/2013 15:13

The thing is, sticky, there really isn't a wrong decision. They both sound like perfectly good schools, but each with different positives and negatives. Some posters would favour school A while others would prefer school B, but neither group is right or wrong.

Once your DD has settled, it will be her school and it will be hard to imagine her anywhere else.

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 11/06/2013 16:15

Thanks Faded, that's the main thing. So far we've been very evasive with poor DD who wanted to know how soon we would be told which was her school!

Thanks CecilyP, I hope so. I think the issue is that A is not the right school for me, but it may just be for DD. I guess that's where all the agonising came from.

OP posts:

MNBlackpoolandFylde · 11/06/2013 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FadedSapphire · 11/06/2013 17:06

Did you say somewhere that you and dd going to school for open day soon? Hopefully after meeting parents and teachers you will feel better about the school.
I think if you have made decision for definite now you should try and stop agonising over other school. [Only purpose would be if you were going to change your mind but I think you have now 'decided' and you and dd can get used to the idea of this school].
Good luck!

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 11/06/2013 18:54

Yep, off to school A tomorrow for intro session. Only DD will stay for a couple of hours, I'm just dropping and running. Very curious to know what she makes of it! If she finds that a struggle there would be no point taking her there.

In any case, now school B has a small waiting list. As does school A. It seems to change from one day to the next!

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 11/06/2013 22:21

Hope all goes well and she has a good time. May not be perfect straight away as a new place and lots for her to take in on her own. That is natural though.
Fingers crossed for you.

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