Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DD not keen on our chosen primary. Would you listen to her worries?

84 replies

stickygotstuck · 24/05/2013 12:55

To cut a long story short - We got our 2nd choice (largish school B, 220 kids) in April and we were happy with that. But now a place has become available in our first choice school (tiny school A, 75 kids), and that one has been given to us automatically, so DD no longer has a place at school B.

As it happens, we now prefer school B and have found out that there are a couple of places left. Great, we thought, and we are planning to apply for one. But DD (4.5 yo) now says she does not want to go to school B because 'there are new children there and I will be scared', and 'Nursery friend (only sees her at nursery) is going there'. Not one child from her nursery will go to school B, whereas there will be children she knows in school A. She knows this, as kids have been excited in nursery talking about the schools they are going to.

Would you send her to school A, based solely on her feelings about it?

For background, we put in our application feeling really torn between two very different, good schools. Originally, we went for school A because it's smaller. DD has always been a cautious little girl and can find large groups intimidating. She is still not one for noise and crowds, but she has grown up a lot since the original application and copes much better with large groups now, and we feel she would cope with with school B.

School B is larger, has better facilities and, crucially for me, is 5 minutes' walk from home (school A is 7 minutes' drive away). We now feel that a larger place would be best long-term as in a tiny school she may be a bit too cosseted (then again, maybe that's what she needs??) Also important: 1. DD has no siblings so the more the merrier, maybe
2. School B is also a bit more 'rough' (relatively) and that is a niggle.

So what would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thegreylady · 28/05/2013 00:44

Both as apparent and as a teacher I would go for a small school every time. The teachers and children get to know one another better and there is more of a 'family' atmosphere which is very important especially for an only child. The older pupils watch out for the little ones. ,if there was a huge difference I'd go for B but as there isn't it would be A for me every time. I have taught in 5 small primaries-one as permanent staff and the others on supply. Without exception they were balanced happy places.
My youngest dgc are very happy at a village school about the size of your A. I don't want to write an essay here and we all have our own experiences but for me it would be the small school.

FadedSapphire · 28/05/2013 07:14

Good luck sticky.
Think you will feel better once your decision finally made!
Let us know if you get your place at school B.
As you say, there will hopefully be some happy person ready to take the place in school A too- so win, win....

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 28/05/2013 08:02

I was thinking about this again. My parents to this day have no idea how I felt about that village school, they thought it was wonderful and I have never had the heart to tell them otherwise.

TheGreyLady - while I can't argue that in a small school staff may know the pupils better, I would say that at my DCs single form primary, B type school, all the staff know all the pupils, all the pupils know one another, the older ones do look out for the younger ones and buddy up with them and the pastoral care is generally great. The school makes a great deal of effort to make sure KS1 and 2 are very integrated with each other. I do know other primaries where they are kept much more segregated though.

Good luck with getting it all sorted Sticky.

christinarossetti · 28/05/2013 08:10

If you had already accepted the place at school B, then it should still be yours. If a place becomes available at an initially higher preference school, you should be offered it and given a chance to accept or decline - the place that you already have can't just be taken away from you for this reason.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/05/2013 08:20

I'd go with school b.

We had exactly the same set up when dd was a t primary. She started off in school b....but school went downhill and failed an ofsted. So we moved to school a

Driving every day was a pita and it was such a small school that friendship groups were an issue. Not just for dd, other parents said the same. When there's only 3 girls in the year group it's not good.

In our case school b improved and we went back there.

If academic results are similar I'd go for school b.

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 10:27

Thanks all again.

Thank you thegreylady for a different perspective too. But as WhoKnows said, I certainly get the impression all the teachers in school B know all the children (the secretary even knows DD's name from the couple of times we've been in the school to make enquiries), they have a buddy scheme for new children and, in fact, pastoral care is one of the school's strong points according to Ofsted.

WhoKnows, interesting you say that. I think there is this general assumption that a 'nice little village school' is always best, but I just don't think it's a simple as that. The cliqueyness worries me, and not just among the children but, dare I say it, also the parents.

christinarossetti, that's what I thought, as I was told my admissions that place is yours to keep. But in our LA you don't 'accept' a place. You are allocated a place. If it's not your first choice you go on the waiting lists automatically. Then, if a place comes up at your first choice, you are allocated that place. You can then reject that place by informing the school directly, but then you have to 'include details of alternative arrangements you have made for your child'.

OP posts:

CecilyP · 28/05/2013 11:35

For all the reasons stated by others, I would go for school B. It is still a small school where it is easily possible for all the staff to know every child. I also wouldn't worry too much about the rougher element as children do tend to gravitate to more like-minded friends.

It seems that the only stumbling block is that your DD does not know anyone else who will be going. Is there any way that you can remedy that. Is there a way you can get to know other parents whose DCs will be going into reception? Are there any summer activities that your DD could take part in which would give her a chance to get to know some other children who will be starting school B?

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 12:43

Hi CecilyP. Yes, that's it, the lack of known children. DD gets very attached to people and knowing the 'history' of her nursery friends helps her feel like she belongs. Also, for me increasingly, it's also the 'rougher' element as you so aptly describe it!

My neighbour's son would be in DD's class in school B. We don't know them very well as not much in common, but we are on chatting-in-the-street terms and they have seen and waved at each other sometimes. I am thinking there may be one or two girls from her dance class there too, but most of them are a year or two older.

OP posts:

vess · 28/05/2013 18:24

I am not a fan of small schools, but in your position I'd go for school A and change later if not happy.

Also, is the 'rough' element you speak of likely to dominate or is it just a few kids?

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 19:29

vess thats's the issue - it's a bit of an unknown quantity for us, but no, I don't think it would dominate.

I really would like to avoid moving her, and I think that unless the school we choose turns out to be terrible, we won't move her.

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 28/05/2013 19:32

So sticky- what have you decided?!
Did you sort it all out today?

vess · 28/05/2013 20:03

If you look at the parents, on the whole, who would you have more in common with - parents at school A or B?

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 20:17

Faded, still undecided, am driving myself insane!

vess, parents in school A are more likely to be like-minded. If the facilities at school A were better (i.e. one extra class, a proper hall) we'd go for that one. As it is, the facilities are under par. The teaching is reportedly great but it is really small. We are the only parents who seem to mind though .

OP posts:

vess · 28/05/2013 20:28

Definitely school A then! Fitting in and good teaching are way more important than a proper hall.
In the early years of primary school your daughter's social life depends on how well you communicate with other parents.

FadedSapphire · 28/05/2013 21:01

Who said school B didn't have good teaching?
And with parents- careful to not always judge a book by its cover...
Only you can decide Sticky though...

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 21:48

vess and Faded your last two posts just sum up the situation.

I am confident the teaching in school B is also good. The facilities are miles better at B and although we are not bothered about flashy, new facilities, we do feel a comfortable and attractive space is conducive learning.

Re. the roughness, I feel like a prat for judging a book by its covers like Fades says, but I can't help it.

As for fitting in I think DD will fit in well enough in school A initially, but I see no reason why she should not fit in in school B too after a few weeks. But I don't think I will - the very fact that I am thinking of rejecting a place confirms it, since all the other parents I know were desperate for a place there.

OP posts:

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 21:51

I meant that I won't fit in in school A. (But then again, it's just as likely I won't in B either).

OP posts:

FadedSapphire · 28/05/2013 22:04

Oh sticky- sleep on it.....

Original poster

stickygotstuck · 28/05/2013 22:33

Thanks Faded - yep, I'd better give it a rest

OP posts:

vess · 29/05/2013 07:35

Re judging a book by its cover - you are just as likely to be judged by the 'rougher' parents and possibly disliked because you are not one of them. They could be just as likely to be cliquey as the parents at school A, if not more. Especially if the majority have lived there for a long time, and you are a newcomer.

FadedSapphire · 29/05/2013 08:17

Vess hopefully school A and B have a mix of parents both socially and culturally. I find it sad when parents self select out of schools for generally unfounded fears eg fear of 'roughness'.
However, this is Sticky's decision and I am not going to offer any more advice re her choice between schools. All has been said by many on this thread and only you sticky can make the choice....
Good luck!

vess · 29/05/2013 09:29

Well, we all base what we say on our own experiences. Our 'rough' school wasn't really rough, but it was dull and unfriendly, and very 'them and us' in terms of council estate vs others. Not something you'd notice if you just visit, though.

FadedSapphire · 29/05/2013 11:30

Whereas our school is warm, vibrant and inclusive...

FadedSapphire · 29/05/2013 11:30

Only Sticky knows the score re where she is....

fatfloosie · 29/05/2013 15:02

Hi OP. I think you should go for School B. I wouldn't do a 7 minute drive instead of a 5 minute walk unless there were compelling reasons for it and there don't seem to be any.

I tried to get my DD into 'better' school A where she went to preschool but we got 'rough' school B. We now much prefer school B. I think school A was a bit too 'keeping up with the Joneses' type middle class for us really. School B is on a council estate and much more diverse. It's about a third middle class tops I'd guess. But hippyish middle class like us who drive old bangers and don't mind living in the 'wrong' part of town for a bigger house and don't mind their children going to school with FSM and EAL children. I like FadedSapphire's description of her school as warm, vibrant and inclusive - it sounds exactly like ours!

And please don't worry about your daughter's reservations. My DD was lying on the sofa weeping and saying 'I don't want to go to School B' at one point during the summer holidays. We got her some uniform and took her to look through the fence at the playground and then went 'ooh look DD's new school' every time we drove past it and she was fine. Started only knowing two boys from preschool who weren't on her wavelength at all but soon made new friends. As CecilyP says, she has gravitated to all the like-minded children as her friends, so no dodgy playdates!

Flip

1 2 3 4