WWYD?

[CouthyMow]

My DS2 is just finishing Y3. He has some SN's, and due to development delay has a few issues as he is not often playing the sane games as his peers.

He is quite old for Y3, he will turn 9yo just 7 weeks into Y4. He is very quiet, and doesn't speak out about things that happen to him.

Yesterday, my Ex picked him up from school, and was told that there had been an 'incident' that meant that DS2 had had to have his clothes changed. He wasn't told much else.

On arrival home, DS2 was behaving very uncharacteristically. Rather than stay in the front room with everyone (he doesn't like being alone, part of his SN's), he took himself off to his room and say quietly in there for hours. He wouldn't talk to me about what happened.

I feel so for your DS.

My DS has AS and we had problems with him being bullied.
I wrote down a list of all the incidents that I could remember with dates if I had them and approximate if not who was the problems and where they happened.
So many of these were "minor" but some were not and when you looked at the list as a whole and it was the same kids each time it was SO clearly bullying.
I went into school and asked to see the head. He tried to tell me to come back another time, but when I said it was about bullying he saw me immediately.
He took my list and said he would investigate and meet with me again. DS came too. We had taken the schools anti bullying policy and picked it apart before we went to the meeting, We pulled apart the schools incident recording system which is not joined up and asked them to show us the records of each of them as I had always spoken to a teacher at the time.

Once it was acknowledged the school did act.
I found that twww.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1931282188/ref=oh_details_o03_s00_i00 this book was useful - if very focussed on AS and very American - but DS's TA found it great and said after reading it she saw lots of suspect unrelated behaviour in the playground that she picked up on.

this book Was what I meant - sorry about the failed link

Thank you all. I have handed in the letter of complaint (I addressed it to the Complaints Governor in the end, rather than a particular name.)

We shall see if it does any good. I will come back and update when I hear anything.

well done OP.

I wonder if you have any visiting specialists for your DC's sn needs...such as edpsych, camhs, salt?

I'd be pulling them in and sending each of them a detailed synopsis (emails will be perfect)...that just looking at the incident recordings in school will highlight what is a very obvious 'pattern' of behaviour from 1 (or however many individuals) being involved regularly/and long standing with this on-going situation and the schools apparent lack of ability to address these issues effectively to put a stop to them.

do you have a statement of needs and are these needs being met?...as per the Dx and what's meant to be in place?

I would be quoting GIRFEC (getting it right for every child)look up childrens act...I would be talking about 'thriving' and not just managing/coping with the environment and the apparent lack of care for the protection of your child, etc The impact and issues this is having for your DC and in addition to the sn has no realistic ability to cope with these situation's alone and (quote sn issues and difficulties)tell them about anxieties and fears, difficulty getting DC to school, etc

That you have kept details yourself of incident's and your child has scarring from 1/2 of these you can access GP and hospital records to make available to provide any evidences needed to support your position.

That you have discussed this every time you have been able to find out from your DC (as school have several times, failed to inform at all) and upon further investigations have been dismissed, not taken seriously, by school and they have been unable to stop this from continuing as school are barely willing to acknowledge these issues

ALL of these people have a duty of care to your DC and ALL must act to resolve this issue....

This is exactly what I did when my DS was suffering from a certain group of kids at school...repeated attacks, teasing, awful things and always the same 3/4 manes involved.....I set about as I have said above...and magic!!!...school HT very embarrassed, could barely look me in the eye, bullying stopped and peace was restored...mostly....Ed Psych took over the meeting she had arranged...HT was quietly in corner and actions were most certainly taken from that point onwards...

Tell them all...report everything, quote the childrens act and GIRFEC (though perhaps that is a Scottish one but England will have same under another name probably)

Deep breath and get firing on all cylinders...tears later when you get through the battle....don't let the bstards pull you down...keep coming out fighting...all strength to you as I know what this feels like and how gut wrenching and heartbreaking it is...but...you have to fight so load up those big guns, research your childrens act stuff and put them in their fxxking place....and breath xxxx

What the, that would involve the school not having first illegally taken him off SA+ despite him still seeing plenty of consultants outside of school, but also illegally taking him off SA too. He now gets no help at all at school for his physical problems OR his educational problems. Despite still being over a year behind where he should be in everything but maths.

Like I said, school is crap with SEN too.

He hasn't been allowed to see the EP since he was at pre-school.

Nothing to add to the great advice that you have been given.

Really that you are stuck in this position and the school are letting your DCs down so badly

Oh, and SALT here don't do school visits, it's all through the NHS. Cahms discharged after diagnosis. He is nearly 9 and still can't ride a bike, yet school say he is fine, and doesn't need any help...

I am so glad that I have 6 weeks of rest.

what does your GP think - are they aware of this?

Yes...def take all this to your GP again....ask for re-assessments referrals. I have the details for every prof every involved and have no qualms about contacting them direct. I would think that because your DC has a Dx of sn/sen that you have grounds to make contact with these prof's to have things re-visited and assessed further...or even discussed to get that ball rolling again...

What is your Ex's position with these concerns and issues? Can you discuss these things and get him on the same page as you? Have you felt the Ex is in denial about DC's issues and difficulties? You need to try and get him onboard with all this for Dc's sake and wellbeing...

Are you also sure that school didn't explain fully to your Ex what the awful 'incident' was for your DC and it may in fact be more about him being dismissive about it when telling you? (maybe not be imparting all the information given to him?)

as it goes 'the devil is in the detail' and you must unpick it all to form the picture...iykwim

I'm so sorry you are going through all this and your DC is trying so hard to 'fit' and these other kids are making things so hard. If the school are lacking in proper support....take it all the way and don't give up. If a school are failing to meet a child's needs then the authority is duty bound to find a school who can and you do have the right to refuse on those grounds to make an application to another school and the authority would have to provide transport to facilitate your DC attending another more suitable school for DC's needs. It's a hard fight but please keep at it...do you have any advocacy at all....this is something I would recommend highly too....you'd be surprised at the difference it can make when you walk into a meeting with a prof on your side, etc.

Just want to say totally appalled by whats happened.
do hope you get it sorted.

rather not go into too much detail

but term just gone there was an incident at eldests primary.
it was blown out of proportion and wasent related to bullying.
but the unhappy parent pulled child
social were called.

social services have duty to investigate
im sure they have duty of care and would go through everything with fine tooth comb.

thankfully in our case school was cleared caused bit of upset but in your situation wouldent hestitate as its sytemnatic abuse, negligance to school safeguarding child and actual injuries and medically was not dealt with correctly.

not sure if co-oincidence but within weeks school had an ofsted.
we fell down on acacdemics but not safeguarding kids.

but i imagine the school would hate scrutiny and could hopefully bring them down on ofsted too.

I would also suggest getting in touch with WOmen's Aid or Rights of Women regarding these restrictive orders that prevent you from moving house. Wanting to take your DC out of a school where they are being bullied is a very good reason for moving house, and solicitor who is both experienced in family law and aware of the difficulties an abusive NRP can cause, might be able to help you in appealing against the POS orders given what your DC are suffering on account of them.

I've not read the whole thread but I would rather have CP investigating ME than send my child back to this school!

Do you have a social worker either for you or your dcs? If you don't call them and ask them for assessments. I've just done this - I want DS's needs assessing, and mine as his carer.

Have they broken up for school hols now? You have a bit of time to get people involved. I would write to the school and inform them your dcs won't be back as you fear for their safety and emotional well being. It sounds like a deep seated lack of care running through the entire school staff - I find it sickening. (My ds has autism and is also very vulnerable so I can understand your distress).

Call or write to every one you can think of for support. Make a list of dates with factual reports of what happened and include it with each letter so they can see it is a long running problem involving many students. Point out too how vulnerable your ds is, how the school didn't even tell you what had happened, and are lying about things that other students have witnessed. You need to get some help with this.

My DS would be going back into that school over my dead body!

Bumping so this doesn't fall off my active convo's, want to be able to find it if/when they reply to me.

Oh my word how awful.
I would be meeting his mother in the yard to pull her knickers down.

Ofsted would be my main call followed by the police.

Good luck.

This is so sad and maddening- your poor children. Def write to the governors (pm if you would like some ideas). Are you friendly enough with any other parents to get support if you end up having to go to any 'meetings' ? Are there no 'lunch time supervisors' outside at lunch time to stop this kind of thing? x

Apparently, all bullying incidents (though goodness knows what they actually CLASS as bullying, if this doesn't fit the bill) are recorded on 'yellow slips'.

I am assuming that they still run paper-based records.

Which considering I didn't get an accident slip for the scratches caused in this incident, or even one for a head injury causing loss of consciousness (that they left till the end of school), I am of the opinion is worthless, as the 'yellow slips' will get mislaid.

Tbh, they wouldn't fill them in accurately anyway - if they can, will and have lied to RIDDOR, I highly doubt their ability to know the truth even if it jumped up and bit their noses off...

I'm surprised that the HT doesn't look like Pinocchio after all the lies he's told over the last 6 years!

We had the debacle in YR where my DS wasn't officially on the register as it would have taken them over 33, as he was the 34th DC in YR, which meant them having to split the class in Y1, and force out 3 pupils (and it WAS forced, a DC with a statement that they refused to honour, which meant he couldn't cope and had a 'managed move' to a PRU at just 6yo - he's now in SEN school and doing fine, the PRU was a temporary measure!), one whom they banned the parent from the school site for 'aggression', which consisted of her insisting to see the HT NOW after her DS's head was stamped on (removed to another local school), and one whose DC was meant to be on SA+ but the school refused to do the OT and SALT needed. (DC now HE). One more DC moved to a different area to get into a new school.

By Y2, they had got the class down to 30, then after a week 31 because one was classed as an 'excepted pupil' as they moved in a week after term started. (Fair Access Protocol).

The thing is, it took me going to the Children's legal centre with evidence to get the school to split the class in Y1 - they were just going to leave as many DC's off the register as needed to keep it to 32/33.

Lunchtime supervisors appear to be the TA's who double as MDA's. Which tends to beg the question that if they are meant to be providing 1-2-1 during lesson time, when are they eating THEIR lunch. Not a question the school has answered yet...

From what I can make out, FoI requests, the school bloody LOVE me... they have the legal MINIMUM lunchtime supervision for the 390 Pupils they CLAIM to have on their prospectus and school information. Which totally ignores the fact that due to a bulge class, they ACTUALLY have 420 pupils...

And as they have a dinner hall and a packed lunch hall, an adventure playground, a Reception walled playground, a massive field with forested bits they can play in that are hidden from view, AND two hard playgrounds, and the legal minimum for 390 at lunchtime is something like 6, is not exactly 'adequate' IMO.

Another girl had a very serious head injury requiring airlifting to a big hospital a while back - it was her first week at the school, unsurprisingly she didn't come back...that was in the wooded areas.

omg!!!...I can't believe that any parent's are aware of this shocking stuff and there hasn't been any outrage!!!

This school sounds like it has been repeatedly screwing the system, safeguards and policy....at the repeated expense of children!!!

How best could you/parents lead the demand for immediate investigations??? There must be some sure way that this school should be investigated..top to bottom and without notice so there is no room for misleading the facts, etc....

Calling all prof who can come and give sound advice about how to action this???

Still, a YR class of 34 wasn't as bad as when I moved here - DD was the 37th DC in a mixed Y1/Y2 class, and ICS regs were meant to be in place. She was Y2, but there were actually more Y1's in the class.

In eight years, the school has gone from 1FE, to 1.5FE, to 2FE, and a bulge class in the year that will be Y4 after the Summer Hols making that year 3FE.

IMVHO, the school has had to expand so quickly due to house building in this area, and being the only non-VC school, that they are floundering trying to cope.

And giving this HT more control via Academisation is not going to help what is already a bad school better, is it? It's going to be even harder to prove lies and deceit and denial of bullying to the DfE rather than the LEA.

I'm dreading it, tbh.

Even the Chair of Governors has had issues with bullying. One particular DC who has been bullying her DS (and others, since YR) she asked to be put onto a different table in class so that her DS no longer came home with bruised shins where he was being kicked under the table.

The teacher moved him. For 3 days. Bearing in mind the bullying has been ongoing for 4 years. The teacher moved him back to the table after 3 days, but rather than sitting him opposite, as he was before...sat him right next to the Governor's DS, who he has been bullying for 4 years...

I rather suspect that this is why she was so keen for me to write a letter of complaint to the Governors. Because for her to personally highlight the way the school deals with bullying could be an issue given she is the Chair, but if others do so, it still highlights the problem...

Couthymow - It all sounds so horrendous, I think you have little chance of fighting it on your own. You either need to get the backing of a whole group of parents, or put all your efforts into finding a different school. If some other children have moved previously it can't be impossible. The hurdles you will need to jump over with exes etc sound, although hard, easier than trying to change this appalling school and leaving your poor children to suffer through it.

There REALLY is no other school with spaces for both my DS's. DS1 could take his pick of about 4 schools (low birth year), but for DS2, since he started YR 4 years ago, he has been on the waiting lists for all those schools for the whole time, and is between number 20 and number 35 for ALL of them...

The closest school that has got a place for DS2 as well as DS1 is 30 miles away, in a town inaccessible before 9.30am by public transport from my house, and I don't drive due to disability.

If I DID move them there, my LEA would not pay the transport as it would be MY 'choice' to remove them from an accessible, local school.

Rock and hard place springs to mind.

And have you ever tried to get a variation on a PSO? My Ex-H (DS1's dad) WILL refuse, and it WILL be granted, as it would interfere with his access as he does school pick ups three times a fortnight, and school drop offs four times a fortnight. He also has a stepson attending this school that they will not move, and he can't be in two places at once to pick DC's up. Hence his refusal. I can't change that. I've tried.

DS2's dad WOULD vary the PSO provided it was a school IN THIS TOWN do he could do his two pick ups, but as the only school with a space for DS2 is 30 miles away, that one won't get varied either.

It's shit, but I AM collecting a group of people who want this school changed for the better, and I and one other mum are trying to help them (a lot of the mum's whose faces don't 'fit' are not very educated and would have problems doing this stuff themselves, so we often help them).

It's going to be hard, but what choice do we have?

Runout, the DC's that have moved were mostly in my DS's year, which had an unusually low birth rate locally. Unfortunately, in certain year groups, you really are stuck due to high birth rate and lack of local school places causing a perfect storm.

It's going to be hell when I come to apply for DS3, as in his year group, the LEA already know that they will be roughly 157 places short on this side of town, some of those will end up in schools 4+ miles away, by two buses, others will end up being taxied to schools 30 miles away in the next town over. My LEA lives sensible suggestions like that...