WWYD?

[CouthyMow]

My DS2 is just finishing Y3. He has some SN's, and due to development delay has a few issues as he is not often playing the sane games as his peers.

He is quite old for Y3, he will turn 9yo just 7 weeks into Y4. He is very quiet, and doesn't speak out about things that happen to him.

Yesterday, my Ex picked him up from school, and was told that there had been an 'incident' that meant that DS2 had had to have his clothes changed. He wasn't told much else.

On arrival home, DS2 was behaving very uncharacteristically. Rather than stay in the front room with everyone (he doesn't like being alone, part of his SN's), he took himself off to his room and say quietly in there for hours. He wouldn't talk to me about what happened.

I have had my DD stabbed with scissors, and repeated small incidents with HER for years.

My DS1 has been bitten so hard in YR that he has a scar on his chest, he has had concussion for two weeks that was so bad the hospital did CT scans as they thought his skull could be fractured (luckily it wasn't), he has had numerous black eyes, and bruises repeatedly (all from one particular child that the school excuses because of his home life), and many many more...

I HATE THIS SCHOOL.

When your 10yo and your 8yo BEG you not to send their toddler age brother to that school, you know there are deep-set problems.

Agree with others, check the complaints policy and take it to Head and Governors with a specified timeframe for response. They are facilitating the assault of your child. Child protection and safeguarding appear to be low on their agenda and Oftsed might also be interested in this.

Your poor son - that sounds awful!

My mum is a governor of a primary school and they are very hot on bullying. If you want to write to the governors about it, it might be helpful to highlight where you feel the school as not complied with their own policies - I think the school has to have a behaviour policy - my mum's school has this available on their website.

To put your son's story into the context of the policy for my mum's school:

• it would be classified as Level 4 (the highest level) (as would all of the other incidents you have mentioned).
• possible sanctions would be physical restraint of perpetrator, followed by varying lengths of exclusion (with reference to DfES guidelines).
• people that have to be involved are: initially, headteacher, teacher and parents of perpetrator, followed up with "behaviour support team" and Governors Exclusion Committee.

Oh, and my mum's school is very small, only 70ish pupils, so it's not a matter of size, resources etc, it's just a school that takes this issue seriously.

Your son is very lucky to have a parent who is fighting as hard as you are about this - I'm just sorry the school don't seem to have the same commitment.

I HAVE told the Deputy HT that wrt the bullying of my older DS, who IS over 10yo, as is his bully, that if ONE more incident happens then the police will be called.

However, in DS2's case, the very oldest this boy could be is 8.10yo. And he could be as young as 7.11yo. I don't know who his mother is and I don't know when his birthday is.

The Deputy HT and the HT are even more dismissive of my complaints than his class teacher.

And next years' teacher for DS2 is even worse. She ripped up my DD's best friend's maths book in front of the entire class, and called my DD's friend stupid. And yes, her mum DID go bloody booloo

The problem is that this is an 'Outstanding' my fucking ARSE school, in an affluent area. If you are one of the 'moneyed' set, then your face fits. If, like me, you have ideas above your station by complaining when your DC's receive FSM's, then you are ignored. I wasn't allowed to join the PTA...

This is absolutely appalling. I a literally open mouthed at the teacher's response to you.

Definitely a complaint to the chair of the governors. I'd also be tempted to write to ofsted and also to the lea (though can see this might not work, given the academisation).

FFS.

Of course bullying does to to be a daily occurance. Te school should be logging all incidents. Most schools now have computer based ncident logs which enable them to pick up on patterns of behaviour and to identify bullying issues.

I don't know what I'd be doing in your shoes. But suspect that I would be telling the school that further injury to my child would result in me calling the police. If they cannot keep your child safe, then they will have to deal with any fallout.

Ha! Ofsted?! Load of bollicks THEY are.

You weren't allowed to send the parents comments straight to Ofsted st the last inspection in 2009, you had to hand it in at the office. My complaint never made it into the report. Despite the fact that I ALSO phoned Ofsted directly...

The other schools won't go above 30 even in KS2 because they are VA schools and control their own admissions. Our school was the only LA run school out of the closest 7 schools. It now won't be because it is changing to an Academy.

I have tried the LEA, the children's legal centre, Ofsted, IPSEA (the school are also shit with SN's and breaking the SEN COP), CAB, my local councillors.

I fucking give up. Can I just take my DC's and live in a cave?!

I remember a boy in my juniors class having his trousers pulled down.

I also can still, 30 years later, remember the magnitude of the fallout for the perps. Your school sounds shite.

Have you tried contacting SENSOS! And I would also start talking to the press. Your children can be moved to another school even if there is no room, even VA ones have appeals proceedures which can be forced to accept pupils. If the boys were a little older I would be phoning the police.

You weren't ALLOWED to join the PTA? Says who?

Right, this bullying. Collect as much evidence as ou ca. Start making teachers put in writing why they will not help. If the wont do that, write to them asking why not (email is best as it is recorded). Sometimes just having things in writing makes them start doing what they should.

Next, write to or go and see the governors, your local councillor (who should e able to tell you who deals with education so you can talk to them), your local MP. Speak to your GP and any other people involved with your children about the harm being caused.

Can you get together with other parents (so it isn't the story of one child, which could make things worse) and form a group to talk to the local paper etc?

Anti bullying campaigns - can they help?

As someone else has said, it sounds as though you might also look at mentioning to the governors the school's complete lack of safeguarding of your children - if the school fails this part of Ofsted, no matter what else they do, they fail the entire inspection.

You can go directly to Ofsted link here or they have a helpline 0300 123 4666.

I really feel for you as I understand what you are saying about your face not fitting, but are there any other parents (perhaps the parents whose children asked how your son was?) you could join up with to make a joint effort. It might have more impact, and also would be some people for you to share the load with - it sounds as though you are having an exceedingly hard time.

Could she phone the police about the teachers? If my child assaults (and this is assault) another of my children, and I allow it, I would be neglectful. So the school shouldn't be allowing pupils to assault one another.

Sorry - your comments have totally superceded my last post. I can't begin to describe how angry I am on your behalf.

Oh, and when I was talking to the Chair if Governors (Informally, she was a friend before she became a Governor), she rolled her eyes and made a face when I mentioned the name of the boy that did it, that says to me that he has had 'incidents' with other DC's as well, but given her position, she obviously couldn't say anything.

The school has 'form' when it comes to not calling me when SN incident has happened - 18 months ago my DS1 sustained a head injury that caused him to lose consciousness, and not only did they not call ME, they didn't call an ambulance either. A complaint to the Governors changed sod all then...though it was a different chair of governors.

I ended up being told BY MY DS1 after school when I picked him up - from the office where he was 'sleeping' drifting in and out of consciousness through concussion caused by the head injury

I tried EVERYTHING back then, threads on here under my old name, but ultimately I was told by EWO that he had to go back or I would be prosecuted.

Honestly, this is such a dire school if you don't fit the HT's 'mould' of how he wants the school to be. Which our complicated family doesn't.

I would aapproach one of the LEA appointed governors and explain the school is not following it's own policy. Remind them that as Bath says you now have the option to go to OFSTED direct.

I know this might sound a bit extream, but how much is keeping you in this town? You may well have family, work commitments etc keeping you there which are good reasons to stay, but not all schools and not all towns are like yours, it sounds as if you need to get your children out. You've said before that you don't think dc3 will get a place in any school nearby. It may not be practical, but I would consider that option.

Oh, my older DS1's head injury was caused by a child pushing him onto concrete with huge force. The HT blamed it on loose paving slabs as he wanted the LEA to pay for new ones instead of it coming out of the school budget. They lied on the RIDDOR forms too, despite my DS1's statement. Which they also falsified. I asked for copies under the FoI act as they woildn't give me the copies I was as entitled to.

What's keeping me in this god forsaken town? Court orders, PSO's that limit me to this ESTATE, that the courts won't vary. I've tried. Repeatedly. I'm stuck
Here for a minimum of another ten years.

So what is your ex's position on it all? I would like to think that whatever our relationship, in your position we would both want the children anywhere but that school.

Sorry OP, that is a rough deal...

I really hate the way schools say "there was a little accident" when someone has been hurt by others.

My DS was punched in the face , completely unprovoked, by a bully. He was unable to speak for an hour or so, apparently, and then was told he was partly to blame for nt staying out of this boy's way. At the time timid and shy DS was having lunch on his own, minding his own business, so what the fuck could he have done? He then got so upset and cried so much they called me, with a tale of a little incident. Ds did not spek to me, I only found out through the dinner ladies who had been shocked at the incident.

The school was worse than useless. When it happened again I took him out of school.

I was lucky to have that option.

I really feel for you, as I remember clearly lying awake at night filled with rage at how the school handled this.

Is there anything you can do? At all?

I dont know much about letters and that side of things but I would think that taking date stamped photos of your sons clothes and his injuries might be useful and then you could send copies to the relevant people?

I know of another parent at my school, whose son was also beaten up and lost a tooth ( not a milk tooth) that ended up calling the police.

The school has a duty of care.

Take pictures of your child, the injuries, the clothes, and make a written complaint. Follow all procedures, even if you think it will lead to nothing. Write to the governors, write to Ofsted. Keep copies of all your letters.

Can you call the nspcc? As teh school is allowing cruelty to your child?

Take photos of the clothes and write down word for word (as best you can remember) your DSs account of the incident, along with how it made him feel at the time and how he now feels about returning to school.

Then make a list of all the other incidents involving your other DC. Keep it brief and to the point. Try to remember dates as best you can, but approximate if not.

For all incidents, include details about whether the school informed you or you found out second-hand and had to raise it with the school yourself.

Once you've got all this documented, complain to the governor about it all. Include your list of incidents as a separate document. Explain that you have already spoken to the HT several times and felt that your concerns have been dismissed, hence your contacting the governors. Go on to state that if the matter remains unresolved to your satisfaction, the next step will be the LEA.

Sum it up by saying that you feel the culture of bullying prevalent in this school is largely being ignored by the HT under the mistaken belief "that it is only bullying if it happens every day", and suggest that you feel she may need some additional training on this (rather than attacking her personally, which never goes down well). Point out that this may be the HT's definition but certainly isn't the mainstream definition adopted by most schools or educational professionals. Go on to say that your children do not feel safe and you no longer feel that the school is able to offer a safe environment, so you will not be letting this rest until you are satisfied that the school takes bullying seriously, not just for your own DC's sake, but for all the others too.

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour. Hope your DS is ok now.

I have TWO Ex's with PSO's keeping me here. Even if I could get ONE varied (more likely with DS2's dad), I'd NEVER get the one for DS1 varied. HIS dad would fight for full custody (AND keep him at that school, due to his partner's DC also attending the school) rather than allow me to vary the PSO.

The Chair of Governors had a word with me this afternoon, she has spoken to the complaints Governor, and told her to expect a letter of complaint.

Can anyone help me with the wording, as I need to do it tonight while it is still fresh, especially as there are only two days left of the academic year...

PLEASE?!

Dear "Chair of Governors",

I am writing to inform you of the sustained bullying which my child X has been subjected to over the past x years. The incidents have included: 1........2.......3......4.......This has culminated in the latest incident which has resulted in him being physically injured and mentally humiliated. X School has utterly failed in its duty of care to my son and refuses to acknowledge the problem.

I feel my child is at risk of serious harm through his attendance at X school and that x school is failing to safeguard my son adequately.

I would like to know what x school plans to do to address my concerns and to ensure that x school is a safe place for my son to attend. If this response is deemed unsatisfactory I will have no option but to pass my concerns on to Ofsted, the Local Authority as well as my MP and Michael Gove.

I await your comments.

Yours sincerely