WWYD?

[CouthyMow]

My DS2 is just finishing Y3. He has some SN's, and due to development delay has a few issues as he is not often playing the sane games as his peers.

He is quite old for Y3, he will turn 9yo just 7 weeks into Y4. He is very quiet, and doesn't speak out about things that happen to him.

Yesterday, my Ex picked him up from school, and was told that there had been an 'incident' that meant that DS2 had had to have his clothes changed. He wasn't told much else.

On arrival home, DS2 was behaving very uncharacteristically. Rather than stay in the front room with everyone (he doesn't like being alone, part of his SN's), he took himself off to his room and say quietly in there for hours. He wouldn't talk to me about what happened.

He's probably embarassed, if the accident is what I assume it is. I'd leave him for now, but be more pushy about talking if it happens again.

I think I'd phone now and ask them to tell the teacher that you'll be in after school to talk about the "incident". See if you can find someone to look after ds for half an hour though so he doesn't have to be present.

I would ask the school to tell you EXACTLY what happened.

Call the school and make sure you can talk to a teacher about the incident as soon as possible, some one probably saw what happened. Explain that your DS is upset and behaving out of character and you are worried about it and want to find out what happened.

And be extra nice to your DS who is obviously upset.

This morning, he opened up to me. Yesterday at lunchtime, while he was playing 'comedy games' (doing stand up, telling jokes to each other) with two girls from his year, and one of their little sisters, from YR, three boys came up to him, and pulled his pants and trousers down in front of the whole school (415 pupils).

He pulled his pants and trousers up, but before he had a chance to get away (he has muscle problems, so even pulling his trousers up is slow), these boys pushed him to the floor, and dragged him first on his front, and then on his back, halfway across the huge field and through the sandbox that's used for long jump.

He told me that his back hurt - turns out he has scratches all over it, and he has twisted a muscle, which with his muscle problems, will take 6-12 weeks of Physio & OT to sort out.

He also said that he cried a little bit, but stopped himself because he dodn't want people to take the mickey out of him for being a baby and crying. He told me that he felt all cold because of the Shane he was hiding inside him because everyone saw his privates when he didn't want them to.

Sorry for split posts - am on my phone.

Oh, poor boy. I would phone the school now, ask for an appointment to see the teacher or Head to discuss it. Assume the Reception children have been sternly told that it was unkind, inappropriate etc, but I would want to hear it from the horse's mouth.

Well done to him for opening up.

Oh, that's terrible and rather more than an 'incident'. I would go to the school and find out what they are doing about it.

WTAF!! the school described this as an 'incident' and weren't going to tell you?? So sorry for you and your son, hope you give them both barrells and have those who assaulted your son punished.

Christ, I have no experience so no real advice but I would be on the phone to the school now asking if they know about this and what sanctions have been used against the kids that did it. I would be livid that I wasn't told (to be fair, maybe the school don't know what happened)

Hope that he's ok and feel's better now that he's opened up.

That's awful - I would definitely be wanting a meeting with school to hear their side of what happened and what action they are taking to deal with it. I don't think it's acceptable that all you were told in that situation is that there was an "incident". He's been not only humiliated and bullied but also physically injured. The school has a duty to keep him safe and they need to take this very seriously.

Hope he is feeling ok today - nobody deserves to be treated like that.

This morning I spoke to his teacher. She told me that he hadn't had his pants pulled down separately. He had. It was corroborated by at least 4 other DC's who between 3pm yesterday and 9 am today asked how he was.

We have had previous incidents with the main ringleader if these boys, to the point that since YR, they have never been put in a class together.

In YR, this boy hit DS2 with a brick so hard he was bleeding.

In Y1 he kicked him so hard in the back that DS2 had to have a kidney scan.

In Y2, he punched DS2 so hard he had a black eye. He also on a separate occasion threw a toy car at him so hard it cut DS2.

There have also been numerous 'little' incidents too.

The Teacher was very dismissive of me. She told me that the boys parents had been called in, and they are "very supportive of the school", (in other words, a dig about the previous complaints I have made in the last 8 years with DD, DS1 AND DS2 being bullied with nothing being done about it, and excuse after excuse made for the perpetrators. All 3 DC's have permanent scars through the bullying)

I told her that I feel this is bullying. She turned round to me, and VERY patronisingly said "Do you know the meaning of bullying". I replied yes, it is a series of incidents that are made by one child towards another particular child over a period of time. She replied "NO, it has to be happening EVERY day to be bullying, not a set of incidents over years"

I then tried to explain to her that IMO, my DS2 feels violated. Her response? "I highly doubt a Y3 would use those words, and certainly not your DS2. I hope you are not putting words in his mouth" I then told her that I said that I felt that given his explanation of his feelings that he had felt violated, NOT that he had used that actual word...

The boys parents have been told and won't do anything as usual. the boys have been made to write a 'sorry' letter. And they are going to be kept in at lunchtime today. Oh, and the Deputy HT has been told. Fat lot of good that will do though, given the previous 8 years of experience here.

Your poor little boy. That is awful. Where were the teachers? I would want to know from the school what they have done about the boys who did it. Also why were you not informed directly about the nature of the 'incident'. Your poor son had to go through all of last night feeling too ashamed to discuss it. I would be livid.

I would be wanting strong assurances from the school that appropriate support is in place, and if your ds wanted to then I would see if you could move (although I remember that places are a nightmare where you live). If the school weren't making very strong supportive noises I would even consider talking to social services about child protection (might be able to help with a move if this is not an isolated incident), that sort of behaviour is just not acceptable.

I would be out of the school in a flash. Is that an option??

I am horrified that the school didn't that one of his parents came into school earlier so they could tell you themselves what happened

You need to follow this up with the school urgently.

I tell you what, of this had been these boys doing the same thing to a girl, it would have been taken a lot more seriously.

I can't move schools, he is in a bulge class and the closest school with a space in Y3 is over 30 miles away. I don't drive and if I 'choose' to move him, the LEA won't pay transport. And as I am on benefits, I can't afford to pay the transport either.

It's this school or nothing. And because of my disability, if I dereg him and HE, I have been told by the LEA that they will open a CP case against me...

I have spent 8 years trying to
Get this school to take bullying against my DC's seriously to no avail.

The Chair of Governers happened to overhear me telling my friend, and has advised me to write a letter to the complaints Governor and the equality Governor. I am going to ask for a copy of the anti-bullying policy this afternoon.

I just don't know what else to do. Can anyone help me with the wording of the letter to the Governors?

Oh, also, none of these incidents with this boy have been logged as bullying because it hasn't happened every day, it's just minor things and then a BIG incident every 3-6 months.

Where I most recently taught those boys would be suspended ( assuming other dc confirmed, as you have said). I would make appt with governors.

I would be livid too. And writing to the governors - if nothing else as Duracelbunnies says - why you were not informed! Your poor son.

Definitely ring social services, and any other health professional who has dealings with your son. The school has a duty of care to your son which they are failing to uphold. They may be able to support a change of schools. I know my dh has done that before.

And how dismissive of his understanding of the situation, hope she's not his teacher next year too.

That's a pretty big violation in my book, I know how upset my just 8yo would be about it, he'd only feel worse if older. I'd be having strong words with school about leaning on the other children to understand how wrong it was. And prevent any such incidents in future.

Take it further - complain formally to the headteacher and the chair of the governors. The school will have an anti-bullying policy and it is obviously not being followed in this case.
Absolutely not acceptable that they are leaving the ball in your court to find out about this from your son, I would have expected them to have called you in yesterday to discuss it and to tell you what action they are taking, not leave it until your son plucks up courage to talk to you about it.

Oh, and you should see his clothes! You can SEE where he was dragged through the mud, both on the front AND the back. And it has drag marks of mud on the trousers AND the top.

But this is REALLY just the tip of the iceberg WRT bullying incidents towards my DC's. With no option to move them.

I have been in tears for most of the day, very uncharacteristically of ME.

I am at my wits end, and I KNOW it's only going to get worse. The school will be a primary Academy when they return in September. I will only be able to complain to the DfE. Who have a minimum 6 month lead-time on complaints at present... again.

My face doesn't fit at the school, and they just don't protect my DC's every day. Every day I am sending my DC's to school KNOWING that it is not a safe environment for them.

The incidents that have happened to my older DS are even worse!! And the school have lied blatantly on accident forms to RIDDOR too. But I din't have the money to challenge them legally, and can't get legal aid to do so, as it doesn't cover education now.

In your shoes I would be absolutely livid. That is disgusting behaviour from the school. Can you report them to Ofsted for failing in safeguarding? Any school which is so lenient towards children treating another child in that way is failing in their duty of care to the child being bullied. And it so is bullying, whatever the staff want to dismiss it as. What about the parents of the children who asked after your DS? Would they be willing to register a complaint about such behaviour being treated so leniently?

Good luck with getting the HT to take it seriously. And I think you're right, had they done this to a girl there would be hell on.

Could you try appealing for a place at your next nearest school? Junior school classes aren't restricted tot he 30 in the same way that infant classes are. Maybe someone more knowledgeable about appeals could say if it would be worth you trying?
Trying not to be too personal, but do you feel your disability would stop you from Home Educating? If not then I would de-reg him and tell the LA to open their CP case.....

Agree with the other posters...

You need to make a formal complaint in writing to the Head and to the Governors now, plus involve anybody from his support/health care teams that can give you support too...

Somebody recently posted on another school / bullying thread about Health and Safety... not sure whehter that would work but worth considering... it was along the lines of the school has responsibility for all adults and children on site for their health and wellbeing, and if they fail in their duty of care, H&S legislation imposes personal liability as well as corporate liability by the council/LEA...

And... for the teacher who refuses to call this bullying... the simple definition used by my DS's school so that even children can understand is "Several Times On Purpose (S T O P)" and that is used in all their anti bullying materials, on the school website etc... not everyday, but deliberate and more than once ....

Also you didn't mention the ages of the boys involved... are they 10 or over? If so I would be tem,pted to file a police complaint for assault....