Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Why would they do this? Classes re-mixed for year 1 and DD not with any friends...

60 replies

Snoopersparadise · 06/07/2012 20:15

I'm more lurker than poster but today I am so annoyed I have to get something off my chest.

DDs school mix up classes (4 class intake) and say they will keep friends together and know the children etc etc. She isn't with ANY of her friends.

All the others are with at least 2 of their friends. Instead, the only 2 she is with are 2 girls who are mega tight best friends and both really rather advanced (I had them in my little group on the school trip and they are like 8 year olds).

Why?!?! Feel really pee-ed off that DD has been shoved in there with them when all the others are at least with a couple of their friends! DD isn't that outgoing, is quite quiet and def not a trouble maker.

Is it worth making a fuss? I doubt they will do anything.

All I can say is I feel totally let down. This school clearly doesn't have my DDs best interests at heart. I won't be doing anything for them anymore. I have given up so much time this year. No more.

Sorry - am just really upset.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AdventuresWithVoles · 06/07/2012 20:22

Happened to DD for start of y2 & turned out to be best thing ever, her old friends weren't as good for her as I thought.

simpson · 06/07/2012 20:24

Is your DD upset by it??

I know exactly how you feel as when my DS finished reception he was placed into a yr1 class with none of his close friends at all.

However I was more upset by it than he was!! He was fine and did not seem bothered so I did not say anything to the school.

ljny · 06/07/2012 20:29

Some kids quite like the change, but you know your DD best. If she's quiet and 'not outgoing', this may well not be in her best interests. I'd have a word with the school now.

Try to fix it before the damage is done - especially if they think they've put her with friends. Schools do get these things wrong.

AdventuresWithVoles · 06/07/2012 20:31

My dd was devastated. She made much better friends in the new class, took all of 2 weeks.

smokinaces · 06/07/2012 20:35

Honestly, I'm sure they do have your daughters interests as a priority. Have you spoken to them? This happened with my son, and after a year his friendships and maturity and confidence has excelled - which they knew it would which is why they did it.

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 06/07/2012 21:02

Yeah I know I am probably being a bit over precious she is my PFB and all that...

She is a good all round mixer, but it takes her a long time to really make proper friends as she is a bit of a princess she can be quite particular...

I think I will ask the teacher to tell me what the reasoning behind it was. I know there will always be winners and losers but feels like we are being singled out.

Friend digging an obscene message into the school field spelt in flamin' phonics :o

OP posts:

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 06/07/2012 21:04

DD is less upset than me about it. She is of course, being the grown-up about it all

OP posts:

Butkin · 06/07/2012 22:07

Friendships develop and change. Sure she'll be fine and quite possibly new children will be added to class as time goes by - certainly DD's class looks nothing like it was in Yr 1 now she is just finished 4. It's not like she won't see her old friends at playtime and in mixed classes likes sports etc.

numbum · 06/07/2012 22:55

We're going through it too. Dd moving to year 1 with none of her best friends. She was in a group of 8 friends and is the only one not in the same class

Mspontipine · 07/07/2012 01:02

I won't be doing anything for them anymore. I have given up so much time this year. No more.

You're doing it for the children and therefore your DD. Don't lose sight of this. Don't make them miss out cuz you're p'd off with the school.

AbigailS · 07/07/2012 07:37

I suggest you talk to the teachers (without using the phrase "shoved in there with them"), as they may well have thought long and hard about it and have a reason that is in the best interest of your child.
Careful with your statement about all you've done for the school; it implies that you've helped out so you expect preferential treatment.

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 07/07/2012 11:11

I know Abigail, I don't expect preferential treatment at all. I suppose I just trusted them and now I don't :(

Numbum - it's taken my DD until this week to go on a playdate without me with one of her friends. It's been hard work to get her less clingy and more confident and now this. Why do they do it! my dd is the only one it's happened to! All the others are in groups or with their special friends

OP posts:

Melmamma · 07/07/2012 11:57

This also happened to my DD at the beginning of Y1. She was the only one of her friendship group in one class with the others (group of four, including her best friend) in the other. I was upset, but it worked out well for her; she made new friends in her class but still spends the breaks with her "old" friends. To be honest, it made her focus more on her class work as there are fewer distractions for her (she can be a bit chatty with her friends )
I would talk to her teacher in your situation (though I never did because DD was quite okay with it anyway), worth finding out if there is a reason or if it's just the way it worked out when they selected the children for each class.

Coconutty · 07/07/2012 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piprabbit · 07/07/2012 12:02

Unless they have staggered playtimes, your DD will still have plenty of time to mix with her friends.
In class, she needs to be working not chatting with friends - so I don't see a problem. The teacher generally decides who'll be working with each other on a particular piece of work anyway.

AdventuresWithVoles · 07/07/2012 12:21

Come to think of it, especially in yrs3-5 of primary, best friends are often split upto avoid Cabals forming of the Alpha 2-4 boys/girls. There was a set of girls like that in DS1's yr group, they socially dominated in a way that was rather unhealthy for other girls.

whiterthanwhite · 07/07/2012 18:21

It also happened to mine going into year 1. Did speak to the reception teachers (job share) but they could not give me a reason, they just looked to each other for an answer but one didn't come. I still dont understand why they did it especially as DD has always been shy and introverted.

DD was the only one going into her class without a close friend. She didnt manage to break into any of the friendship groups that had been kept together but she started to play with the boys so wasnt too bothered.

You should speak to the teacher anyway.

I dont put myself out for the school either anymore and dont offer to help out as I think her reception teachers just were useless.

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 07/07/2012 18:49

Thats not very promising Whiterthanwhite... I will talk to the teacher though I have little hope of much of a reason. I saw the TA today at a ballet show thing that we are all involved in and we chatted about it and she couldn't understand it either.

Up till now I have been really happy with her teacher. She is preggers now though so I wonder if she just isn't all that bothered!

OP posts:

Popoozle · 07/07/2012 18:57

I'm going through the same thing with DS moving up to Secondary. Most of the children from his current primary school are going to the same secondary. They were all asked to name one or two friends they would like to be in the same form as at secondary. Every single other child has been put with friends and not only has DS not been put with friends, he's been put with the children from his primary school he has the very least in common with & has never spoken to! I think it just seems so unfair when every other child is with someone and yours is not. It seems personal .

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 07/07/2012 19:27

I just know that if I raise it with the school, the standard response will be that there are 50 kids waiting to take DDs place if she doesn't want it.

I know its an oversubscribed "great" school, but that really gets on my nerves...

OP posts:

proudmummy100 · 07/07/2012 20:32

Can I ask how you got on when you spoke to the teacher, I have just posted somethign similar before I saw this post. I too feel my son has completely been singled out.

Original poster

Snoopersparadise · 07/07/2012 20:51

Hi Proudmummy..

I haven't spoken to her yet, but I will on Monday morning and will post again. I'm taking it ridiculously personally

Its horrible for them isn't it. My DD increasingly thinks that you only get what you want if you are naughty, loud, late etc. The good quiet ones fade into the background and are used as "stuffing" to make up the class numbers once the problem kids have been allocated. Its not really what I want her to think.

She waited and waited for the "champions" certificate, eventually she concluded that only the naughty ones get to be the champion. Great

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 07/07/2012 21:00

I was initially very sad that DD was going to be split from some of those she was closest to and was very worried about telling her. As it happened, she could not care less and made lots of new friends, and also kept her other friends, as they also share some lessons, and have break, lunch and golden time. It has probably helped DD develop her social skills as she has had to go out there and mix rather than cling to those she knows. She is now friends with children ranging from foundation through to the highest years.

They are now mixing it all up again and I am much less bothered as she is friends with lots of children so in her new class knows lots of them anyway now.

If you are very concerned that DD will be negatively effected by it, then definitely say something, but dont presume that just because it is upsetting you it is upsetting her or will be negative for her - thats from experience!

belledejour · 07/07/2012 21:22

At my DDs all-girls school they mix the classes at the end of every year. IME lots of parents find it upsetting as they worry on behalf of their kids but it is not the same case with the girls. It creates a really homogenous, united year and prevents cliqueyness, exclusions and friendship battles. I think it's a really enlightened policy that only benefits the kids. They have a large number of friends across the year and soon find out that making new friends and socializing is not something to be feared. As for thinking that the school doesn't have your child's best interests at heart...well, they want a happy, united and balanced year group and if they achieve that, then it will be in your child's best interests.

whiterthanwhite · 07/07/2012 22:01

Snoopersparadise - Know how you feel about taking it personally!

What really annoyed me was that during the school, other mothers had discussed in the playground that the teachers had told them at parents evening they were concerned that their children where not mixing with other children and only playing with their best friend's. Surprisingly they were kept with their best friends when moving into year 1!!!

I can understand mixing the children up so that they make new friends etc, but cannot understand the reasoning behind not splitting the children who are not mixing beyond their immediate friendships.

Despite my DD being really shy, she wasn't clingy to her friends.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread