Why would they do this? Classes re-mixed for year 1 and DD not with any friends...

[Snoopersparadise]

I'm more lurker than poster but today I am so annoyed I have to get something off my chest.

DDs school mix up classes (4 class intake) and say they will keep friends together and know the children etc etc. She isn't with ANY of her friends.

All the others are with at least 2 of their friends. Instead, the only 2 she is with are 2 girls who are mega tight best friends and both really rather advanced (I had them in my little group on the school trip and they are like 8 year olds).

Why?!?! Feel really pee-ed off that DD has been shoved in there with them when all the others are at least with a couple of their friends! DD isn't that outgoing, is quite quiet and def not a trouble maker.

Is it worth making a fuss? I doubt they will do anything.

All I can say is I feel totally let down. This school clearly doesn't have my DDs best interests at heart. I won't be doing anything for them anymore. I have given up so much time this year. No more.

Sorry - am just really upset.

"used to make up the numbers in the new class" This happened last year by the way.

Clam, there are four classes in the year group all with about 30 children in each. Of the new class, in DD's class, the children in the new class consisted of friendships of two and three's out of all the previous reception classes. Then there was my DD who was separated from her friends plus other single children who were moved either without their friends or the one's who had no particular friends. I have met and spoken to other parents over the past school year at parties etc. Some of the parents were happy as their children had moved with their friends, then there were other parents who could not understand why they had no friends going into the new class. The common factor is that our children are shy.

All the parents towards the end of reception were invited to a meeting at the school. The HT told us that the children were beeing mixed up. There was a massive uproar and there were parents making appointments to see the form teacher to discuss.

What I and the other parents on the "single" children had in common was that we had not been in to moan etc and accepted what was to happen.

Did your dd have to say who she would like to be in a class with?

At dc school, they have to write down three or four names of who they would like to be with and then they say they will try to get them to be with at least one of the people on their list - so maybe not their absolute best friend but one good friend.

I think mixing classes up can be good - ds has certainly got more friends now as he has old and new ones. But if the school is going to do it they should tell parents when they start school that this is the policy rather than springing it on them as a surprise to worry them at the end of the year.

I would talk to them and ask who they think is your dd's friend in the class. And then point out any strong friendship groups that were kept together and ask why if they were kept together, your dd wasn't considered good/nice/etc (lay on a bit of passive aggressive word usage to show how you feel) enough to be kept with her friends and say that you think she feels punished for being shy/good and that maybe she should be naughty to have a better chance of being with her friends next year. I would also see if you can spot any groups of 4 that could have been split into 2x2 and therefore allow your dd to be with a friend.

That's all very well Zipzap but the OP says her DD isn't that bothered. Chances are if the OP did as you suggested, the school would speak to DD who is bound not to say the 'right' thing and pretend she is heartbroken and she will continue to be not that bothered. It is just the sort of thing children do, especially if they are quiet and don't want a fuss.

Also, if all the classes are full up then it isn't going to be just the OP's DD who has to move and the school are going to end up moving loads of children around, some of whom are perfectly happy where they are.

And then what about the other friends the OP's DD has been split from? Which one does she chose to be with and why should the 3rd one be left out?

It really isn't in anybody's interests in the long run to start opening this can of worms up. Somebody will be hurt and for why? For a child who isn't that bothered and who is handling it maturely.

I've just been in to see HT asking that DD not be put in (for y6) with both of her previous 2 BFF because now the girls have fallen out mightily & with extremely inventive spiteful nastiness.

2 weeks ago (& for previous 3.5 yrs) they were joined at the hip. Welded like barnacles on a rock. HT was grateful for the warning & explanation & will see what she can do. Bloody soap opera, girl friendships.

I think Yr 6 is very different from Yr R though. My DC schools shuffle them in the infants but not the juniors because their friendships are more stable (usually!) Younger children do tend to change friends naturally I think.

I think you just cannot predict how their friendships will continue or change.

No you can't. I think that is why they mix them up when they are little though - because they can handle it and they are unpredictable anyway. They are less so in Yr 6. I hope things work out for your DD Adventures.

clam 'But that presume that one class is "better" than the other. The objective is to balance them, so it shouldn't matter which class the "flexible" children go into. And shouldn't it be a good thing if your child is considered a non-problem "flexible?"

It's not a problem at all - unless your dc ends up with no good friends, as in the OP's case.

I do see your point, clam, but you are talking from the perspective of someone who has to balance 30 children's needs. A parent's job is to make sure their dc's needs are taken into account, and that important issues are dealt with. That doesn't mean they can always have what they want, of course, but in the OP's case I would certainly be talking to the school and looking out for my own little girl.

But the point that several others have made is that what we as parents think is an important friendship issue, actually might not be in the grand scheme of things. The teacher often has a better (or at least different) overview of that, with regard to how the whole class "gels."

Thing is, school has its criteria and on the whole I believe it's in the best interests of the children. However, they can and do mess up and unless you speak up, it definitely won't be changed/fixed. I figure it's worth a conversation to see what the thinking is about the class mix as this in itself might give you more confidence.