Why would they do this? Classes re-mixed for year 1 and DD not with any friends...

[Snoopersparadise]

I'm more lurker than poster but today I am so annoyed I have to get something off my chest.

DDs school mix up classes (4 class intake) and say they will keep friends together and know the children etc etc. She isn't with ANY of her friends.

All the others are with at least 2 of their friends. Instead, the only 2 she is with are 2 girls who are mega tight best friends and both really rather advanced (I had them in my little group on the school trip and they are like 8 year olds).

Why?!?! Feel really pee-ed off that DD has been shoved in there with them when all the others are at least with a couple of their friends! DD isn't that outgoing, is quite quiet and def not a trouble maker.

Is it worth making a fuss? I doubt they will do anything.

All I can say is I feel totally let down. This school clearly doesn't have my DDs best interests at heart. I won't be doing anything for them anymore. I have given up so much time this year. No more.

Sorry - am just really upset.

FWIW, My DD finishes primary this year and her very best friend is a girl she has never been in the same class with.

Both her other best mates are in the other class too and have been since yr 3.

Actually over the years she has had close friends who have been in her class, but a) friends change over time and b) they can be mates with people from other classes too.

I would definitely be talking to the teachers about this - and tbh I wouldn't assume they have your dd's best interests at heart. It may well be that after sorting out the classes around strong friendships, they had to slot a few children in as extras. If your dd is quiet and doesn't make a fuss, it's possible that this is the situation.

It doesn't mean it won't work out though - there may well be girls in the new class who she really gels with. But it is a risk.

So I would talk to the teacher and I would question why she has been put with the two inseparables when she is already shy and struggles socially. I would express my concern that her needs haven't been considered too - and say that I was worried that because she is quiet, she has just been overlooked. But I would also be listening to what the teacher says, and willing to hear if there was a good reason behind the decision.

I would also work out before you go in which class you would ideally like. It's probable that they won't do anything, but if a place came available in that class, they might switch her.

Please let me know how you get. What I do not understand is why some groups are kept together then other completely singled out! My son think he has been put in with the naughty and not clever childre, whilst parents are saying there is one class with all children of special needs in, and that my child is that class! Now if my son can work that out, no wonder parents are going around saying it!

I am devastated, nobody has suggested my son is a child of low ability or however they phrase it these day but seems they have made classes up depending on ability.

just happened to my dd on friday, and she's yr 5, going into 6 in sept. taken from her 3 best friends.

will be talking to school tomorrow, to ask why really. they don't disrupt class, they don't even sit together, they are a lovely bunch of girls.

i do know the other class (2 class intake) have had alot of probs with the girls and are obv splitting them up, but dd hasn't even one mate to go to the other class with.

totally ridiculous, has been with these girls since she was 4 yrs old, and is now 10.

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to all sorts of people. I think being a kid at school is hard enough without this sort of crap!

I was speaking to the mum of one of DDs class friends today. It seems that DD and her 2 friends have all been split up.

They are all placed as extras with other "strong" friendship pairs. To me it seems more and more likely that they split them up and used them to make up the numbers. The three of them are not at all disruptive and I reckon it was felt that they would make the least fuss.

Again, being quiet and good makes you lose out.

Will be speaking to the teacher tomorrow morning and if I am not satisfied with the result will speak to the head.

Not expecting anything to be done about it. But still!

This happened to my DD when she went into yr 1 last Sept. It hasn't been ideal but it hasn't been a disaster either. She's leant to go and find her friends in other classes, but also to get on with children in her class, even though she'd had little to do with them in yr r. She has made a couple of new friends and enjoyed her year.

"To me it seems more and more likely that they split them up and used them to make up the numbers."

"I reckon it was felt that they would make the least fuss."

"The good quiet ones fade into the background and are used as "stuffing" to make up the class numbers"

You clearly have no idea of the amount of time and thought and care that goes into shuffling classes. I have had to do this numerous times at my Head's request and it takes HOURS and HOURS. We have to balance age, gender, ability, behaviour, friendship groups (beneficial and problematic) and it is a logistical nightmare. Everyone's interests have to be considered. I remember once that my colleagues and I finally came up with a mix that we thought would work, so we showed the provisional list to a few staff members who knew the year-group well and asked which class they would opt to teach. When they all plumped for the same one, we had to start again, as it clearly wasn't as balanced as we'd thought.

"She is preggers now though so I wonder if she just isn't all that bothered"

Now that is just plain insulting to the teacher.

"if I am not satisfied with the result will speak to the head"
Don't forget that the Head will have okay-ed the class lists personally and there is always a queue of people waiting to complain as they feel their child has been "singled out" and "picked on." No-one is in the business of deliberately making children unhappy for goodness' sake. The kids themselves are usually perfectly happy after a day or two in their new class.

You also need to bear in mind that, often, the very child some parents are desperate for their pfb to remain with, has had their parents request that they be separated!

I thought that was a good post clam, thank you.

bit nasty about the 'pfb' tho.

Clam - I absolutely understand that shuffling 120 kids around is not going to a 2 minute job and obviously I also understand that the head will have ok-ed the final lists. HOWEVER we are talking about a huge school here and although I "hope" the head knows the name of most of the kids, I very much doubt he knows much about them. There are 360 children in that school and its about to get bigger too - believe me, I am a parent rep and I KNOW that the head is far more concerned with where he is going to put the bulge class than much else.

As for implying that the teacher's heart is not in it - well I'm sorry if that is offensive, but she has actually been absent for large amounts of the large term. I know how hard early pregnancy can be so yes, I think her mind will be on other things.

I also know for a fact that the parents of my "PFB"s friends have NOT requested that they are split. My DD is far from disruptive.

I'm also not implying that anyone has done this to "make my child unhappy", I am saying that they have worked hard to keep CERTAIN children happy. Obviously not ALL can be, but its mine that is the loser.

Frankly I trusted the school to know my DD, they very clearly don't.

I am completely with Clam here. I think OP might read back her posts in a few years' time and feel a bit mortified. I felt exactly the same way, obsessive about ds's y1 class, and I can safely say with the benefit of hindsight that it really doesn't matter. The school are not deliberately 'punishing' your dd for being good nor unrewarding your valuable efforts as a parent rep, but trying to manage 120 children. Yes they probably do parcel out the difficult children or children with additional needs first, and rightly so, because can you imagine the stink if they were all put in one class.
And don't be so sure that someone hasn't asked for your child to be in a different class, even if she isn't the least disruptive. I deliberately asked for my ds not be put in the same class as one of my oldest friend's ds and wouldn't have dreamed of telling his mother (in fact, I think I might have lied to her face). This boy is lovely, but I felt that him and my son had an unhealthy dynamic. They are still really good friends and all the better for not being in the same class.

piratecat The OP was the one who mentioned it first, actually:
"Yeah I know I am probably being a bit over precious she is my PFB and all that"

If there are 120 children in the year-group, how do you know "my dd is the only one it's happened to"

Also, remember that the staff see a different side to your child at school from you at home. So, it may be that whilst your dd raves about so-and-so to you and they live in each other's pockets at home, the school see them mixing happily with a range of other children who you might not know about. And not being visibly disruptive does not necessarily mean that a friendship is always a good thing. It could be that a quieter child is being swamped and dominated by another, or it is felt that they are too reliant on each other and would benefit from a fresh start. You just don't know, but the school cannot consult all the parents about such a shuffle. It would end in chaos.

I did the same as Polly - although I'd never admit it to the parent concerned.

I asked DD to be split from her closest friend at the end of year R as I could see this particular child whilst being lovely, was dominating my DD to the extent I thought it was more healthy that they were separated. It was the right decision to make, DD still sees this girl as her friend but has made new friends in her new class.

I then asked the same for my DS who is just finishing Yr R. He's completely dominated by this friend who is very clingy. Even the teachers have noticed it's not in his best interest to stay in the same class as this boy.

Seems to me that you are a little over-invested in your pfb and need to step back and let her go a little.

Totally agree with clam et all. It's hard for a parent, but the school will be thinking about every child.

I have specifically asked the school this year to keep ds1 separated from another child and they have agreed. I would never ever tell the parent that though!! And im sure there are parents who have asked my son be kept separate too. Sometimes a good friendship does not help independant learning. They are there to learn - they will have lunch and playtimes with friends after all.

This happens in most infant schools I think and you have to trust the teachers. My DS2 was with a friend and his mother was very upset when her DS was not put in a new class with my DS but DS2's teacher told me (she probably shouldn't have done) that is was because the other child was just too dependent on DS2. DS2 did feel a bit smothered by him as the other child didn't let him play with friends he had chosen and wasn't that bothered.

I am sure there is a good reason why the teachers have done this and it could also be that they do believe your DD is with friends. Once they start school you can't know everything about them or the way they behave in school. Maybe she does spend time with other children, maybe the teachers feel she would benefit from not being so involved with the same children or them her. Maybe when asked she didn't say who she wanted to be with (if they were asked) because she wasn't that bothered.

I also think it might be character building and in the infants friendships change all the time anyway. Neither of my boys are really friends with the same people now as they were in Yr R.

What did you mean about your DD being a bit of a princess btw? You might be looking at your reason right there.

I think Pollyparanoia has it right - you will look back in a year or two (or even a month or two) and wonder what you were so worried about. Whatever you do, I wouldn't be kicking up a fuss in front of your DD. If she hasn't said anything to you about it, chances are she isn't that bothered and you don't want to make her so just because you are.

"It seems that DD and her 2 friends have all been split up.

They are all placed as extras with other "strong" friendship pairs. "

You are making it sound like there are only 3 children in the class! The classes aren't all made up of 'strong' friendship pairs. There are 27 other children to mix with!

This happened to my daughter every year, she managed fine until this year when she didn't feel confident that the class was right for her. She took herself off to see the principal, had a chat and came out with it all arranged to move to the class of her choosing. All very smooth and kind and helpful. I am sure the school means well but they mess up at times, just as we all do.

hmmm, mn so often ends up telling the OP she is being pfb and that everything will work out. I'm not sure that is true - and just because your own dc was okay doesn't mean everyone's will be.

I do agree about other parents requesting a separation though - I know this has happened to several friends, and I also know I would have requested it without telling one of dd's friends if the situation had arisen.

I would definitely go and talk to the teacher/head and raise your concerns about your dc being with a strong friendship pairing. In the end, this is going to mean she needs to start afresh with friendships - that bit probably will be okay (if she was changing schools, she would have to do this and there will be other dc in the same situation).

You could get the class list, ask the teachers who they think your dc will hit it off with, and try to arrange a few play sessions over the summer.

Clam - i do agree with some of what you have said. Sometimes it is the parents who are more concerned that their child stay with certain friends and also requests that certain friends are separated.

However, in my DD's case I do believe that she was used to make up the numbers in the new class. There were other quiet children who were split from their friends put in my DD's class together with friendship groups of two's and three's. I also believe the fact this happened was because we were less likely to make a fuss.

I am certain that a lot of thought is put into it when mixing up classes at some schools such as yours. That does not mean it happens in all schools. I can also believe the post from someone on here who said the teacher probably doesnt care as she's going on maternity leave. I have come across similar things, such as when the teacher is leaving.

There are people in all types of jobs that dont particularly care/enjoy their job, some teachers are no diffferent and I've come across a couple with god complexes.

I think it's a good thing to mix the classes up but sometimes it's not done fairly.

What do you mean by being "used to make up the numbers in the new class?" She is one of the 30 (presumably) children who need to be put in one or other of them. As I said before, there are at least half a dozen factors that need to be considered when placing children and sharing out "the good ones" is also a valid and fair thing to do. Why is that "making up the numbers?"

"Not being done fairly" would be having one class with all the well-behaved, biddable high achievers with lots of groups of close-knit girls. Schools look at the larger picture, whereas parents tend to look at it only from their own child's point of view. Understandably.

My ds certainly isn't a pfb - he's child #4 - but I'm still pissed off with the fact that he's been separated from all his friends going into reception.

At his school there are two nursery sessions which generally feed into two reception classes. He was in the morning session and has been moved into a new class with the majority afternoon children. I queried it and was told 'we had to move someone, your child would probably find it easier than some of the others'.

I can understand that they have to mix things, doesn't mean I have to like it and it doesn't mean I have to like the fact that his job settling into reception will be that bit more difficult trying to break into existing friendship groups, unlike the majority of other children in the class.

But weblette that doesn't sound as if they're genuinely mixing the cohort. It sounds as if they're keeping the groups largely the same, but just shifting a few children around to balance numbers. I think I'd feel the same as you in that situation.

The fact is the teachers are bound to start with the definites - ie best friends who cannot be separated, enemies who need to be separated - and then do the flexible options - children that could go in one class or another, or who have no strong reason to be in a particular class. They may also do the lists then have to swap a few children around to even up the numbers somehow.
So it isn't beyond belief that a few children get a rough deal. It is 'making up the numbers' if you are one of the spares imo.

But that presume that one class is "better" than the other. The objective is to balance them, so it shouldn't matter which class the "flexible" children go into. And shouldn't it be a good thing if your child is considered a non-problem "flexible?" Would you prefer that they were one of the "oh-my-Gods"
who had to be 'worked around?'