Do I need to consider private schooling or keep hassling the school?

[finefatmama]

This is a rather lengthy one so please bear with me.

DS2 5yrs attends reception in an oversubscribed catholic school (DH's preference not mine) but I don't think the school is working well for him.

Since starting reception, his teacher has complaining about his refusal to spend 80% of his time playing. He sneaks back indoors to turn on the interactive whiteboard or computer thus refusing to follow instructions. He's a september baby and bigger than most of the kids so he plays roughly with them (he also does martial arts) etc. He eventually got the class reward cuddly toy because he didn't have to be told off over the course of the day.

He now thinks of himself as a naughty kid but claims he can't help it (I don't believe that). During parents evenings, she usually has odd feedback ('he can read the whole word but can't sound out the individual parts when I ask him to break it down', 'you haven't taught him x' - often said smugly, 'when I left the class to go for my lunch he scattered the contents of my filing cabinet which I forgot to lock', 'he can count to hundred but most kids learn this by rote at home and don't know what these numbers mean so that doesn't mean he's brilliant', 'no he can't be extended because I have 30 kids to deal with and some don't even know the alphabet which is a priority', 'I know he's bored but I can't give him more work as it HAS to be 80% play for all our children', 'He has poor social skills which is why he won't go out and play' - very smug look). He once had a supply teacher who allowed him to work on the whiteboard and rewarded him for doing a correct sum which resulted in a negative number but according to him, his regular teacher would have told him off.

We have been working with him at home and he has just started year 3 maths and is currently reading Through the Looking Glass and Horrid Henry. We were ok with doing the extra work at home and trying to convince him that the teacher probably didn't mean that he's no good.

Most of the supervision is done by dad who works 9.30am -2.30pm about a mile from home. Fortunately and unfortunately following events at work, he's been promoted to a full time role in London and his current role is no more. We are now very concerned about leaving him to the mercy of the school. They have't been v helpful and have hinted that they are oversubscribed anyway and will have some kids waiting to take his place. our local authority has a shortage of primary school places already so a transfer is unlikely. If we keep fighting the school, we may end up making enemies instead of gaining allies.

We are now wondering if we should tighten our belts and pay for a good independent school where he would be taught at the right level, have access to sports activities, music lessons (dad currently takes him to flute lessons as the school dont allow for under 8s to learn instruments) etc. Or am I just romanticinsing the private school idea?
What other course of actions can anyone advise that we take to ensure a good education? We moved here to get DS1 into a very good special school and I'm not sure if we can keep the special school place if we move to a nearby LEA.

Do you think part of the issue could simply be this teacher doesn't like your DS (and may be you as a family). As you are nearly at the end of the school year,if I was in your position I would ask to meet with the head and possibly his Y1 teacher and ask to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. I would want to discuss how we could work together to build on his social skills, provide him a satisfying academic experience and monitor/identify any possible special needs. To come across well you may need to be clear about the fact you are not a 'pushy parent' but just want your DS to be happy.

IME private schools are good are providing extended work, but I would keep this on the back-burner as it may not provide a holistic solution (ie they may not help with any social issues) and try to make the current situation work if you can.

Awsome, you might be right. I asked dh if he thought there was some truth in that and he seems to think the fact that she said the school didn't hold a G&T register and that there was no infant choir for ds2 to join (which TA and Y2 teacher in charge of infant choir told him weren't true) is proof that enough for him.

Thinking back, I suppose we did engage in some silly almost juvenile squabbles about whether or not he was clever with me pointing out what he's good at and her counterarguing and poniting out what he's not good at (written sentences too short with no 'ands' or 'buts', handwriting skewed, reads whole words but doesnt do blending first etc). On one occassion we argued about whether or not he knew his 9 and 10 times tables and it ended up with us calling him and asking him to recite, which he did, and then she asked if he knew his 6 times table and he didn't so she went 'Ha!'.

We will get an ed psych assessment and hopefully the school will help with social and emotional development. DH will find out more about Y1 teacher.

The school sounds worse every post TBH, regardless of any ASD. Have the school ever suggested Aspergers as a possibility? (sorry if you already mentioned it)

The teachers sounds awful, thats a discraceful attitude from her. Some children do not like clever children and its a nightmare for the children/parents.

My DSs headteacher was a bit like that about him and actually had me in tears over some nasty comments she made, luckily his class teachers are completely the opposite so that makes life easier and she has left now anyway.

She basically said he was only good at recognising words and that was all (he was 4 and had a reading age of over 10), this wasn't true as his class teacher had said he had completed level 5 phonics at that time. She said I thought he was top of the class and he wasn't (this was completely untrue as I knew his numeracy was only a bit above average) and was generally very nasty about him not wanted to put his hand up in case he got an answer wrong.

I have no idea why she behaved like that as she had actually called me in to tell me they were moving him from YR to Y2 instead of Y1 - WTF??!!!!

The Y1 teacher may be lovely - I hope so for your sake.

IME (bright child, poor social skills) some teachers then really disliked bright/challenging DC, sounds like your DS' current teacher could be like that .

I found "unstructured" stuff by far the worst, as couldn't seem to get on with the other children, so felt anxious and lonely.

Sometimes teachers doing subtle - and not so subtle - things that showed they disliked me made things worse with the children. And at the time it was v hard to understand why they didn't like me, or to put it into words to explain to my parents.

Other teachers were much better. Agree with the idea of finding out about the next one!

that should have said some 'teachers' do not like clever children!

Could it also be that teachers prefer well mannered children who don't interupt and who don't rake out the classroom cupboards the minute the teacher's back is turned? just a though.............

Maybe seeker but I do know many cases where it almost appears that teachers genuinely dislike bright children. I was always told my the class teachers that DS1 was never in trouble and always polite etc but the HT was very rude and came across jealous that I had a child who was clever.

I think everyone agrees that the behaviour is an issue here as I know that if any child at DSs school went back into the class etc during play or emptied a cupboard would be punished as it is not expected behaviour etc but I think there is a lot more to it than that!

I haven't read the whole thread, but I would want to know where they put him for his English and Maths and what they think he could achieve by the end of the year.

Also I would want more detail about his social skills, what's wrong, how can he improve and how you can help so that he can enjoy his time playing.

Isn't the teacher meant to cater for all abilities? Isn't there a classroom assistant who can prepare/work with those who need extra help or additional work? It sounds as if the teacher told you, that she hasn't go time for your DS as the learning of others is more important.