Lying about a child's age to get into a hothouse school

[avidskier]

There is a child in my DC's highly selective, private school who is over a head taller than the rest but is supposedly in the correct year for its age. The child looks much older than everyone else (in terms of maturity in the face) and also had two fully grown front teeth at least a year before anyone else had even lost the front two.

I suspect that the parents have lied about the child's age in order to pass the entrance exams.

The child was born abroad in a country where it is easy to obtain forged birth certificates. The child's caretaker also seems to be confused as to the child's age when asked (and thought that the child was a year older than what the school has been told!). The child is one of those doesn't-do-playdates-as-it-does-extra-English&Maths-every-waking-minute.

It annoys me for all sorts of reasons.. I don't think parents that would make a child lie about its age for its entire school life should be allowed to be at that school. I mean REALLY?? Are people really willing to go that far to get their kid into the school of their choice?

As any child would,it enjoys its physical superiority. It likes to use its classmates to play leapfrogging (this child weighs about three times as much as DC and it caused a back injury!). The school has tried to stop this but is struggling to contain it.

I have no real proof of the age so cannot complain to the school.

Any ideas?

The child's age is absolutely none of your business.
If the child is bullying, then you should handle it like any other bullying - by approaching the school.

I would complain to the school if your dc was injured. I don't understand how the rest of your post is your concern. When my ds was 5 he was convinced that the age of his classmates was relative to their heights and would not be convinced that dcs shorter than him could be older. He grew out of that notion by the time he was 6.

Two of the youngest boys in dd2's reception class are the tallest, and one has already lost a tooth, and is ahead of many of the other boys, maybe this is less apparent because there are about 20 other boys and you can see there is a continuation of sizes etc. If there were only 6 other boys then they may well stand out. Also it could be an ethnic difference if he 'was born abroad in a country where it is easy to obtain forged birth certificates'. I imagine that if my children did extra english and maths all their waking hours they might get into a highly selective school, but like this kid they would have lots of pent up energy and poor social skills.

Do talk to the school about the bullying again, but even if the birth certificate were forged how would you ever prove anything?

Ohh fgs!

My son is 3 and towers over children the same height as him. He's in age 5-6 year old clothes, necessary for his leg length, and with belts holding his trousers up up!!

He does actually look older too and could also be accused of being rough with smaller children, as he is physically so much stronger / bigger..

I gave birth to him in London, have not forged his BC, but do often feel like getting him a t-shirt that says 'I am 3' so people like you don't judge him.

Some kids a little, some are tall. Would you feel it was acceptable for your DC to be judged on a physical characteristic they could not control???

was born abroad in a country where it is easy to obtain forged birth certificates That is ridiculous.

There is a little girl in my DD1 class which fits all your "physical" criteria I know for a fact that she is just a month older than DD1 (7).
I was a early too, always the tallest, very mature and had my first 2 adult teeth at 4.
I am very conscious as well that DD2 (25 months) is the height and strength of a 4 yo. She doesn't really understand that she can't play some games with other kids her age because of her build.
What is leapfrogging? Are all the other kids participating and he is just too strong to play with them?

If there is violence it is a problem and the school should deal with it. But IME, That boy might be bullied, have you thought about that? and retaliating.
Talk to the school about that but not the forge ID?

'it'? I think you mean he, she or they. It's not fair, no, but it happens. It's none of your business. And it's not just 'that' school BTW, it happens at state schools too.

Yes, there are DSs in the year below our DS who look about three years older than him. I don't think you can make assumptions of wrongdoing when it could just be Nature - and remember children of different cultural backgrounds mature at different rates.

A friend was told by midwife (without asking or mentioning etc) that if her child was born closer to midnight on 31 Aug she might have been able to put it down as 1 sept!

The only issue here that is any of your business is if this boy doesn't interact well with your child, in which case you need to be raising this issue alone, in a private conversation, with the class teacher.

The school are obviously happy enough to take the fees for this child so it is up to the school to educate him appropriately.

My 5 & 7 year old daughters are way bigger than most other kids thier age, there is another girl in dd1's class who is slightly bigger but they both stand out like sore thumbs. Dd2 is the biggest in reception by far, she's a whole ft taller than some of the kids who are small for thier age. Both girls wear clothes for kids 2-3 years older than them.

My 7 year old was losing her first teeth at 5 and by 6 had almost all of her adult teeth, inc some molars that don't usually come through until 10-11.

My 9 year old (he's 10 next month) is the opposite, he's small for his age, infact dd1 is exactly the same height as him atm, she weighs more and has feet 2 sizes bigger. People who don't know us think they are twins, lol.

When dd2 was a baby I was told by a stranger in the street 'She's way to big to be in a buggy, you should have her walking', they soon shut thier mouth when I told them she wasn't even 1.5 yet.

There is a boy in year 6 and he's about 6ft tall, I'm not joking, he's taller than the head teacher who isn't a short man. He's got a huge bone structure too and looks like he should be mid way through high school, his feet look twice as big as mine. My ex (my oldest 3's father) was the same, he was huge for his age like this boy and was bullied because of it.

ds2 has always looked older 5.8 by year y had a proper mustache in y6 and in y10 now he is well over 6 foot and can pass for 18 pretty easy and needs to shave twice a day

It is quite normal to have a DC who looks much older and is much taller.

My DH was 6' by the time he was ten. Work backwards to see how tall he was as a young child (and physically mature too with teeth etc). Our DS looks to be heading the same way, though - hopefully - not quite so much (age 6, in age 7-8 clothes, will be in 9-10 soon). So if being big for their age is the only thing concerning you, remember they're all different.

Is this for real??

If so, I feel very sorry for you because you have an overdeveloped sense of other people's business. (and a tiny bit of racism??)

Stick to the bullying issue and trust that the school know how to do their job.

"I don't think parents that would make a child lie about its age for its entire school life should be allowed to be at that school."
But it would be OK if they were at a school down the road, away from your precious dc ?
My 15yo ds is tiny for his age. I'm sure people wondered if he was some sort of genius when they saw what looked like a 12 year-old revising for a maths GCSE in A&E recently. . He'd finished with his train-track brace, however, long before his mate, 6 foot plus, had even lost all his baby teeth.
You simply cannot judge on these things.

My DS2 weighed nearly ten pounds when he was born and went on growing to match. I breast fed him and in one week he once put on 3oz a day, so 21oz!!!! Exclusively on breast millk!
By the time he went into Year 3, he had size 4 (adult) feet and was much taller than the rest of his class, and this stayed the same all through his school career. People always thought he was two or more years older than he was, and this was not helped by his very immature personality, despite his massive intellect.
So don't judge a child by its size!
All my kids were tall children, although DD is now shorter than me as an adult, but the two older boys are six foot three and six foot four. One is thin, but DS2 is built like a rower (which he does) and is very strong.
In contrast, my youngest DS (eleven) is not particularly tall for his age (4'9") but rather tubby (different dad).

Both DS1 and DS2 were friends with a pair of brothers who were tiny! This looked really funny, as mine were so tall, and their friends were so short! Both still quite short now.
People always thought my two were much older than their friends!
It is a big disadvantage to be extra tall and mature looking, so leave this poor kid alone. He/she is probably acutely conscious of their height and disparity to the other kids and doesn't need some jealous parent drawing attention to it.

PS forgot to say that DS2 had lost his front teeth before he started school in Reception. He had got them early too, at 17 weeks (top and bottom).
If you have a child that gets their teeth early, they change them early too. He had a full set in his mouth (except for wisdoms) by the time he was nine. Dentist told me.

I know of a child who moved from another country and the parents lied about their age when they entered year 6. I understand this caused real problems when it was discovered towards the end if the year but not sure what year group the child entered secondary in.

The truth will always come out in the end, OP. If the school has concerns the parents will be the last to know!

We are in Scotland so with children who were deferred there is an 18 month difference between the oldest and the youngest in ds's class. The tallest and oldest looking child is actually one of the youngest and the oldest boy in the class is one of the smallest.

If this child is hurting yours you have to deal with it. The rest is none of your business.

Are you sure they've even lied. In my DS1s independent school there is a boy a whole year older than him. His family had moved a around a lot and he was very lacking in confidence and wasn't as far on academically as he should be. The class he should have gone into was year 6 where they are prepared for the entrance exam into seniors. The headmaster felt it would be too much pressure for him and put him in year 5 with my DS and he has remained there now they are at senior school in year 7.

My DS is 9 and is the height of an 11 year old..He is always being expected to be more mature than he is when people who don't know him talk to him. At football we are usually asked for ID from the opposition as he is bigger than everyone else. I think it's wrong to judge a child by their size - all sorts happen!

If the parents have lied, it will come out sooner or later.

This isn't for real, surely?! DS2 is in yR and admittedly an early birthday but he is head and shoulders above his peers - he wears 7-8 age clothes and is as tall as some of the boys in yr4/5! Children vary a lot at this stage, stop being so small minded. I spend my life telling people he's five because otherwise people expect too much of him

Its easy to lie about a child's age. My husband is also a year younger that he should be (also due to schooling).

There is not much you can do about it but you should be on the school's back if there is bullying going on.

Also my other slightly less supersized DS (but still tallest in class) had all his adult teeth at 6

Oh great, my son is off the charts for both weight and height - is this what I have to look forward to when he starts school? People thinking he's in the wrong year and then making disparaging comments about him and us - oh joy!