Lying about a child's age to get into a hothouse school

[avidskier]

There is a child in my DC's highly selective, private school who is over a head taller than the rest but is supposedly in the correct year for its age. The child looks much older than everyone else (in terms of maturity in the face) and also had two fully grown front teeth at least a year before anyone else had even lost the front two.

I suspect that the parents have lied about the child's age in order to pass the entrance exams.

The child was born abroad in a country where it is easy to obtain forged birth certificates. The child's caretaker also seems to be confused as to the child's age when asked (and thought that the child was a year older than what the school has been told!). The child is one of those doesn't-do-playdates-as-it-does-extra-English&Maths-every-waking-minute.

It annoys me for all sorts of reasons.. I don't think parents that would make a child lie about its age for its entire school life should be allowed to be at that school. I mean REALLY?? Are people really willing to go that far to get their kid into the school of their choice?

As any child would,it enjoys its physical superiority. It likes to use its classmates to play leapfrogging (this child weighs about three times as much as DC and it caused a back injury!). The school has tried to stop this but is struggling to contain it.

I have no real proof of the age so cannot complain to the school.

Any ideas?

I think if you think this child has some kind of fraudulent admission to the school, then you need to raise it with the school.

Same as the behaviour you are unhappy with.

Also, I don't think you are doing yourself any favours referring to the child as "it". That is really distasteful.

The tone of your post has really upset me that I have to comment.

My family is of African descent and I think on the developmental charts Black babies (not all but a lot) growth rate are usually in the top percentile.

Now I have 3 DCs. DS1, the first is not yet 7, he is in YR2 but much bigger than his class mates, started losing his teeth at 5 and now has about 8 adult teeth . He wears size 9/10 clothes, and behaves very well. He is very aware of his size so much so that in football he plays with KS 2 becos of an incident that happened where he tackled a smaller but older child when he played with KS1.

DS2 is 4, and recently I moved him from our local nursery to a pre prep nursery near work. On our first day, the lady that met us at the door thought he was starting P1!!! instead of nursery. She thought he was 6. But luckily he was born here (I guess UK is a country where these things can't be forged) so at least we can't be accused of forgery. He is also very conscious of his size, hence his nickname in his former nursery was 'gentle giant'

Now my DD, who is just 9mths looks about 14months. She had 4 teeth by 3mths and 8 by the time she was 6mths. At her last developmental check the health visitor had to write a referral to the GP because her head measurements were way over the charts!!!

So my kids have to contend with small minded people like you due to their heritage!! I feel sorry for you. And to refer to the poor child as "IT" makes me sick! If his/her parents had lied to get him/her in how is that his/her fault?

And where is the bullying in this case, because I do not see it?

My DS age 6 wears age 9 clothes. His teacher described him at open evening this week as being much more mature emotionally and physically and having a much more developed vocabulary than any other child in the class. ( not the brightest in class though in case you think I'm boasting!)

He lost his first two teeth in reception and the new ones had fully grown by the time he left reception.

I really hope no one ever describes him as "it" just because of his size.

I'm horrified at your use of "it" to describe a child and by your casual racism too.

I really hope this is a wind up.

I think you need to get out more.

Who cares? Seriously?

OP - Do you really think that a family would go to the trouble of getting a forged birth certificate and presumably passport as well just to get their kid into some British "hothouse school"? I imagine the family may be in this country for diplomatic or employment purposes not because the schools are superior - they may be way better in their country of origin. I think his physical maturity means nothing, my DH physically grew tall much earlier than his peers and one of my DDs too. It also could be the case that this child was allowed to join in a class below because of the change of schooling in moving to another country, but the school want to be discreet about it.

It sounds like you have a real problem with this family for other undisclosed reasons.

If leap frog is the problem - speak to the head - it was banned in DD2s school playground after an accident.

DS2's best mate is a good head taller than him and all the rest of their footie team too. In fact he is taller than my DD who is two years ahead of him in school.

His dad is quite tall, y'know, so I don't think they are lying about his age

Why would you? And what does it matter to you? Your child is nicely at yr highly selective private school so what's the issue? Tho I agree if your child has been injured then I would raise that with the school.

Meant to say I was also a bit at "it" as personal pronoun for a child. "He" "she" or if you must in a Jane Austenian style "they" is fine.

Hi avidskier:

My DD1's best friend from nursery is 1 head and 1/2 taller than my average height DD1(Y4 age 9) and this girl now wear's a woman's size 6 shoe (which has me very angry as I can no longer borrow her cool brightly coloured kids shoes, some of which I prefer to grown up shoes). These girls were the same height at 2 and started nursery together as 7/8 month olds - we've known them all this time, and are astounded that this girl seems to grow inches in literally 3 weeks.

DD1's friend's mother is 6'1" and father is 6' 5" - they both said they did most of the growing by 10-12 years of age as children and towered over children in their schools, we've seen the pictures and can absolutely see where DD1's friend gets it from.

My DD, like me, is a slow and steady grower, a little bit at a time, with only the occasional spurt (usually with feet rather than height).

Please, please don't judge the child too harshly. The school will more than likely have all sorts of evidence about the child as well (probably also passport info) - so if there was something amiss they'd be on to it.

What I will say is my DD1's friend is constantly having to pay full price (at restaurants, fun fairs, etc...) because of her daughter's extraordinary height. The child is often treated as if she's older than she is as well. She finds all of this very confusing and upsetting - so do take a bit of time to realise that it is very hard on tall children, they often move awkwardly because they're growing so quickly and wish desperately they were more like their friends. Certainly we are aware that this girl is developing real body image problems and are concerned for her to feel we think she's normal, which her parents are grateful for, because they're really starting to get worried (there are some food issues developing and this kid is only 9).

It's not preventing your DC from attending the school & as you say the school is 'highly selective' so that implies that if there were doubts, they'd have chosen someone else.

I agree with others who've posted the only issue you should have is the 'rough play' leapfrog game which has caused an injury. What the parents prioritise for their child is their concern not yours. If you are upset because you've offered a play date and they've said no DC is studying, I can understand that may have hurt your feelings/ caused offence but what can you actually do about it? It doesn't actually sound like you like this child, since you call the boy/ girl 'it' in your post.

In all sincerity, I'd focus on something more important.

HTH

Not really to the point, but smiling at the poster who wanted a t-shirt saying 'I am 3'.

I seriously investigated this at one point for DS, who has always been tall for his age.

Only size available in 'I am 3' T-shirts? Age 3...... As i wanted an age 5-6 size, i had a choice of 'I am 5' or 'I am 6', which didn't meet the case...

iyatoda - I have a "gentle giant" too

iyatoda I like your post.

I'm glad the OP sends her child to a highly selective private school so that I'm not exposed to her toxic views on the school run.

sadly wimini, someone, somewhere is...

What a disappointing thread. Honestly OP have you nothing better to do with your time or head than post such utter rubbish?

My DD was 6 in January and is 130 cm tall. She is in 8-9 or 9-10 clothes.

She towers above all her class and all of yr 2, first to loose teeth and is mature for her age due in part I suspect to being an only child and coping with a disability.

I get far more comments about her age than her missing arm

I've had parents say to me she can't be 4 - my daughter is 4. I trot out i'm the small one my DH is 6ft 4, brother 6ft 5, SIL 6ft etc. What else do you say - i'd consider it rude to say well your child is too small. Nothing anyone can do about it!

I'd keep your comments to yourself.

If it is a genuine safety issue then speak to the school aboout that.

Goodness OP, if you're ever called for jury service, please try to get an exemption as you seem to have convicted this child/family, and presumably would have them all hung, drawn and quartered by now, if it was possible, on no evidence at all. Your attitude and outlook is much more disturbing than anything else you have alleged has happened.

Get over it. If you are concerned about the school's ability to safeguard your child, then take that up with them as a separate issue.

Get a grip OP!
I am sure you believe that your DC and his school are special, but you are seriously deluded

There are plenty of four year olds who have already lost their first milk teeth and five year old who already have their first adult teeth (!!!). I know four year olds who are a good head taller than the average four year old. This is all totally normal. This is at an ordinary state school, so there is no reason for parents to lie about their child's age. The truth is children vary hugely, in size, in length, in maturity, etc. So I really don't understand what you are going on about.

I would just make sure that the teacher tells this child that he/she is bigger that all the others and must try not to hurt the other children accidentally. Other than that, it shouldn't need to make any difference to you and your child.

If there is lying involved, it's a matter for the school to deal with and you would be within your rights to mention it as a concern, anonomously if you really want. I would caution that there are very big children around who are much bigger, chunkier and stronger than all of their classmates but are in fact the same age. I know a boy (Y2) who is by far the biggest and strongest in his year group and he is actually bigger and stronger than all the boys in the year group above. He wouldn't look out of place 3 or 4 year groups above his actual age as he looks mature and built as well as being exceptionally tall.

My friend's daughter is more than head and shoulders above everyone in her year (and most of the year above) but she's September born and her dad is 6'9" - and I know there are children who lose their milk teeth in reception even though they are the size of a 3 year old.

Do you really think the parents have lied to the school and their child about how old "it" is?

I really think the whole school parents thing in this country is going nuts. OP read your post back as if you were not the poster and really what would you think? NUTS!!!

The more I read this the more I think it is a wind up.
OP you can't be that narrow minded, racist and snob at the same time...
and using "it" for a real person
People usually lie about their kids being older than they are, not younger what is the advantage of that?
You do seem to dislike that kid (and his family) a lot, why?

I'd be careful to throw accusations around like that. I have a dd in reception who is in age 7-8 clothes at the age of 4 1/2. She has a child in her class who is even taller and has lost both front teeth a day before her (alleged) 5th birthday. She also has a child in her class who is so tiny that she is roughly the height of my 2 year old dd2. Based on my observations, everyone must be lying and the reception class has children ranging from around 2 to 9 .
Honestly, you should mind your own business.

Wow! I've read the OP twice, just to see if the OP might have point but this is just vile busybodying.

I went to see a school with my dc recently and the head teacher commented she was quite tall. I didn't think much of it till we went in the classrooms and found she was taller than all the reception and year 1 kids. She won't start reception till 2013. That said we are of African descent and all the kids in both classes of Caucasian descent. And I didn't think anything of it till I read this.

But I guess my dc will be luckier than this child as she was born in the UK and she has her red book to show she's between the 75th to 90th percentile of the growth charts.