Is it hard being minority posh kid at inner London school?

[saucypan]

I'm not someone who wants my kids to go to a middle class socially cleansed school in London - I want them to have a proper mix that represents the community they live in. But what do the wise women of MN have to say about schools - good, vibrant, successful, but in very deprived areas. Is it hard to be the only white middle class kid in the class - or one of very few?

No, not at all and I'd agree with you (also work in a school) but it does make behaviour different, more assured and smarmy charming perhaps?

It wasn't my experience that middle class children were nicer or better behaved - certainly not beyond the most superficial level, anyway.

I live in a town where there are only three selective schools. Two are religious and the other is an arts school. None are fee paying (parents have to commit to do a certain amount of voluntary work at the religious schools, which are as far as I can see a great deal more religious than in the UK - most people I know who have children there opted for that choice because of their faith). Everyone else, whether the child of a drug addict or a doctor goes to the local school (including children with special needs). It seems to work very well. Certainly people don't seem to have the worry about schools that we had when we lived in London.

My parents sent me to a school where we really didn't fit in at all, and it really wasn't very good for us. In infants it didn't make much difference, but in juniors my big sister and I were pretty much ostracized. It was a good school and I totally understood why my parents chose it, but it's not something I'd do to my children, as it left me very unsure of myself and I wasn't really confident about making friends until I went to university. My ideal is a really mixed school where difference is expected and normal, so whether you have a different accent, background, faith, attitude or anything else you aren't the only one.

Of course it works both ways, blushingcrow. Nasty bullies exist in all walks of life. But they do tend to pick on minorities who feel undefended, so if you stick out like a sore thumb, through no fault of your own, you are at greater risk of attracting bullies.

But I don't understand why you would stick out for supposedly being middle class

"But I don't understand why you would stick out for supposedly being middle class"

But it does happen. I wasn't bullied, but my accent did get picked on because I didn't say ain't or drop my aitches. You must have led a very sheltered life not to understand this.

??? What don't you understand about someone who talks in a different accent sticking out???? You don't always have to label yourself to be given a label. You don't even have to fit the label - I don't think everyone who was accused of smelling at school actually had a body odour problem.

FGS blushing, because you talk proper!

I agree nooka and it sounds like you and blushing have that in your areas, but IMO truly comprehensive education is very rare

See , now that just smacks of being up yourselves to me.

Is it being up yourself to talk in a scouse accent in Kent?

Lots of people spoke in different accents at my sons school , Jamaican , Asian . Somalian , Polish etc.

They were never bullied because of their accents.

And I don't suppose anyone was mean to any of them about it?

Lucky them. And did you ask all of them about that to come to that conclusion? I presume you will say next that no bullying of any sort exists in your children's school.

What do parents know, anyway? I don't recall coming home and giving my mother a report about all the incidents of bullying that had taken place in school that day. I seldom even told them if I was being bullied.

I would just like to point out that you are talking about my kids.

They are not bullies.
If they do not beat up other children for being posh.

You know, in many ways, they are just like your kids.

Cept browner and with a different accent.

FFS.

I actually agree with you, blushingcrow, that bullying over someone's accent is not as common as some people seem to think - it certainly isn't a given. However, if you have experienced this sort of bullying, it is understandable that you will worry more about it when you send your own children to school than someone who hasn't.

But not all schools are like your son's school blushingcrow. If they were it wouldn't be a problem. When I started high school 42 years ago we didn't have the mix of people that there are now. We had Asians, Afro-Caribbeans and white people and that was it. Almost everyone spoke with a broad cockney accent except for me and one or two others, so we stuck out. And yes, the rougher element at my school used this to tease us. I wouldn't say it was bullying, but at the time it bothered me so I started speaking badly to fit in.

And when people who are "browner with a different accent" go to a school where they are in a minority, I'm sure it never crosses their minds to wonder whether they will be bullied. Or to wonder whether the police will stop and search them more.

Yeah. That is exactly the same thing Rabbit

I didn't mean it like that OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere

I meant that having a posher accent is no different from having any accent iyswim

People with a browner skin are stopped more often by the Police when they are in the majority or minority...well that is what I see in my part of London...my experience

Bullying is bullying. Being made to feel unwelcome is being made to feel unwelcome. Being beaten up after school because someone thinks you are posh physically hurts.

And you thinking that my children are going to beat your children up isn't a great feeling either.

Some people get picked on. Some people will get picked on wherever they go to school. Other people only get picked on in certain schools. To make assumptions is wrong, but to be affected by your own experiences is difficult to avoid.