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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Is it hard being minority posh kid at inner London school?

149 replies

saucypan · 01/03/2012 10:38

I'm not someone who wants my kids to go to a middle class socially cleansed school in London - I want them to have a proper mix that represents the community they live in. But what do the wise women of MN have to say about schools - good, vibrant, successful, but in very deprived areas. Is it hard to be the only white middle class kid in the class - or one of very few?

OP posts:

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 17:59

Is this thread for real?

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 20:14

Why would it not be for real, blushingcrow? People do get bullied for their accent; people do see their accent as part of their identity and many therefore feel the need and right to defend it; and not everyone is any good at changing their accent in order to blend in, even if they want to.

10miles · 03/03/2012 20:35

I was that child, although I doubt my parents would admit to being posh (both from very working class parents), they were educated professionals which made them unique among my school friends' parents.

I would say that in primary school it made no difference to me at all, but from the day I started secondary I was ridiculed because I spoke "proper", because I actually did my homework, because I had to pay for my school meals (really!) because I didn't have all the branded clothes/trainers they had and because I didn't get involved in the glue sniffing and smoking etc.

I don't know if it did me any harm long-term, I'm happy with my own company, strong willed and know my own mind. I did develop an accent which fitted in better though and that's incredibly difficult to lose once you've got it.

OTH my sister "lost" nearly 10 years of her teens and early 20s because she had tried to fit in. I'm sure that can happen at any school, but this is my experience.

I would also question whether the school you describe exists in a properly deprived area. IMO comprehensive education is a great idea, where children get to mix with "all-sorts" but unfortunately such a place doesn't exist.

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 20:38

Comprehensive education does exist , well it does where I live anyway.

RoverJones · 03/03/2012 20:44

I was the "poor" kid when I was at school - I went to local rough primary school but I got a scholarship to the private school 15 miles away. I hated it there. When I was 16, we moved and I went to the local rough secondary again. I fitted in there much better.

My dp was middle class and got sent to a posh primary and a private secondary. She also felt out of place and hated it there.

My ds goes to the local school - inner city Manchester - and is the only white British kid in his class. We will make sure that he gets into a good secondary - regardless of its intake - but primary school is more about cultural awareness and basic education than needing to be perfect.

I would say that it depends more on the child than the family's wealth and background. It also depends on the accent.

10miles · 03/03/2012 20:48

It doesn't blushing, because either you have no very deprived kids in your area or (and?) the wealthy send their DC to private schools, so your DC don't get to truly mix with "all sorts"

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 20:52

There are no grammars or private schools were I live , my Ds went to school with kids from our estate and kids from the posh houses .

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 20:53

I don't know one single person that sent their kids to a private school.

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 21:01

You're not mixing with people who want a private education for their children, blushingcrow. Such people do exist.

10miles · 03/03/2012 21:01

Quite, you don't know the kids who went to private school. How many Doctors' or Solicitors' children are your DC's at school with? How many drug addict parents?

hermionestranger · 03/03/2012 21:06

I would say don't sacrifice your children on the altar of your beliefs.

I was the minority posh kid, it was 5 years of hell and I would never put my children through that.

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:09

My sons best friends Dad is a Dr , he lives in the best street in the city . maybe he likes slumming it at my house though

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:11

How the hell do you know you are a posh kid anyway? It's a bit up yourself to think like that imo

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 21:12

Some people get bullied. The excuse may be that you are posh, or it might be that you smell. It might be that you're a swot, it might be that you're stupid. Some people don't get bullied.

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 21:13

blushingcrow - you know you're posh because that's what people call you when they're bullying you.

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:14

Well if you go to school with the attitude you are better than everyone else, how on earth do you expect to fit in?

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 21:16

You don't have to have that attitude to be bullied. Or are you saying that anyone who is bullied only has themselves to blame?

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:17

No , I'm just wondering how anyone knows they are a middle class Child

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:19

It baffles me , this class thing .

10miles · 03/03/2012 21:25

That's my point blushing, the school is "good" enough that a Dr has sent his DC there, which unless the Dr is exceptional, suggests to me that it's catchment contains very few SEN/FSM kids. What is the %?

I don't think the child knows they are middle class, but their classmates know that they have a different accent to them and different behaviour/manners/homelife/clothes etc Nothing to do with behaving as though you're "superior" all to do with being different. My dad would have had a fit if either of us had suggested we were better than the poorer kids, we were just luckier, didn't stop us being labeled as posh snobs though.

rabbitstew · 03/03/2012 21:33

Well, I was told in no uncertain terms when I asked my bullies what it was that made me "posh" that it was the fact I lived in a large house and my father was a doctor so (apparently) that automatically had to mean I thought I was better than everyone else. So you could say, I was put in the know by the bullies, not by my own thoughts or actions. Not everyone behaves like that - if they did, I would have been very miserable and not have had any friends. But the fact is, some people have a HUGE chip on their shoulder and make all sorts of nasty assumptions about others which only serve to show up how nasty they are themselves.

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:33

Above national average for SEN and FSM

Bunbaker · 03/03/2012 21:36

"I would say don't sacrifice your children on the altar of your beliefs."

Excellent point.

SVN · 03/03/2012 21:36

10miles - you're not suggesting that being middle class means a child is better behaved or has better manners? Being a teacher myself, I'd certainly dispute that.

blushingcrow · 03/03/2012 21:39

And people make all sorts of nasty assumptions about not middle class kids , works both ways

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