Help, crap school?

[WorriedAndNotSureIShouldBe]

I had to move house a couple of years ago due to money problems. We didn't have many choices as to where we could live so chose an area not far from where we were before, just on the cheaper side of town. Our dcs go to the local school which I was keen for them to do so that they lived near their friends. Also I don't always have access to a car so didn't want to commit to having to drive them across town. Also was concerned about how complicated it would get when I went back to work if my dcs were not at a local school etc.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. The reason it wasn't easy is that the local school doesn't have a great OFSTED. The school is graded as satisfactory.

Since my dcs have started there though I have been very happy indeed with the teachers who so far have been great and also my dcs are very happy and are making good progress (from what I can tell anyway). The down side is that a lot of the parents are not really like me, I am more educated then most of them and we have careers where they have jobs IYSWIM. Some I don't think work at all. They are also more of the tracksuit, orange skin types (sorry if I sound like a snob I just don't know how else to describe them). I am an artist so not highly paid but have individuality and am used to quite groovy modern thinking people etc. Some of the parents at the new school have got me thinking there may be a little bit of rascism/homophobia even though it is very mixed which I find strange. Not in an attacking each other way, just a more not very up to date outlook that you get from reading the Sun!

There are a few that are a bit rough but there are also a lot of parents who are really lovely and who I can relate to. I have made a few friends although sadly there isn't much inviting other kids for tea or parents getting to know each other business going on, not within my dcs classes anyway.

I feel this is a shame as where I lived before I know that a lot of the parents do class meet ups for anyone who wants to go along and nights out for the mums etc. In that area they were ambitious, achieving types. They were probably much more so then me so I didn't entirely fit in there either. They were all more wealthy then me.

So part of the problem is that I am concerned for my dcs being at this school which ofsted thinks isn't good, plus the last SATS were quite bad.

Part of the problem is that I am worried about the influence of some of the other families on my dcs as they grow older and are more independent. I worry that perhaps they won't want to bother going on to any sort of further education or training or have ambition because their friends don't and that sort of thing.

I also feel crappy because I grew up in a rough area and got out by the skin of my teeth, I was all set to bring up my children in a better area and then it all went to shit. Where we are now is somewhere between the 2. Not as bad as where I grew up by any means but not as middle class as the last place I lived.

The school has a new headmistress who is supposed to be a kick arse head so things should be turning around for the school, in theory. The school will soon be assessed again and if they get another terrible report I just don't know what to do.

Please don't flame me for being a snob!

My DSs go to a 'rough' school. It's massive, so there is a huge mixture of families that attend. After drop off in the morning some parents get on their bikes and go off to work in high level civil service in Westminster or head off to work at the local hospital as cleaners, nurses or doctors. Others hang around and fight each other at the school gate.

We're somewhere in the middle, like most of the other families. The DS sometimes see behaviour from the other parents I'm far from happy about. We talk about it. They understand that some families do things differently to us and that I don't think that behaviour is OK. And that they should never, ever behave like that.

I agree with brandrethmupp. Wait and see. If they're learning well and happy with healthy friendships I don't really see what more you can ask for.

ilovedjasondonovan My idea of what sort of parent I would be is rather far removed from the reality! I would be calm and patient etc. What I realised is that they don't perform personality transplants when you give birth! There are things I don't worry about that I thought I would and things I do that I never thought would bother me!

MissBetsy The DS sometimes see behaviour from the other parents I'm far from happy about. We talk about it. They understand that some families do things differently to us and that I don't think that behaviour is OK. And that they should never, ever behave like that. --- We do that too. I actually think it's quite good for them to learn about these differences rather then grow up in a bubble.

Something nice happened earlier. When I picked my dcs up from school today I made an effort to chat to a parent that I have often seen about but haven't talked to much. I had thought she seemed ok but last time I did that the woman in question started going on about immigrants nicking our jobs so I was wary! Anyway, this one was really nice and it turns out is very smart, responsible, the sort I would be happy for my dcs to go and play at her house and I have invited her and her dcs over to play after school later in the week! I'm not saying we are going to be best buds or anything, but I am just relieved that I have met another parent (there are a couple of others) that I think I would have similar views to on some issues and so feel comfortable with being around my children and me around hers etc.

Ofsted only tells half the story. Take it with a pinch of salt.

I have known more than a few supposedly 'outstanding' schools that were horrible places - the teachers were just very good at putting on a show and ticking all the right boxes.

DS's school is satisfactory - the facilities are run down and the results aren't spectacular because 80% of kids there speak English as a second language - but it is the most wonderful, caring, heart-of-the-community school. I wouldnt want my DS anywhere else.

The important thing is that your DC are happy and thriving.

MerryHippo I have known more than a few supposedly 'outstanding' schools that were horrible places - the teachers were just very good at putting on a show and ticking all the right boxes.

I know what you mean and that's what I think on some days and other days I worry. I have friends at Outstanding and good school (or rather their children are) and a couple have been really unhappy and have had to move their dcs. When they ask me if my dcs are happy (and they look dubious due to the Satisfactory rating) and I tell them they are they look confused.

I can't believe how many smug judgemental people were quick to criticise the OP for expressing her concerns. I can only assume they are not the sort to ever admit to themselves that they have any prejudices or acknowledge that legitimate worries and concerns are not always politically correct.

Those sorts of worries come from insecurity. I think that's why you find a reasonable number of middle class parents not worrying too much about their satisfactory primary school in a mixed neighbourhood, because they are so blissfully confident in themselves, their children's internal sense of self and their own family set up that they cannot imagine having children so weak willed as to copy the lowest common denominator or lose all sense of ambition. Unless their nerve is tested by, eg, the child being miserable or not learning to read or some other obvious indication that something is going awry, then that often leads to the result anticipated by the parents. It doesn't always, of course, but moving heaven and earth to avoid exposing your child to vast swathes of the population doesn't necessarily protect them from making bad choices in life or having low self esteem, either.

camicaze I can't believe how many smug judgemental people were quick to criticise the OP for expressing her concerns. I can only assume they are not the sort to ever admit to themselves that they have any prejudices or acknowledge that legitimate worries and concerns are not always politically correct.

Very well put.

rabbitstew Are you saying that you think only working class people have insecurities and that all middle class people are confident? Sorry I am not sure how you mean it.

Sorry, obviously I shouldn't have mentioned class. I didn't mention working class people at all and I only mentioned middle class parents to challenge the apparently accepted idea that all middle class people worry about their child's school, how well it is performing and who their children are mixing with and if they aren't worried then there must be something a bit odd about them.... ie that it is more or less compulsory to worry to be a good parent. Basically, I was really just trying to say that most of your worries do seem to be worries about worries (ie verbalising insecurities) rather than based on anything particularly tangible. Yes, the school is satisfactory, not good or outstanding, that is a fact, but your children are happy and you think they are progressing reasonably well and there is a new headteacher at the school with a "kick arse" reputation. Of course you can worry that you don't really understand what progressing well actually means, but that is a bit insecure, imo, if you are reasonably well educated yourself beyond primary level... And as for the other parents - to worry that your children won't be interested in the idea of having a "career" unless they mix with other children whose parents have careers, or that they will be shy and socially incompetent if they don't do playdates after school, is projecting your own insecurities again (into the unpredictable future), not looking at the reality in front of you. The reality, from your own posts, seems to be that there are actually quite a few lovely parents at the school, working hard and wanting the best for their children. That doesn't sound like a school that will squash all sense of ambition out of your children, regardless of their home life. Maybe some schools are that bad, and the intakes that awful that this could happen, but it's not the school you are describing, if you look back on your own posts.

rabbitstew, we're in danger of going from the particular to the general here. The OP has concerns which you're addressing well, I must say. But the existence of private schools and the house prices around good state schools coupled with the lengths that some parents will go to to get into Grammar schools is proof that a whole slew of parents, some working class, but typically middle class, or well off anyway, do spend an inordinate amount of money and energy trying to get their children into preferred schools. My foreign friends also find the English preoccupation with schools peculiar, because most of them come from countries where private schools don't exist and education is much fairer then it is here. The English system is highly unequal and pretty awful in so many ways. So, to be honest I think someone worrying about it is pretty normal.

Whether or not they actually need to be worried is perhaps a different matter.

I agree, it is pretty normal in this country to worry! I'm just saying that a lot of the time, even in this country, the amount of concern actually required is cranked up to well above the level necessary to achieve what you want. And if you behave in a particularly neurotic way for long enough, it's pretty catching, and before you know it, everyone's behaving like that, even if they don't actually live in an area which merits such behaviour - except that the behaviour creates a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end and we all end up the worse off. If you want to be happy and fulfilled, don't take your example from the most neurotic person you've ever met... and being a neurotic type, I often have to remind myself of that!