Help, crap school?

[WorriedAndNotSureIShouldBe]

I had to move house a couple of years ago due to money problems. We didn't have many choices as to where we could live so chose an area not far from where we were before, just on the cheaper side of town. Our dcs go to the local school which I was keen for them to do so that they lived near their friends. Also I don't always have access to a car so didn't want to commit to having to drive them across town. Also was concerned about how complicated it would get when I went back to work if my dcs were not at a local school etc.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. The reason it wasn't easy is that the local school doesn't have a great OFSTED. The school is graded as satisfactory.

Since my dcs have started there though I have been very happy indeed with the teachers who so far have been great and also my dcs are very happy and are making good progress (from what I can tell anyway). The down side is that a lot of the parents are not really like me, I am more educated then most of them and we have careers where they have jobs IYSWIM. Some I don't think work at all. They are also more of the tracksuit, orange skin types (sorry if I sound like a snob I just don't know how else to describe them). I am an artist so not highly paid but have individuality and am used to quite groovy modern thinking people etc. Some of the parents at the new school have got me thinking there may be a little bit of rascism/homophobia even though it is very mixed which I find strange. Not in an attacking each other way, just a more not very up to date outlook that you get from reading the Sun!

There are a few that are a bit rough but there are also a lot of parents who are really lovely and who I can relate to. I have made a few friends although sadly there isn't much inviting other kids for tea or parents getting to know each other business going on, not within my dcs classes anyway.

I feel this is a shame as where I lived before I know that a lot of the parents do class meet ups for anyone who wants to go along and nights out for the mums etc. In that area they were ambitious, achieving types. They were probably much more so then me so I didn't entirely fit in there either. They were all more wealthy then me.

So part of the problem is that I am concerned for my dcs being at this school which ofsted thinks isn't good, plus the last SATS were quite bad.

Part of the problem is that I am worried about the influence of some of the other families on my dcs as they grow older and are more independent. I worry that perhaps they won't want to bother going on to any sort of further education or training or have ambition because their friends don't and that sort of thing.

I also feel crappy because I grew up in a rough area and got out by the skin of my teeth, I was all set to bring up my children in a better area and then it all went to shit. Where we are now is somewhere between the 2. Not as bad as where I grew up by any means but not as middle class as the last place I lived.

The school has a new headmistress who is supposed to be a kick arse head so things should be turning around for the school, in theory. The school will soon be assessed again and if they get another terrible report I just don't know what to do.

Please don't flame me for being a snob!

The teaching is good and your child is doing well. I am sure most parents are fine even if not from the same back ground as you. [The family you describe where there were drugs in the house will be one you don't go to anymore. Play with that child at park etc].
My child goes to a school in a 'disadvantaged' area. It is multicultural/and diverse and I am so impressed with everything about it. The kids are great! The teachers are warm and enthusiastic. I also find that most parents are fine too- whatever their background - even ones smoking at the school gate -horror of horrors!!
If your child is happy and doing well try and relax. [If you over hear racist/ homophobic remarks in the playground be it from parents or children- talk to the Head who will want to deal with it as best she can].

Hi Worried...

I'm not trying to interfere here - but it sounds to me like the problem isn't the school and the education they're giving your DCs - but that you have a gap in your own life you want to fill.

It sounds like you were hoping to develop a certain type of social life through your DCs school. But you seem to only be considering adult company - have you considered spending time with the children?

I'm not quite sure what you have or haven't tried - but have you considered:

*Joining the PTA
*Volunteering at School events
*Volutneering to read with children in school
*Approaching the school to set up an after school arts club
*Approaching the school to do some volunteering arts teaching in school
*Suggesting arts related field trips and volunteering to help organise teaching materials and help with trips

I think what hasn't occurred to you is that friendships and a fulfilling social life doesn't happen over night. It takes nurturing and time - and a great deal of positive shared experience. You also seem to be overlooking that the children at the school could also be your potential friends - sure it won't be the adult, educated conversation you may crave - but you have it within your power to inspire creativity and artistic achievement in these children. Why not expend your energies on that and I suspect you'll find gradually over time the rest will take care of itself.

As my ancient father observes - you should cultivate younger friends in life - otherwise your twilight years get very lonely indeed, as one by one your friends of a similar or older age pass on.

2BoysTooLoud Thanks

Past Will come back and read your post as have to pop out now.

Similar background, my parents had your fears for me.

Do you DCs get on, encourage strong sibling bonds to strengthen the family ambitions.

Friends outside of school can become very important, the Scout movement attracts people from a wide range of backgrounds but with similar 'core' values. Anything like that in your area that encourages groups of kids out of school to aim high.

School then becomes more about learning and outside school about followwing interests.

PastSellByDate I wasn't really looking for a social life that way, just felt that being friends with the parents makes the whole thing so much easier! Playdates etc. as I saw when my dcs were small in our old area. You have made me think though that I should volunteer to help out at the art club that the school already runs. Although I am a mum I'm not actually that great with kids as I don't have much patience so would feel nervous about running any sort of group myself. I am not teacher material!

BlackBobBorderBinLiner And did their fears pan out? To answer your question my dcs get on very well. I was actually considering scouts/cubs/brownies/rainbow etc for my dcs. I'll have to look into it.

I suppose if they have friends outside of school then their circle of influence should be wider?

I agree with the idea of cubs, Scouts, Rainbows, Brownies etc. It makes it much easier when they have friends from activities outside school rather than focussing on just the school clubs/activities. When my dd moved up to secondary school this September, the transition was made easier because she had friends going to her new school from these type of clubs and groups.

Worried

I think volunteering to help out at the after school art club sounds a good first step.

It sounds like you're worried about the general character of the area you're now in and whether that will have a negative influence long term, rather than right now in primary. Perhaps what you should do is investigate what the next educational steps are for your DCs. What is the local senior school like? Are there gangs? Is there a drugs problem? Can your DCs sit an 11+ and go to a grammar school in your area? If so, what do you need to do to prepare the way for that.

If there aren't a lot of options for senior school - then perhaps, if you have the means and don't have to be there for work reasons, you need to investigate moving to an area that does suit your needs/ educational aspirations for your DCs.

PastSellByDate It sounds like you're worried about the general character of the area you're now in and whether that will have a negative influence long term, rather than right now in primary.

Yes that's it exactly. At the moment I know they are well cared for at school and having fun too. The next step (secondary) should be fine. There are 2 obvious choices for secondary school both of which are good schools. They have both had ups and downs as they all do so one year people prefer school A and the next year it's school B. But generally I don't think there's that much between them. It can all change so quickly! I don't know so much if there are gang and drug problems, I don't think so. Because I haven't moved that far from where I was before then one of the choices would probably have my dcs going to the same secondary as the kids they would of gone to primary with, if we hadn't had to move, so may see old friends from nursery as well although they won't recognise them by then! Although we do stay in touch with some.

With the secondary schools the children going to them will be from a wider area so there will be more of a mix which I think is good. There are also grammar schools with very good reputations although not sure my dcs would be cut out for it, but who knows. I would imagine that my dcs being at a primary that doesn't get great results would mean they would need tutors. Do you know what age that has to start from?

In this area everytime I meet a nice family at the school, a few weeks later they get offered a place at a better school and leave. It's such a shame.

Thanks for your reply by the way.

You will be fine, just wait and see. I'm sure your dcs with find similar friends. They always do. The nuaghty kids who do drugs are not going to want to hang out with your dcs. You know as well as I do that there are drug/alcohol/relationship problems in middle class families too, it's just kept secret.

I just don't know why the mums don't socialise. However, I also do know the stuff that some mums form middle class schools talk about and frankly I don't think you'd want to be part of that scene either.

Your dcs school sounds just like my dd's. I bet it's the same one. lol

Your dcs school sounds just like my dd's. I bet it's the same one. lol

That would be funny!

My middle class friends from my old area talk about their cleaners, money related stuff and are very competetive about who's dc goes to the best school, gets the best results etc. I just don't listen to that sort of thing.

Is that like a poker school?

What does that mean?

"I worry that perhaps they won't want to bother going on to any sort of further education or training or have ambition because their friends don't and that sort of thing."

Well stop worrying! IMO the friends they meet at secondary school will have much more influence on them and will be closer, stronger friendships. Your ambitions and attitudes have much more influence on your kids than you think.

BTW your situation sounds very similar to mine. It's been fine. The school was a warm, friendly environment for the children to learn and develop. But now the older 2 have moved on they have changed and developed out of all recognition.

crap - game of chance. Like poker.

My DCs go to a 'failed' school in a rougher part of town. I live outside this area, so know where you are coming from in terms of having nothing in common with the people. It failed because of the management team, the teaching is pretty good in most parts.

But you know what - 3 years in, my kids LOVE the school, really LOVE it. They are mixing with all kinds of kids - the really rough ones 'n' all, and its a good life lesson for them.

And I've learn't that although I don't really have anything in common with most of the parents and I don't really talk to them, they are a lovely bunch of people, most of whom just want the best for their kids and they are trying their hardest to do this with limited funds/housing.

Of course there are the ones who don't give a shit about their kids, but they are in the minority.

Don't always judge a book by its cover.

I don't think children start worrying about what their eventual careers will be in primary school. I think that's more of a concern for secondary school and university. So, OP, I wouldn't be worried about that.

As far as the fitting in with the other parents goes, if you can find just one parent who's on your wavelength that'll be a great start. Of course it's perfect if the whole class' parents all love each other, (I do know of a secondary school class where the parents were all friends, but it was on a housing development,) and that's an exception.

Parents influence their children most of all. Listen to them and encourage them in all of their natural behaviours that you approve of, be it music, acting, drawing etc, etc. I'm sure they'll be fine. Ambition has nothing to do with where you come from. The only thing that that may determine is the direction of one's ambition. Deprived people are often extremely ambitious and that isn't always good.

And as your children get older make sure they've got opportunities. Ambition without opportunity can be worse than no ambition at all.

Orm Thank you (still don't get the poker thing )

Orm Oh ok!

Oh, and my kids (5 and 3) have already decided off their own backs that they don't want to hang around with the 'really naughty children' as they call them, so I have no worry that they will be lead astray.

Yeah ,sorry...really bad joke

ilovedjasondonovan & learnandsay thanks for you reassurance

You're right about opportunities.

Yeah it went right over my head!

ilovedjasondonovan My dd picks out the naughty children and tries to teach them the error of their ways!

I think self esteem is important and I hope to make sure my dcs have some! I didn't!

Primary schools are generally lovely. Rough ones often have the advantage of extra money and resources and innovative teaching, pastoral care etc. I would relax, be glas they like their school and when the time comes focus your attention on Secondary because a rough secondary school is a different kettle of fish.

I don't have any self esteem either and determined my kids will have. I went to a village school, whereas my children go to the catchment school with 450+ kids.

One of the most important things at primary is that they are enjoying themselves. They will find their own kind and once they do they'll thrive.

And as I was told by other people if they really hate the school plenty of kids move around schools these days.
Mine are so happy that theres no way I'll change schools unless this changes.

Its strange, before I had kids I always thought I'd live in the country, get the DCs to feed chickens before school etc and they would go to a village school.
The reality is although we could afford to do that we send them to the catchment school in a deprived area (60% child poverty at school) which got put into special measures last year. And the strangest thing is I'm happy with that. How your ideas change once you have kids.