How long can you use the age compared to classmates as an excuse?

[Fusegettingshorter]

Please don't tell me for the duration of the school career, as I may have to intervene with who my dc is friends with, as the parents are driving me mad.

My ds' birthday is March, nice and easy smack bang in the middle of the year.

He is in a class of 14 - 1 child is August of year above and held back a year, 2 children are in the autumn term, 4 children are in the spring term, 5 children are in the summer term, 2 children are in the summer holidays, 1 child is december of the year below and is a year ahead of themselves.

My ds' friends are the eldest, the autumn term birthdays, and 3 of the summer term.

Now his 3 friends in summer term parents bitterly complained that the younger child was put into the class, as it was unfair on their less developed children, who are struggling as they are summer born. But really missed the point that this child although winter born is still 6 months younger than their children.

This has been the case since they started reception. We are now in year 2, and every conversation it results in 'it's because they are up to a year younger than other children in their class'. I've now turned it into a game of bingo and play mental bets with myself as to how long it'll be until it's said. Sometimes I think the conversation will finish without it being said, and just when I feel disappointed not to have scored bingo, the parent will say it.

How many years will this go on for?

I'm giving it until the end of this year, then they are in the juniors and if the parents say it then, I'm not interacting with these parents at all, and all friendship will remain within the playground.

"You will cut up his dinner for him won't you, remember he's a year younger than the other children in the class, and not like your child".

Oh Fuse, that does sound grim and not at all helpful; they are holding them back deliberately.

Weeelll, it is very annoying if parents keep mentioning it as relevant to everything that the child does. However, as the parent of two boys born in August, it does make a difference. As it happens, there is in fact a year minus one day between DS2 and the oldest child in his class (1st September to 8pm on Aug 31st). In Y4, 4 of the other children in his 'extension' maths group of 6 were born in September, so there really was nearly a year between them.

DS1 is in Y9 now, so 13 last August, and at a recent parents' evening, his new English teacher mentioned that he had checked birthdates out of interest before that meeting and had noticed that DS was 'very young to be in that set'. That suggests, anecdotally, that even several years into secondary teachers are aware that the age difference exists.

For my boys, who are fortunate enough to have found traditional schoolwork quite easy, it's the size, sporting prowess, physical ability etc that have been the issues. Neither of them are very good at sport, but they would have been a whole lot better in comparison to their classmates if they were in the year below. Similarly, their handwriting would have been average, not poor.

So I do understand why parents mention it, but I think you should hang out with other people as they sound very annoying.

The research quoted cannot take into account the individual circumstances of each and every child. Children develop at their own pace, with their own strengths and weaknesses. How well a child does at school is down to a large variety of factors such as how much support the child has at home, the quality of their education, what kind of school they attend, class size, etc, etc. There may be a difference if there is an age gap of a year between children however when comparing a class this is unlikely to be the case.

My DS?s class were put into sets within a few weeks of starting school and so children with different abilities will hopefully get the support they need.

Though sometimes I am tempted, as the mum of two children with invisible disabilities, to keep popping into every conversation how much harder mine have to work to stay in the same place. But I bite my tongue and smile gracefully, because I know how easy it is to turn into misery-mum-from-hell.

Invisible/ visible disabilities could make things much harder than even the biggest age gap.

I think there are two separate issues here

1. In general being summer born does affect academic attainment - this has been shown in numerous studies.

1. The parents the OP is discussing are annoying twats because they holding back their children's development by assuming they will not be capable purely beceause of their date of birth.

So age in relation to classmates can be relevant throughout schooling but the way these particular parents are focussing on it is potentially damaging to their own children. (Note: DS1 was 4yrs and 1 week when he started school)

I get really annoyed when people suggest that Summer born children (particularly boys) are NOT at a disadvantage.
I have an Autumn born daughter and a Summer born son (August born yr 2)
I can assure you that there is a vast difference in ability(both academic and social).
I have had to practically tutor my ds to ensure that he does not fall behind his peers. I taught him how to read using phonics and sight words and he is now doing very well. However, this is because of the input of my dh and i.
As others have said, there are different factors to consider when determining the ability of Summer born children (parental input, ages of other siblings etc)
however, the month in which a child is born does affect their ability.

forehead I really know what you're saying about feeling like you have tutored your child!

When DS started Reception it really seemed as if he was still too young to grasp the basics of things like phonics. The older kids all seemed fine and were charging ahead with their reading, whereas DS was struggling and feeling embarrassed about it.
For the whole of Years R to Year 3 I think I used the summer holidays to do a bit of work to check that the previous year's syllabus had been understood and to go back through it.
I genuinely think DS would have struggled without this.

In this case there isn't a difference of a year.

I tutor my DS

Have you read Malcolm Gladwell's 'Outliers'? That gives a rational explanation for the sporting success of so-called 'winter babies'. All to do with the year cut-off dates for selecting kids for sports - the biggest and physically strongest (oldest) in the year get picked, therefore get better and more regular training therefore get to be better sports players.

I recall complaints from other schools at an inter school cross country competition when we fielded a six year old against 10 and 11 year olds ... she won! hence the complaints and now runs for the county ( tint with a July birthday)

In my daughter's case I think it helps her being a July baby as she is academically advanced and also tall for her age, seems to even things out a bit. I was a September baby, had a reading age of 9 on starting reception and was several inches taller than anyone in the class until secondary school. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and just wanted to be more 'normal' . Ended up trying to appear less able than I was for a good few years.

my dd2 is a summer born year 3. she is bright and in the second to top group for numeracy and literacy. she is tiny and has plenty of friends, but i am aware that there is an older group of more mature girls who probably find her immature/silly . but they are almost a year older, so unsurprising really. i always think that dd's sharp mind is her saving grace, as being a summer born can be a real draw back.

DS is Aug born so we reckoned he wouldn't be near top of the class for a long time if ever. There was a clear maturity gap between him and especially the autumn born girls. Built his confidence by supporting him in activities outside school.

My conversation with a parent at schoolgate once went something like this
Me DD is an end of August baby so she is not as confident as some of the older ones in her class
Grandmother Oh by my poor little grandson, he was born on the LAST DAY of August; imagine that! He is the youngest boy they have EVER had in a Summer-born class at the school. It's MUCH worse for him than your DD
One week's difference then.

I think it mkes a difference all the way through primary. Evens out by the time you get to secondary. Ds1 is in year 3, and is spring born. all the summer borns mums tell me that there is a big difference. so, I am only going on what I am told.

I personally don't like to use age to differentiate ability, but rather gender of a child.
DD is 5.4 in Y1 youngest in the class, started school at the age 4yrs and 2 weeks, it never held her back, she took it in her stride and is working on par with rest of her classmates.
On the other hand DS was 4.4 when he started school, and it took a while for him to settle and get in grips with work, bright boy who was just so immature at the time, I questioned if he was ready for school at all.
For what is worth, today DS is 16, first year at sixth form, taking four A levels, maths, further maths, physics, chemistry, maybe he was a slow bloomer, but he did reach his full potential, with 12 GCSE under his belt, point here is that all children will reach there full potential, and early primary years alone can't be reliable indicator.
IMO anything less then a year in age difference in the same class, almost isn't worth mentioning, child who just turned five can excel with proper support, depending on a personality and disposition of that child, just as six year old can be behind and very immature, there are so many factors playing a part, not only age.