DD2's teacher STILL can't spell her name??!!

[RiaMelia]

Hi, I'm new here, this is my first post :) Sorry it's so long, but wanted to expain properly.

To start at the beginning, DD2 has just started year 1 at the same school she was at for reception. DD2 has a fairly uncommon but not unheard of name, and although it is not spelled the 'usual way', it is still a perfectly legitimate spelling. We went for the less usual spelling partly because DH and I felt there was room for teasing with the usual spelling, and partly because my mum is from Honduras and the less usual spelling is Spanish. Last year in reception we had no problems at all, her name was always spelled correctly, etc.

This year, DD2 came home from first day of reception very upset and told me that her new teacher could not spell her name. I told DD2 not to be silly, was probably just a handwriting thing. But sure enough, when I took DD2's reading diary out of her bag, the teacher has written her name on the front with the wrong spelling. Apparently it was the same story with her peg, tray, etc. But last year DD2's name was always spelled correctly, and the data collection form we had sent home at the end of reception definitely had the correct spelling of her name (DH and I have dug out the photocopy we have at home to check, definitely the correct spelling). So we figured it must be the teacher spelling her name wrong.

So the next day I had a word with DD2's teacher, explained calmly that DD2's name is spelled X way not Y way. Teacher gave me a funny look, so I explained that DD2's name is a perfectly legitimate spelling, just less common. Teacher was very apologetic and changed name tags etc in the classroom so DD2's name was spelled correctly. Problem solved.

Expect that in DD2's reading/homework diary, teacher continued spelling DD2's name wrong, the same way as before . And according to DD2, when she marked her work she still spelled her name wrong, eg, well done 'wrong spelling'. I didn't want to get off to a bad start with the teacher so early on in the year so told DD2 (who is normally really rubbish about speaking up) to put up her hand and tell the teacher gently that she is still spelling her name wrong when she gets her book back and notices this, and if by the end of the second week this mistake was still happening then DH and I would go in to speak to the teacher.

Well, halfway through the second week the teacher went off on sick leave (personal reasons) and still wasn't back by half term. So DD2 has had a supply teacher, who has had no trouble at all spelling her name correctly, therefore there was no issue.

This week, teacher was back, and like before, is STILL spelling DD2's name wrong despite it now being spelled correctly on the front of all her books (DD2 has verified this and is usually very reliable, so am inclined to believe her). Now we don't know exactly why the teacher has been off although there is rumour about the playground that she had a miscarriage, in which case my heart goes out to her and I accept that allowances may have to be made for her for a little while. But surely it's not too much to expect her to spell DD2's name correctly?

DD2 was very upset about this again during the week and quite frankly I don't blame her, so I promised her I would go and speak to the teacher again today after school if we didn't have her name written correctly in her reading diary by then. Well, the TA who wrote a comment about something unconnected this week seems to have managed the right spelling, but when the teacher listened to her read yesterday and wrote in her diary once again she spelled DD2's name wrong. So as promised, when I collected DD2 today I went in for a chat, explained once again (perfectly polite and calm!) that she was spelling DD2's name wrong. At which the teacher promptly burst into tears, said she is fed up of parents like me hassling her over such petty things, particularly when she is having such a difficult time at the moment and that I don't understand how hard her job is, before running from the classroom and leaving a baffled TA to escort DD2 and I out. No, really

So what on earth do I do now?

We get many different versions of how my DSs name is said but everyone spells it correctly (his name is a foreign version of an English one ,even though we are English) to the point where in his reception class the children learnt there were 27 letters in the alphabet because the "X"(English) at the start of his name could also be a "X" (foreign)

He has been to 5 schools (we move a lot) and it has been spelled right everywhere

Sorry your teacher needs to get a grip and acknowledge that you as the parents know how you DDs name is spelled (which is the way I would have spelled it)

My PE mistress always put on my report "Patricia" "Pat"
Only my dear old Great Aunt and the lower school head were allowed to use my full name ( and the head only because I never seared correct him)

I wouldn't do it in red, I'd do it in pencil. That way you're making your point without seeming like you're mocking her. But I would do it - this is ridiculous.

Your DD has a lovely name.

Teaching is a stressful job, plus this teacher has likely had a miscarriage. I have to come down on the side of the teacher - she's lost her baby and you are getting upset about your baby's name not being spelt correctly. It must seem really trivial to her. I do see the point that she is a professional and her personal issues are "irrelevant", but she is still a human being and she is clearly suffering.

I do agree that teachers should spell their students' names properly. Teachers also should use correct spelling, grammar when writing other things in message books. However, they very often don't and we don't live in a perfect world. You have to let some things go. I didn't pick DS's reception teacher up on "carrott" because I thought that it would piss her off and just make for a difficult year (she was writing in the message book, not teaching kids to spell like this) and as it happens, she did a really good job educating DS and I had a good relationship with her.

I honestly think that your DD's name is going to be spelt incorrectly many many many times in the future. Letisha and all sorts of other mistakes. You need to tell her that her name is tricky to spell and not everyone will have seen the name before and also that sometimes people have a lot to think about and will forget even though they have been told. You also need to tell her that someone spelling a name incorrectly is not worth getting upset over.

Dared

As a teacher I have had to learn all sorts of 'alternative' spellings of names and it is generally the sort of thing you get straightened out within the first few days of term eg. Isabelle/Isobel within the same class.

So I think that she must both have a spelling 'blind spot' and be under quite a bit of personal stress.

How about adding a bookmark with her name on to her reading diary? I know you are already writing in the correct version, but it might help.

I taught children from a very multii-cultural background for many years, and every year came across names I had never heard of before and had no idea how to spell and sometimes wasn't sure how to say them either. But it isn't hard to get it right. So I am fully on your side.
Whatever her personal circumstances, the teacher was also extremely unprofessional when you spoke to her today. I would have sympathy for her there though as she is clearly going through a hard time, whether professionally or personally, and needs some support. But running crying from the classroom? That really isn't good at all.
Definitely raise this matter with the head but try to be sympathetic in doing so. The head needs to know that one of their staff is in such a delicate state - I expect they do already tbh.

I really don't think you should ignore it. Its a fairly simple spelling and yes, it must be an easy mistake to make but back in September not the beginning of November.

I think if there's no improvement you need to have a word! My daughter in reception gets really irate if someone spells her name incorrectly as I'm sure your daughter does.

I do agree teacher should get name right, I was just making point about the level of upset but I am clearly BU so I apologise and will bow out.

Our school seems to spell dd1 and dd2's surnames differently. It is a long one, and though two bits doesn't have a hyphen and has 'sen' at the end instead of 'son'. Even though office finally spelling it correctly, but more hit and miss with things originating from the class, and it reminds me they set up a class rep e-mail for me with the wrong spelling. It is annoying esp when trying to teach her the correct spelling. I think even if you had made up the spelling if that is what is on her birth certificate that is how she has to learn how to spell it. I would maybe talk to the offiice, explain the situation, and that you have spoken to the teacher on a number of occassions and the reaction, and whilst you appreciate she is having a tough time, could a note be left for her stipulating that this is how her name is on birth cert and this is how it is to be spelt.

Exoticfruits thank you for checking the census- so it's not me being awkward after all! :) On the subject of odd spellings, the thing is, our surname is practically unheard of and very difficult to spell, and the teacher doesn't seem to have any issues with that, which does make me wonder if she's trying to make some kind of point.

Tobyrat- really good point about her losing her baby and me making a fuss about mine actually- might not help that I'm 33 weeks pregnant with DC3 at the moment. Didn't think of that, perhaps might be better if DH handled her for the time being?

Going to discuss with DH when he gets home but think we might go to the HT and express our concerns for the teacher- though we've been to see him so many times already this terms because of issues with DD1 so is probably sick of the sight of us!

Agree with the others who have said as a teacher, you are regularly faced with unusual or different variations of names. You learn the correct spelling, just the same as you learn the child's name, its an important part of building your relationship with them.
My children have very unusual names and I had to ask the Reception teacher to rename all my Dd's books, labels etc which did make me feel like a unhelpful parent, but my child's name is her identity, its important and its important to her, its not a trivial matter at all.

I would approach the HT, but approaching it from the angle that you are concerned for Dd's teacher ( as I am sure you are) mention the meeting with the teacher and her response. It could be that because you are so obviously pregnant and if the teacher has recently lost a baby, her grief is still very raw and she hasn't been able to act in the professional way that she would have wished. You might score parent brownie points with the HT, for discretely being concerned for Dd's teacher.

Whoever mentioned names on gravestones - my friend's name is spelt incorrectly on her gravestone. It has made me very sad, especially as she was quite particular about people spelling her name correctly However at the end of the day I have to be philosophical about it.

I teach secondary and when I was full-time taught probably 200+ children each year. I only do 2 days a week now but teach 170 children, some of whom I only see for an hour a fortnight. It really isn't that difficult to get the spelling of a name right! If they have an unusual spelling and you can't remember what it is, you flip to the front cover and check it! Pronunciation is a different matter, especially when you don't see them very often! But I always do my best.

It also sounds like she needs more support.

Going to the HT about this would be counter-productive. I can't see any reason for taking such a petty problem to such a high level. The HT has better things to do. She will also be aware of the teacher's personal problems at the moment, as she is her boss. She will not need you to tell her about it.

The teacher has been away for about 5 weeks. Remembering the spelling of your daughter's name has probably not been top priority. She has just made a mistake.

The best thing would be to send her a POLITE letter with the written spelling of your daughter's name, so she can check the spelling at her leisure.

For goodness sake, have a heart.

DD2's name is Leticia- teacher is spelling it 'Laetitia', which she claims is the 'real' version-

OMG, OMG, my dad was RIGHT.
Put it this way, my dad works in the criminal courts in the USA and Leticia (Lateesha, etc.) is a very very popular name over there. Every time he gets someone in court with that name he asks them how to spell it and they all say "The usual way" insisting that there is no other standard way and it's almost insulting that he's asking them to spell it out.
And yet Dad has yet to figure out what the "standard" way to spell Lehtisha must be.
Seriously, this is one of my dad's recurring soap box subjects (and he's not a boring man at all, I promise). He's making a generic point but Leticia is always his archetypal example of his customers getting bolsy about how their name is spelled "the standard way" which isn't standard at all.

There is something about that name.

I just had a thought.

but I could be over-thinking this

Maybe the teacher has a family member with the Laetitia spelling so she has that kind of embedded in her brain?

Going to the HT about the name would be over the top.

Going to the HT about a teacher who is exhibiting clear signs of stress and is beginning to behave erratically is humane and supportive.

DD teacher can't spell her surname. The office can and do so correctly. She blames the office
But she can't spell scribble either.
Scrible
Disgraceful.

Yes, as I said earlier, I don't think you should approach the HT with the view to complaining but rather with sympathy and compassion for the teacher. Something just doesn't seem quite right about this. She is obviously under huge personal strain but seems to be completely blind to the fact that you've mentioned quite properly and calmly this issue a few times since September.

I'm now wondering if she has indeed had a miscarriage and your DD's name was her preferred name with the other spelling or a bereavement involving someone of that name. Her reaction and ignoring of the facts just seems too strong. Also, if her personal issues do surround the loss of a baby then you being heavily pregnant may just have been too much.

Or you could write out, for your daughter, her family history: why you chose the name and what the spelling says about it, and what that means to you. Your DD could then take it in to show her teacher.

I am a bit puzzled about why so many people here have said persistent misspelling of one's name by a teacher is a petty or "not important". Is because it's not your own name? How would you feel if your name was Paula and your teacher kept spelling it Paul? Or if it was Clare and it was spelt as Clara? It is important - just wait till someone persistently does it to you....even with visual reminders elsewhere! I have known some bosses to do this to employees they didn't like, as a form of emotional bullying. (No, it wasn't done to me.)

But the teacher does seem stressed and troubled, so maybe it would be reasonable for RiaMelia or her DH to see the head about this - as you say, it's not the name per se (although if I were someone in charge - eg the Head- I would be concerned that something as fundamental as a pupil's name is being repeatedly "altered"), it is about the way she responded and other problems they have eoncountered. As far as I know, teachers and other professionals don't generally complain that "so many of you" are complaining about issues, petty or otherwise. When we take on the job, we accept that there are a lot of people to teach/attend to, and that means a lot of names and individuals. It's not the job of a private governess to just one pupil or one family.

FWIW, I thought Leticia was the more common spelling in this country, along with Letitia. Isn't Laetitia usually the French version?

It's unimportant in the great scheme of things and will probably be solved by just sending in a note with the correct spelling of the name. No need for histrionics.

Laetitia/Leticia is a Latin name (meaning 'joy'); Laetitia is the Roman spelling, Leticia the medieval. The ae dipthong disappeared in Latin pronunciation sometime around the reign of the Emperor Augustus but persisted in (educated) writing until the end of Antiquity.

Fraidylady you obviously haven't read the whole post. The OP has sent in the correct spelling, writes the correct spelling in her DDs reading log and has spoken to the teacher about it so that is why she wants to know how to proceed from here (teacher burst into tears and ran from room when she last tried to talk to her)