DD2's teacher STILL can't spell her name??!!

[RiaMelia]

Hi, I'm new here, this is my first post :) Sorry it's so long, but wanted to expain properly.

To start at the beginning, DD2 has just started year 1 at the same school she was at for reception. DD2 has a fairly uncommon but not unheard of name, and although it is not spelled the 'usual way', it is still a perfectly legitimate spelling. We went for the less usual spelling partly because DH and I felt there was room for teasing with the usual spelling, and partly because my mum is from Honduras and the less usual spelling is Spanish. Last year in reception we had no problems at all, her name was always spelled correctly, etc.

This year, DD2 came home from first day of reception very upset and told me that her new teacher could not spell her name. I told DD2 not to be silly, was probably just a handwriting thing. But sure enough, when I took DD2's reading diary out of her bag, the teacher has written her name on the front with the wrong spelling. Apparently it was the same story with her peg, tray, etc. But last year DD2's name was always spelled correctly, and the data collection form we had sent home at the end of reception definitely had the correct spelling of her name (DH and I have dug out the photocopy we have at home to check, definitely the correct spelling). So we figured it must be the teacher spelling her name wrong.

So the next day I had a word with DD2's teacher, explained calmly that DD2's name is spelled X way not Y way. Teacher gave me a funny look, so I explained that DD2's name is a perfectly legitimate spelling, just less common. Teacher was very apologetic and changed name tags etc in the classroom so DD2's name was spelled correctly. Problem solved.

Expect that in DD2's reading/homework diary, teacher continued spelling DD2's name wrong, the same way as before . And according to DD2, when she marked her work she still spelled her name wrong, eg, well done 'wrong spelling'. I didn't want to get off to a bad start with the teacher so early on in the year so told DD2 (who is normally really rubbish about speaking up) to put up her hand and tell the teacher gently that she is still spelling her name wrong when she gets her book back and notices this, and if by the end of the second week this mistake was still happening then DH and I would go in to speak to the teacher.

Well, halfway through the second week the teacher went off on sick leave (personal reasons) and still wasn't back by half term. So DD2 has had a supply teacher, who has had no trouble at all spelling her name correctly, therefore there was no issue.

This week, teacher was back, and like before, is STILL spelling DD2's name wrong despite it now being spelled correctly on the front of all her books (DD2 has verified this and is usually very reliable, so am inclined to believe her). Now we don't know exactly why the teacher has been off although there is rumour about the playground that she had a miscarriage, in which case my heart goes out to her and I accept that allowances may have to be made for her for a little while. But surely it's not too much to expect her to spell DD2's name correctly?

DD2 was very upset about this again during the week and quite frankly I don't blame her, so I promised her I would go and speak to the teacher again today after school if we didn't have her name written correctly in her reading diary by then. Well, the TA who wrote a comment about something unconnected this week seems to have managed the right spelling, but when the teacher listened to her read yesterday and wrote in her diary once again she spelled DD2's name wrong. So as promised, when I collected DD2 today I went in for a chat, explained once again (perfectly polite and calm!) that she was spelling DD2's name wrong. At which the teacher promptly burst into tears, said she is fed up of parents like me hassling her over such petty things, particularly when she is having such a difficult time at the moment and that I don't understand how hard her job is, before running from the classroom and leaving a baffled TA to escort DD2 and I out. No, really

So what on earth do I do now?

If you speak kindly, out of genuine concern for the teacher's well-being, then you are acting in the interests of both her and your DD. The precipitating event (the spelling) is incidental. The key interest for your DD is getting the teacher back on track.

i had a girl in my class called leticia, never heard of laetitia though

She has a right to be upset if people can't be arsed to spell her name correctly. She said 'very upset', not 'extremely upset' by the way.

If your DH's own grandma can't spell his name right then he's obviously not assertive enough in making sure people get it right.

Would it be okay for a name to be spelled wrong on a gravestone? After all, it's no big deal.

I would. It's her job to ensure correct spelling in her classroom. If she's not spelling a child's name correctly it's hardly setting a good example is it?

FWIW my Mum spoke to my teachers and that was in the 1970's

The name thing aside, you have a whole serious reason to contact the HT as a matter of moderate urgency.

Namely, you went to talk to dd's teacher in a reasonable manner and she cried and ran out of the room! She refused to communicate about an issue that is upsetting dd! If you cannot have an adult measured conversation with dd's teacher she is NOT doing her job.

Forget the 'oh poor teacher she's under stress' feelings- she is not doing her job and the HT should be putting in more support to help her.

Contact the head and express your concern about Miss X, tell the head exactly what happened and explain that you do not feel Miss X is communicating with you effectively because of stress.

Can you imagine pointing out to a teacher that they are spelling a child's name incorrectly? Of course I'm sure my parents and grandparents would have politely let a teacher know if they had made a mistake.

I would definitely speak to the HT. Not in a complaining way but in a, look, this happened on Fri and I'm a little worried that DD2's teacher could do with some support as this was obviously a complete over-reaction.

Explain to the HT that you approached it all calmly and that you had no idea the teacher was having personal problems. I would ask the HT to pass on the message that you are sorry if you upset her and just thought you could sort it all out without much fuss. That way, you come across as sympathetic and non-judgemental and school is more likely to a)sort out whatever issues the teacher is obviously having and b)ensure your DD2's name is spelt correctly.

It is quite possible that the teacher has had a miscarriage or a bereavement or something similar and your, albeit gentle, conversation has tipped her over the edge. She is probably mortified.

He doesn't care enough, why would he upset his lovely grandma over something like that?!

Ditto our many friends that get it wrong.

Muriel - big difference between your DH and this little girl getting upset.

Of course she's getting upset! All her friends have their name spelt correctly except her. Have a heart!

Just to add, under normal circumstances it is perfectly reasonable for a child and their parents to expect that child's name to be spelt correctly by their primary school teacher whom they spend most of the day with.

When I was teaching I occasionally came across some really bizarre spellings-the one I'll always remember was Siobhan spelt as Shuvon. But...that's how that child's name has been spelt so that's how I should spell it.

Strangely, DH has since come across another Shuvon so maybe it wasn't so bizarre after all.

I thought you had a really weird spelling! I would call Leticia the correct way. I have them in my family history going back to 1810 and they were all Leticia.

I have just looked up the 1881 census for you and the teacher was wrong! In 1881 in England there were 19 Laetitias, 99 Leticias and Letitia was the common spelling, I got bored with counting at 1800.

Even if she finds it difficult she should make the effort-I have a surname which is constantly given the wrong spelling-it isn't 'petty' to us and we have even changed banks over it. Don't give in.

Is it 'spelled' or 'spelt' by the way?

Either is correct; same as 'learned'/'learnt'

I think it is rude, too; we get the weirdest spellings of children's names and just have to adapt. One of our pupils is called 'ckance' - guess what that is meant to be? (I have now outed myself, there can't be another child with her name spelled like that in the whole of the universe!)

What a pity the teacher can't be bothered to spell your child's name - or worse, as you implied, thinks you 'made it up' or spelt it wrong! Especially as the spelling is part of your family's heritage - sounds like this woman lacks an appreciation of diversity. Sorry she's having a tough time, but she's either ready to cope or needs to be signed off for more recovery time.

(Pedantics corner - in the UK, it's 'spelt', in the US, "spelled".)

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if your daughter is getting 'extremely upset' about her name being spelt wrong then she needs to toughen up a bit. It's hardly the end of the world. And she might need to get used to it if it is an unusual spelling cos people will keep getting it wrong, that is just a fact

Sorry but this is utter rubbish! Even if she has a stupid spelling (which she hasn't) it is polite to get it right after you have been corrected. I am extremely upset as an adult-it is a big thing if it is your name. The bank thought it too petty to bother which is why we are now with a bank who do bother.

BTW, her refusal to spell dds name correctly is frankly peculiar. Every teacher (even inexperienced ones) will have seen all sorts of weird and wonderful spellings of all sorts of names that they learn very quickly to spell as that family has chosen. (Not saying your dds name is weird although it is lovely). Miss X's refusal to spell it as requested could be because:

1. She has a spelling problem of her own and struggles to remember an 'unusual' way
2. She has a black/white way of understanding and she finds it difficult to deal with variety in spellings etc. So she thinks you are stupid and are spelling your dd's name wrongly and is forced to correct it.

OR

1. she has a vendetta against your dd and is trying to wind her up

I honestly can't think of any other reasons she would do this.

in general, having a name with an unusual spelling does mean you have to toughen up and accept that most people will get it wrong BUT, I do think a small child's class teacher should make more of an effort.

personally, if your daughter is too shy, I would casually mention it directly to the teacher again. no need to be aggressive and certainly no need to go the HT - just keep casually mentioning it until she gets it right?

In all fairness DD2 isn't too upset about it anymore, just frustrated! What really gets me is that in her reading diary we have things like this:

Me:
Leticia read well this evening; she was able to read the vast majority of the words in X reading book confidently and sounded out words she was unsure of. After finishing the book Leticia was able to retell parts of the story in her own words and answer questions about the plot.

Teacher (directly underneath!):
Laetitia enjoyed her reading session this morning and read with fluency and accuracy.

I get that it may not be the version of the name the teacher is used to and DD2 is going to have to get used to people spelling her name wrong, but surely when it's written correctly both on the front of the book and directly above the teacher should be able to get it right?

exoticfruits: I don't think anyone meant to say it was unimportant. I read that post as suggesting an appropriate thing to do now helping DD deal with the frustration without becoming so upset.

I dint think you can do much more with this teacher direct. How many times should you have to tell her? I do like the idea of correcting the teachers mistake every time with a big red felt tip though. She'd soon get the message!

I would cross it out in red each time-she will get it eventually.

DDs headmaster can't, he taught her for a year and now has her one day a week. We always know which report comments are his

Euphemia !!

I think, for the sake of the teacher, you have to ignore it. She is clearly having a terrible time coping and I just don't think you should add to her stresses. I have no idea why she keeps mis-spelling your dd's name: I completely sympathize with your and your dd's frustrations, but I think in the greater scheme of things there are more issues that this teacher is having to cope with. I doubt very much she is doing it deliberately, and even if she is, that is even more reason to rise above it, if you see what I mean. I seriously don't want to come over as unsympathetic btw, because I'm not.