I'm so angry I'm shaking but don't know what to do

[muffinflop]

I had a phone call from school this morning asking if I could pop in when I had time because DD had had a 'little accident'. They said it wasn't anything to worry about but DD was crying and wanted to come home so could I go down and then decide if she should come home or not.

So, obviously, I went straight down. I found DD in the office shaking, pale and sobbing so much she was heaving and the TA was holding a sick bucket just in case It turns out she was attacked by a boy in her class. He pulled her chair backwards making her fall off, she hit her head on the floor and then he got on top of her and was pulling her hair, shouting in her face and kicking her legs. And all because the teacher said she'd drawn a lovely picture. I was told of this away from DD but could hear her in the next room crying for me the whole time so I said I couldn't deal with it now and there was no way I was leaving DD there today.

I don't know how the boy has been dealt with but I did pass his mum on the way out and she kind of looked at DD crying and said 'oh dear is she not well' but I was so f*cking angry I just walked away from her (I know I would have cried if I'd stopped to say anything).

I've just phoned them back to tell them I want a meeting with the teacher and the HT this afternoon and they were very understanding and said they'd see me after school pick up. But what do I say? I'm so angry I'm shaking. I don't deal with confrontation well but there's no way I'm letting this go seeing the state of DD

Thats awful

I would have thought as she hit her head an ambulance would need to be called asap.

You can't have this boy around your dd again- you need assurances now this will never be allowed to happen again. The boy who attacked her is obviously not stable

Poor dd- get her down to A&E then lots of hugs and chocolate with mum xx

Do let us know what the school says to you.

I think the poor response to a possible head injury from the school is particularly worrying!

Ok. Have taken DD to the doctors and they've given me a list of things to look out for with the bumped head (nausea etc). I'm acually out at the moment so cant reply to you all but DD is 4 and in reception. She told me who hurt her as soon as I walked in so I don't know if school would have told me who had done it if she hadn't? I don't actually know the boy as he's new to the school and not one who has come up from nursery with the class. I'll be back to report later and really appreciate all the help

Only 4!

Poor little dd.

So sorry to hear this - hope your DD is feeling better with you.
Like you I'm no good at confrontation so as other posters have said go in armed with questions & concerns, is there someone your DD can go to whilst you discuss things?
I would seek assurances from school over how they plan to support your child, what they will be doing to communicate with you as to how things are going when she returns to school & also that you felt their tone & wording of initial call was highly inappropriate.
If you are not satisfied with their responses request to take it up with governors & see if you LA can offer any support
HTH

oh Muffinflop, I'm reading this nearly in tears, your poor DD and of course you too, what a terrible start to her first year at big school. My DD has just started in reception and is loving it, I can't imagine what would happen if something like that happened.

Agree with what SummerRain and many others have said. How is your DD now? How does she feel about going back to school?

I also cannot understand why the 'attack' went on for so long without someone stepping in, that is shocking.
I know schools won't normally name who has been involved but for something as serious as this, and it is serious, not just a childish squabble, they need to take action.

I do hope your DD is ok and not too upset x

sounds horrible, I had a similiar experience of the school down playing an incident on the phone only for me to come down and be met with a distraught dd.

Good luck talking to the school

Gosh what a dreadful thing to happen. Poor little thing.

Only one piece of advice. Remain calm and in control. Wait until the school has decided what will be done, and although it is hard, please try to remember that the other little boy is only 4 too. I expect his mum is going through it just as badly at the moment on learning what her son has done.

I hope it is all sorted.

Boo! Poor DD and poor you. I would certainly want DD moved as far away from perpetrator as possible!- then I would want to hear an account from the teacher who was there on exactly what happened (not second hand from the HT or anyone else). Would also like to hear why they didn't restrain/pull him off her, but would accept that teacher may have been too far away- it could have all happened in a flash. Ask what the policy is for children this age behaving so violently and what will be done in future to try to prevent future outbursts.

And, if you are very emotional today (I would be) then listen mostly at the meeting but ask them for a follow up (preferably with your other half) in a couple of days when you've had time to calm down.

Sounds awful, really awful.

But seems to me that the school are dealing with it properly. They have called you down, your dd had a TA to look after her while she waited, they are being open about what happened, they have agreed to a proper meeting - and they summoned the boy's mum down too by the sound of it. All the advice on here about questions to ask etc is very sound imo, but I would start from the fact that the school want to look after your dd.

That little boy obviously has problems (or has been brought up v badly). So the point is how are they going to safeguard your dd in future now they are aware of the problem. By the way, make sure you don't get sidetracked into talking about the boy or his issues or his troubled background in the meeting - keep your focus utterly on your dd and her needs. Because that is what is important here.

I am very sorry for what has happened to your dd. This must have been very upsetting for her and very worrying for you. However, I do think that the school has handled it in a very sensible manner. They did not want to scare you too much, these things are best discussed face to face. I also feel sympathy for the teacher and school. It is very difficult if you have a few children in the class which are prone to have outbursts at the drop off a hat. Unfortunately, especially at a state school you cannot just refuse such children and often there isn't the funding to have extra support to deal with unruly/disruptive/at times aggressive children. It is all part of the daily environment in some state schools, it is not easy, not for the well behaved children, not for the parents, and not for the staff.

Your poor DD that is horrific! I was going to post something similar thought not as bad, but still not great.

DS2 is in reception and another child bit his nose today! He has teeth marks either side of his nose which I did not notice until he told me in the car, his older brother mentioned it to me. I am cross his teacher said nothing and DH is phoning the school now. DS1 said he cried and the TA got a cold compress and one of the little girls hugged him and kissed his nose; sweet. But now he says he does not want to go to school tomorrow.

He was really loving school and I appreciate that there is a settling in period for all the children in reception but this behavior is unacceptable. As I have an older DS at the same school I have learnt that you need to complain fast and hard. After the meeting, send a letter outlining it all. All letters from parents are kept on file (by law) and it helps when and if a case has to be made to show a course of issues which may result in a child being removed from school.

I get children have issues and special needs etc and they want to be in a main stream school, but the school has to provide a proper duty of care to look after and protect your children. Who cares what this boys issues are, the school have to handle it, it does not give any child the go ahead to behave like this.

There is nothing worse than thinking your child has been hurt by another and being upset about it. Of course stuff happens but your and my incidents totally cross over that line. And do not be worried about confrontation, it's not, it's an upset and angry parent talking to the school which is your right.

Let us know how you get on.

it's awful for dd, but school have acted appropriately.

they won't be able to discuss the boy in question (and you should not encourage them to) your focus should be on dd and how they intend to move forward.

it is appropriate for you to put the attack in writing and to copy it to the c of g or to the lea if you are concerned, but it seems fine so far.

the head injury aside (the boy did not hit her on the head deliberately, he pulled the chair out from underneath her and she hit her head) you need to specify in the letter that you understand the school have a safeguarding policy and you would like reassurance that this incident can not recur.

schools do have a terrible time getting additional funding for children with behavioural issues, and one of the things that helps them get this much needed funding is letters from other parents whose children are affected.

if you are up to it, and it is obvious that the other parent was informed who her son had attacked, you might want to offer your support to the other parent in terms of helping her to fight for support for her child (ie a letter to the lea etc). i normally don't think parents should take stuff outside school, but if the school is struggling with the ds, she might be grateful.

it's not uncommon for schools to have to deal with this stuff out of their own resources, but the attacking child is being badly let down here as well as dd and her classmates. doubtless they are looking into this (and how and what isn't your business and they shouldn't tell you) but you need to be assured that some form of support is being put into place.

fwiw, my kids have been in classes where children with quite serious behavioural challenges have mixed levels of support, and the more noise other parents make (about their own kids, not the child in question) the better.

school should have a policy drawn up if this is likely to be ongoing. usually the rest of the class is evacuated to a safe place (hall or next door classroom) whilst the TA runs for help and the teacher deals with the incident/ restrains as necessary (we've had 6 year olds attacking pupils or teachers with scissors and chairs/ throwing tables etc). a good LSA will be able to spot triggers (such as the teacher complimenting another child) and defuse before an incident takes place. but they cost money which is hard for schools to get hold of, and only available in the most severe cases.

hope dd is feeling a bit better x

I understand that you want to speak to the Head Teacher about this incident, but what exactly would you want school to do?

Your poor DD .

My son has been bullied and imo the school haven't dealt with it well at all so my advice would be to write everything down. Make notes of who did what and who said what. List everything you are not happy with - especially the message on the phone implying that your dd didn't need you urgently. Keep a close eye on her.

Oh, I'm sure that the school have plenty of interventions that they will put in place. Just read the entire thread and you'll see some very good examples of what schools can and do 'do' about this type of incident.

Gosh, that's shocking! Hope she is ok.

I just wanted to agree with the others who said describing it as a 'little accident' is probably a fair response in the circumstances. Its definately something that should be discussed face to face.

I guess the school have to balance the need to get you in to comfort your DD and also not to upset you too much for the journey over. Its a hard call but its someething would have been difficult to explain over the phone.

From a teacher's point of view

The school should not have called this an accident
The school can't predict the unpredictable.
The attack could only have lasted a few seconds
Schools no longer have the powers to deal with these attacks
There is no help to support violent children (It's too expensive)
The school can't stop this happening again

I'm so sorry for your daughter and I hope she's OK

"Schools no longer have the powers to deal with these attacks
There is no help to support violent children (It's too expensive)
The school can't stop this happening again"

Sorry AICM, but as a teacher I have to disagree with these points. There is undoubtedly a funding issue wrt support for violent children, but schools most certainly do have the powers to deal with these attacks and can take reasonable and effective measures to stop this happening again.

I don't agree that there is no help to support violent children - there are interventions in place in schools that I know of. As for not being able to prevent this happening, I'm pretty sure they can, as Tethersend says.

Oh poor little poppet - especially with her being so new to school :( How is she feeling now? I'd keep her home tomorrow regardless (if you can).

your poor DD!
Was she actually vomiting into that bucket when you got to school? If so, make sure the dr you saw about head injury knows about that.
Best of luck dealing with the school. Poor little girl

quite.

it's easy to become disillusioned, aicm, but please don't let it affect your determination to get support put in place for children with behavioural concerns.
the minute you personally believe it isn't possible and give up is the day you should leave the classroom because you are in danger of failing your students.

schools can utilise the lea and get restraint training and agreements drawn up with parents in individual and extreme cases, and can fight (ha) for the funding they need. no-one said it was easy. far from it. but you sound as though you have already given up.

an easy view for a teacher to take, given they know they'll be shot of the child within a year max, looking to suspensions or expulsion. not a great long term proposal for the child concerned or a parent fighting for support. of which there are many on mn.

helping each child reach their potential, that was probably why you went into teaching, huh?