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Primary education

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Original poster

Having a word with teacher re: tricky subject

99 replies

montrealmum · 05/10/2011 17:24

Looking for some advice about how to have a tricky conversation with a teacher...

My son is a young Year Two (just turned six at the end of the summer) and I am a little concerned about his current Year Two teacher's attitude towards discipline.

He comes home just about every day reporting he has lost Golden Time or been shouted out for a range of seemingly minor infractions, such as reading the wrong book or wriggling in his seat.

While I have no problem with the teacher enforcing rules, it concerns me that he didn't seem to have any behaviour issues with his previous teacher and I don't want his experience with Year Two to get off to such a negative start.

Also, I have a friend who used to be a T.A. in this class last year, and she has reported that this teacher shouts at the children a lot.

Can anyone recommend a way of approaching the topic with her that is to the point, but not offensive or accusatory - I don't want to make things worse by alienating her, but I don't think constantly shouting at six year old boys for minor, and let's face it, entirely age-appropriate misdoings is the best behaviour management technique.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:

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mrz · 06/10/2011 06:56

Also, I do feel that if a teacher, headteacher, T.A. or groundskeeper has concerns about a teacher's behaviour and its effects on the children they work with, they are duty bound to bring those concerns to someone's attention.

However you are NOT the someone to whose attention it should be brought...

If a member of staff has concerns about another member of staff they should raise the concerns with senior staff or with the governors not with a friend who after all is not in a position to investigate the concern herself and will now need to carry her friend's concerns to senior staff.

It is highly unprofessional of her to discuss what happens in school with you and personally I would be extremely wary of believing anything she says if she has a genuine concern about this teacher why has she waited until your child is in the class to say something to someone? Why hasn't she spoken to the head when she observed it happening?

flimflammery · 06/10/2011 07:11

Wait a minute guys! If I've understood the OP correctly, the TA told a friend (who was not a parent at that school) that she was unhappy in her job and why. Is that really such a heinous crime?

Feenie · 06/10/2011 09:31

If names are mentioned, yes. That's not a matter of opinion, btw - it's a fact.

Doowrah · 06/10/2011 12:53

Hi montreal mum, I am a primary school teacher by the way and my own DS' school would laugh at your suggestion of "unquestioning acceptance" of everything a teacher says and does! I do wonder why you are on MN discussing this at all, maybe it is the unquestioning support of your own opinion that you are after. Mrz, Feenie and alot of other people have made excellent suggestions and you appear to have been rather rude and aggressive towards them. Good luck with your issue.

Bramshott · 06/10/2011 13:08

I think your initial reaction of "I am concerned my son seems to be having behaviour problems this year and feels he is constantly in trouble, and to ask what his particular issues seem to be, how I can reinforce this at home, etc." sounds fine. TBH you may well find he's not getting told off nearly as often as he thinks he is.

TheOriginalFAB · 06/10/2011 14:09

IME teachers only mention problems to the parents if they need their input or it is something that causes concerns. I only found out my son had done something in class when a mother rang and threatened told me.

sun1234 · 06/10/2011 14:41

For what its worth, more is required of children (in terms of behaviour) in year 2 than it was in year 1. It may be that your son's teacher is just trying to get this point across by allowing no exceptions now but will develop a blind eye later.

Its more likely though that she does just shout quite a bit because that's how she is with all the children in all her classes. If I were you I would assume that the teacher has valid reasons for what is going on between her and your son, and ask her what he's been up to? That way you will find out if there is something to it, and if not, you'll have marked her card.

I get the talking about colleagues thing to your friends and family BTW, its normal, although obviously it would be better if we were all perfect and never did this. I wonder of any of the teachers on this thread have ever related an anecdote about a specific child or parent in the staff room to their colleagues, without actually intending to make a formal statement or influence that teacher against the non-present individual? That would be equally unprofessional IMO People in glass houses...

Feenie · 06/10/2011 15:31

Names, sun1234, names. And it would depend very much on what the anecdote is.

It's a professional code of conduct which we all have to abide by. Are you seriously saying that all teachers breach it? Because I take massive exception to that, actually.

sun1234 · 06/10/2011 17:08

I'm saying that if any discussion that names an individual which is not done with explicit purpose of directly resolving an issue is held to be "unprofessional" then that label should be applied to a teacher each and every time he/she sits in the staff room and complains about what Parent X said at the meeting last night or what child Y did in the class today. After all, by doing so, you are prejudicing another member of staff against that child/ adult who they may well also have to deal with in a professional capacity.

However, I think this would be over the top, just as I think your comments to the OP were when you described the OP's friend's conduct in this way.

dikkertjedap · 06/10/2011 17:16

My advice would be to instill in your son to listen to the teacher and do as told.

I would not raise it with the teacher. She is trying to teach your child, not just writing, reading etc. but also good school behaviour. Basically she (or he) is doing her job. Your job as a parent is to support your son in his learning process and abiding by the school and class rules are part of that.

mrz · 06/10/2011 17:16

I would argue that any teacher who is prejudiced against a child or parent by another member of staff is very unprofessional and also wonder how you suggest teachers share important information about pupils if they aren't allowed to exchange professional dialogue.

sun a TA is contracted just as teachers are not to discuss internal issues outside the school however the OP's story has changed so many times it is difficult to know the truth of when and if this person discussed the teacher.

sun1234 · 06/10/2011 17:24

it hasn't changed, she just clarified. You did misread though - she never said that her friend complained to her in her official capacity about her job.

Also, I wasn't describing professional dialogue, which would, by definition, be appropriate. I am talking about a conversation that goes something like "What a morning! Johnny did ... again!

All i am saying is that this sort of discussion about the difficulties of working with a colleague is normal, and that it is wrong to criticise someone else for doing something that you have probably done yourselves but worse, about children.

mrz · 06/10/2011 17:29

I haven't misread sun and I have never suggested she did say her friend had complained in her official capacity ... did you misread?

mrz · 06/10/2011 17:33

"What a morning! Johnny did ... again!" ... is professional dialogue sun ... a child has a problem whether it is academic or behavioural or emotional or physical it is a whole school issue that staff need to be aware of and work together to address.

DownbytheRiverside · 06/10/2011 17:49

The other point is that by going into a staffroom, rather than a pub and letting off steam about Little Jezabel enables someone else to say 'Oh, have you considered trying x with her?' or 'Yes, she had a fall out with Y yesterday' or enables others to catch little J being good and praise her for it, thus reinforcing the rewards of trying to keep a rule or two.
Whereas complaining to people outside your professional peer group is unprofessional.
It would be easy to come home and have a rant about some of the frustrations of the day, but my teenagers shouldn't be part of that release of tension. Too easy for them to forget and go into college and say 'Mum wanted to bury x in the sandpit with his bloody transformer bits inserted into every orifice because he's such a PITA and so is his mother'
Then the world knows.
Bit like not posting your day on Facebook.

sun1234 · 06/10/2011 18:01

do you really believe what you are writing? I am impressed if you've never, ever responded "well its not surprising that Johnny behaves the way he does. Have you seen his parents?!" Or "I am not looking forward to having him in my class next year".

mrz · 06/10/2011 18:04

Be impressed then and even if little Johnny is a nightmare in my class today tomorrow is a fresh start for both of us

mrz · 06/10/2011 18:08

I would say that sometimes what is happening in the home is a factor on how children behave and learn so while I wouldn't say "have you seen his parents?" I might say "there are family issues that might be part of the problem" ... many things inside and outside school impact on a child's ability to learn.

Feenie · 06/10/2011 18:34

Why would any teacher even be in this job if they spoke/thought like that?? Of course we believe what mrz is writing - what a miserable job we would be doing if we believed otherwise.

lingle · 06/10/2011 18:34

Strange thread, i thought the OP's question was entirely reasonable. The TA's employment conditions are not her responsibility.

Feenie · 06/10/2011 18:37

And most people answered her question back reasonably. But were also horrified at her friend's conduct and therefore commented.

DownbytheRiverside · 06/10/2011 18:40

One of the good things about a decent staff room is how you can support colleagues who are struggling with a particular child for whatever reason, and get support in turn. If you know that little J has horrible parents, if you do know that they are going to be in your class next year, you can either run screaming into a McJob or see what's on your plate and deal with it appropriately.Yes, I do believe what I'm writing. Three minutes of 'Arrgghh WTF? ' in private can enable you to get your act together for the next hour/ day with renewed energy and hope.
If you have a fantastic and discreet TA, then they can share the burden with you and you team up to support the children.
If you've got one who isn't, it's an extra problem on your plate.

DownbytheRiverside · 06/10/2011 18:42

I have a son who's got AS, and was extremely challenging for his teachers to cope with. But they did, and they cared. How could I offer others less of a deal than the one we got?

Feenie · 06/10/2011 18:46

I don't get how the conversation would go either. There's 'God, the teacher I am working with atm shouts at the children an awful lot imo' (which is fairly innoccuous).

And then there is ''God, the teacher I am working with atm, Mildred Bloggsy, shouts at the children an awful lot imo.

And then later 'You know that Mildred Bloggsy, the one I worked with who shouts at children? She's starting at your school, with your child - watch she doesn't shout at yours' which is more or less how this must have gone, making her identifiable and marking her out individually. Out Of Order.

sun1234 · 06/10/2011 18:56

feenie - lool at what the Op said her job is. The teacher did not need to be named. Just knowing the school and the year the TA friend works in was enough to identify her.

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