Just walked by school and saw son all alone in playground looking lost

[JIRkids]

My son has just started in year 3 at a new junior school where he knows no one. I was just walking by the fence and his class was walking back into school. I watched as all the children seemed to be walking in 2s and 3s chatting, arms linked etc, in the middle of all this was my son all alone walking by himself just looking a bit lost. He then saw me and his face lit up (I was bringing his bag into the office as he left it as his drama club the night before). I know it takes a while to settle somewhere new but all the children are new to the junior school even though most have moved up from the infants attached and the classes have been mixed.He has told me that he is always alone at playtime. Do you think that I should have a word with the teacher or just leave things for a bit?

Ask him about it, like 'what had your class been doing when I saw you?' then if he was upset it'd give him chance to tell you, iykwim.

Like you say, it does take time for them to settle in and it must have been horrible for you to see your son looking lost.

If my child was alone at playtimes, I think I'd ask the teacher if they know what's what re friendships in the class. I supose there is always the 'inviting a friend to tea' idea...?

Thanks for your reply. I think I was just a bit shocked to see him like that. He seems to be ok going into school and likes the teacher. He has mentioned some boys names in his class so maybe I will try and work out who the parents are and start chatting/inviting for tea. It is difficult to work out who is with who at the moment as it is so busy in the playground and lots of classes come out at once! I just remember how much I hated it if I had no one to be with at playtime! He is a lot more resilient than I was at that age though! He's not particularly shy but he likes to have a best friend rather than a group of friends so I think he finds it hard at first.

Ask the teacher where he's sitting and is there a policy of playing with those you're sat next to.
Playdates are your next step and making time for activities outside school with other lads is the next step so his eggs aren't all in one basket.

Good luck - hope you had a nice cuppa after seeing that.

Thanks for that Dorje! I am trying to find a Beavers group close to school for him. He already does Drama which he loves and we are in touch with his friends from his old school. I had a word with the teacher before he started saying that he knew no one but he said that the first weeks are all about getting to know everyone through fun trips and games etc. Doesn't seem fun having playtimes by himself :(. I was hoping he would be allocated someone to look out for him but I suppose as they are all new to juniors this would not happen.

My DD has also just begun year 3 in a new school....she was like your son for the first week and the HT told me on Thursday that she has JUST begun to mix and play a bit...it does take time...but I 2nd the playdate idea.

Ask him who he would like to ask and if possibe get 2 names from him incase one cant come.

Also....the school DOES have a responsibility to make sure kids are not alone...do they have a "buddy" system? That's where designated kids are responsible for helping new ones make friends...shyer kids need the security of someone to introduce them...

He's happy going into school
He likes his teacher
He's more resilient than you

Really, I think you need to let him get on with it. It sounds like he chooses his friends carefully and prefers a best friend/few good mates over having lots of friends. He's probably just sorting out who he wants to be friends with.

At the very most I'd ask him if there's anyone from his new class he'd like to invite to play after school then arrange it, I would not talk to the teacher/school etc

I would have a word with the teacher, but only as a quick chat and without him knowing. There is a lot she could do by making sure that he gets a good group for a project etc.
Get him to invite someone home. It does take time.

There are additional things she could do without drawing attention to it-e.g get a couple to sharpen pencils at lunch time, put out paints etc so that he could chat one to one.

Do they have a friendship bench ? Some schools have like a bench they can go to at play time if they've nobody to play with, so they can meet up with others who are feeling left out.
Heartbreaking to see this - but it just takes time I think...

A good thing to suggest. Lots of schools have it with yr 6 organising it. It works really well.

That would break my poor soft heart
But I wanted to say that I was a child who quite liked the occasional playtime wandering about talking to myself.
I had lots of friends and didn't fall out much, I just also liked a little downtime once in a while.
I think if he's happy (and you seem well on top of getting him some new friends ) then don't necessarily worry.

I would worry, I started a new school aged 6yrs and spent playtime alone-I hated it. Get the teacher to help-in an unobvious way.

My DDs new teacher has been helping my DD by palling her up with girls that she knows are kind...your DS's should do the same.

You have to tell her first-she may not realise.