Homework is a constant fight.

[DooinMeCleanin]

Is this usual?

It takes over an hour to get dd1 to practise her spellings and times tables each night. She must be constantly supervised or she won't do it. She spends twice as much energy crying, howling and arguing as she does doing her actual work.

This week she has been making a fact sheet on Meerkats all week. It has taken her a full week, to draw one picture and write approximately 6/7 lines.

She was happy to sit and watch Meerkat Manor for hours on end, but we had to fight her to get her on the computer to research properly. We had to fight her to get her to write proper notes. She happily drew the picture in the end, but had to keep being reminded she was doing homework as she kept getting distracted by everything.

She is 8. Surely she should not be breaking down into hysterics when she is asked to copy down a spelling she has gotten wrong?

www.amazon.co.uk/Homework-Myth-Children-Much-Thing/dp/0738211117/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315825026&sr=8-1

It's my belief that forcing a child to do something that they find hard (eg reading) will simply enforce their belief that it's hard/nasty. For a reluctant reader I'd spend as much time as I was able to reading fun books to them, and not asking them to read at all, to try to teach that reading is a pleasure. Forcing them to read will just put them off and make it less likely that they'll be a person who loves books as an adult, which to me is a terrible loss. For maths I'd buy/borrow fun maths games (Orchard Games have lots of great ones).

Enforced homework allows little leway for this, and for an individual child's needs, and as such I'd personally not force my children to do it if it was causing distress (although I'd encourage it if it was more of a chore than really turning into a battle, and give them the time, space and support they needed).

This probably doesn't help much, other than to say that in my opinion there are alternatives to putting yourself and your child through this distress, given that homework hasn't been proven to improve educational outcomes anyway - and in some cases it can hinder learning.

It's a very personal thing and I wish you luck in resolving it in a way which suits your family :)

You seem to be trying loads of things, but have a look at this clip as it might have one or two new ideas.

deffo speak to teacher

if they don't do homework/spelling etc then they have to stay in at breaktime and do it

only took one missed break for dd1. now if she complains i just say "fine, i will pop in and see mr x in the morning and explain why you didn't do it"

I did the following

drink of water and snack - so no hunger or thirst

sent to loo

then sit down at table and calmly just be there whilst homework is done

after 15 minutes it is all put away

Speaking as one BTDTGT with kids in secondary now. I'd agree. Sit with her for the allocated time then it goes back to school with "spent 30mins on this task and X managed to produce this work". Leave it to the teacher to worry about it! THey can and sometimes do keep kids in at break. It could be that , funnily enough, the knowledge that she'll miss play with her mates might just nudge her into action. OR they may actually not think it's a big deal and let it go.

However, I would actively pursue tables/number bonds and probably spellings as they do matter long term and the earlier they are sorted the better. But we did those in the car/walking to school etc

We used to have this with ds - dd was always fine really - and have found a few solutions.

First he has a drink of water and a snack.

Second we try to always do it at the same time so it just feels routine to him

Third we have introduced a lot of play into it - eg spellings and sums written on the slabs outside with chalk first, spelling words written in large print (by him) and I hide them and he finds them or he finds them and I find them, making posters out of the words and sticking them up around the house until the spelling test, testing Mummy with them (especially fun with sums as she can't do them ).

We also don't spend too long at one time on it.

Obviously that doesn't work with everything.

If dd is struggling (she is 10) she can be motivated by me trying to do my own version of something eg if she is doing a story I will do one too, if she is doing a presentation then I will do one too and we present them to each other etc. These tactics also model what the teacher will be looking for as it is not always clear to them.

Encouraging them to make things into power point presentations has also motivated dd - she likes this too as I can't do it either

I also agree with practising in the car or on the walk to school or when you are washing their hair etc. These are all much less confrontational circumstances.

Finally I would say grit your teeth and praise, praise, praise whatever you can praise as they do their work.

Good luck!

It's a windup situation, which you have to walk away from rather than re-inforce.

Don't do her homework at all. Wait till she asks to do it. See what teacher says when she hasn't done it. My dd has moved from homework procrastinator supreme to someone to sits down at kitchen table and just does it. She asks me questions, yes, she still whines and moans about the details, but I feel like she is takign responsibility for starting it. She is 9, in year 5 this week. Last year was much better than year 3, which was better than year 2. It's taken me a while to crack "the windup", which operated in all sorts of situations with me and dd, not just homework. Before that it was going to school at all, before that it was getting dressed and ready in the morning...I could go on. It is not the homework itself, just something to have a tug of war over to get attention. The minute they feel automonous and also get attention/noticed for the good behaviour the problem seems to resolve.

I do whatever it takes!
If that means nag, then I nag for Britain.
If we let kids just come home and mess about for the next seven hours until bedtime we are not preparing them for the world of work.
Life is hard and the sooner they get their heads down, the better
I am anxious that I'll be in a small minority here on MN but there you go .. that's life!

I do feel for you I have a 10 year old who is VERY resistant to homework and an 8 year old who is a dream and does it immediately. Both are capable but its just my eldest feels he has been "working" all day and should be able to relax when he gets home.

I really havent decided if its more successful to let them have a break first or get the homework done immediately (personally I would lean toward the latter)

The primary were largely resistant to supplying homework but were pushed into it by some very vocal parents who felt it was necessary to ensure the future success of their children. My main objection to it though is that when we do get it done it often then sits in their bag for weeks - even if the teacher isnt going to look at it I feel it should be taken out of the bag (have just written a note to school to say either dont supply homework or ensure it is removed!!)

Lemonade Yes, I do agree with what you say. Make sure the HW gets handed in or it won't get marked.
Kids need to get feedback from HW (preferably positive comments for their effort)

Actually to support what "carrots" said we used to have a nightmare with spellings until I bought a novelty sport whiteboard in the pound shop...ds was more than happy to do them after that.

Crossword - everything goes into their book bags then the teacher takes it out but didnt take out the homework (it went in the bin at the end of term which really supported eldests attitude it wasnt worth doing!!)

crossword that's because you probably don't have to nag, because it's not a windup, because your children know you mean business!
Once the windup has started, I think you have to employ sneaky tactics, or be completely sure of your position Anger, tension, arguing all are part of windup scenario.

The other thing is "Don't Criticise" their homework. That's for the teacher to do. Just get them used to doing it, even if it's a complete mess, wrongly spelt, and gibberish, then you can move on to fine tuning it!

We get a lot of "you dont have to do it homework" too - eldest, most reluctant, son was given a maths workbook to do over the holiday but was told it was optional....what is the point in that?

"Really it is your DCs problem-it isn't yours- so don't make it your problem-that is what your DC is trying to do-offload it!"

Absolutely. My parents left me to my own devices when it came to doing my homework and, after one telling off by teacher for not having done it, I generally did my homework on my own .

swan is right about criticism. My dniece is now scared to do anything at home and very manipulative because her mum was so anxious that she get it right that it turned into a massive battle between them.

To begin with I didn't comment at all on ds's work - that fact he did it was enough. Now I can pick out one or two things for him to work on but make the comment in a very supportive way (eg that looks great, well done, you have spelt every single one right except this one...) and that sort of thing.

I maybe have to tread a bit more warily than some as ds has mental health problems (anxiety and depression) and until I am taught how to help him I am trying to just keep everything positive and fun).

Lemonaide I think I will steal your white board idea - we have mini magnetic ones upstairs and it never occurred to me we could use them here. Dd and ds could play school with each other with them and their spelling words while I play on mumsnet

Oh yes, she is extremely gifted in the wind-up department.

Her favourite wind-ups include, well, pretty much everything atm. On Friday her favourite aged 7 school blouse was far too small and she could not possibly wear it. This morning her new blouse, aged 8, arrived. T'is the same style blouse, from the same shop, just one size bigger. It's far too big and she cannot possibly wear it .

But the thing is if I didn't mention her homework, she simply would not do it. As I mentioned earlier, last year she left it all at school and told us she only had reading to do. She likes reading.

Bribery. I am payind ds at the moment to read to me everynight. My feeling is if he does it often enough it will become second nature to him then I won't get the horrendous fuss - crying hitting screaming etc when it's mentioned!!

That's the hope anyway. As for reading I hoped the more he did the more he would come to love it. I asked him if he does it because he loves it now - he says he does it because I pay him

Crap mother I know but the work gets done.

I would say a routine helps plus limit the time. Maybe a snack when they come home then 15 mins work and stop. As long as she's done some work, leave it at that.
I teach in secondary level and I'm not a big supporter of homework for primary school (except for reading and spellings). Plenty of time for homework in the later years.

I don't agree with homework either but that is a different issue.

I am one of seven and neither of my parents completed school and so homework was left completely to us - with varying results! I think it is very hard to be prescriptive about methods as each child is different but I do hold to the need for children to be responsible for doing their own homework and to take the consequence of their actions (good, bad or indifferent!). This doesn't mean you can't help and support them. What I would say is like with everything else the most important thing is to look at your own habits - I am a major procrastinator and leave everything to the last second but always manage to pull it off at the last second. Whilst it would be lovely if my DDs were organised, finished things on time etc I really shouldn't be that surprised if they don't and actually should hold out hope that they will find their own style and it will probably work. My parents are both very hard working, successful individuals and all of us, completely independent of our results at school, are hard working and successful in our own ways - so my aim (no guarantee as to achieving it) is to trust that they will find their way.

I think the best thing is to start it asap. I have always been a Big Puttoffsky, I think because I'm a bit of a perfectionist/afraid to get it wrong. Partly because I was always told I was clever.

I try and reward DD1 for trying hard instead of innate ability and make it very very, clear that it is ok to get things wrong. I could see the same cycle starting again when she started school as she found everything so easy. She's been very good with reading, homework & spellings so far, just hoping it will carry on into Y2.

i had this with dd1. i also had i dragging on,for hours, she was only given 20mins a night so i'd have a look at it, make sure she had everything she needed for it, and leave her to it, after 10mins i'd check she was ok and tell her 10mins to go. and then get it off her after 20mins (even if unfinished) and hand it in. it took years of arguing tantrums to get to that point though.

A local prep school we attend for swimming lessons has a lovely quote about wasting time and creativity on the wall.

"The essential ingredient for creativity is wasting time."

I have no idea if this is embodied in their homework strategy but it's certainly something I like to bear in mind!