Delaying starting school until term after 5th birthday - anyone else?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Just wondered. Have been told by our LA that ds is the only one in the whole county and that he'll be so very behind when he starts.

yy we start with a weird system of swapping mornings and afternoons, and it's all very confusing. So glad to be missing that bit I think.

You might find your child gets on OK, depending on their abilities and maturity...does he or she still need to sleep in the day? Are they used to nursery all day? Have a think and don't worry.

Do you get on OK with your school? If so it shouldn't be any problem, and tbh it shouldn't anyway - they can't stop you doing whatever you choose in terms of deferring. I just hate confrontation and last time I had a go at her (not a go as such but made a gentle criticism) she came back with an attack on my son's attendance. (which was genuinely normal for Yr1...he was just ill a lot!)

CJ, things to consider: does your child respond well to crowded situations, a lot of stimulation, lots of new things happening? Can he/she manage to follow instructions without getting frightened or upset or forgetting it all?

Ds1 found it really hard to process everything that went on in the day so was very tearful and upset every day after school. He was also massively tired, he would be asleep by 4pm

I took him out in the end. Went back in yr1 much more physically and mentally able.
It makes a huge difference, that year. Also he would forget to eat and no one helped or checked. And his friends bashed him up regularly in the playground, again vastly inadequate supervision. New school is much smaller and different but I would never put a child through that again.

Everybody's telling a lot of horror stories!! I was a bit worried about DD1 going into reception, her birthday is in May and she is very petite and not physically confident. The school was lovely, very nurturing and helpful. They were happy for her to do half days for as long as she needed. They gave her buddies at playtime, had some of the older children 'look after' her (and other small ones)--the year 2 boys were especially protective of the littlies! And the playground assistants were always on hand for a chat and a cuddle. DD1 has really blossomed and is very ready to start Y1 in a few weeks. She can dress herself (couldn't before YR), handle her lunch, organize her stuff, and has come a long way socially.

IME it's not the case that children are left to fend for themselves. DD1's class has a teacher and full-time TA and the school has quite a few floating TA's for the early years, so lots of help available. She was encouraged towards activities that she needed to improve in, her strengths were noticed and built upon. This is a state infants' school with full classes and a wide range of abilities and backgrounds.

Oh I didn't mean they always are. It was just the particular school we started at that was chaotic, and you could never even talk to a teacher or TA. They always said sorry, too busy.

It was awful. Even now they take 5 kids out per week to meet govt regulations as their intake is just too big. He didn't stand a chance.

GV that sounds horrible :( I doubt any child could thrive in that environment.

Yes it was harsh. Sadly it was said to be an excellent school and was my first time sending a child to school so I left him there too long...albeit on part time, which they really hated us doing.

Cat, I can see what you mean. I really struggle with this idea of him being left out,. however seeing him standing here with his little tiny uniform on, and so slight and babyish, I felt strongly that he just isn't ready to be a big boy at school yet. Perhaps I am just not willing to let him go. I don't know. He's far fewer skills or words than ds1 had at the same age and ds1 struggled a lot.

cat, ds wouldn't learn those skills in school because they don't believe he is capable, and therefore don't spend any time teaching them, - which is my experience of nursery (where they had PE and assemblies incidently).

He has social communication difficulties, so they assume he isn't very bright.

They refuse my suggestions of how to engage him or involve him or get him to learn things and tell me that my expectations are too high.

If I explain that I have got him to achieve something at home that he is not demonstrating at nursery, they say that he obviously hasn't REALLY learnt it because he isn't generalising it in the classroom, which he isn't because they don't know how to get him to want to.

They don't know he can read. They don't know he can write (phonetically as far as he has learned to read and I don't correct it - and I don't get involved really except to delight him by being able to read what he writes)

Perhaps the new school will be better. I certainly thought it would be when I fought to get him in there, - but their whole appealing against him attending doesn't look good for a working partnership.

The thing is they perhaps felt they needed to appeal due to lack of resources. The LEA has presumably seen all the relevant info and made the decision that they CAN support your child's education so therefore there's probably no hard feelings against you personally and they will just have to blooming well do their best.

Oh yes. They gave lack of resources as their reason. They also told us that if the LA told them that ds needed support they wouldn't give it and we'd have to take it up with the LA

Nice school eh?

I will merrilya dmit that despite my post grad ed I am crap at Phonics: saying that none of the boys ever learned with it either and thrived on different systems so it's either genetics or parental sensitivity (yeah yeah I know, genetics LOL)

I am absolutely certain that holding abck ds3 was right. The biggest difficulty when he started was teh crowd for prolonged epriods (class of 31, they had ds on other class register but that etacher would not have him as she already ahd a kid with severe adhd). Delaying and staggering his start meant that his issues could be slowly worked out: possibly as importantly it meant that when he started the class ahd already gone through that bit of orientation that is so crucial in year R, and he wasn't moving into a mass of upset disorientated children: there was an established routine, the children were confident etc.

School were not happy- luckily it's a Church school (ish, cplex) and the Vicar knows me through uni so stepped in and his place was held. I think they were glad in the end though becuase it took until Christmas to get his statement funding in place, and then we had to ask for more, so he ahd a 1-1 all his session even when he only had 16 hour funding IYSWIM (he was in nappies and non verbal at that stage, leaving him without 1-1 would ahve been cruel, esp. as he used PECs and there was nobody trained- they sued to take his PECs book as it was too cumbersome (only the a5 folder).

I know that holding dd back was unequivocally the right thing for her despite concern from the foundation teacher (because a child who had done this previously struggled academically) and general arseiness from the HT (possibly because statement funding was proportional with the time she attended)
Dd learnt without phonics too and even though she knows all the rules she still defaults to her photographic memory for spellings etc.
Academically the facts speak for themselves she began nursery 9 months later than her peers and attending part time delayed and below average across the board. She left yr R after only one term of full time attendance the most able in her year by a long way. Socially and emotionally she was thriving with good peer relationships and high confidence and self esteem which was by far the most important thing.
She is now year 4 and no one would know nor question that she started her school life late because there is nothing about her that would indicate that she did.

Starlight their attitude sounds shite. Unbelievable.

starlight!

anyone else?

Yes

Me

It has transformed his life chances.

Totally understand about teaching social skills better at home.

Here tonight if you want to talk. I thought you were too battle-scarred to let anything make you feel like a freak by now though..........

Yikes, please share details! I could use some more ammo in my quest to defer

CJ, your plan of trying school to see how it works out might be a risky one. I don't think you can remove a child who has already started in order to defer, not if you want the place kept waiting. So it could be safer to just defer.

You could check with the LA though.

... or I wonder whether it might work to tell the school you are deferring, but ask if you could be allowed to do some "visits" in the autumn, so that your child isn't marked as properly attending and being on roll? It seems like a lot of schools are keen to get kids into school ASAP and therefore might allow this in hopes your child will want to stay on after all. I've known a few people who have done trial days or even a whole week without being registered at the school, not in Reception though.

hi Gloria,

Some enlightened soul in Leeds Council long ago camaigned for parents of children born between May and August to be allowed to simply start school in reception at 5 years old ie the September after they turned 5 and for their education to be offset for the rest of their school career. Bradford LEA followed suit.

My son was in the last year to benefit from this enlightened regime.

Bradford still accepts summer-born children into its primary schools with their true peers (ie kids their age and younger) but now to achieve this you need the support of a paediatrician or speech therapist, making it a much bigger deal. They also do not publicise it. I do not know the position in Leeds.

Friends abroad find it astounding that we Brits agonise about where to send our kids to school yet meekly accept what we are told as to when and in what peer group to send them.

I have heard that in Australia there are real problems because most wealthy parents ensure their summer-borns do defer - the advantages on average (nb on average) of being the oldest in a later intake year rather than the youngest in an earlier intake year being so blindingly obvious - that other summer-borns started at the default time are even more behind than they would be otherwise. This is the only coherent argument I've ever heard made against allowing deferral for all.

lingle, who knew...that is so interesting. It brings the whole system into sharp focus.

I'd be interested in reading more from Australia about this problem, if any Aus MNers can enlighten us.

Did your son go on to do very well? I should imagine it did help enormously...there are kids born in September in Ds2's class, I would love to send him next september.

In NZ there is no hard cut off date.

Everyone starts school on their 5th birthday - ie they day they turn 5 not the start of any term. So everyone starts in reception in the middle of the year, and school can then decide when to put them up to Y1.....

So if you're born in the first half of the year you'd probably do half a year of reception than half a year of Y1. Whereas if you're born in the second half of the year you'd probably do half a year of reception than a whole year of Y1.

(Well I think that's how it used to work....)

Hi Lingle. Thanks. There are always new battles right, and I only have experience of the past ones not the new ones. It's true that I don't give a monkeys what the professionals think, but I think I do care what society thinks as I'm trying to keep ds in society and away from professionals iyswim.

I'm deferring the children for a term. The school was absolutely fine about it. I have met no one else with a child in our very overpopulated LA who is doing the same (though a lot who say they want to). It helps I have twins, so they won't be going late alone.
The children are perfectly ready to go to school. But they would have been a January entry if the rules hadn't changed, and I like spending time with them, and I can spend time with them, so I thought I'd just claw back an extra term from the state and we'd all have a nice time together.
I'm not worried about them settling in. They went to nursery later than everyone else and were fine there. They know quite a few kids who are going to the new school (it's a small catchment). And by Christmas I feel they will be a little more ready to cope with longer days.
But really it is more about me.